Clandestinity

Much of Park Chanyeol's life was kept a secret from his boss and colleagues. He wanted it to be private, so they let it be. Only a few of them whom he trusts, particularly his best friends, Kim Jongin and Byun Baekhyun, know of his private life. He practically known those two since they were all in diapers. He literally grew up with them, having the same ambition of being policemen, going to the same school, having classes together (except Jongin because he was a year younger) and eventually headed for the same university. Chanyeol counted himself fortunate to have people who loves him dearly, which made his existence worthy. At least he would still be remembered if he were to die one day. And Dahae, she was the reason why he lived. The reason of his existence. He would have killed himself ten years ago when he heard about his parents' deaths if it were not for Dahae. She gave him hope and courage to continue living. He had to live, for her, because he was her only family left. He was her only hope. He had to work hard for her. She needed to attend school and tuition, in which Chanyeol started working at the age of twenty to support her financially. Even he needed to finish two more semesters in college. Dahae did her part to work part time whenever she could and Chanyeol appreciated her help. He could never imagine a life without his sister.

The things Baekhyun and Jongin knew would stop there. They never knew what Chanyeol thought or wanted. Chanyeol kept to himself and became more reserved after the death of his parents. However, they did know Chanyeol wanted revenge. They knew that the hit-and-run accident was intentional. Both Jongin and Baekhyun knew very well that Chanyeol's parents were heavy in debt after their business failed. Their marriage withered away like their business. The family fell apart. Jongin remembered vaguely that Chanyeol and Dahae were separated when their parents went their seperate ways. Mrs Park with Chanyeol, Mr Park with Dahae. Even through the parents met up outside, Chanyeol never met Dahae. It was then when their parents decided to remarry, Chanyeol was reunited with Dahae. For eight years, Chanyeol never met his little sister. They were to young at the time they were separated, Chanyeol was ten while Dahae was merely four. Chanyeol never really remembered the his sister's existence until they met once again.

Chanyeol never told Baekhyun or Jongin that he had feelings for his sister. It started out as just feelings of care and concern after the death of their parents. After years of being apart, Chanyeol could not accept Dahae as merely his sister. When she turned eighteen, Chanyeol began to see her in a different light. Dahae had grown up to be a beautiful and petite young woman with lithe movements. She was gentle and motherly, the way their mother was, and Chanyeol was attracted to her traits. Dahae was also a considerate person, she never went shopping with the money Chanyeol had given her unless she needed to. However, once in a while Chanyeol had to force her to get new clothes, stocking up her wardrobe. The things was, Dahae did not mind living in simplicity, so she never asked for more.

A month flew by since Dahae's death. Chanyeol was still mourning as much as he hated to admit. Even though he was not as depressed as before, the little things he did daily reminded him of her. Chanyeol knew he was diagnosed with Genetic ual Attraction (GSA) when he visited a psychologist about his problems. However, he never once told Dahae about his feelings for her, fearing that she would hate him or feel disgusted. It was sinful to love someone so closely related to you like a lover would. It was sick. Society frowned upon such uous relationship. No one would accept the relationship. Chanyeol was afraid he would lose his job, friends and Dahae. A man with a respectable position, having such psychological problems, Chanyeol was sure the higher authorities would not hesitate firing him the moment they found out. He was replaceable. It would be the ultimate humiliation. So he kept it to himself.

However, lately, Baekhyun and Jongin were bugging him to go on blind dates, setting him up with their single friends even when he refused. Chanyeol knew eventually he had to let them know about himself and the problem he had. Baekhyun and Jongin never understood why it was so hard for Chanyeol to forget Dahae. Well, they were about to find out. Chanyeol was ready. Ready to be judged by his own friends.

He asked his best friends out for much that day and they agreed, relieved that Chanyeol was finally eating out. They sat down at an empty seat that was rather secluded from the rest of the restaurant they were dining at. Jongin raised his eyebrow questioningly at Baekhyun, to which Baekhyun shrugged as a reply. Chanyeol looked rather nervous, shuffling his feet, playing with his fingers. Finally, Chanyeol took a deep breath and looked at Baekhyun and Jongin, who were sitting opposite from him.

"I wanted to tell you guys something important. Please don't ever judge me because it wasn't intentional," Chanyeol began, looking at his friends' expression. Both were curious and urged him to continue. "The reason why I can't get over Dahae's death is because I love her," he paused, waiting for them to question him.

"Yeah, dude. We know you love her. She's your sister afterall," Baekhyun smiled warmly.

"Yeah, who doesn't love Dahae? She's a sweetheart. She's like a sister to me,"Jongin added with an encouraging smile.

"No, you don't understand. I love her. As in love her more than just as a sister. I love her too much it's sinful. I have feelings for her, just like you, Jongin, and Soorin, and you too, Baekhyun, with your girlfriend, Chanmi. Its the same for me. It's just that I have feelings for my sister," Chanyeol explained. Both Jongin and Baekhyun were silent. Their expressions were so hard to read. He knew they were judging him, harshly maybe.

"I was diagnosed with Genetic ual Attraction five years ago. Dahae didn't even know about it. I was afraid to tell anyone because they'll definitely judge. This isn't normal. It's sick to have feelings for your own sister," Chanyeol laughed bitterly. "You guys are judging me already," he accused them.

"No, we aren't-" Baekhyun retorted but he was interrupted by Chanyeol.

"Don't need to lie. I knew this would happen," Chanyeol sighed and messed his hair up. There was a moment of silence. "So what now? Are you guys disgusted of me?" Chanyeol dared himself to ask.

"No man, I'm sure Baek hyung and I aren't disgusted of you. Afterall, it's still love. Love is one of the purest feelings that exists. I'm sure your intentions were good. You took great care of her," Jongin said warmly even though he had trouble trying to accept it.

"I just had to tell you guys. So please stop forcing me to go on blind dates. There's only Dahae for me. No one else," Chanyeol pleaded.

"But, Chanyeol, you can't dwell in the past. One day you'll have to move on. Believe me when I say this, Dahae wouldn't like seeing you all depressed like this. Definitely she wants you to have someone who will be with you, loving you every waking second. Everyone needs love to survive, Chanyeol. Everyone needs someone to depend on," Baekhyun spoke in a firm tone. "All I can do right now, is to pray that you will find a better person," he added, looking into Chanyeol's eyes defiantly.

Chanyeol was still stubborn as usual. However, Baekhyun knew that Chanyeol was going to find himself a soulmate whether he intended to or not. Maybe it might intentional or coincidental. Baekhyun could only hope for the best. Jongin remained quiet during the rest of the conversation. He felt guilty for bugging his friend. Too guilty. The atmosphere was sombre. All three gentlemen ate in silence, not sparing a look at each other. They were not joking around or talking like they usually did. Everything felt wrong. Everything felt uncomfortable. Everything felt forced.

Was everything going to fall apart now?

{Sungielove's note♥}

Okay, so hey.. I'm back. Sorry for not updating for the past two weeks. I was busy with class tests and now Mid-Year Exams (MYEs) have started. I'm pretty unfortunate because my math and chemistry paper falls on my birthday, 8th May. Oh, Taozi's birthday was on the second. And Baekkie's birthday is on the sixth. Argh, celebrate it with me, EXO! Wait maybe me and Baek should have a couple day like Kaisoo. The seventh of May would be officially declared as Baekhyun-Diana Day. Lols. I apologise for being wacky. Anyways,

TAOZI, MY BABY ASSASIN PANDA, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY. Yup.

Oh and lately, I've been losing my ideas due to my limited brain capacity. I apologise once again. I've got no inspiration. After exams, I would try my best to update more..

I've got inspiration for another story and pretty much its a tragic love story between Byunbaek and an OC. Slight Hunhan too. Should I post it?

with love,

Diana (My real name.. just so you know)