“Umm. .”

 

Well, this is awkward. Baekhyun just looked at the man a few feet away from him in the hallway as the man did the same. What freaks him out is that he doesn’t know why this feels so awkward. Maybe it’s the way that the other man keeps avoiding his eyes or something.

 

“Hey Chanyeol.” He also doesn’t know why his voice sounds so timid, because usually when he’s speaking with Chanyeol, he is anything but shy and timid. You see, there was just something about Chanyeol that just made him comfortable.

 

“S-so. .Yeah, are you heading to the club meeting now?’ he asks Chanyeol when he realizes that the lanky (yet surprisingly has a good body) poodle won’t return his greeting.

 

“Uh. .I’m actually heading off to something this afternoon. I’m going to use one of my meeting passes.” He fidgets, holding up the red card that signifies the pass.

 

They had these few meeting passes that allows them to skip meetings.

 

“Oh. .” Baekhyun says, honestly trying to hide the evident disappointment in his voice. “Okay. .see you around.” He gives a lazy salute in an effort to sound casual, and Chanyeol gives him a small smile in return.

 

Baekhyun watches the fleeing back and scratches his head.

 

What the happened?

 

Did he do something wrong?

 

He thought that they were already cool because Chanyeol was normal (well as normal as he could be) when they were in facebook last night.

 

A blue flyer on the ground catches his attention and he picks it up.

 

“After Class Swimming Lessons.”

 

His brows furrow as he sees the small notes encircling the title of the flyer.

 

Do this for Baekhyun.

 

Baekhyun paused, confused. What? For him?

 

Then he realized how he made fun of Chanyeol for wearing floaties and scuba gear when they were in the gym, and he just wanted to punch himself right in the face, but of course he wouldn’t do that because first, he would look weird suddenly punching himself like that, and second, he wouldn’t risk smudging his already perfected eyeliner.

 

. .

 

Of course. Chanyeol couldn’t swim! Why didn’t he realize it before? but he still tried to swim in the pool because Baekhyun asked (forced) him to the day before they went to the gym (swimming was Baekhyun’s favorite sport).

 

He slightly remembered Chanyeol’s stiff expression when he was in the water. So that’s why he looked so uncomfortable.

 

SHIIIIITTT

 

Now he really feels like . .

 

He tightens his hold on the pamphlet and immediately dashes towards the male who was almost by the school’s exit.

 

“WAIT! Chanyeol!” he calls out, making the said male’s head snap towards him, eyes wide.

 

Baekhyun held out the blue pamphlet, signifying that ‘yes, he knows that he can’t swim’ and Chanyeol just wanted to shrivel up until he’s just a single-celled organism and disappear from the earth’s lithosphere because gosh. .this was embarrassing.

 

Chanyeol expected him to make fun of him or something, or laugh his head off.

 

But instead, Baekhyun just flashed him a smile and said.

 

“I wanna come with you.”

 

Chanyeol just dazedly nodded, yet somehow, he felt his heart flutter, even for just a second before returning to his sulky state.

 

---

 

 

Chen nervously pops his head inside the door of the club room. Even he knows that he’s messed with Kris waaay too many times, and that -face was hella scary. But he just can’t help it. Trolling with the huge blonde male was too easy. And funny, not to forget funny.

 

And Chen has always been braver online, probably because nobody can beat him up there, no matter what he says.

 

But this is different, and Kris can definitely beat him up.

 

Shiit. .he feels bad, but he hopes that Kris’ hives are still going strong.

 

He shifts his eyes across room and the sees that only Xiumin, Luhan, Kyungsoo, Suho, Kai, Sehun and Yixing were there. The room was perfectly Krisless.

 

He inwardly thanked Tao for scaring the out of Kris.

 

He confidently strode inside the clubroom, knowing that he was, indeed, safe.

 

“Yo! Guys what’s up.” he bellows with a grin.

 

But instead of the usual mutters of  ‘you’re too loud you little piece of ’ or ‘you’re annoying’ or ‘nothing much’ from the others, what he gets is a half-amused look from them.

 

“You. .are so dead.” Kai says, looking right behind Chen.

 

Oh . .

 

. .

He’s behind him. .

 

“Hello ChickenChenChelada.” Kris says in a low and scary voice from behind him, making Chen snap his head and scream his lungs out like one of those stupid girls in those horror movies who die first.

 

Chen gulped as he saw the pure anger in Kris’ eyes, add that to the -face, and you get a very scary combination. The only thing worse than an angry Luhan is an angry Kris. He frantically searched the room for the beacon of hope: Tao. Maybe that panda can scare away Kris’ anger, or better yet Kris altogether.

 

But no such luck.

 

“He’s not here.” Xiumin whispered, and if Chen wasn’t so afraid, he would’ve rolled his eyes. No Sherlock.

 

“Face or balls.” Kris said bluntly.

 

“What?” Chen asked, though he clearly knew what he meant.

 

“Pick where I’m going to hit you.”

 

Shiit. .

 

The rest just stared at the exchange, some wanting to stop it: Suho and Kyungsoo, some getting excited: Kai, Luhan, Sehun and Xiumin (Ugh. .those bastards) and some who just didn’t give a and just kept sleeping: Yixing.

 

“Um K-Kris?” Kyungsoo meekly interjected to probably calm Kris as he rised slightly from his seat. Oh good Lord. Thank you for bringing Kyungsoo back to the club.

 

Kris glared at the doe-eyed mom of the club.

 

“What?”

 

“Uh. .nice hair.” Kyungsoo mumbled, returning nervously back to his seat, flashing Chen an apologetic glance.

 

Damn,  who knew Kyungsoo was such a chicken?

 

Well, he kind of brought it upon himself, he was going to answer ‘Face’ and get it over with because his lineage is way too precious.

 

But apparently, Kyungsoo’s little comment slightly raised Kris’ mood.

 

“Ooh. .you noticed?” Kris touched his locks gingerly. “I used this special kind of wax to do this. A magazine I read said that this hairstyle gives me a 20% appeal boost to about 80% of female population.”

 

“What about the other 20%?” Sehun asked.

 

“I don’t know, maybe they have bad vision or something.” He shrugged and then gestured to his hair. “I mean, have you seen how perfectly styled my hair looks?”

 

They all just stared, they didn’t have the heart to tell Kris that it just looked like plain old bed hair which was two times messier than normal. But hey, what do they know about fashion?

 

Then it hit Chen.

 

The secret to negotiating with Kris is of course:

 

Girls.

 

“Hey Kris.” Chen calls out, voice sounding more confident than he actually was. “How about you don’t punch me at all?’

 

Kris snapped out of his vain self and reverted back to anger mode as he glared at Chen. “Who said anything about punching? I’m going to kick you.”

 

“Nice. .” Chen gulped. “B-but what about a negotiation?”

 

Kris smirked, oh holy smoked salmon with raspberry coulis, smirk plus -face plus angry eyes equals a veery scared Chen.

 

“What negotiation? You want me to kick and punch you?” Kris tauntingly said, edging closer towards Chen.

 

Took a while for Chen to regain himself.

 

“How about I get you a date before the day ends?”

 

Kris scoffed. “Oh please, what would you know about getting dates?”

 

“Judging by the number of girlfriends I had versus yours, I pretty much’ll say my knowledge is definitely more than yours.” He stated, pretending to casually pick on his nails. He failed to notice the apparent shock a certain baozi was experiencing at his revelation.

 

Ha, he’s awesome at bluffing. He’s never really had a girlfriend before, but he knew girls, heck he grew up with them. His dad was always away, so he had to live with two pubescent and highly high-strung sisters and his mom. He went through his childhood traumatized by period blood stains everywhere, stepping painfully on spikey headbands laying on the floor and sitting on the glue of fake lashes. It’s a miracle that he didn’t turn gay.. . (yet).

 

Chen could see that Kris was inwardly debating which would be the better option.

 

“Fine.” Kris said reluctantly, making Chen do a pathetic victory dance in his head. “But if you don’t get me a date by the end of the day, I’ll kick your balls.”

 

Chen flinched at the image.

 

“Er. . Can you just punch my face instead?”

 

Kris smirked, a diabolical glint in his eyes. “Nope, a kick in the balls.”

 

Chen decided to rely on his awesomeness (or luck) and nodded.

 

Kris clapped a hand on Chen’s shoulder. “Say goodbye to your lineage.”

 

---

 

 

The members were now in the park, since they thought that picking up girls in their university would probably get them suspended for ‘disruption of peace’ or ‘being totally stupid’ or something, said Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo really didn’t approve of this, but he guesses it’s better than seeing Kris kick Chen in the balls.

 

They also managed to squeeze out information from Kyungsoo on how they can sneak out of school without being caught from the student council members, apparently there was this specific route that is called the “council blind spot” where there weren’t any student council members patrolling.

 

And now Kyungsoo felt like a traitor, but Oh well, that feeling dissipated when they were getting excited on how exactly Chen would pick up girls. Everyone was watching intently when Chen bound over to an average-looking girl (probably in hopes that her standards wouldn’t be too high either). Everyone was looking except for Yixing, who returned back to sleeping, but instead of the clubroom’s couch, he settled for a park bench with adequate shade, making him resemble something closer to a bum.

 

“Hey.” Chen said ‘suavely’. Good thing Chen had a smooth voice that redeemed his lack of height.

 

The girl looked at him with interest and Xiumin kind of wanted to claw her eyes out. . .er.. he means, just slightly scold her for being too easy.

 

“Did it hurt?” Chen asks, and the members rolled their eyes. That has GOT to be the most used and clichéd pick-up line of all time.

 

“When you fell from heaven?” he added. Making everyone face palm.

 

“Oh chen. .prepare your balls.” Kai muttered, feeling a slight sympathy for Chen’s crotch.

 

Kris just looked on excitedly, kind of wanting Chen to fail, but also kind of hoping that he would get a date by the end of the day. Either Chen would fail or not, it was still a win-win situation for the tall blonde.

 

But for some glorious reason that they all couldn’t fathom, the girl actually giggled and fluttered her eyes.

 

“Like what the is wrong with that girl?” Luhan marveled.

 

Just when they thought that Chen would actually succeed on his first try, the said male just had to ruin it.

 

“You fell right on your face right?” Chen said right before he broke out in a fit of giggles. But even before the troll could finish laughing, he already felt a hard stinging smack on the cheek.

 

Chen rubbed his slightly reddening cheek while looking at the girl’s retreating back. He headed towards the members, who were huddled as a group near the bench Yixing was sleeping on.

 

“What the hell was that?” Luhan, Xiumin, Kai and Sehun broke out into bellowing laughter.

 

“That was rude Chen.” Kyungsoo frowned.

 

“You almost got her and you just had to do that.” Suho face palmed as he clapped his palms on Chen’s shoulders. “Do you not care about your balls?”

 

Chen would’ve liked to retort that he, in fact, was a normal pain-feeling man, of course he would care about his balls, but he just sighed instead, slightly disappointed in himself. “I’m sorry, I just couldn’t resist.”

 

Like really, maybe trolling is some kind of addiction, he just really couldn’t stop himself from saying that.

 

Kai shook his head after recomposing himself from laughing. “Once a troll, always a troll.”

 

“Well you know what they say: One Jong-a-dae keeps the hot girls away.” Xiumin piped in, making everyone pause for a bit.

 

“Hey,. ..is it just me? Or was Xiumin’s pun kind of. .actually, slightly. .funny?” Luhan said, a bit shocked yet proud of his best friend.

 

Kai patted Xiumin’s back. “You’re doing better my friend.”

 

Before Xiumin could even boast about his finally-funny joke or before Chen would rat out that Xiumin just reused that joke, Kris spoke up.

 

“Hah? Are you sure you’re going to get me a date? Or are you just stalling your inevitable pain?” he taunted, slightly amused by Chen’s fail but doing a good job at hiding it.

 

“Relax your probably expensive boxers and just wait.” Chen said indignantly.

 

Kris crossed his arms and sat down on the edge of the bench, near Yixing’s feet and looked at Chen impatiently. “Hurry up, and I wear briefs not boxers.”

 

Luhan winced. “Uh. .too much information dude.”

 

Chen went over to Kai and subtly pointed him into the direction of a decent-looking girl surrounded by her friends. “See that?” he said turning to Kris. “To prove to you, with my help, Kai will get that girl’s phone number.

 

Kai guffawed. “Please, I can get her phone number even without your help.”

 

They all wanted to disagree and call Kai a conceited , but they had to admit he was right.

 

“Yeah.. everyone knows that Kai’s a man so it’ll probably be a piece of cake for him.”

 

“Hey.” Kai whined. “I would prefer man . .I don’t get paid.”

 

Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes at the tanned male. “There is seriously something wrong with you. You’re lack of shame is beyond me.”

 

Luhan smiled. A veeryy devious idea popped into his mind, something that can surely make him laugh.

 

“Hey what about Sehun?” Luhan interjected, making everyone pause. Sehun looked at him with a glare that said ‘What.the..is your problem dude?’

 

This suggestion seemed to have piqued Kris’ interest, because Chen would NEVER be able to help Sehun get a date. No offense to Sehun though, it’s just that Sehun just screamed unsuave, wiry, I hate exercise and I’m a college freshman and I just want somebody to hold me.

 

Chen put an arm around Sehun’s shoulders and swept the other in an arc majestically in the air.

 

“Today Sehun, you become a man.”

 

“um. .How about no?” Sehun deadpanned. This can not be good, for him anyways.

 

“Come on. .” Chen negotiated.

 

“No.”

 

Sehun heard a snicker, a snicker that would immediately make him agree to take on any challenge: Luhan’s snicker.

 

Sehun tsked. “What do I have to do?”

 

“Okay. .listen carefully.” Chen instructed.

 

---

 

 

Sehun was standing awkwardly about 3 meters away from the ‘target’ and her group of friends. He looked stressed. Probably because he’s 140 % sure that he’ll just plainly embarrass himself from what Chen instructed him to do. No way would this work. It was so lame that maybe even Kai wouldn’t be able to pull it off.

 

Chen looked at him and urged him to go on with his hand gestures. Sehun groaned and trudged his way closer to the group of girls. He walked, .he walked. .until he was only a foot away from them, they started to notice him but he kept walking. He went past them now. Ok. .keep walking.

 

*Clang!

 

Yep, that sound was the sound of his body hitting the metal post near them. He fell right on his , just like how Chen told him to and pretended to wince. The girls giggled at his complete display of patheticness but his ‘target’ still decided to lend him a hand to help him up in between her giggles.

 

He looked at Chen. .

 

What the ? It’s just how Chen predicted.

 

He took her hand, and (clumsily) stood up.

 

“Are you okay?” The girl asked, eyeing his lanky frame which she thought was apparently weak enough to be completely knocked down by a post.

 

“Ugh. .yeah.” he gulped. . .he really doesn’t wanna say it. He saw Chen from the corner of his eye mouthing; Say it dammit!

 

“Umm . “ he trailed off. . this will be so lame.

 

“Uh sorry, it’s just that, when I. .I.”

 

Uh . .he can’t say this.

 

He really shouldn’t.

 

Ah it, she’ll probably never see him again anyways.

 

“IwassoenchantedbyyourbeautythatIdidn’tseethepole.” Sehun said in one breath, ears becoming a very tell-tale shade of red.

 

Sehun can just feel them laughing and face-palming behind him.

 

Seriously, Luhan is gonna pay for this.

 

Despite his rambling, apparently the girl still understood him, and instead of laughing at his face or telling him to get lost. What do you know? She smiled, making her group of friends go ‘oohh’ behind her.

 

She friggin smiled at that pick-up line.

 

Sehun subtly turned his head towards Chen who was giving him a thumbs-up.

 

Could it be?

 

Is it really possible?

 

That Chen is a freakin’ genius?

 

He decided to push his luck even further and say his next lines, he fished out his phone and unsurely held it out for her, head hung low.

 

“So yeah. .er. .um. .uh. .I-I’m going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.”

 

Oh damn,. . that sounded stupider than he thought.

 

He felt relief wash over him as he felt his phone sliding out of his grasp and saw the girl typing out her number.

 

She gave Sehun a smile.

 

“Your soo adorkable.” She giggled as she gave him back his phone. “Call me.”

 

Sehun gave a dazed nod.

 

He’s adorkable all right. .minus the ‘a’ and the ‘able’. So he really doesn’t know how that went well.

 

Holy mother of boneless chicken. Chen really is a genius.

 

After a few minutes. Suho managed to get 2 phone numbers. Kai got 5. Luhan got 3 and even Kyungsoo was forced to get 1. All because of Chen.

 

Xiumin for some reason really didn’t want to try, he was, for some reason, a bit sulky.

 

Luhan looked at the three small pieces of paper that indeed held 3 legit phone numbers, and then at Chen who just smiled smugly.

 

“You can all call me master.”

 

“How do you do it?” Kyungsoo asked, again, he’s really against this whole thing because he feels like it’s objectifying women (he’s a feminist but is a dude. Weird right?), but curiosity just seeped into him. Because never in his life has he gotten a girl’s phone number, well, he never tried getting one before, but still.

 

“Well, it’s all strategy my friends.” Chen said, tapping his temple. “Sehun looks like a weak awkward boy, so I figured that we could use that, so I gave you that totally lame pun that made you sound even more awkward. Chicks love awkward and seemingly innocent dudes.

 

“Where do you get all this?” Sehun asked. For some reason, it was kind of making sense.

 

“Yeah, Chen, where do you get all this.” Xiumin said, a slight pout and a strange bite in his voice present.

 

“I grew up with three women (and the internet), ‘nuff said.” Chen replied simply. He turned to look at Kris. “So, you trust me now?”

 

Kris didn’t want to admit it, but Chen really might be the ultimate wingman, with a pick-up line courtesy of Chen, in mind, he went over to a normal looking girl. Chen said to start your standards average, then work your way up.

 

“Hey.” Kris said, smoothly leaning his palm on a pole and did a subtle-hair flip. Nice Kris nice, girls love hairflips. Look at Bieber.

 

The girl looked at him with slightly wide eyes and Kris inwardly praised himself because maybe it was because he was so handsome.

 

“Can I ask you somethi—“ but before he could even finish his pick-up line, the girl cut him off.

 

“Sorry, I don’t like .” She said, holding up a hand to stop Kris.

 

Kris wanted to face palm. Just his luck.

 

“So your lesbian?”

 

“No.” the girls said indignantly. “I don’t like like you.” She added curtly as she walked away.

 

Kris just stood there. .dumbfounded.

 

What the ?

 

Did he just get dissed?

 

He just got dissed wasn’t he?

 

 The club members who was watching the whole fail, wooped and laughed as they came closer to the insulted blonde.

 

“Would you like some Teramysin to go with that burn?” Xiumin asked, he totally stole that joke from Chanyeol.

 

“That was tough dude.” Kai put a hand on Kris’ shoulder as he tried to keep his laughter in check. After Kris snapped back to his senses he turned sharply to Chen and held him by the collar. Not too roughly though, but just enough to look threatening.

 

“You sabotaged me didn’t you?” he hissed.

 

Chen looked at him weirdly. “Dude, you didn’t even get to say the pick-up line and you already got rejected. So how was that my fault?”

 

“Maybe she just really didn’t like your face.” Luhan interjected.

 

“Excuse me? How can she not like this?” Ktis retorted, letting go of Chen and pointing to his face. He knew that he was being a conceited little by having a fit, but he was jut so frustrated. It worked for everyone else, but why not for him?

 

“Maybe girls just aren’t for you.” Xiumin said, trying to practically tell Kris that ‘idiot, don’t worry about picking up girls because you’re obviously gay.’

 

“What?” Kris snapped. “If not a woman, then who am I supposed to spend my whole life with?”

 

“Um. .you know. .maybe something that starts with a T, and ends with an O and has A in the middle.

 

Kris furrowed his brows, annoyed. “Why the would I wasn’t to spend my whole life with a tomato?”

 

Gah. They just wanted to slap some sense into this blonde airhead.

 

---

 

 

Xiumin didn’t know why, but he was seriously bothered by how much Chen knew about picking up girls. Maybe he had like a ton of girlfriends already and just didn’t tell them.

 

He means, Chen isn’t the most handsome man out there. He was short, a wuss for germs and is a troll. But he also has a good jaw line, a sense of humor, a smooth voice and an ‘I don’t give a ’ kind of attitude that just makes him--. .ehem, he means girls admire him.

 

So he doesn’t know why it only struck him now that yeah. .maybe that dumb troll is popular with the girls. But, . .it’s perfectly none of his business, right? Yeah, he’s Chen’s close friend and all, but it’s Chen’s choice to tell him or not. And why the hell is he so bothered by the image of Chen surrounded by swooning girls?

 

So, to get that image out of his mind, he suggested something that would entertain him when Kris failed his 4^th pick-up line.

 

“Hey. .I have an idea.” He said, making everyone in their circle look at him. They were now seated in a circle in the grass. Trying to brainstorm, they didn’t show it, but they weren’t really heartless and were still pretty much concerned for Chen’s balls.

 

Kris’ face was in his palms, clearly confused as to why he’s the only one who can’t get girls, even Sehun, Kyungsoo and Suho got one. So why couldn’t he?

 

“Don’t girls love gay dudes?”

 

Everyone looked at him weirdly

 

“What?” Luhan asked, weirded out by Xiumin’s statement.

 

“My sister reads those fanfics about gay guys and she just can’t stop squealing about them.” He shrugged.

 

Kris looked at him, a bit apprehensive. “Where are you going with this?”

 

“So, why don’t you. .you know, act gay?” he stated. “Then pretend to break up afterwards and have them ‘comfort’ you or something.”

 

They all looked at him, okay. Maybe that was a bad suggestion. But the more his words sunk in, the more it kinda made sense.

 

“What kind of ty nonse—“ Kris started but was cut off by Kai.

 

“Dude! That’s genius!” he exclaimed. “I’ve always noticed that girls just loved it when I showed skinship wi---umph”

 

Kyungsoo’s hand found it’s way to Kai’s mouth.

 

“Don’t wanna hear it Kai.” He rolled his eyes.

 

“Hmm. .maybe it could work.” Suho pondered. “But it’s really stupid.”

 

“Yeah. .” Chen nodded. “It’s stupid enough that maybe it could work.” He was so desperate to not get kicked that he would be agreeing to any idea by now.

 

 “What? Hell no. .who even said that I’d be doing this?” Kris grimaced. “That’s so weird. .me and a dude? Impossible”

 

“Don’t worry Kris, it’ll soon happen, .as soon as you and Tao get your heads out of your asses” Chen mumbled, rolling his eyes. Good thing the blonde didn’t hear it.

 

“Come on Kris. It’s worth a shot.” Kyungsoo said, again, he doesn’t like deceiving people, but Kris and his girl problems are kinda getting annoying. The sooner they get this over with, the better.

 

“Yeah, maybe this could be your ticket to buttloads of dates.” Kai said.

 

They could see that Kris was starting to crack.

 

“What’s better.  Possible Second dates.” Chen added.

 

Kris’ eye flinched. Yep, they got him.

 

“Fine.”

 

“But who’ll play Kris’ ‘partner’?” Kai voiced out.

 

“Yeah . .who would be best to play it?” Suho rubbed his chin in thought. “It must be someone petite, smaller than Kris.”

 

They nodded. “Yeah, and kinda girly looking. .” Chen added.

 

Their heads slowly turned to Luhan, who immediately glared at them.

 

“No chance in hell.” He hissed. He was a bit, or maybe a whole lot offended that they would deem him as ‘girly-looking’. He stood up and went out of the circle. “I’m just gonna head over to the bathroom and kick the out of something now.” He said in his ‘sweet-yet-inside-I-want-to-kill-all-of-you’ voice of his.

 

“Ugh. .yeah. .damn, Forgot Luhan was sensitive about that.” Kai rubbed his neck, as he did, his eyes kind of met Sehun’s slight build and kind of feminine features.

 

Oh hell to the friggin no. He ain’t doing this. After he just got confessed to by an Asian hulk, and after that pretty much mentally traumatizing dream he had about Luhan, he was starting to get a tad bit homophobic.

 

“Hey how about Se—“

 

“I really really need to pee!” Sehun exclaimed as he stood up and just ran with the intention of getting somewhere where the club members and their stupid ideas won’t reach.

 

“Damn.” Kai whistled. “Pretty sharp, that one.”

 

“Well, I guess we have no choice, Chen you do it.” Suho said.

 

“WHAT!?” both Kris and Chen exclaimed.

 

---

 

 

Luhan managed to get to the other side of the park, far faar away, from the stupidity (but not before kicking the bathroom trashcan until it overturned . .*sigh he should really start managing his anger). He was now sitting in a bench, honestly still seething about that whole ‘girly’ implication they have on him. He’s been called a baby-face, a kid, and girly waaay to many times.

 

He just wants to give the entire world the finger.

 

He tries you know?

 

He only wears dark colored clothes, drank all that milk to get taller and even played soccer for a bit. But everyone still thinks that he’s still unmanly. They think of him as a reaaaally reaaally tall middle-schooler Heck, his facebook name is TheLuhanMAN, and still nobody gets it.

 

He sighed for the umpteenth time when he felt somebody tug on his sweater’s sleeve.

 

He figured that it was probably a club member so he roughly pulled his arm away.

 

“Just leave me alo—“

 

Oh crap.

 

It was a kid. No, not like a figurative kid like Chanyeol but a real kid. She would’ve been considered cute if she didn’t look like she was just a minute away from crying.

 

“Uh. .uh. .” Luhan stammered.

 

. .. he’s awful with kids.

 

“Where’s your mom?” he asked, bad idea, because it just made her burst out in tears. She started sobbing into Luhan’s sweater and he just wanted to ask her if she could just stop doing that because this is his favorite sweater.

 

“Waaaaah!. .I-I can’t find her.” She said in between sobs. Luhan awkwardly patted her in the back. Not really knowing what to do. Because he cannot emphasize enough that he’s horrible with children. He means, what topics are you supposed to use when you talk to children? If you can’t talk about sports, politics or T.V shows then what the are you supposed to talk about?

 

“Uh. .o-okay. .” he made out.

 

Damn, . .the social norms of society and his conscience really calls for him to help, but he really doesn’t want to.

 

“Uh. .wanna go and find her?”

 

Stupid conscience. .

 

“B-but she t-told me to wait for her h-here.” She sniffed, slightly calming down from her sob session.

 

If she told you to wait here, that what the hell is the problem? But of course, he couldn’t say that. He’d be a mean person.

 

He awkwardly patted the park bench.

 

“You can sit here with me if you want?”

 

Luhan wanted to give himself a pat on the back. When did he get so nice?

 

“B--but I want my mommyyyyy!” she sobbed again.

 

GAH! Stop with crying!.

 

By now, Luhan was already panicking.

 

And here he was, trying to be nice and all.

 

Just when he was about to snap and shake the girl out of crying, somebody lifted her up by the armpits into the park bench. The said person knelt down until he was eye level with the girl and gave her a smile, immediately making the girl stop crying.

 

“What’s wrong princess?” Sehun smiled. And honestly Luhan was shocked. Apparently Sehun does have something over him; handling children.

 

“M-my mom,. .” the girl timidly said, a blush creeping into her cheeks.

 

Well I’ll be. .the little devil has a crush on Sehun.

 

That escalated quickly.

 

Sehun gave another on of his uncharacteristically cheerful smiles, showing his cheek dimples and crescent-shaped eyes. Well I’ll be. . Sehun actually looks less annoying when he smiles.

 

Sehun gently patted the girls head.

 

“Come on, you can tell me.” He said as he furrowed his brows in a pretend angry expression. “Or did that meanie over there do something to you?” He added, eyeing Luhan playfully.

 

The girl gave a slight shake of her head.

 

“My m-mom, t-told me to wait for her here, but I d-don’t know when she’ll come back.”

 

“Hmm. .” Sehun pouted. “Do you want me to stay with you?”

 

The girl’s eyes sparkled and Luhan had the greatest urge to scoff. What the , when he offered she cried, but when Sehun offers. .she goes all googly eyes.

 

Sehun hoisted her up again as he sat down on the bench next to Luhan and put the five year old in his lap. They kind of. .a teensy tiny bit. .look. .sorta. .adorable like that. And again, only a little bit. Sehun looked happier than he’s ever been as he talked to the girl about rainbows and unicorns and all lose frilly , like they didn’t only meet each other this afternoon.

 

Oh. .so that’s what you talk to kids about. So maybe Yixing would be awesome at this.

 

“Just wait patiently for your mom, okay princess?”

 

The girl pouted. “My name isn’t princess.”

 

Sehun chuckled.

 

“But you would want to become one, right?” Sehun piped, smiling brightly at her.

 

“U-huh.” The girl blushed again.

 

“Then I’ll call you princess.”

 

Luhan wanted to roll his eyes. Sehun was so sweet he could’ve gotten diabetes. Like what the hell, what happened to that expressionless idiotic slacker? Sehun was getting all chummy and friendly with that kid, and he was right there, awkwardly sitting a comfortable feet away from them.

 

Sehun put the plastic bag he was carrying on the bench and got out two canned drinks, it was just supposed to be for him and Luhan, but he offered the girl a drink anyway.

 

“Would you want one?”

 

Sehun handed one to Luhan while he popped the other can open for the girl.

 

“But what about yours?” the girl pointed out.

 

Sehun smiled. “I’ll just buy mine later.”

 

‘Princess’ went down from Sehun’s lap and headed over to the vending machine only a few meters away from them. She briefly turned around and beamed at Sehun as she held up a crumpled dollar bill from her pocket. “I’m gonna buy you one okay?”

 

And Sehun’s heart could’ve melted right there and then.

 

As they watched ‘Princess’ pick out Sehun’s drink Luhan finally spoke up.

 

“So. .you and kids huh. .” he started.

 

“What about me and kids?” Sehun’s bright and cheerful personality from earlier completely disappeared as he reverted back to his usual poker-face self.

 

“You’re good with them.” Luhan said, and he kinda feels annoyed that he admitted it out loud.

 

“Well, they’re cute. .” he looked wistfully at ‘princess’, his eye-smile back. “And I’ve always wanted a little sister.”

 

Luhan was about to say something along the lines of ‘then what an unfortunate girl your sister will be’ but then he saw the label in the can and grimaced.

 

“Uh.. milk tea.”

 

“Yeah. So?”

 

“I hate milk and I hate tea, so this would probably be the most awful drink in the face of the planet.”

 

“What?” Sehun looked at him incredulously. “Are you even Asian?” he held out a hand. “Give it back then.”

 

Sehun popped the can and was about to take a drink. “So, you haven’t tried milk tea yet?”

 

Luhan nodded.

 

“Ever?”

 

“Yeah. .ever.” what the hell is the big deal?

 

Sehun smirked. “Heh. .wuss.”

 

Luhan, annoyed by Sehun’s comment, took the can and gorged down the whole contents in one swift motion as to minimize the taste. But then, he regretted it because, damn,. .that . .that was hella good.

 

“What the is this??” Luhan marveled as he tipped the last drops of the milk tea in his mouth. “And why am I only tasting this now?”

 

“Um. .what is ?” Princess suddenly appeared, eyes sparkling with legit curiousity, a milk tea can in hand.

 

Luhan and Sehun’s eyes bulged in response.

 

“.” Luhan mumbled accidentally, covering his mouth immediately afterwards.

 

“Hmm? What is ?”

 

Sehun face palmed right before he looked at Luhan with a look that said ‘Nice going poo-mouth.’

 

“Hmm? what does and mean?” she said innocently, making Sehun and Luhan cringe at hearing a 5 year old say those profanities.

 

“Um. .uh. .”Luhan stammered, he looked at Sehun, silently asking for help, his pride can wait. But Sehun just smiled smugly in return, clearly enjoying the sight of Luhan panicking.

 

Damn you Oh Sehun. .

 

“H-how old are you again?” Luhan says with another awkward smile.

 

“five!” she cheerfully answers.

 

Luhan fidgets for a bit, but then sighs.

 

“Ahh. .what the heck, you’re probably gonna do it eleven years from now anyways.” Luhan shrugged.

 

Sehun’s eyes rounded as he roused slightly from his seat to look at Luhan, who was mentally preparing himself to tell a five year old girl what exactly ‘’ means.

 

This idiot is actually going to tell her?

 

“Now listen. .when uh. .a man. .and er. .a woman are. .uh in love. .” Luhan starts and Sehun has to hold his left hand with his right to keep it from hitting Luhan’s stupid stupid head.

 

Now as much as he liked seeing Luhan crash and burn, he can’t trade the girl’s innocence for his pleasure.

 

“Um. .actually is actually what we call this. .er drink.” He lied over Luhan. He stiffly raised the milk tea can and laughed awkwardly. He’s horrible at lying you see. He leaned in closer to Princess and whispered. “But don’t spread that word okay? It’s a word only we can use.”

 

“Like a secret?” the girl beamed.

 

Sehun winked. “Yeah. . a secret.” He said as he lifted Princess back on the bench and handed her her drink as she did the same for him. Right after they had finished a panting voice came towards them.

 

“Sunmi!” a pregnant woman in her thirtees came rushing towards them. At the sound of her name, Sunmi sprang down from the bench and headed to her mom.

 

“Mom!” she clung on to her mom’s hand.

 

After smiling at her child, her mom turned towards the two males.

 

“You must think I’m really irresponsible for leaving her like that.” She said sheepishly.

 

Yeah. She WAS friggin irresponsible, but they couldn’t tell her that.

 

She rubbed her rounded stomach and chuckled. “It’s just that it seemed Jr. over here didn’t like what I had for lunch.” She confessed and Sehun and Luhan held back the urge grimace and say ‘Too much information lady’.

 

She bended slightly down and put her hands lightly on Sunmi’s shoulders.

 

“Now Sunmi, did you bother these two?” she said slightly sternly, but Sunmi just shook her head enthusiastically in response.

 

“Nope all we had was a good .” She said with an angelic smile. “And it was so yummy!”

 

Luhan and Sehun almost choked on air.

 

“Oh my God. .” Luhan gaped.

 

Sehun face palmed for the umpteenth time that day.

 

Sunmi’s mom’s face was indescribable. It looked like a red version of a blowfish and an owl hybrid.

 

When Sunmi realized that everyone was looking shocked at her she immediately gasped and covered . She turned towards the terrified two and flashed an apologetic smile.

 

“Oh no. .I-I told her our secret.”

 

And there goes another face palm from Sehun.

 

Luhan just stared, unable to even start explaining, mouth opening and closing like fish out of water. Because oh gosh . ..they were screwed.

 

“I’m gonna call the cops.” Sunmi’s mom fished out her phone.

 

---

 

 

Operation: Act gay to get girls was now in it’s preparatory phase.

 

Xiumin was their director and told them how to act like a gay couple. When asked how exactly he knew how gay couples acted he just guffawed and looked at them amusedly “Well, I’ve had relationships before.” He lied. He purposedly looked at Chen to see his reaction, but the troll was too occupied grunting in pain when Kyungsoo started fiddling with his hair.

 

Damn, .

 

“You had gay relationships before?” Kai gawked.

 

“No! of course not. B-but probably gay relationships aren’t that much different from normal ones.”

 

Of course, like Chen, he was just bluffing. The reason is actually because he got addicted to this cheesy romance drama recently. But hell no, he wasn’t admitting to that.

 

Xiumin told Chen to act all feminine, so he made Chen take off his contacts and don his rarely used bottle-cap glasses. He also even combed his lion’s den of a hair. That bastard took Kyungsoo a good ten minutes to comb through.

 

“When did you last comb your hair?”

 

“Comb? What is comb?” Chen joked, earning an eyeroll from Kyungsoo. Though he passed it off as a joke, he really did comb his hair regularly, it’s just that he bathes about two to three times a day, so his hair probably got dry and .

 

After controlling his urge to punch the members after taunts like ‘Waaaah! Chen’s the girl!’ and bowing to him, mockingly saying: ‘Harry Potter, the chosen one.” In reference to his glasses, Chen lightly slapped his cheeks.

 

Throw away your pride Chen, for the safety of your balls. You’re the only guy among your siblings and the Kim surname needs to live on. But he guesses he shouldn’t really worry because hot damn, there were as many people surnamed ‘Kim’ in Korea as people named ‘Billy’ or ‘Joe’ in the U.S.

 

He felt his glasses slide off his nose as someone took it away, making his vision turn into random blurs of color.

 

, he hates not being able to see.

 

He turned to look at the perpetrator, who seemed to be Kai.

 

Kai put the glasses briefly on himself before immediately pulling away and rubbing his eyes in apparent pain.

 

“, you must be blind.” He said, trying to fight back a migraine.

 

“Well, even when I’m ‘blind’ your still ugly.” Chen deadpanned as he yanked his glasses back and quickly put it back on.

 

“Woaa. .You look. .nice.” Xiumin says after Kyungsoo was done with Chen’s hair. He eyed Chen’s glasses clad face and anti-messy hair.

 

“Well, I am pretty fiiiine.” Chen nods with a smirk like a sleazebag.

 

Xiumin rolled his eyes. “No, like nice, as in I-am-not-a-ing-annoying troll.” He clarified. “NOT nice as in handsome.”

 

Chen purposedly tuned him out and pinched his freakishly chubbeh cheeks. “Aww. Wittle Baozi thinks I’m Handsome.”

 

Xiumin’s nose flared as he purposely blew air on Chen’s hands, making Chen yank his arm away.

 

“EWW! Germs!” he cried out, garnering weirded out looks from the other members. You see, Xiumin’s the only one who knows about his germaphobic ways.

 

Xiumin made an annoying face. “I didn’t brush my teeth after I ate that burrito for lunch too.” He said tauntingly, making Chen grimace.

 

Kai raised his eyebrows apathetically at Xiumin. “Wow dude, You’re so badass.”

 

After getting instructions from Xiumin on what to do (Chen was going to break-up with Kris, leaving Kris devastated and apparently vulnerable. Girls swarm over vulnerable men like flies swarm over a light bulb), Chen and Kris started preparing themselves mentally for what they were about to do.

 

“Praah! Praaah! Praah!” Chen bellows.

 

“What the hell are you doing?” Kris eyes him.

 

“It’s my vocal exercises.”

 

Kris sighs. With someone like Chen, he doubts this will work. “Let’s just get this over with.”

 

They head on over to the benches and sit a comfortable foot away from each other, but then they heard someone hissing. They turned to look at their director.

 

“Closer!” he mouthed, making exaggerated hand gestures.

 

Chen and Kris looked at each other.

 

Ughh. .

 

“For my future wife.” Kris mumbled to himself as he grudgingly edged closer to Chen.

 

“For my balls.” Chen muttered as he did the same. Their shoulders were now pressed together. Damn this is gonna be awkward.

 

Chen followed the script and turned to look at Kris, holding the blonde’s hand.

 

“U-um. .I know that we have been together for more than a year but. .” he started, face somber and serious. He changed his voice to fit the role but it just sounded weird.

 

“What the is wrong with your voice?” Kris whispered, trying to keep his face still in character.

 

“I’m acting moron.” He whispered back, keeping his somber face.

 

“You sound like a frog who got kicked in the nuts.”

 

“What is up with you and kicking nuts?”

 

They heard another hiss, and again it was from Xiumin. Who was clearly unhappy on their performance.

 

“Anyway.” Chen, who fortunately for Kris, dropped the fake voice, said. “I’m breaking up with you.”

 

Kris looked around, no girls were watching their little performance, so he tugged on Chen’s arm.

 

“No one can hear you”

 

“I’m breaking up with you.” Chen said a bit louder, still no one would look.

 

“I’M BREAKING UP WITH YOU!” he exclaimed, making everyone in an eight meter radius look at them.

 

“Uh. .that was probably too much.” Xiumin mouthed to them again.

 

“No .” Kris exhaled, right before he went back in character. He feigned a look of shock.

 

“Uh. .you’re supposed to look shocked now.” Chen leaned in a bit closer to whisper to him.

 

“I am.”

 

Chen tried to hold back a grimace. “What? Who are you? Kristen Stewart? Show some emotion here.”

 

Kris ignored him and squeezed Chen’s hand (painfully), to threaten him to continue.

 

“I-I’m really sorry that we had to break up this way.” Chen mumbled, he didn’t have to raise his voice since the girls were looking at them now anyway. He pushed his glasses up higher on the bridge of his nose for added effect. He could already hear the girl’s ‘aaw’ing in the background.

 

“Wow. .Chen’s a good actor.” Suho commented.from afar.

 

“Well, those years of lying for pranks were bound to yield results.” Xiumin sighed.

 

“B-b-but.” Kris stuttered (just like how Xiumin told him too.) But Chen wanted to laugh because Kris sure does at acting. He sounded as devoid of emotion as a broken robot.

 

Kris (again per Xiumin’s instruction) ran a finger through Chen’s cheek. Making him and Chen get littered in goosebumps. This was so uncomfortable that Kris was scared of getting his hives back. . .this better get him dates.

 

“I-I love you so much that. .” Kris trailed off, he reeaaally didn’t want to say the next line. “That when you slept, I recorded your breathing. .and now. .it’s my ringtone.”

 

. ..that sounded stupider when said out loud. He looked at Xiumin with eyes saying ‘Where the do you get this ?’.

 

He ‘carressed’ Chen’s cheek and he was sure that he and Chen just gagged inside.

 

“.” Chen muttered as he almost straight out grimaced, but he kept his character. “This is so ing weird.” But then he cleared his throat and followed the script again.

 

“I- I just don’t feel the same way anymore Kris.” Chen said loudly again, and put his hand atop of the one Kris placed on his cheek and transferred it on his chest.

 

“But you. .you’ll always be in my heart.” He paused for dramatic effect as he faked a sob. “Forever.”

 

Kris couldn’t hold back a snicker anymore. “Dude. . your hearts on the other side.”

 

Chen narrowed his eyes and quietly retorted back. “You just had to ruin the moment eh?”

 

The others were watching Chen and Kris’ display of apparent ‘affection’ with both amusement and apprehension. Now, Kris was holding Chen’s head near his chest. It was clear that both of them just wanted to punch each other and they could even faintly hear Chen whispering curses as he said “Damn Kris, did you borrow Kai’s whole supply of axe body spray? Your smell is making me nauseous”, but the girls watching them completely bought the whole act.

 

“This is cheesy as .” Kai voiced out, holding in a laugh.

 

Suho grimaced. “Uh. .watching them is making me nauseous.”

 

The others were commenting and laughing at the scene, but Xiumin just stayed silent. He wonders how it would feel if. .if he was the one, holding Chen like that. To have a moment with Chen that isn’t all about quarreling and trolling.

 

Wait what? What is he thinking?

 

When the two broke apart and Kris was left to ‘wallow’ in the misery of their ‘break-up’, girls actually came to sit with him. They heaved a sigh of relief.

 

They went over to Chen who was hiding behind a tree.

 

“Hey, you’re safe man.” Kai smiled at Chen as he jerked a finger towards Kris’ direction. He was walking away with three girls in his arms.

 

Chen turned just in time to see Kris subtly turn towards them and mouth.

 

“Let’s do this more often.”

 

But no. .No way in hell will Chen be doing this. .ever. He needs a good bath after this. He thinks that that axe body spray clung to him.

 

When they arrived in the clubroom, only Xiumin, Chen, Suho, Kyungsoo and Kai were there.

 

“Where the hell is hunhan?” Xiumin asked as he munched on a bag of chips, he’s been kinda moody after Kris and Chen’s little show. Even if it was his idea.

 

“Probably in the closet again.” Kai guffawed as he wriggled his eyebrows suggestively, earning a smack in the arm by Kyungsoo (he’s been told about Sehun and Luhan’s complicated relationship).

 

At that moment Tao came in the room with a smile one his face, he looked around the room and saw that several members weren’t there. He seemed to be looking for one in particular.

 

“Where’s Kris?” he asked, uncharacteristic smile still present on his face.

 

“Err . .he’s” Chen started as he searched for the others’ look of approval to continue.

 

“Because I’ve researched a lot of ways to lessen his hives.. .” Tao said, fishing out a hot comress from his bag and a small jug of what appears to be herbal medicine. “So that’s why I was kind of late.” He added after a slightly embarrassed laugh.

 

“Um. .Tao?” Suho said. “He’s . .actually on a. .a date now.”

 

Three dates actually. .

 

Tao’s smile slowly started to droop, as well as his shoulders.

 

“Oh.” He said, trying to put some life back in his smile. “That’s great.”

 

Then there was silence.

 

But it was broken by Kyungsoo widening his eyes slightly and saying “Hey guys, why does it feel like we forgot something?”

 

Everyone’s eyes rounded.

 

“Gosh. .we forgot Yixing.” Suho pointed out.

 

“Should we go get him?” Kyungsoo asks, concern on his face, but Kai just waved it away.

 

“Nah. .somebody’s probably woken up already.”

 

---

 

 

Later that day, Yixing found himself lying on a park bench at midnight. There was a cup right next to him with letters sprawled. “Change for the homeless.”

 

Probably some people who saw him sleeping misunderstood and tried to do him a favor.

 

Ahh. .he has such ty friends. He thought as he got the cup.

 

“Ooh. .somebody even threw in a twenty.” 

 

~^*^~

Ugh. .sorry for the laggy update guys! hahaha. and I'm so glad that the last chapter got a lot of good feedback (haha i was kind of hesitant to post it). I just loooved your comments guys! weeeeee! they make me do happy dances. I tried really hard to reply back, but maybe there were some that i missed. But i appreciate every single one of them =D

 

here is a long- chapter! hahaha took up like 28 pages in word. 0.0 didn't realize it was gonna be that long. haha

Anyways, I'm kind of unsatisfied with this. =/ idk why. haha 

BUT OH GOOSHHH!! WOOOLF! awooooooooooooooooooooooooo! oh goodness. mah  exo feels.! theyve finally comeback after like. .how many excuciating years. lol, melodramaticness over here. But still! gaaah! em so happyyy!

 

spazz! spazz! spazzity spazz!

ok. I'll stop.

 

hahah please do still comment, subscribe and upvote. xD

and please answer the poll, so that I know which couple I may have to put some attention in. But all pairings will definitely still be developed equally. =)