Looking back, I guess he wasn't happy. Those pictures of us smiling, was he hiding hidden tears? I hold the picture of us close to my heart. Memories of a time long gone plague me, as it has done for the past five years.

Was I not enough? "What did I do wrong?" I hear myself plead; as yet again I envision the day that everything fell apart. "It's not you, it's me," he said, speaking those ill-fated words, his voice so remorseful. "I'll - Let me make it up to you", I tried again, speaking over him. "Let's meet up at our spot." I take his silence as an agreement. I'm overcome with memories of those sunlit days, once again. It seems that I cannot let go of the Past. It was the last day of summer, and it was glorious. How can such a beautiful day hold such bad memories? It seems to go against nature itself. The last summer day before our last year of college; the beginning of the End.

I arrived at our special spot near the beachfront. Hidden from the eyes of all the other beachgoers and tucked away in the shade, it was the best spot on the beach; perfect for me. I remember the first time I saw him, not too far away from that spot. He was standing, looking disheveled and crumpled gazing out at the sea. His beautiful face was so forlorn. It was then that I decided to make what had previously been my spot our spot. A sob chokes me as I remember him. Waiting for him, I had my camera in tow and was excited at seeing him again... Or was I? We had not seen each other in what had seemed like ages, and our sweet romance was deteriorating. I had no clue what had happened to make it so. But maybe he did. If that's so, maybe he didn't want what I wanted. Maybe this was all a game to him... I blink as memories try to wash me away. No, he would never be that cruel, not my Sungjong. He would never leave me here, so broken, that the only joy that comes to me is the joy that comes from reflecting back upon the Past.

But thinking of him and the Past are there as many good memories as bad? The tears and pain he accused me of, did he not hear my own heart break at the mention of those accusations? Of all his violent mood swings and spells of depression, did he not understand my reasons for staying long hours at the school? Did he not see me wither away as he, the one who held my heart and soul, carelessly crushed it, while I did my best to cherish his own? Currents of anger flow through me. Of course he didn't. He never came. That day, the last summer day before our last year of college. It was the beginning of the End…

..... I jerk with realization. What good is there to be reminiscent about a past that was mostly filled with hurt? What has there been to gain with my fascination with these memories? Nothing but years wasted. Our relationship was nothing more than a wish. This bleak discovery almost destroys me. My perception shifts as a new one takes its place. I had begun a lifelong affair with nostalgia, with only the vaguest notions of what I was nostalgic for. I take a deep breath as tension seeps out of me. Those memories finally settle down into the recesses of my mind. Forgotten. I am at peace.