Jongup supposes he doesn't know what falling in love really is like.

 

                That made sense, though. He's only had seventeen years of experience so far. In those years, the idea of love instilled in his mind was that it was dangerous; and that you should never ever fall in love. He recalls a certain moment when he was with a deeply drunk, and not to mention heartbroken uncle. He'd been a little scared ever since.

 

                He's too young to understand how it felt like. Usually, people would blame young age for cluelessness or lack of understanding. He had no idea how it affected a person and how it took a toll in his life.

 

                Being the carefree kid he was, Jongup doesn't rush it. He waits.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                He meets Choi Junhong early in his life, not quite expecting how he'd affect his life in the future. He was 5 years old, and the other was a year younger. He was his playmate, as well as his neighbor. They've been inseparable ever since.

 

                Until middle school and up to high school, the two quiet boys stuck to each other. They were never the talkative types (more of awkward than anything else), and they were both quite shy. Most of the times, they had their own little corner in the cafeteria. They had their own world that no one else could enter.

 

                You could say Jongup was relieved because of their exclusivity to each other; he was selfish, he'd admit that.

 

 

 

                But Junhong reminds Jongup an awful lot of an angel. Sometimes, when he smiles ever-so radiantly at him, or if he talks to him in forms of whispers against the cool breeze―Jongup really is convinced he was an angel. He's a beautiful one at that; he has big brown eyes and glowing pale skin. He'd been caught once or twice by Junhong when he was staring.

 

                He was an angel. Jongup doesn't know his story; whether he lost his wings, or if he had fallen from the clouds --- but he's thankful. He's thankful to Junhong by his side.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                They were on the rooftop one day in school; it was their special place. It was the only place they weren't bothered by every other normal person who didn't understand them.

 

                “Did you do your algebra homework?” Junhong asks, back against the metal railing. He and Jongup were seated cross-legged across each other, their unfinished lunch placed in front of them.

 

                Jongup blankly stares at the younger one. Junhong laughs. “I knew it! You forgot it again, didn't you?”

 

                “Yeah...” Jongup replies sheepishly. He finds it really hard to look away from Junhong. Light was shining on him, accentuating every soft, yet beautiful feature on his delicate face. The air blows his hair away, in such a way Jongup can clearly see his bright eyes. He was inches away from falling; the rails were the only thing that separated him and the atmosphere. If he was an angel who had wings, he would've been flying instead.

 

                "And you did it?" Jongup asks. Which was a pretty stupid question, because obviously he would have. Junhong had a record of straight A's to maintain. It's just that he wanted to keep the conversation going; he wanted to see him speak, and hear his voice. To him, his words were like music.

 

                "Obviously." Junhong smiles.

 

 

 

                Seeing and making Junhong smile was one of the things Jongup loved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                Jongup saw it happening, and he does nothing to stop it. Falling in love wasn't as bad as people say it was. That could be because the person he'd fallen in love with, was his own best friend. He soon finds out he doesn't do a good job of hiding it either.

 

                "You look pretty." Jongup comments, dumbly staring at the other. Jongup was wearing the boring old suit and tie, whereas Junhong was in an all-white suit. He looks gorgeous. And Jongup isn't the only who would say that; he really was.

 

                They had prom coming up that night. You could guess that neither of them had a date; not that they cared as much. They were going to attend prom together as merely companions, drink some punch and go home. Why was there ever a need for social interaction?

 

                Junhong feels himself blush until his ears at the compliment. "Hyung, that's not really a word to use on guys..."

 

                But you are pretty, he thinks, but doesn't say aloud. "Okay, you're handsome then."

 

                Although, the blush doesn't disappear on Junhong's cheeks. He hears him mumble a 'thank you' as he hides his reddened face from Jongup's view. "Let's go?" He asks more than commands. He has Jongup's hand in his, just before they enter the gymn in which their prom was held. It reminds him of their childhood at the playground; holding each other's hands as the played in the sandbox, completely isolated from everyone else.

 

                Jongup nods. Almost at the same time, they push the door open; greeted by noisy girls and boys of their age---in short dresses and suits.

 

                But as they enter, Junhong lets go of his hand gently, leaving Jongup's heart slightly let down.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                Junhong sleeps over at Jongup's house on a weekend. After playing straight four hours of nothing but video games, the two nestle under the covers to prepare to sleep. Jongup's bed was a small single-sized bed, so instead he laid out a mattress big enough for the both of them on the floor.

 

 

 

 

 

                Jongup's older brother once said that people are most honest when they're sleepy.

 

 

 

                But it's more than that this time; Jongup was overcome by the beating of his heart.

 

 

                "Hey," he says.

 

                "Yeah?"

 

 

                They were both still so widely-awake, which was a cause of all the candies they've eaten. Jongup couldn't feel any less nervous.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                "I love you."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

               

                Junhong stiffens. Jongup instantly wishes he hadn't just said that.

 

 

                "You can't." Junhong breathes out.

 

 

 

                There's silence, and the other furrows his eyebrows. "But I do---"

 

 

 

                "You can't!" He yells. Jongup keeps quiet.

 

                He regrets snapping like that; he was hurting Jongup, but he feels the need to. "You can't." He repeats, whispering softly this time.

 

 

                "Why?" The more Jongup tries to speak, the more he feels an ache in his heart.

 

                Junhong doesn't say anything; let alone does he look Jongup in the eyes. He turns to his side, so he doesn't face Jongup for the rest of the night. He can't bare to. "Hyung, we should be sleeping."

 

 

 

 

                Jongup doesn't speak of it anymore after that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                His feelings for Junhong doesn't change. Even if he wasn't allowed to, and even if he didn't feel the same way, his feelings can't seem to go away. If anything, his love for him grew stronger. Seeing the dark circles form under his eyes, seeing him grow thinner by the day --- it worries Jongup to no end. Their silent friendship persisted, until Junhong stops going to school; leaving Jongup, without even a single word.

 

                He's been gone for some months now; he's been excused for class for maybe the half of the school year now.  Going to school becomes tedious for Jongup; Junhong used to be his motivation. Jongup comes back home after classes, slumping on the sofa and dumping his school bag on the living room floor. Right before he was about to take a nap, his telephone rings. He reaches out to answer it.

 

                "Hello?" He says nonchalantly into the receiver.

 

                "Hyung?"

 

 

                It was Junhong.

 

               Jongup felt so happy just to hear his voice after so long. But the other boy's voice sounds so shaky, Jongup returns to worrying about him. After all, he's been gone for a long time.

 

 

                He hears a in of breath and a muffled sob. "Junhong?" He inwardly panics. "Junhong, are you okay?"

 

                "I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner, hyung..."

 

                "Told me what?"

 

 

 

 

 

                "I have leukemia."

 

 

 

 

 

                Jongup stays quiet; too shocked to reply. He tries his hardest not to cry. "...Really?" His voice falters. Jongup fails to believe it; he really can't.

 

                "I'm sorry." Junhong apologizes again. "I'm sorry; I really am sorry, I was going to tell you. I just couldn't."

 

                "No, don't say sorry." Was all Jongup managed to say after he wipes tearstains on his cheeks. "I should be sorry. You know what? I still love you." He laughs, albeit bitterly as more tears stream down his face. He hears Junhong laugh on the other end of the line too; and he was grateful for that. He just wanted Junhong to smile.

 

                "I'm disappointed. You're stupid." Junhong says, hiccuping in between syllables. "But I've always loved you too."

 

 

 

 

 

                Then, it occur to him.

 

                Junhong was trying to protect him.

 

                Jongup once asked, 'Why can't I love you?'

 

 

 

 

 

 

               

 

                Junhong continues to speak into the phone.

 

                "I don't want the person I love loving a dying person."

               

 

               

 

               

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                Junhong lets Jongup visit him during what may be his final day. The Junhong on the bed did not look like the active and tall Junhong he knew. His skin clung unto his bones. He was curled in the bed, layers and layers of sheets protecting him from the cold. He had tubes on his body to simply keep him alive.

 

                But upon seeing Jongup, he smiles weakly.

 

                His smile was still as beautiful as ever.

 

                They chat and laugh while Jongup's there. He holds Junhong's thin hand gently in his own. It's the same as they were before.

 

                Except this time,

 

                they both know Junhong is slipping away.

 

 

 

                Junhong's parents are very thankful for Jongup. Before he had arrived, Junhong's sadness was incurable. It's almost a miracle to see him smiling again. Their parents are called out of the room by the doctor for what seemed like serious discussion. It's also about the time Jongup returns home for dinner. He would rush to go home, honestly. He doesn't like seeing Junhong like this. Neither can he bare to watch what was going to happen.

 

                "They're talking about me; and about how my time is near." Junhong says when he hears a wail from her mother. He was still smiling anyway because Jongup was right next to him. Jongup's heart falls. He has nothing to say, so he just lightly squeezes his hand to comfort him.

 

                "I have to go." Jongup says.

 

                When he says that, Junhong's smile threatens to fade.

 

                Jongup stands and places a soft kiss on Junhong's forehead. "I'll be with you tomorrow. And don't worry about me. I'll be fine." He tells him. Tears begin to blur his vision. Because he knows---he knows what will come. He's lying. He's lying to himself; he's lying to Junhong.

 

               He won't be there tomorrow.

 

               He won't be fine when he’s gone.

 

 

               "I'll be with you forever, even." He corrects himself. That part was the only truth he's said; he'll love Junhong forever. It wasn't a promise. It was reality.

 

                "I love you, Moon Jongup."

 

 

 

 

                Junhong's eyes close to sleep. To an eternal rest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                'I love you, Moon Jongup.'

 

 

 

                Those were his final words, Jongup realizes upon a lonely trip back home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                He finds it hard to sleep that night. His pillows were wet, his eyes were sore, and he feels so empty. His heart feels like it's about to break from all the pain; if it hasn't already. Despite his tears, the corners of his lips curl up into a smile. Junhong would have hated to see him like this, he knows. So he smiles.

 

 

 

                Besides, the angel he's been with for the longest time here on Earth; the angel who has taught Jongup how to love----has earned back his wings.

 

 

 

                He looks outside his window.

 

 

 

                Somewhere out there, he was flying freely in the air, as beautiful as ever.

                

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

----

A/N: sorry if it was rushed or anything askfhkjsdg i just wrote it so that the voice at the back of my head would stop saying 'WRITE THAT PLOT BUNNY PLS' 

i wanted to write something longer than a drabble too so yeah

jonglo is love

jonglo is precious 

and if you managed to read this crap

UR REALLY GR8 ILY