Review for: eunshidae

A Game We Played

Title 5/5- The good thing about the title is that it isn’t cliche.  And you could kind of tell it was going to be a one shot, it also doesn’t give the story away.

Description/ Foreword 10/10- Even though they were little mistakes, I really  liked the childish feel to it, the innocence behind it. It’s interesting, and eye catching.

Plot/Story Structure 15/15- Your story was written smoothly, I did get confused since I thought it was a real wedding. But overall, the story was written really well.

Characters 10/10- The characters were well made. One thing I didn’t really liked is how you described Tiffany with ‘well defined curves’ when she’s just suppose to be a kid.

Grammar/ Spelling 9/10- You barely had any grammar or spelling mistakes. One was in your foreword, you used were instead of where.

Original:

It was in the heat of summer, in that old tree house near the school’s playground, were I first had a glimpse of her.

Correction:

It was in the heat of summer, in that old tree house near the school’s playground, where I first had a glimpse of her.

Original:

He is wearing his best black tuxedo outfit.

It looked like the one James Bond used in his movies.

Correction:

He is wearing his best black tuxedo outfit.

It looks like the one James Bond used in his movies.

Since this part is written in present tense then the words Looked, will be looks.

Total: 49/50= 98%

Extra Credit 1/5- I really did enjoy the story.

Complete total: 50/50= 100%

Review done by: IAmLeNinja

Mission: Accomplished

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