Everyday, I watch them on stage performing or on variety shows playing games, wishing it was me. All day, everyday. Every. Single. Day.

You must be thinking why I don't put my dreams into action. The answer's simple. I can't. Not just because I don't live anywhere near places they hold auditions in, but also my parents.

Since my parents are the stereotypical Asian parents, they want me to be either a doctor, lawyer, or engineer. No surprise there, huh? They always want A’s. No A-‘s, A’s.

I’ve always tried my best in school, but lately, I have been getting less motivated. Not wanting to do anything, I think of a way of how I can get to NYC for an audition. With everything planned, I now just have to get my parents to let me go there for just a day. But with the grades I have? AHAHAHA. I laugh at myself.

And trying to break it to my parents? I’m not like most kpop stats, living in Korea. Nope. I’ve already tried to go to an audition for the past two years. Did it happen? No. NOT EVEN CLOSE. I am determined now to go for an audition. I don’t care if I don’t make it. I just want to try.

Hmm. How will I compromise with my parents? HA. Nope. I’m just going to run away on a bus to NYC for the whole day. They can punish me later. I don’t really care. My life will be almost complete if I do this.

 

 

 

 

I made it. I freaking made it. Am I dreaming? I. FREAKING. MADE. IT. What? Why? This is not real, right? It’s a prank, right? No. There were so many girls and guys who were so much prettier than me. Oh my. And there we so many people who can sing and rap and dance better than me. Why me. This is… I am freaking speechless.

I leave for Korea next week, but how am I going to break it to my family? My mom, who will probably say no, will eventually learn to accept it. My dad, who will DEFINALLY say no. He wants me to be a freaking lawyer, and I FREAKING HATE THE LAW. My brother, AHAHAHA. I laugh. He DESPIES kpop. He freaking hates me because I like it.

Sigh. If only this was easy…

 

 

Im on the plane now… and I didn’t tell my parents. I got someone to drive me to the airport in early morning. I wrote my parents a letter. I hope they understand, but either way, they won’t be able to contact me again…

What about me? What will other people think of me? How long will I train until debut? I hope I receive a good reputation. I’m nervous. I have never felt like this, except during the first day of tennis tryouts. But this is ten times worse. I feel like my heart is going to jump out of me. Oh God…

 

 

 

I landed. Super confused… so many Asians! I am super familiar to the 3^rd and 4^th floor of the Incheon International Airport, but not the 1^st or 2^nd. Is there supposed to be someone who escorts me? Or am I supposed to find a taxi and go there myself? I don’t know. Sigh. I feel everyone staring at me… why? I’m a fellow Asian… do I have something on my face? Ughh. This is going pretty bad….

I am wondering around the airport now… actually, I’m going in circles… I don’t have any Won with me, so how am I going to pay for a taxi? I used to, but someone was interested in my foreign money, so they stole it. I know. Great.

 

I finally go outside and attempt to use my super broken Korean to converse with some people. So far, I have failed.

“저기요, 근데, 당신은  ______ 있어요?” Finally, something I understand, but how does he know my name? That’s… weird.

“네"

He gasps. He bows at me and I bow back.

“너무 죄송합니다. 나…”

I couldn’t understand the rest…

“괜찮아요”  I replym hoping it was a right response. He says something and takes my stuff and goes in a direction. So am I supposed to follow him? I do. He puts my stuff in the back of the car and he opens the care door for me. I get in and he closes the door behind me and gets on the drives side.

“Uhh… 누구세요?”

He goes off explaining about who he was, but I couldn’t understand him what-so-ever, He must have seen the look of confusion all over my face.

“I’m just something who was assigned to drive you to the Starship building, but got caught in traffic.”

“You know English? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted to see how well you spoke and understood Korean.” He laughs.

I pout.

“너무 귀여워.” He chuckles.

That was awkward. I just got called cute… What? When was I ever cute?

 

We arrive at the starship building, and the guy helps me with my suitcases. I look at the large building in front of me. Here I am, achieving my dream. I take a deep breath and enter the building. Walking in the halls confused, I suddenly bump into someone.

“Oh 죄송합니다.” I bow. The guy bows back. When he looks at me, his face lit up.

“Oh you must be _____!” He says in English. I nod my head yes. “Welcome!”

He leads me to a room. On my way there, I see Sistar…선배님. I give them a small boy and they smile and boy back.

“This is where you will be practicing dance and vocals.” He points. “And the room across the fall will be where you learn Korean and Japanese.” He points to the room across the hall. He leads me out of the building, to the building next to it.

“This is where you will be staying.” He says, leading me to a room on the third floor. “You should unpack and get to the dance room. Gotta start practicing and training as soon as possible!” He says while leaving.

I enter the room and get greeted by a nice food aroma. I go to the kitchen and look for the source. I am so hungry.

“Oh you must be the new trainee.” A girl says behind me. I jump from the scare she gives me.

“Oh my gosh. I’m sorry. I’m just really hungry and I smelled food.”
“Hey don’t sweat it. I’m Lily.”
“I’m _____”

“Coolio. Go get settled so we can go down to the building. Oh and here” She tosses me a bag of chips and an apple. I thank her as she leads me to my room. I just eat the food. There is no point on unpacking. I just have clothes.

I go to the building with Lily and practice. Practice what? Dance. We learn other girl’s dances and stuff.

I am so tired, so out-of-shape. We practice for six freaking hours, God help me. Lily doesn’t need to learn Korean; she’s Korean, that lucky . Korean class was ok, I mean I didn’t feel like I was going to die. I can’t wait till I get to sleep. I’m so jetlagged, but they make me train so hard. Now I have vocal training. So I actually wanted to be a rapper, but they want me to be a singer. This training is so legit. I can feel myself losing my voice; I have never sang this much in my life.

By the time I am done with today’s training, it is already the next morning. 3 Am. I go to bed exhausted.

Every day is the same. Dance for 7-8 hours, language for 6, and vocal for another 7-8 hours. It is so tiring. I sleep for about three hours every day. I feel like giving up almost every week, but I remind myself that this is what I want.

I am finally on the road to my group debut. Two more months. After four years of training, I am finally debuting. Life is good. It feels so nice. The group is getting busier and busier. We have photo shoots, interviews, and we need to film our first mv. I’m excited. I finally get to stand on a stage.

I know I have a lot of anti-fans. They say I’m ugly, not talented. They say I don’t deserve to become a star, but you know what? I worked hard for this. Nothing will stop me now.

Mom, dad, are you watching me? I am finally going to perform on the same stage as my idols.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Hey guise.

Sorry for my horrible korean lol

Im not korean so yeh. I mean I learned a little throught dramas and stuff but im not korean. Im chinese :D

OTL

This took me soo long to type up. I got too distracted with dancing block b -.-

but you know what? 

BLOCK B IS AWESOME YEAH BRAH

ok yeah.