⇢ fandom » bap
⇢ pairing » jongup-centric, jongup/youngjae
⇢ rating » pg
⇢ wordcount » 1,420
-------------------------

it was a known fact that junhong was a child prodigy not only in rapping but also in dancing. he had started dancing in junior high and the way his limbs moved with such grace for someone his age was amazing. he attracted attention from kpop fans all over the globe because of his age and talent. jongup should be happy for him, but he’s not.

it’s not that jongup isn’t proud of their maknae, it’s really not. it’s just the fact that he was given the role of main dancer and yet the first name that yongguk mentions when someone is asked to dance for their fans is no one other than zelo. when it comes to asking about looks, jongup comes up to being very last on the list (in yongguk’s opinion) and when it comes to being talented, he’s not even mentioned. it’s either “daehyun has an amazing, soothing voice”, “himchan is ultra talented with the drums”, “youngjae is smart and reliable”, “yongguk has such a deep voice and is amazing at rapping” or “zelo is amazing at everything he does.” jongup doesn’t feel like he belongs in bap.

jongup thinks bap is probably better without him.

jongup wakes to the smell of food and the sound of junhong whining about school to someone and how much he doesn’t want to go because he’s tired.

“hyung, can i not go to school? we got back home so late last night,” junhong whines and jongup hears the familiar clattering of a backpack’s buckles against the floor.

“no, you have to go to school. i know school is a pain but it’ll do you good in the future junhong,” a voice jongup recognizes as himchan’s says and jongup could practically see himchan petting junhong lovingly.

“fine.” junhong sighs reluctantly. “has anyone woken up jonguppie-hyung yet? we’ll be late for school if we don’t leave soon.”

“crap, i totally forgot!” himchan shrieks and jongup ignores the feeling of his heart clenching in his chest.

jongup flings his blanket off his body and goes to open the door as he hears footsteps coming closer. “hyung, i’m awake,” he says as he shuffles across the hallway to the bathroom.

“sorry jonguppie, i was too concentrated on cooking to wake you up,” himchan apologizes and jongup smiles at his hyung.

“it’s okay, hyung. i’m old enough to wake up by myself,” jongup says and closes the door behind with a soft click.

jongup pretends his tears aren’t mixing with the water when he showers.

they’re in the practice room that afternoon preparing for their comeback when jongup loses his balance and lands awkwardly on his hip. he yelps in pain and clutches his injured hip with one hand.

“are you okay?” himchan asks as he scrambles to jongup’s side. “did you hurt yourself?”

jongup grits his teeth when himchan presses on his sore hip and he notices everyone looking at him with worry in their eyes. “no, i’m fine. i just slipped.”

himchan immediately grabs onto his arm when he attempts to get up and jongup bows his head further down to hide the grimace on his face.

“don’t push yourself too hard,” yongguk says and pats junhong on the shoulder as if to tell him not to worry about his hyung.

jongup worries at his bottom lip and holds back a snarky remark. “yeah,” is all that comes out of his mouth.

they continue with practice as if jongup never slipped and jongup’s pretty sure his hip is getting worse by the hour but he doesn’t stop. he can’t. they just debuted. he can’t be weak or else they’d replace him.

it would be a surprise if they didn’t.

they arrive back at their dorm at twelve in the morning. jongup immediately excuses himself and rushes to their shared room to lie down.

“are you okay?” youngjae asks after knocking softly against the door. “you don’t need to hide the fact that you’re injured if you really are, jongup.”

“i’m fine. i’m just tired,” jongup says with a small smile, hoping it would be enough to convince youngjae to leave him alone.

“don’t lie to me jongup. i’m not that dumb,” youngjae laughs softly, seriousness managing to seep through his voice nonetheless. “let me see it.”

“i’m fine, really. hyung, i just want to sleep,” jongup groans and rolls around to his side and hisses when a sharp pain shoots up his spine.

“see, you’re injured,” youngjae says as he shakes his head and gets up from the bed to walk over to his bag.

jongup slowly turns over onto his good hip and tries to see what youngjae is grabbing. youngjae turns around with a small blue bottle in hand and walks towards the younger.

“my mom gave this to me because i’m clumsy. it really helps with muscle pain. let me help you,” youngjae explains as he settles onto jongup’s bottom bunk and gently gets jongup to lie on his stomach.

jongup complies without complaint as he knows it would be stupid to argue with youngjae at this point. he hears youngjae unscrewing the lid of the bottle and hums in contentment when he feels the cool cream spread across his injured hip.

they lapse into comfortable silence as youngjae continues to help jongup with his injury and jongup is slowly falling asleep – but he snaps awake when he remembers the look on yongguk’s face. he hisses at the pain as he twists his back to look at youngjae.

“don’t move,” youngjae chastises as he looks at jongup in confusion.

“please don’t tell anyone else,” jongup says with a small voice and turns around to hide his face between his folded arms.

“as long as you let me treat your injury,” youngjae says and jongup turns around to look at youngjae but cries out in pain. “you should really stop doing that.”

“r-really?” jongup says through gritted teeth.

“yeah, you’re going to make your injuries worse-”

“no, you promise you won’t tell anyone else if i let you take care of me?”

“if that is what you want, of course,” youngjae says with a comforting smile and reaches out to pat jongup on the head when he realizes he still has some cream on his hand.

“you want to take care of me?” jongup asks before the question registers in his head.

jongup looks at youngjae with wide eyes as the elder lets out a hearty laugh. “of course i want to take care of you, jongup! why wouldn’t i?”

jongup bites his lips and turns around (slowly this time) to place his chin on top of his folded arms. “because it seems like no one ever does.”

silence sweeps over them and jongup regrets ever speaking. it’s not like it is the other members’ job to take care of him. he’s not the youngest and he should know how to take care of himself. he shouldn’t be expecting others to take care of him, especially not after signing a contract and debuting as a entertainer. he shouldn’t expect the other members to treat him like a baby but jongup simply can’t help it. he wants to get the attention junhong gets. maybe not all the time, but during times when he feels lonely, useless and not enough. jongup jolts when he feels youngjae wrap his arms under his chin and before kissing his bare shoulder lightly.

“shhh, don’t cry,” youngjae whispers and squeezes jongup with his arms.

hearing that, it was as if a dam was broken in jongup’s eyes and the tears started to flow down his cheeks uncontrollably. he hides his head behind his folded arms and youngjae continues to hug jongup tightly and whisper comforting words.

it feels like a millennium later when jongup’s sobs turn into hiccups. youngjae chuckles and kisses jongup’s nape. “you done?”

jongup nods, not trusting his voice and whines when youngjae pulls his arms away from jongup.

“wait for me and don’t move, i need to wash my hand unless you want cream in your hair,” youngjae says and laughs when jongup groans.

when youngjae returns after washing his hands he finds jongup sleeping. he smiles to himself and walks over to join the younger on the bed.

jongup wakes up the next morning with a smile, feeling great for the first time in a long while. he snuggles in closer to youngjae and whines when the elder smacks him on the back of his head for bumping into his nose.

“thank you, hyung.”

“shut up.”

x - lj link here.