SEUNGHO

I breathed in the cold breeze.

It was a nice, beautiful spring day. Everything seemed perfect right before my eyes. My view was foggy and vague, but I can see her bright smile. We were running while I hold her hand. She was so happy, her hair swaying with every step she took. She looks so free, so careless, so innocent. The smile she had at that moment seemed permanent, so real no one can make her smile disappear. But when she turned around to look at me, her smile vanished. Fear and anxiety clouded her eyes, and she started screaming.

I hold onto her more tightly, not letting go of her long, slender fingers. I want this to last forever, I want to stay beside her. I want to protect her.

But I became a monster, and she died right by my side.

I ran away, stepping on her on my way to escape. I can't do this. I don't want her to die. 

I am nothing but a coward.

I tripped on a rock. Not noticing that I reached the end of the way, I fell from a cliff. It was a long ride, so long I can imagine her holding my hand and living with me forever. But all of those are gone. I shouldn't think of her anymore. I should just die, leave this place, and never come back ever again.

I should just...

Wait... I can smell her scent. That angelic scent I've always loved, always adored. Its embracing my soul, cradling me to sleep. It's so real that I can see her right before my eyes. Her hair so soft, her eyes so bright, her lips so tender. I want to hold her. 

But would it be okay? To hold her in my arms? To love her again?

I should wake up from this nightmare. This nightmare that turned into a beautiful dream when I see her and felt her presence.

I reached for her hand, and grabbed her wrist. I stood up and looked at her eyes not too long for I hugged her tightly the next second that ticked the clock. 

And now I realized, what I'm seeing is real. 

She's real.

Jiyeon.

She's back.

I started sobbing.

"Jiyeon," voice cracking, tears began to fill my eyes "you're back."

We stood there listening to each other's heartbeat and my endless cries. She doesn't say a word, or even move an inch. And I did the same.

She might disappear again. And if that ever happened, that will be the time I'll go back to my nightmares. 

So I wish I will just disappear with her.

Minutes passed. Still, I held her tight. But my hands are slowly falling from her back.

I felt weak.

I felt her lift her hand to my forehead and touch it.

"You're sick." She said, her voice a whisper.

And with that, she assisted me inside the house.

 ---

It was midnight when I woke up. I was in the living room. And the very first thing I saw is Jiyeon's painting in the wall. It was the night sky. Lots of stars filled the vast, dark blue sky.

So it isn't a dream? I told myself.

I was lying on the couch, with a damp cloth on my forehead. A blanket is draped on me. I sat up and looked around. I saw a glass of water and a medicine on the side table. A note sits beside it, saying Drink this. She took care of me while I'm sleeping. How nice of her.

Does this mean, I am forgiven?

With that thought in my mind, I lied down again after drinking the medicine and not too long, I fell asleep.

---

"What are you doing?" Jiyeon entered the kitchen while scratching her eyes. "Don't do that. Your eyes will turn red again." I say as I put down two cups of coffee on the table. "That's all I got from the store nearby. If you want we can go to my place and have some breakfast." With a confused expression, she sipped her coffee. "It's okay. I think coffee is enough."

Silence filled the kitchen.

What do I say? Is it okay to speak? What if I irritate her? What if she wants me to leave now? What to do?

Pretending to be calm, I finished my cup of coffee with just one go. She stares at me. "A-are you okay? Aren't you still sick?" She reaches for my forehead but I backed away. "I'm okay now. Don't worry." I said with a blushed face.

What am I doing? I shouldn't panic. 

I cleared my throat and tried to open up a conversation with her. "What will you do today?" She looked around. "I think I'll clean up this place. I don't think you live here though, so I think I'm free to stay in this house." "Of course I don't live here." Although I've been waiting here for the past 3 years just to see you again.  "Is that so? Hm, then why are you here?" she asks me. 

I don't think I can answer that, Jiyeon.

"To unwind? This place is nice." I smiled to mask my nervousness.

She doesn't speak after that. She finished her coffee and left the kitchen. I placed the cups on the counter and headed to the living room. I saw Jiyeon standing there, looking at her painting. She touched it, as if it can take her back to her childhood. 

"Is it something I liked to do?" she asks, turning around to face me.

Why would she ask me this?

"It started when you were three. You used your oil pastels to draw that. And because the red one is missing, you used your mother's lipstick." I tell her. It reminded me of how she first told me this. 

She started walking to where I am standing. She looks up to me. I wonder what she's up to, but when she opened to say something, I listened. "Why do you know me so much?" She asks innocently. 

What is she asking me? I can't understand. She's so confusing and weird. 

"Who are you?" I stared at her, my heart beating so fast. "I'm.. I'm your.. But why are you asking me this?" 

"I have an amnesia," she tells me "and I want to remember things."

Amnesia? But how? 

Remember things? Please don't. I don't want you to remember the past. 

No, not the past.

"Are you my bestfriend? Classmate? Neighbor? I'm sorry but I don't know you." 

"Perhaps, were you my boyfriend?" She tells me, her eyes not leaving mine. She's looking for an answer, and that's what I'll give her.

"Yes" I took a deep breath and answered, "I'm your boyfriend."