Myungsoo stares at his lover; a smooth hair that covers the deep brown doe eyes, pale feathery skin that reflects the sun rays, thin fragile body that shivers every time Myungsoo touches it. Lying lifelessly on the white haunting bed in the white suffocating room with only the slow beeping of the machine that fills the silent air, Myungsoo’s lover bears all of it and tries all he can. Myungsoo sees all of this, all of his lover’s hope is rising to the scheme. Myungsoo don’t know what to do; with the consequences on both sides and danger would surely follow, he does not know if he should still continue it.

---

            Time never end and so does the multiple vein popping shots that Sungjong receives. His case is unusual and unknown but still he has his hopes high for he have his lover, he wanted to stay a lifetime with his lover. But these days, his hopes are slightly deteriorating every passing second as his health had never improves as a matter of fact, he feels that his life line is decreasing every passing day. Sungjong should feel disappointed but he always a smile plastered on his face, how can he not, his lover is always by his side, at his aid. Sungjong thinks about his deteriorating health but also doesn’t miss Myungsoo in the picture, spending his last few days with his lover is worth it.

---

            Every day Sungjong feels like dying, the stings he feels as the medicine flows through his veins but this time he felt rejuvenated. His health had improved for the first time since he was confined in the hospital. Sungjong is happy, very happy that if his improvement would be consistent, maybe, he could be happy with Myungsoo but speaking about Myungsoo, Sungjong haven’t seen him for days already and this makes Sungjong sad.

            Sungjong’s health had continually improved but he doesn’t feel happy but sorrow filled his heart. The reason fighting his sickness had left him suddenly without leaving an excuse, explanation, and permission. Sungjong is hurt, disappointed, sad, lonely but never angry at Myungsoo even though his mind has constantly filled of thoughts that Myungsoo is cheating on him, he was never angry at Myungsoo. All he wanted right now is his lover’s appearance right now, he was the one Sungjong needs right now.

            Days became a week, and the weeks had slowly turns into a month, Sungjong’s health is almost stabile but there is still no sign of his lover. Most of the time Sungjong have been staring at the white walls dazed, distracted, and empty Sungjung is having a hard time handling his faith to Myungsoo but all Sungjong needs is an explanation and he would be okay whatever Myungsoo’s decision.

            Today, out of more than thirty days, the gods had come to his side and aid him to gain his ‘luck’. He saw his lover again, back at the hospital, back at the room, staring at him from afar. Sungjong’s chest tightens, eyes b with tears, and body’s shaking. But luck doesn’t apply full force; Sungjong widens his eyes as he set his sight properly at the man who he loved dearly.

            Myungsoo is standing at the corner of the room looking at his lover in the eye. Myungsoo feels rejuvenated at the sight of his lover but also, it’s killing him inside. The fight is on its end, but he doesn’t want it to end like this, not ending things that mould make Sungjong hate him in the end.

            Myungsoo’s pale face has contrasted beautifully with his dark bags and the outline of his eye sockets that is clearly seen completes it all. His face is bruised, gashed, and scared.  His lips were white and dry cracking his lips with no blood to sprout out. The Slim figure had turned into skin and bones, fats and muscles evaporated to somewhere nonexistence. The aura of vigor was never present, there is something new to him; his aura was dark and unclear, feels cold and dead.

            Sungjong saw it all but, he doesn’t mind all of it as he shuffled on his bed to take steps to Myungsoo. He misses Myungsoo so much that he doesn’t care what he looked right now all he wanted was to hold him is his arms and ask if he was real or not. Sungjong made hurried steps but soon halted by his lover when he was almost a meter away.

            “Don’t come near me!” Myungsoo said coating his words with venom, Myungsoo’s eyes were cold as ice.

            Sungjong stops his attempt and looked at his lover with longing eyes. Sungjong could not bear it anymore, he didn’t listen to his lover, Sungjong rushed to his lover hugging him tightly.

            “Sung—“ Myungsoo’s words were left unspoken when Sungjong had his arms around his waist, head pressed against chest. A silent sob was it at first but at the end, it turns into wails. The tears were never stopping and the only thing Myungsoo could utter is ‘I’m Sorry’.

            Sungjong feels alive, happy and joyous with Myungsoo in his embrace but he doesn’t understand why is he feeling weaker and weaker, back to being crippled he used to be. His lover might have sensed it since then he returned the hug and whispered another strings of ‘I’m Sorry-s’. Sungjong doesn’t understand why Myungsoo keeps on apologizing but when he had locked eyes with his lover, the truth had screamed through his eyes.

            Sungjong could only give Myungsoo a faint smile as his body limps. Myungsoo had his eyes closed, and maybe closing his sense of hearing, he doesn’t want to hear the words of hate from Sungjong’s mouth that would sting his flesh. Everything was inevitable but Myungsoo have hoped for another possibility of change in fate. What now Myungsoo is waiting is the words, and how it would hurt him but he heard nothing like that.

            “I love you” Sungjong had uttered on his last breath, though it was like a whisperer, barely audible but for Myungsoo it was a scream on a stethoscope. Myungsoo had held the body that is now turning colder and colder each passing moment but Myungsoo could only hold, embrace and cry for him. It was Myungsoo’s job, it was something bound to happen and he regrets nothing.

            Myungsoo placed Sungjong’s body on the bed just in time when the doctors and nurses rushed in, but he was unnoticed, invisible. Watching from the side lines, Myungsoo had a sad smile on his face, it was mission complete but sadness had covered him. Myungsoo then changes his appearance from a man to something haunty under a dark black robe with a black aura, he showed his true form. Myungsoo sent his last sad smile on the cold body huddled by people, how it was hard to be Sungjong’s death.