Yuri's P.O.V.

               Here I am staring out at the sea... being depressed and alone when I should be happy with my sisters. Where I am today is caused by this one girl who I absolutely fell in love with. She is the popular Im Yoona of Girls Generation. I ended like this because I couldn't control my feelings for her. Is it so wrong for me to fall in love with her? She was an angel; it's impossible not to love her! Her dorky personality; it's impossible not to join in with her dorky actions. Her fragile soul; it's impossible to not try and protect her. Sigh... I am still not over her... You might be pretty confused so I'll tell you what happened.

               Girls Generation have been together for almost 6 years now and living with 9 girls for that many years really creates a bond; Soshi bond. And when I first saw Yoona enter the training room I thought to myself "She's an angel." She's that pretty- no, gorgeous. During our pre-debut and rookie days I would treat like my really close younger sister but when we moved to a new dorm my feelings deepened and changed. Being roommates didn't help my control my feeling. We got closer and Sones started to ship us as YoonYul. We were best friends (that was the relationship everyone agrees on) but I wanted us to be more. She would do aegyo to cheer us up and honestly some members found it annoying but I loved it. It became my energy source; along with her smiles and cheers. My feelings grew so much it was hard to hide. When she was on Love Rain I got so jealous of Jang Guen Suk that I ignored her because I felt like she was betraying me even though she doesn't know that I like her. Some might say it was because our dramas were rivalling each other’s but it was just my jealousy. Even if it was for a drama she's too good for him to even hold hands with, and kissing was just too much. When the last episode aired I got so jealous of the kisses that I went out to drink with the Fashion King cast. Then as I got drunk disaster happened. Eventually I came home drunk and Yoona was there sitting and waiting for me to come home. She changed my clothes and got my cleaned up (well as much as possible because even though she's Him Yoona a drunk me is too much for a skinny girl like her to handle). She went to change herself and when she came back I trapped her against the door. I placed my forehead on hers and I did what no one should ever do to her sister and best friend, I leaned in and kissed her. 

               As I broke the kiss I stared into her Doe-eyes and said, "Yoongie ah~ I really like you. Not just as a sister, best friend or member, but a lover, someone I want to spend my future with. You make my life complete. Did you know that? I know it's not right for me to like you but I can't help it!" And for some reasons I started to cry. She was at the very least shocked. She didn't say a thing but led me to my bed and turned off the lights. 

               The next morning I woke up with a terrible hangover but I could still remember what I did. I acted like I don't remember a thing and was just myself because Yoona didn't bring it up, it was like I didn't confess. She did do one thing though... she distanced herself from me. I would start a conversation but she would just reply to what I said and then excuse herself to leave. It wrenched my heart to see someone I love so much avoid me and it hurts me even more for her to move out. All this happening made me depressed and distracted. I couldn't even focus on anything! When I was filming I kept saying the wrong lines. When I was modelling I kept on frowning when I was supposed to smile or act y. When practicing I would keep on doing the wrong moves or going to the wrong position. On stage I would zone out and forget where I am or what I'm doing. Yoona was that important in my life... Then an incident happened that makes everything I did look like nothing... One day I decided to go for a drive to clear my mind and make return to my real self. Then when my mind was somewhere else I accidentally drove over a red light and BAM, a full sized truck drove right into me and flattened the driver side. I was knocked unconscious by the impact and when I came to my senses I was looking at an angel. Yoong angel... I looked around and found out that I was in a hospital. Yoona then told me what happened, she looks so worried.

               I asked her how long I was out for and she answered, "Unnie, you were unconscious for 5 days. We are all so worried! Are you ok? I'll call the doctor to come." 

              She then left me and went to tell the doctor that I was awake. Yoong-ah you're making me love you more... The doctor came in and checked on me. I had a broken arm and a fractured rib, other than that I was fine. Yoona then called the other members and told them about the news. They came to visit that night. And although Yoona had been taking care of me for the past few days she still insisted on staying and taking care of me. I couldn't make up my mind on whether I want her to stay so I can spend more time with her or ask her to go home so she can rest. But she made the decision, so I didn't have to. A week passed and I got much better. Yoona went back home but she still comes and visits me every day and one day my mind just wasn't right. 

               We were chatting like we used to (before she distanced herself from me) and I just had to bring up that night. I asked her, "Do you remember that night, a few weeks ago, where I confessed to you?" 

               She stuttered out her reply. "N-no. W-what r-are u-you talk-talking about?" When she saw that I clearly didn't believe her she said, "Fine... Yes I do... I can never lie to you...." 

               I was oddly calm. I then asked in a monotone voice, "Why did you avoid me after that? You knew how I feel about you. You should know that avoiding will hurt me." 

               She hung her head down guiltily and said, "Sorry." Just that one word...

               I put on a fake grin and said in a imitation of the famous (kinda) Love Rain quote. "Love means never saying sorry." 

               The only reaction was her meeting my eyes and giving me a half smile. The calmness was slowly fading away. I then put my finger under her chin and tilted her head up and said, "Don't push me away anymore. Yoong-ie I meant everything I said that night. I love you. I want you to be mine. Living with you made me love you. Being with you makes my heart pound. Please accept my feelings. You are my everything. You are more important than life itself." 

               With tears flowing from both of us she said, "Mianhe Yuri Unnie. Mianhe. It's not right. You are my closest sister but my feelings for you are all sister-like. 
The only reason I pushed you away was that I thought it would change your feelings. Your feelings will change. It's all temporary, nothing that won't 
change as time passes. Sorry Unnie." She then hugged me and ran out of my private hospital room. I didn't even try to sleep; I just hugged my knees and 
bawled my eyes out. 

                I ran away the next night when she didn't come and visit me. I wasn't in the best health but I still did so. I went to the countryside and 
stayed with my grandparents. I have unofficially left Girls Generation- my biggest accomplishment- and the angel Im Yoona behind. But even 
though my body isn't there, my heart and my soul will forever be there. 

                That's pretty much what happened.... My life will never be the same. I'll never love again, never make close friends again, and never meet 
them again. I don't know how they're holding up nor will I ever. Hot tears flowed down my face but I make no attempt to wipe them. These will be the 
last tears I'll ever shed; for her, for everything. With that thought I ran into the inviting sea. Water was up to my knees, up to my hip, up to my chest, 
up to my neck, over my head... Goodbye cruel world, goodbye judgements, goodbye family, goodbye Sones, goodbye my sisters, goodbye world, and 
goodbye Yoona...