I had a horrible dream last night where my bestfriend told me that she had feelings for my boyfriend. I was so worried and scared. Last time I fell for Seunghyun, he left me for Dara. He cheated on me with my bestfriend so I’m scared that this could happen again. Especially now that our relationship is on the rocks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was sitting at Seunghyun’s couch watching random shows when he suddenly grabbed my hands and said “dance with me” I smiled and turned off the tv, I leaned on his chest and he wrapped his arms around me as we slow dance. “did you miss me while you were away?” I asked him as I looked at his eyes “everyday” he replied

“I was just… depressed about my dad and I just needed to be alone but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t miss you, Bom. Because I did” he added

“I needed to hear your voice” I said to him as we looked at each other’s eyes and our faces just inches apart “There’s just so much stuff that has been going on with me…”

“What kind of stuffs?” he asked

 

 

I didn’t answer him but instead I kissed him and he pulled me closer feeling his warm body wrap around me. I pulled away slowly and leaned on his chest again and continued to slow dance.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We were silent for a moment until he decided to speak again

“So are you gonna tell me what this is about?”

“Maybe you should tell me about it” I said as I looked at him again

“Hmm... what’s that suppose to mean?” he asked

“Dara told me some things about the two of you” I said

“Look, Bom. I know that I’ve hurt you in the past with Dara but you need to understand the circumstances this time, you know. I mean, god she needed my help and she couldn’t think of anyone else that could help her. I mean the kiss it meant nothing” I suddenly felt pain in my heart. I couldn’t process easily what he had just said.

“What kiss?” I stopped and asked him “Did you kiss her again?” I asked angrily

He just looked at me with those eyes as if begging for forgiveness and at that point I felt pain all over again. I stared at him in disbelief before I walked away from him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was looking for my purse in his room so I could leave this house and him because I’ve had enough of everything. This is just too much for me to take. I can’t believe he did this to me again. I can’t believe I let him hurt me again.  

“Look, Bom. I need you to listen to me.” I heard him say as he followed me in his room not even bothering to look at him and just continued looking for my purse “You have to understand that my heart is with you, the kiss… It didn’t mean anything” He continued as he faced me.

“A kiss always means something!” I said as I looked up at him and continued to look for my purse

“Maybe you’re right, but it wasn’t a romantic moment and you would know that if-“

 

“If what? I was there?” I cut him off and looked at him again “As you so sweetly pointed out at the party, the party that I threw for you, I wasn’t there, was I?!” I told him angrily and continued my business again. He suddenly handed me my purse “Is it impossible for you to forgive me?” He asked softly “I forgave you” he added, and that made me even more angry

“For what?!” I asked

 

 

 

“For sleeping with Choi Siwon”

 

 

 

 

That’s it, I couldn’t hide my tears anymore “And you know what Seunghyun? I loved you for that. You had such grace in that moment that I fell in love with you all over again. I can’t believe that you would use it now as a bargaining chip!” I said and let the tears fall freely

“No, I’m not I’m not... I just… It feels like ever since we got back together you’ve just been waiting, waiting to push me away!” he said

“Oh great! You kissed Dara. Again! And I’m pushing you away!!” I said

“I love you, Bom… I don’t know how else to say it.”

 

“How about you show it? I’m not pushing you away Seunghyun, I am holding on for dear life, but I need you to need me back. Why wouldn’t you tell me about the kiss, and why didn’t you call me while you were away. And why won’t you ever just let me all the way in?!” I said to him as my tears can’t help but to fall down continuously.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Few weeks later.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

Its been weeks since that day me and Seunghyun fought. He didn't even bother to text or call me. He doesn’t seem to miss me at all.

Here I am staring at nothingness inside my room. I guess I really should end all this.

I decided to visit Seunghyun and tell him everything once and for all. I’m tired and hurt.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I knocked on his room and entered. He was on his laptop but immediately stood up when he saw me. We were silent for awhile.

“I was trying to call you.” He finally said

“You mean when you weren’t hanging out with Dara?”

“C’mon Bom, you never call me back” he said

 

 

 

 

“Now you know how I feel” I told him, “Listen, I know it’s been difficult for you lately, losing your father and giving up school.” I said as a slowly walk towards him “I feel like I’ve been keeping you close to me to try to protect you from all those things. Like I’m hanging onto the two of us, for you, but not for me.” I said facing at him now

“I’m sorry I kissed Dara. I should have told you.” He said and sat down on his chair

“It’s not about that Seunghyun. It’s not” I said and sat down on his bed facing each other “I mean I thought it was, but this is not about her. This is about me.” I said

 

 

 

 

“I love you, Seunghyun. And I probably always will” I whispered to him and as he held my hand “but we go days without having a meaningful conversation. And I used to miss you so much when that happened… but it never seemed like you missed me. And I guess because of it I stopped missing you. I mean look at today, there was a horrible accident and you haven’t even called me… it shouldn’t be like this, Tabi.” I said

 

 

 

 

“Bom.”

 

“I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore” I told him as I tried my very best to not cry. I have to be brave this time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He was silent, I kissed his cheeks and stood up and walked to the door.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Bom” he called out and I turn to look at him

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m sorry” he said

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Yeah, me too.” I said and nodded. I walked out of the door and as soon as I closed it I started sobbing.

But I know I just did the right thing.

 

 

 

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So what do you think guys? ^^