He was broken on the inside, yet he didn’t think the other knew. Jinki had watched him from afar, seen his dark hair ruffled by the breeze, had seen the way he smiled and laughed for minutes on end, clapping hands and sometimes kicking his knees up when he found something hilarious. The way he slapped the backs of his friends when they parted ways…

            Yes he didn’t think the other knew.

            He’d been watching him for a while. From the moment he transferred school, to the moment they first smiled at each other. Since they started speaking to each other through a mutual friend, to the day their fingers had interwoven for the first time.

            God, Jinki remembered that like it was yesterday.

            His long, lithe fingers had interlaced with his own and practically fitting perfectly with his. Tanned skin had matched his own, meshing as one, while a little squeeze sent pleasurable tingles up from his finger tips to his elbow. Jinki had remembered how those clasped hands had fallen into the lap of the other and how it hadn’t felt abnormal at all. The only thing that he had been able to even feel throughout that whole time was the clouds swirling around his head as four, five, six… Seven, eight clouds passed him and the ninth one stalled.

            Pure euphoria.

            Yet he didn’t think the other knew.

            Despite his constant presence, the breath on his neck and the voice speaking to him ever so softly he didn’t think that the other had seen once the true pain lurking within. Not once had Minho been able to see the forest – that had been lush and green at birth – was burning and shrivelling slowly. The constant bonfires and partying, the droughts and flooding… It had taken its toll on him to the point where the branches had grown brittle and the bark was peeling off his trunk.

            But every now and then… Jinki couldn’t stop himself from letting the wind push the decaying brush off the roots of his trees and plant the seeds of new plants. He couldn’t stop Minho from coaxing the wildlife critters out. The others presence was simply so refreshing that Jinki’s forest experienced every warm season ten times and more when he was around.

            And when his hands caressed his body… When they passed over his shoulders, down his arms and gripped his waist tightly. A spurt of spring birds flew through his stomach. And when his body was tugged closer till that boy’s face was nuzzled in his neck with one hand gripping his hair… All the leaves on the trees turned a vibrant shade of green whose veins writhed wroth with life.

            God… When Minho was around summer was in full bloom…

            Yet he still didn’t think the other knew.

            When he disappeared and Jinki was left to his own thoughts… He didn’t even have time to go through fall before the snow descended on him and was weighing down the branches until he was crumpling beneath the weight. The more the thoughts piled in his head the more he began to wonder if he’d ever be able to dig himself out of the mounds of snow atop him. He didn’t always need Minho around… He was not to blame for the tundra digging deep into the soil… This frosty season had been lingering for far too long… It was in now way or form Minho’s fault – nothing hardly ever was – he simply alleviated the burden of the snow when it got too heavy.

            Jinki could always count on him to melt the snow.

            Yet he didn’t think the other knew.

            About the pains that paralyzed him during the night. The nausea he succumbed too frequently. The nervousness that tore his stomach to bits. The shaking in his hands when he stood in line or sat alone.

            The little things. The little things tore him apart and Jinki couldn’t control them.

            Minho kept him anchored… Kept him from sinking too far down below.

            Kept the summer around long enough for him to darken his skin and chase the cat away from his tongue…

            “Do you love me?”

            “Of course I do you idiot… More than you can imagine.”

            And a kiss to seal the promise.

            But then the feeling dissipated as he grew further in distance. Jinki would stare at the back of his head and reminisce in the times he’d observed him before. He was able to do this freely now, with the butterflies tap dancing on his heart.

            And yet the other didn’t know… And probably never would…

            About the secrets he kept caged in… The ones that ate at his flesh… The spiritual and physical ones… He was hurting, but the happiness he felt with Minho was too great for him to drag into his relationship… The one piece of true joy in his life would not be tainted by the monsters he hid from the rest of the world. He wouldn’t allow it… Even if the beads of red collecting on his bracelets were begging him to seek his support…

            He couldn’t do it…

            “Do you love me?”

            “Yes.”

            But it was too late. Because he had never let Minho in on the secret that had woven itself into a noose and swept his feet off the floor.