"This face in my dreams seizes my guts
He floods me with dread
Soaked in soul
He swims in my eyes by the bed
Pour myself over him
Moon spilling in
And I wake up alone"
 
Tic Toc, Tic Toc, Tic Toc
My head pounded while my hands soaked in the dish water. I sent a glare towards the mocking clock that hung on an empty wall across the room. Could this day go by any slower? It was as if father time had taken it upon himself to drag this day in an agonizing fashion.
The still silence of the house had become somewhat calming—though most times I just found it sad. The loneliness that engulfed the house when he was away was becoming a little more bearable as time went on.
A little.
Tic Toc, Tic Toc, Tic Toc
Something came over me in that instant. I dropped the wet dishes not really caring if they had broken and stomped over to the taunting clock. Before I plunged the dammed device into the water I looked at its mocking legs that ticked my empty days away endlessly.
6PM
The calming feeling that had come from the silence now feels like it’s suffocating me. A sigh escaped my lips at the realization that another day was ending. Another day without him.   What was the point of cooking when you’re only cooking for one? I pondered if a glass of wine would help, but I quickly dismissed the idea. Drinking alone was even sadder than loving alone.
I dragged my feet towards the dreaded empty bedroom. That deafening silence was driving me insane. I couldn’t handle it anymore. It was soothing for a little while—when my mind was distracted and I wasn’t thinking of him. Now here I am sitting on the cold desolate bed we used to share—the bed we used to warm with both of our bodies as we consumed each other in passion.
“I can’t think straight or breathe without shuddering in pain at the thought of being away from you for two years. I love you too much to let you go through something like this.”
His voice replayed in my head as his sad eyes mocked me whenever I closed mine. I promised you. I know I did, but it’s easier said than done.
My eyes flickered over to the unopened letter that sat on the nightstand. I could feel my hand become heavier as it neared the letter I wasn’t looking forward to read. Before summing up the courage, I closed my eyes as ragged breathes escaped my chapped lips.
The tearing sound of paper filled my ears. My eyes began to slowly skim his heartfelt words. Soon my sight became impaired by the tears that had begun to brim them.
I miss you. Don’t stop taking care of yourself. Just a little longer. You promised me remember? I love you.
The sentence stood boldly in the middle of the white paper. There were no words of his days or fears, just those five short sentences that stained across the paper.  A clenching feeling occurred in my heart. I sniffled a little at the realization that I had started crying. My eyes gazed out the window longingly.
How much longer was a little longer? My insides churned in discontent. It was a never-ending cycle of heartbreak. I don’t know when this feeling had infested my being. All I know is that the ache in my bones was becoming harder to bear.
His letters grew shorter the more time passed that I hadn’t written back. He probably knew what was going on—how being away from my source of life was affecting me catastrophically. I let the paper fall weightlessly to the floor. My toes curled into the carpet as the feel of heartache washed over me once more. I closed my eyes momentarily before adjusting them to the window in front of me again.
Botheration was inevitable at this time of night. If I could, I would stay away and far away from this room. This is where the pain intensified—when I was here lonesome, bound to wake up alone…again.
My eyes became sore with the lamp dimming the room. The crying had caused them to swell up painfully. I turned off the light and continued to stare out the window into the sky.
“Baby? Why aren’t you asleep?” My eyes grew wide at the familiar voice. I snapped my head in the direction of it. And sure enough there he was, leaning casually on the doorframe with scolding eyes. I breathed out his name, so unsure if I had finally gone crazy.
I felt reassured when he flashing that familiar comforting smile of his. “Were you that out of it? It breaks my heart that you didn’t even notice me come in.” I desperately reached for him like a scared child reaching for their mother.
“I missed you so much. You have no idea.” I buried my face into his chest, his arms beckoning me to sink deeper into his firm chest.
“You silly girl, you promised you’d take care of yourself while I was gone. You’re practically wasting away. Let me see your eyes. They look so tired. You aren’t sleeping either, are you?” I mumbled an apology with my face still buried cozily into him, imprinting the feel of him in my memory—searing it there forever so I could never forget it. “I would rather stay awake and become agitated than miss you terribly. It hurts too much to wake up alone,” I timidly admitted.
 I felt myself being lifted from the cold rug and onto the surprisingly warm bed. He drew me closer to him, his breath on the side of my cheek. I closed my eyes at the feel of his thumb drawing imaginary patterns on my hipbone. A wave of sudden happiness washed over me. It was such a foreign feeling nowadays, but he was back now and that surely meant I would be able to be okay again.
I smiled as he kissed the top of my forehead lovingly. “I’m sorry I left you alone for so long.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore. You’re here now.” I looked up lovingly into his eyes. He returned my giddy smile with a small one. I became lost in that look of his. My heart did summersaults in my chest, shivers coursing through my body.
“I love you so much.” He leaned down to meet my face. I closed my eyes in anticipation for what I had been yearning for a long time now, but it never came.
“Just a little longer.”
My eyes shot opened. I searched my surroundings frantically only to fist the crumbled sheets around my body. The morning light seeped through the window and infiltrated my room. My heart sank in woe as fresh tears emerged in my eyes at the realization.
I had woken up alone. I had woken up alone again.