So here I am. Sitting in the car with my other members. Watching the streets. Watching the people do their activities.

"Eonni~! Don't sleep or I will take your photo when you're sleeping!" Ari, with her bright smile, capture me in a shoot with her phone.

"I'm not sleeping~!" I decided to take a revenge and suddenly take her shoot with my own phone.

It's a good time, and I love them so much. I still can't believe I'm now an idol. One of Tahiti members at DreamStar Entertainment. Eventhough we're still a rookie and still few people knows us. But still, it's a great opportunity. I don't call myself a visual of this group, since we have a goddess leader like Jungbin eonni, or the energetic Ari. People just haven't realize yet. People just know me because I appear on a lot of variety shows.

"Jisoo-yah, I will cheer you at the backstage, okay? Now relax and prepare for your shooting." Said Jungbin eonni with her calm smile. Yes, we're on my way to my another variety shows. Sometimes I really wanna bring them to front of cameras & introduce them. I'm smiling back at Jungbin eonni and trying to relax myself.

I'm trying to sleep. I'm closing my eyes. But then somehow the darkness comes to me. So I opened my eyes again.

I'm checking my phones for many times.

I'm starting to sweating out.

You can call I'm nervous.

But actually, I'm being like this because there's the darkness comes to me. Again.

--

Yes, I'm smiling all the time. I appear on variety shows. I even crowned as the Queen at Idol Sports because of my winning on race.

But then, there's a lot of time I'm feeling envious. I'm envy with them who with all their members on variety shows. With their eonni or their dongsaengs.

What about me?

I'm alone.

There is a variety show that I'm with Ari or Jungbin eonni. But most of all? I'm alone and nobody with me.

That envious and jealousy causes loneliness. Then the loneliness keep comes, so now I'm getting used to it.

I'm smiling, I do the y dance, I do the singing, I socialized with other idols. I'm smiling. I'm under the spotlight. I'd do anything to makes everyone knows about me and my girls.

But there's a time I'm tired with this.

I want Jungbin eonni, Minjae eonni, Miso eonni, Ari, and Jin-ah beside me at some variety shows. I love them. Why do I always coming up alone?

Why?

I opened my note on my phone.

I remember I ever make a cheesy-poetry. Okay, maybe not cheesy.

I keep reading that. Over and over again.

--

So here I am, alone.

The wind freezing my bone.

I keep thinking what have I done?

Just a blink and everything is gone.

 

I'm getting consumed by the darkness.

Here I am, losing my identity.

So long and now I forgot the feel of loneliness

Then somehow I thought I got immortality.

 

So I hear someone screaming for help.

So loud, until I cant hear anything but those help.

Then I realize something.

"She" who inside me, the one who screaming.

--

"Jisoo-yah! Jisoo-yah!" Miso eonni's voice makes me comeback to reality. "Are you fine? You seems so.... pale & sweating out" She gives me a mini towel. I'm just smiling, nodding, and take that mini towel. I don't wanna make them feel bad. I'm a strong girl.

Minjae eonni handed me a bottle of tea, "Are you sure you're fine?" And here I am, just smiling and nodded to her.

Our magnae, Jin-ah, and Ari giggling each other when they're see me.

"Yah! You two take my picture didn't you??" I'm yelling and trying to get Ari's phone eventhough I failed and they're can't stop laughing. I'm smiling a little bit.

This is why I love them. They're like my family now.

Miso eonni looks at the window, "Well, here we are." And then the car stopped. A sign for us to get out from the car.

When we walk in, Jungbin eonni comes to me.

"Jisoo-yah, I'm sorry if you have to fight alone. I wish I... or we can be with you. But you have to realize something. We're like a family now. No matter what, we're always on your side, supporting you. You don't have to push yourself. Realize, we're here. We're ready to hear your story. Okay?"

I almost crying to hear that.

I always thought I'm alone.

I know I'm not. But I can't help it.

But I know that they will never leave me.

 

So this is it. Another day to through.