Jessica has to clamp her hands around her phone tightly to keep them from shaking while she reads the fan accounts on Hyoyeon’s performance on Dancing with the Stars 2. She reads as some fans say she deserves it, it serves her right, and she can’t even dance. It takes everything in Jessica’s power to not throw her phone at the wall. She had heard about Hyoyeon slipping during her performance, she watched Hyoyeon slip on the television (Jessica has seen every episode of Dancing with the Stars, just to watch Hyoyeon dance, because she looks so happy, dancing on stage, doing what she loves, so happy Jessica can cry). After she reads a few more comments, some fighting back saying Hyoyeon is an amazing dancer, she simply made a mistake, and others just saying more bad things, has Hyoyeon read this? is the first thing that runs through Jessica’s mind. She hopes not. Jessica wants to wait until Hyoyeon comes back to the dorm, except that Hyoyeon practically lives in the practice room now, practicing until she can’t feel her legs, until her entire body is sore. Jessica knows Hyoyeon has to practically drag herself home, drag herself into the shower, and then into her bed. Only to wake up and do it all over again.

Jessica doesn’t knock when she enters the practice room, she can hear the hip hop music playing from outside the door, it’s loud, and Jessica knew without having to look that Hyoyeon was dancing hard. She always does when she’s frustrated, dancing has always been her escape, dancing is the reason she agreed to become an idol. Jessica continues to watch Hyoyeon, watches as her body moves, and twists, and watches how her best friend can make her body roll. Jessica ignores the way her body feels hot all over the way it always does whenever she sees Hyoyeon dance. She watches Hyoyeon’s expression, which is filled with concentration (Jessica can see a hint of frustration in those eyes too, she knows the frustration is more from her mistake, than from what the fans said, Hyoyeon chastises her a lot. When she makes a mistake it sticks her mind, she would replay it over and over again. The only reason Jessica knows is because they’re that close no one is as close to Hyoyeon as Jessica, she prides herself for knowing Hyoyeon best. She’s the only one Hyoyeon goes to when she wants to have a serious talk, the only one out of all eight other girls.) Hyoyeon is so focused, dancing so hard (so hard that she’s breathless, and sweaty, and Jessica can see she’s shaking a bit, Hyoyeon never knows when to stop, doesn’t stop until she’s pleased with herself, or someone (that someone usually being Jessica or Seohyun) forces her to stop.) she doesn’t notice Jessica is there until she unplugs the small radio from the wall.

Hyoyeon stops dancing abruptly and spins around quickly, “Sooyeon,” she breathes, “what are you doing here?”

Hyoyeon always calls Jessica by her real name when she’s away from the camera’s and from the fans, Jessica likes it, it helps her make that line between the idol world and the real world so much bolder. It helps Jessica not lose herself, not get lost in their world that includes layers of makeup, tight clothes, and fake idol smiles. Sometimes when Jessica feels herself get lost in her façade she hears Hyoyeon say Sooyeon and just like that she’s back. She’s not cold, stone faced Jessica anymore. She’s Jung Sooyeon.

Jessica watches her for a moment, runs her eyes over her best friends body, checking to make sure she’s alright. Even though her fall wasn’t big, Jessica still worries, because Hyoyeon won’t ever tell anyone that she’s hurt. So Jessica looks at her friend with hawk eyes, looking for any bruises, making sure Hyoyeon is okay. Hyoyeon is squirming a bit under Jessica’s gaze, when Jessica is sure that Hyoyeon’s body is okay she speaks up, “Are you alright?”

Hyoyeon stiffens for a moment, just a moment, and her small smile falters a tiny bit for just a spilt second, and if Jessica weren’t paying attention she wouldn’t have noticed, but she is noticing, she always notices when it’s Hyoyeon.

“What are you talking about, Sooyeon? Of course I’m okay.”

Jessica loves everything about Hyoyeon, she really does, but she hates when Hyoyeon plays dumb, “You know what I’m talking about, Hyoyeon.”

Hyoyeon’s eyebrows furrow, and she looks down for a moment, “I’m fine.”

“Hyoyeon,” Jessica says it in a soft yet forceful voice, “You can lie to everyone else, but not me.”

“There’s nothing to lie about, Sooyeon–” Hyoyeon gasps when Jessica pins her against the cloud curtains that are covering the back mirrors. Jessica’s surprises herself with her own strength. Jessica’s hands are griping Hyoyeon’s biceps hard, hard enough to leave ugly bruises the shape of Jessica’s fingers.

“Don’t you dare act dumb with me, Hyoyeon, not me of all people. Don’t hide from me.” Jessica all but yells, “don’t let their words get to you.”

Hyoyeon’s face contorts with emotions, if it were anyone but Hyoyeon it would have be ugly, and she explodes, “What do you want me to do Jessica?” she pushes Jessica away from her with such a force, causing her to fall and hit her tailbone. Jessica looks up at her with a shocked expression, they always play around violently, shoving and playfully hitting each other, and on a few, rare occasions they have almost gotten into physical fights, only to recoil before they can actually hit each other, but this is the first time Hyoyeon has actually hurt her, purposely, the first time Hyoyeon calls her Jessica behind closed doors, and Jessica doesn’t know what to do.

“You all pretend like it’s so easy! You all like to act like the fans don’t hate me. Like the fans don’t wish I weren’t apart of SNSD, well guess what? They do! And I don’t blame them anymore, it has to be me, how else can so many of them hate me,” Hyoyeon is pacing now and breathing even harder than before. Her hands have formed into fists, tightly clenched on her sides, and her eyes are burning atomic bright. “I don’t even know why I’m here, the fans obviously don’t want me here! I can’t do anything without them judging me, why am I here?” Hyoyeon stops mid-step and looks down at Jessica, her eyes filling with tears, Jessica’s heart clenches. “Why am I here?” she asks and she sounds like a lost child. She runs a shaking hand through her hair before wrapping her arms tightly around herself and letting out a tearless sob, “Why am I here?” she repeats it over and over.

Jessica finally regains herself and stumbles over to her best friend, and does what she’s been wanting to do for so long, she cups Hyoyeon’s face with both hands, and kisses her, softly, and gently, before pressing their foreheads together and looking into her tear filled eyes, “You’re here because we love you Hyoyeon. You have so many people, who look up to you, maybe not in Korea, but in Europe, and America, they scream your name, they love you. Almost as much as I do. You’re here because I need you.”

Its then that Hyoyeon cries, the hot tears spill over quickly, and she starts to sob loudly, she clenches the front of Jessica’s shirt and hides her face in the crook of Jessica’s neck. Jessica wraps her arms around her and places her cheeks on the top of Hyoyeon’s head. She slides them both down to the floor and rocks them both back and forth gently. Jessica wishes she could tuck Hyoyeon deep inside of herself, to keep her away from the harsh world, to keep her safe and warm, to protect her. But she can’t, so she ops for hugging her close, and petting her hair softly.

When her sobs die down to shuddered breaths, Hyoyeon shifts and moves her face from Jessica’s neck, “Sooyeon, thank you.” And then she’s kissing her, clenching onto Jessica’s shirt, and tilting her head for better access. And yes this is all Jessica ever wanted, she’s never wanted someone so much, so she kisses Hyoyeon back, and makes a small sound when Hyoyeon opens , allowing Jessica’s tongue to slide against hers.

“I love you,” Jessica whispers desperately when they part for air, while kissing down her jawline to her neck, “I love you so much.”

Hyoyeon moans softly and gasps, “Sooyeon,” her hands clamp tightly onto Jessica arms.

“Hyoyeon,” Jessica murmurs against Hyoyeon soft, smooth, milky skin, “You’re amazing.”

Hyoyeon gasps again when a wet tongue slides against her collarbones, “Sooyeon.”

“You’re amazing, I wish I could give you everything in the world, I wish the world could see how amazing you are.”

Hyoyeon jerks in her arms, she’s never been good with such serious conversations, and Jessica tightens her grip on her waist to keep her in place.

“You deserve everything in world, Hyoyeon, you really do.”

Hyoyeon jerks again, and Jessica cups her face again, and kisses her hard on the lips, trying to convey how much she loves her.

“Sooyeon,” Hyoyeon whispers against her lips, “I love you, too.”

Jessica makes a noise into the kiss and runs one of her hands down Hyoyeon’s side, making sure she isn’t dreaming, she’s been wanting to hear those words from the blonde for so long, and finally she hears them. She clenches her eyes close tight, and pulls away to press their foreheads to together again, their lips just centimeters away, both of them breathing so hard, panting onto each other’s lips.

They stay like that until Jessica pulls them both up, “Let’s so back, it’s late and we have schedules tomorrow,”

Hyoyeon nods and grabs her bag, Jessica reaches out and grabs her hand, its nothing out of the ordinary, they always hold hands in public, if anyone saw they wouldn’t think anything of it, “I’m tired,” Hyoyeon sighs.

“You should be, you danced hard just now.”

Hyoyeon shoves her playfully and Jessica laughs while bumping their shoulders.

When they get back to the dorm the other members are sleeping, Jessica gives Hyoyeon an ice pack from the freezer for her sore legs. Hyoyeon pulls Jessica into a kiss before flashing her a smile and walking into her room.

Jessica falls asleep with a smile on her face.