It was April 11th. The day Choi Minho was to return from the army after a good three years away from his younger lover Lee Taemin. The twenty-year old male had been waiting day and night, counting the days on the calendar; crossing days out and even counting the hours in which it would be till the raven haired male would come home to him. Since the North Korean War Choi had been drafted to, Taemin had done nothing but worry about the older male, and anyone in the right mind would share mutual feelings. Or at least Taemin thought that way.

So here he was showering and lathering up his body with the left over red body wash he had gotten from Minho on Valentine’s Day; scrubbing and re-rinsing every ual crater on his body; for he was hoping to get more than a hug and kiss when the other was to return home.

And so on.

After he had showered he had made his way to his room to put on something he knew the other would enjoy greatly: such as in a pair of gray thigh length shorts and a semi tight black and gray varsity tee shirt with his favorite number ‘10’ on it. He knew those types of things always made Minho smile.

He traveled to the kitchen to get something for himself and Choi to eat; guessing that when the soldier returned home he’d surely be looking forward to a home cooked meal like any man should or would after not being home for such a period of time.

Then he heard the door click.

“Minho?”

And with that call, Taemin felt a pair of strong arms wrap around his lithe waist from behind. His lover was home. “Taemin~” he heard the raven behind him whisper in his ear and it made his spine tingle in multiple ways. Oh how did he miss this feeling. This warmth, the comfort, the presence of his significant other giving him a back hug as so. Him being the only to make Taemin feel this way. He turned in the others grasp so he could rest his head on the others camouflaged covered chest where heavy bullet proof vest and dog-tag necklace dangled. He played with the piece of jewelry as he managed his thoughts and mingled with the right words to say.

“You’re home”

“Yeah, finally”

Taemin smiled and looked up at his 5 foot 11 boyfriend and treasured the height difference for a moment.

“You miss me?”

“Aish, of course I did” The brown haired boy mumbled grinning and tapped his oppa’s chest before tip-toeing up and giving his lover a passionate kiss. No tongue, no nothing, but something completely innocent and romantic. He needed not ual activity nor a heated moment in this gentle kiss, but the warmth of the others plump pink ones against his own; that was what he truly missed.

The latter’s grip grew stronger as he pulled Taemin’s body closer, hoping to cherish this moment forever, but he knew he couldn’t do so; therefore he parted from the kiss for he needed oxygen to enter both their bodies in order to continue their day together.

Taemin pulled the other by the hand into the living room, only to be sat on the couch in a position in where he was facing Taemin as if ready to hold a conversation, but neither said anything for many moments.

“Sooo?” Lee began, dragging on the word for starters. Choi Minho smiled.

“I’ve missed you baby”

“I’ve missed you too” The brunette replied, scooting closer to the male situated on the opposite side of the couch from him, which Minho gladly let happen. Minho adjusted to the comfortable setting around him; placing a hand on the younger’s thigh, he rubbed small circles with his thumb as he fixated himself to speak. He looked at the living room’s small coffee table right near the couch; Taemin’s eyes following; and picked up the circular item that sat on it: the pill bottle; and tossed it up in the air a few times; the tablets rattling loudly; before screening the label plastered on it. Taemin’s smile faltered.

“Taemin…” Minho called out to his boyfriend in a soft voice; now giving light squeezes to the thigh he once rubbed moments before as he shook the pill bottle.”Sounds full… you haven’t been taking them have you?” The maknae of SHINee looked away, trying to stray his eye contact anywhere but with Minho’s. Somewhere deep down inside Taemin he felt guilt and the feeling of wanting to become sick; like a nauseating feeling. Like his heart was going to leap head first out of his chest if he decided to lie. “Have you?” The raven haired male questioned him again. Taemin didn’t want to be questioned, nor did he feel he needed to answer to someone even though that someone was the one who stole his heart for 2 years.

This time getting a reaction out of Taemin and not the one he wanted and the one he was praying didn’t happen, but it did. Taemin got up and left the couch to stroll to the kitchen.

, he struck a nerve.

“Yeobo-” Taemin wasn’t listening anymore; no matter how many times Minho called him ‘honey’ and ‘baby’ as he trailed behind him to the kitchen. He didn’t want to do and he wasn’t going to do it and not a damn soul was going to force him to. “Yeobo listen to me” Taemin felt the other grab his arm and pull him back into his chest so his back was now resting against the camouflage apparel once again. Taemin tried to pull away but made little progress to even get out of Minho’s grasp at all. He knew this was going to happen. He knew the no good was soon coming and the pain was going to increase.

“Taemin, you gotta’ listen to me… you gotta’ take the medicine”

“I don’t ing want to!”

The younger yelled, squirming now.

“But the doctor said you’d get better if you did”

“Well I don’t want to get better”

“You don’t?”

Taemin shook his head and pried Minho’s arms from around his midsection and turned around to look at the other, biting his bottom lip slightly, his eyes becoming glossy now.

“Baby…” Minho tried to approach the other with his arms wide spread, pill bottle in one hand as he tried to walk closer, and closer, and closer…

SMACK!!!!

Taemin smacked the pill bottle clear out of Choi’s hand and onto the kitchen floor; splattering orange, oval shaped tablets all over the linoleum tiles in a messy manner. Minho wanted to break down right then, he didn’t know how much of this he could take. “Please baby, please, you have to forget. You can’t self abuse yourself anymore… just; just take them, for me, for you, for the better…” Minho mumbled.

The young brunette’s face scrunched up. He was breaking down, every part of him was shattering, and he couldn’t deal anymore. Taemin broke down and sagged to the floor, hands covering his face as he felt his bodily fluid come in heavy waves from his eyes, producing pompous amounts of streaming, salty tears; followed by low keening sobs and torn whimpers that mixed of Minho’s name and ‘why’. It was all too much.

Minho walked and crouched down beside his lover and pulled him into a hug; one hand rubbing his back and the other his hair gently as he said multiple ‘shh’s’ and ‘it’s alright’s’ to his still weeping boyfriend.

“Shhh, it’s alright baby… “

“I-“Taemin stuttered. “I- I don’t get it-“he continued, sniffling “Why do I have to forget? I don’t want to… what if I forget your name, and what you look like, and that-“Minho interrupted the other with another searing kiss, but it lasted only for a second’s time. “Taeminnie-“he said grabbing the other by the chin so the other could look up at him.

“If I would have just been more careful-“

Taemin buried his head in the others broad chest, making the other pause for a moment.

“It’s always like you… for you to take the blame when it’s not even your fault” Minho was speechless. He couldn’t comprehend what to say. He was so right. He did take blame for things that half the time was never his fault to begin with, but that was just how he was, he couldn’t help it. “If I were just more cautious…” He started again, but that only made Taemin began to weep all over again. It seemed like no matter what he said, it was just all bad to his young lover.

“Baby… Please, just for me, take them, I don’t want you to suffer over me anymore-“

Minho couldn’t even get out his sentence before Taemin was up and out of his arms in a records time; and from the looks of it, it looked like he was heading towards the bathroom. No. No this couldn’t be what he thinks Taemin was going to do.

And as before, he was up and after his young lover in seconds, trailing behind him in a speed walking manner, but it had seemed for him to be too late. When he got to the bathroom, the younger had a razor blade at his wrist. His eyes widened in shock and he felt like time had frozen.

“Taemin no-“

“Why not?! What’s the point of living if I have to forget you?”

Minho panicked. “Listen, y-you don’t have to forget me!” He reassured, but Taemin knew what he spoke was pure persuasiveness and lies; therefore he saw through what Minho was trying to do. “Lies!” He screamed. “Lies! There all lies! I don’t have to forget you! I’m fine the way I am!” The boy said making the first slash mark on his wrist a shallow one and all Minho could do was watch it happen. “I was hoping you could leave me forgetting you alone and in the past, and we could spend our anniversary together tomorrow like any couple who was together for 2 years would!” The 20 year old hollered again in pure rage, tears still leaking from his eyes wetting his shirt and drying upon the nape of his neck.

Blood trickled from Taemin’s wrist as he rambled on. “Yeobo...” Minho spoke again, this time a tear leaving his eye as well as he reached out for his distressed lover, but he shouldn’t have.

“Don’t come any closer!”

“Taemin!!”

But his call was too late. Taemin was hoping he could just end this, end it all, that with this next slash to his wrist he’d hit an artery; the main one in the wrist, and just let it be at that. So with that, he applied more pressure to the blade and made a horizontal slice across his thin wrist and there he felt it.

His body went cold and his limbs felt numb. “Now… I won’t ever have to forget…” was the last words he said before he collapsed downward on the floor in a swift motion; landing in the small driblets of blood that had fallen before from his wrist and it was over. His heart stopped. Lee Taemin was… was dead. And no one would know that for maybe even a day or so, for no one but Taemin was in the house all along.

Choi Minho was never there. The male was a soldier and had died a year ago a day before their anniversary, which Taemin mentioned, in a cross fire on the battle field. He was KIC: Killed in Combat and every since he was, Taemin had never been able to let Minho go.

His fantasies and fair case of schizophrenia with depression had put him to believe that Minho had never died. Therefore saying the raven’s death put him in the dumps for all sorts and ed up his mind in was unbelievable. Key, Onew and even Jonghyun tried to talk him into getting therapy but no matter what they said or tried to do to convince the brunette that he needed help, Lee Taemin thought otherwise; he thought that he was “fine the way he was” but he wasn’t. So here was the outcome.

No matter what he was feeling, no one could guess that Taemin thought death was the only way out. That the only way he could live on was to not forget, and his tactic to do so was to be dragged along the depths of the afterlife, so he could finally be at peace.

Now he could, because he’d be with Minho now…