A/N
"Speaking" 
-speaking inside the memory-
-------------------------------------------------------

All Zhou Mi heard was loud cursing and something ruffling when he entered to the Super Junior dorm.
Hastily he took off the shoes and walked to the living room only to duck out of the way quickly when a folded magazine came flying towards him. 

The source of the cursing was Kangin, who was currently standing on the sofa, cursing with eyes moving rapidly, scanning the room.

Zhou Mi cleared his throat and stepped further into the room, gaining the others attention.

"Thank god!" Kangin exclaimed happily and his face broke into a relieved smile.
"I was afraid I'd have to wait until evening till someone got home, but now you're here and I..
You're a lifesaver you know that? Maybe it's some Chinese thing, you know. Hangeng always seems to come at the most critical moment to save us.."

"Kangin-hyung...what are you doing?" Zhou Mi interrupted the ranting before it went any further, he had once made the mistake of letting Kangin speak all the man had wanted... which had eventually lasted for three hours, during which time Zhoumi learned some funny and interesting things about the Super Junior members as well as some other celebrities, and some things that he rather would not have known, but there's no use to get back in that now.

The man on the couch flinched and searched around the room again, his gaze roaming around like waiting for someone to attack, though Zhou Mi was pretty sure the other members still had schedules to take care of and he didn't see anyone suspicious in the living room.

"I..just.. Um...defending myself." Kangin smiled sheepishly, obviously ashamed of his own actions.

"From what?" He looked pointedly at the magazine still clutched tightly in Kangin's hand.
"Bees?" He suggested and walked further into the room.

"From...from butterflies..." Kangin said quietly and looked slightly to the side of Zhou Mi,
afraid of the smiling man's reaction.

"Butterflies?" Zhou ;i asked, puzzled because of the answer. 
He would understand bees and spiders..or some little bugs that could fly and bite or something like that.. but butterflies?

"Um...Kangin-ah.." 

"Look out, it's behind you!" Kangin yelled and threw the magazine, his target being the butterfly, but instead he effectively hit Zhou Mi in the face, as the poor chinese man had still been too much in his own thoughts to realize what was going on.

Zhoumi rubbed his forehead where the magazine had hit him and looked up at the older man who was now half kneeling on the sofa and uttering quick apologies.

"Don't worry, I was just taken by surprise.." He smiled and plopped himself down on the couch.
"So, why butterflies?" Zhou Mi asked while nudging the older ones side playfully.
"You're such a strong man, it's hard to imagine you being afraid on an insect."

"It's not funny!" Kangin snapped and looked down at the floor, trying to hide his embarrased face.

"I didn't imply it being funny, I meant that it was just..surprising.. everyone has fears, but I was just wondering where you got it from." Zhou Mi said kindly and smiled encouragingly at Kangin who peeked at him from under his brows.

"That..well..it's exactly because of my strenght that I'm afraid of them.."

"Why?"

Kangin sighed and leaned back, resting his head against the wall and staring at the patterns the sun reflected to the ceiling.

"Because... They are.. so fragile you know... I've always been a person who's strong and independent... but I always tried to be as kind as possible, for the ones who deserved it.
My grandmother always saw butterflies as 'Angels of the Earth', since they were so beautiful and... they always brought a joy to her face, that I never understood."
Kangin peeked hesitantly at Zhoumi, hoping the other wouldn't see him as a complete madman.

Zhou Mi, noticing this, only nodded his head to motion the other to go on.

"So, one summer we were outside having tea and a butterfly flew close to the table,my grandmother motioned for me to stay still and then she reached over and grasped the butterfly in her fist, she held it closed for a while and when she opened it, the butterfly was perched on her palm, slowly moving it's wings up and down but not flying away." 
Kangin smiled a bit when the memory flashed trough his inner theathre
"I was so fascinated by it that I leaned closer without even noticing it. I then tried to grab it, but my grandmother told me not to, since the wings were so fragile that if I tried to hold it in my fist, I might accidentally fold it's wings and then it couldn't fly anymore."

"The next summer I was already growing stonger and relied on being active and rather..forceful in my ways, but when I was over at her house, I calmed down and spent many hours in the garden, watching the butterflies that seemed to dance in their own little world there... It was always a happy time for me.. Until the next summer, when my grandmother was falling ill and couldn't get out of the house. I tried to spend as much time as possible with her, tending her, praying every night that she would get better.. then one morning my mother began saying things about heaven and painless places...of clouds and angels.. I understood that granny was about to die.. I then ran out and hid from everyone. I heard them searching for me, but I stayed hidden, until it was past mid-day.. I then went back and sneaked up to my grandmothers room. Behind the door, I heard my mother and father discussing, they were saying how sad grandmother looked, and trough the morning she had been fixated on doing a cross-stitch work and mumbling on about Angels of the Earth."

Kangin took a deep breath and fiddled with his fingers, trying to keep the emotions from flowing too strongly.

"I then felt like I really needed to let grandmother see a butterfly, just once more.
So I ran back outside and began chasing after every butterfly there was, but since I was too scared to grab them properly, because I didn't want to hurt them, they managed to escape every time.. Then I spotted a particularly beautiful one. I was quite the hot-headed even back then and since I was already frustrated,I took a hold of it rather forcefully,feeling the slight flutter of wings against my palm. The feeling was so surprising, and I was rather proud on catching it. I ran inside, hoping to show it to my grandmother.
My mom didn't stop me when I entered with torn and dirtied pants, she merely smiled weakly when I walked inside and ran to my grandmother's room."

Zhou Mi listened carefully, he had never heard Kangin speak this openly about his own life, the usual things that came from him were secrets and jokes. 
So, when listening, the chinese man felt the uneasiness that flowed from Kangin and he had unconsciously moved closer to the other and now placed a gentle hand on his shoulder in a supportive way.

"When I entered, grandmother was still doing the stitching and singing in a low-toned voice.
It sounded rather happy to me, despite her expression was the saddest I had ever seen on her face. Once she noticed me she lifted a shaky hand and smiled, motioning for me to come closer. I did so, and had almost forgotten about the butterfly when she encircled me in a hug.
I sat on the edge of the bed and smiled happily, since granny was smiling too. 

Excited, I opened my fist and showed her the butterfly, which was unharmed, despite the rough way I had handled it. She only smiled and pulled out a small plate and placed a flower on it, before handing it over to me. I gently put the butterfly there, afraid that it would fly away.
We both smiled when it stayed there, slowly moving it's wings.

I then sang with my grandmother, I don't know for how long, but at one point she coughed and I stopped singing too. She only smiled at me and with a hoarse voice asked for me to continue singing, since she loved my voice. I nodded and smiled at her, before I started singing again and she continued the work she was doing.

Hours passed and the sun began setting, my parents were waiting in the hallway outside, they had stopped in a few times and when they did, they would break in tears. 
I wondered why, since to me, it seemed like grandmother became more and more lively with each hour that had passed."

Kangin shivered a little. He felt the familiar lump in his throat and the stinging hotness in his eyes. The feelings from that day, even the raspness of his throat, it was all still so crystal clear to him.

"Then she smiled at me and put the fabric aside, the needle on to the pin-cushion with the others. 
-That, is for you, Kanginnie- She smiled and pointed at the folded fabric on her left side, the side where my grandfather used to sleep. 
-It's my gift to you, for your life- 
All I did was nod, confused and began reaching for it, when she stopped me and smiled, the hand that usually felt warm and soft when she held my hand was so.. rasp and cool, I sat back down and suddenly felt a bit worried.
-Take it later. Right now I'd like to listen you sing one more song for me .-
"I smiled at her happily, she sometimes asked me to sing to her before we went to bed and so I thought that she was doing so now too, since the room was already painted in orange and red hues that came from outside. I helped her fluff the pillows so that she could rest on them comfortably, I kissed her cheek and wished her goodnight, she only patted my shoulder and wished me goodnight too.
Content with the familiar scenario, I sat on the edge of the bed once more, asking if she had a song she'd like to hear. She only held my hand in hers and smiled, shaking her head a little and assuring me that no matter what I sang, it would make her happy." 

Zhou Mi blinked when he felt his own tears blurry a bit at the story he was hearing, the tensing on Kangin's shoulder was an obvious sign that he was holding the emotions in.
He massaged the shoulder underneath his hand gently, unable to use his voice to encourage the other. "So I sang, and watched the butterfly quietly move it's wings. I heard the gentle breeze outside and watched as she closed her eyes with a smile on her face."

"Then, halfway to the song, she coughed again, rather violently and I stopped to ask if she needed water, but she only shook her head and told me to continue singing.The movements scared the butterfly and I watched as it first flew up from the nightstand and landed on my grandmothers forehead. I smiled at this, since the butterfly also seemed to worry about her.
"As the song was almost finished, I watched as she took a rather deep breath and then I felt the grip on her hand weaken significantly. I only thought she was falling to sleep, when suddenly, I realized that the hand that had been holding mine was now icy cold, despite the small warmness that was present a few minutes ago." It took Kangin a few more seconds now to swallow down the lump from his throat so he could continue the story. His voice now more distant as he sank more into his memories.

"Worried, I tried shaking her a bit, a reflex of some sort, I think. When she didn't wake up, I thought that she was just too tired and I decided to put her hand under the blanket too,so it would get warm. But when I lifted the covers, I didn't feel any warmness and when my hand brushed against her neck it was cold too. I then tried her cheeks and they were cold as well.
Then I realized that there was no puffs of air, she truly wasn't breathing. 
I began panicking and jumped up to go get my parents,the butterfly suddenly moved it's wings rapidly, ready to fly off. I then screamed, and moved forward to grab it and only succeeded to snatch it by one wing when it was already in air.
I screamed and shouted that it was the butterflies fault that my grandmother was dead.
My parents heard the voices and rushed inside, only to find my grandmothers lifeless form and me, kicking and flailing around and screaming like no end. 
Father quickly came to my side and tried to calm me down by hugging me from behind.
I was only screaming that I wanted my grandmother back and wished that the stupid butterfly would die." 

"My mom looked at me and smiled kindly, tears flowing from her eyes as she asked, as puzzled as my dad, that what butterfly I was speaking of."
"I then rapidly explained the butterfly I brought in for her and how it was on her and then she stopped breathing and turned cold. I then began screaming again and closed my fist tight, feeling the soft wings crumbling under my fingers and against my palm." He whispers quieter now, rubbing the inside if his palm as if he could still feel the touch of the wings there.

"It's this things fault! It took grandmother away! She told me herself that they kill people and take their souls!" I had shouted angrily and tried to break free from my fathers hug.My dad was whispering sweet and comforting words to my ear trying to calm me down." He continued and took a small look at Zhou Mi, who was still listening attentively next to him.
"Mom knelt in front on me and smiled sadly, closing her hand on top of the fist I was clenching the butterfly in."
-Yongwoon.. The butterflies don't kill anyone, they just guide the souls when the person dies, I think she has explained it to you, like she did to me.It's not the butterfly that's taking the soul, they only guide them to heaven.-
Frustrated, I fell to the floor and cried, hard." Kangin continues and rubs his palms again, the sounds from that day slowly ringing through his mind. The way he had fallen down to the floor, his palms pressing to the rough wooden floor. 

"Then I wasn't in that room anymore, I was in the garden with my grandmother and she was drinking her tea again when I ran up to her and pleaded of her to tell me another story of butterflies, since she knew so much of them.
She only laughed happily and ruffled my hair before lifting me to sit in her lap and then she told me an old tale, of how people believed that butterflies guided peoples souls to heaven, thus why a butterfly had such a short lifespan, since their job was to guide the people who died to heaven."

"After that memory flashed trough my mind, I only cried silently and sat up, meeting the saddened faces of my parents."
-Yongwoon, honey.. it's not the butterfly's fault, it was grandmothers time to rest, she had been living for so long already and now she's in the place that I told you about earlier..- " Kangins expression softened as he thought back to his mothers worried and understanding gaze, both his parents knew how close he had been with his grandmother.
"My mom tried to comfort me, but I stayed silent and glared at my tightened fist, until realization hit me and I quickly opened my fist, only to find the butterfly barely moving and it's wings crumbled and folded. I panicked then..how was my grandmothers soul supposed to get to heaven now when I had killed the butterfly that was supposed to guide her."

"I cried in my mothers arms for hours until she managed to convince me that grandmother probably had an army of butterflies to guide her, since she had loved them trough her life.
Eventually I believed her, and when mom left me to sleep, I was unable to fall into the dreamland, so I sneaked back to my grandmothers room, only the find the bed empty.
I trotted over in slow and unsure steps and crawled onto the bed, only to find the fabric she had told was mine still on the bed with a paper folded on top that had my name on it." 

Zhou Mi smiled weakly, feeling a solitary tear slid down his cheek.
He was impressed how clearly Kangin told the story, his voice never breaking even tough his body was screaming with sadness.

Kangin cleared his throat a bit and smiled too, a bit more cheerfully than Zhou Mi.

"I went under my grandmothers blanket, her fragrance embracing me, I laid there still for a while, before I reached over to the take the letter and the fabric.
The moon was shining bright, enough to lit the whole room. The letter was written by my grandmother, I don't know when she placed it there, but I knew her handwriting."

*Youngwoon, 
this is my advice for you to your life, since I know I wont be there by your side when you grow up, but I will always be watching over you.
Remember what I told you about the butterflies and how they represent the Angels and guide souls.
They also symbolize love, since love too is fragile and easily broken if you handle it too roughly. So,when you grow older, remember that no matter whom it is that is dear to you, your friends or family or lover, treat them with respect and kindness. Never let yourself be walked over, but don't walk over anyone either. We all have our place in this world.
Don't hate people that you don't like, since the people who do things that seem to make you angry at them, are only the things that you don't want to see in yourself, thus you should be grateful to them too, for guiding you into the direction of the person who you want to be.
I know you will understand this when you're older, and I hope you will have a happy and healthy life, do what ever makes you happy, find good friends and a partner.
I know you love to sing and dance, and you're blessed with the talent. Keep going forward, don't ever waver in your step, because that will make you fall down. 
Instead take each step bravely, then if you notice you have done wrong, you can follow the path of footprints and find the place where you have left your path.
I will watch over you everyday, so remember to smile for me.
Remember, when you find that special person, hold on to them and treat them with the same carefulness you did to me.
This is not a final goodbye, because we will surely meet again someday.
When ever you're lost, just call for me and I'll be there to guide you.
I love you, my little butterfly. 
~ your grandmother*

"Eventough I didn't understand the letter completely back then, I cried and laid down, quiet tears escaping my eyes, until I finally smiled, feeling her love embracing me still."Kangin breathed in a shaky breath and cleared his throat again, eyes red and glistening.

"That was a sad, but beautiful story.." Zhou Mi whispered after a few moments of quietness, still impressed on having heard such a huge part of his huyngs life, and he then decided than Kangin had exactly the right name for him and he indeed lived along with his grandmothers advice.

"What was inside the fabric?" Zhoumi asked when he realized that Kangin had skipped that part in his story.

"A cross-stitch picture of a butterfly." Kangin said quietly and smiled.
"So, that's the reason I'm afraid of butterflies. I don't want to hurt those angels, they're so fragile, beautiful and fascinating. They seem to always bring a happy expression to people, no matter where they fly, and I respect them more than anything."

"Just like Leeteuk-huyng?" Zhou Mi said kindly, eyes twinkling with understandment.

"Yeah..just like..No wait what!?" Kangin startled when he caught what Zhou Mi had actually said.
"Teukie-hyung has nothing to do with this.." 

"Sure he doesn't..you just like to call him an angel the most among us and the redness on your face is just anger,right?" Zhou Mi smirked at the man and poked him in the side.

"Yah! Be more respectful!" Kangin bellowed and swatted the others hand away.
"I just told you a very precious memory of mine and this is how you treat me?"

"I didn't mean to mock you,I swear." Zhou Mi raised his hands up in a surrendering motion
"I am honored to have heard such an important part of your memories." He smiled gently at Kangin and stood up before walking towards the window.

"But you really shouldn't be afraid of hurting us or especially Leeteuk-huyng..."
Zhou Mi moved his hand along the glass in a swift motion and walked back to stand in front of Kangin.
"I know how much you care of that angel that's sometimes too absorbed to notice himself, I know how much you value and protect him, so why are you afraid of hurting him?"

"Because...he is like an angel and it reminds me of butterflies and I will only end up hurting him.." 

"Aish! Aren't you a stubborn one. How long have you known him now for? 5 years? 6 years?
Haven't you two been close to each other since the beginning. Didn't you feel the need to protect him since a long time ago? You've never hurt him before, so why would you hurt now?"
Zhou Mi placed his hand on his hip and stared down at the other man, waiting for a reply.

"I'm just...It's just..." Kangin gazed upwards at the smiling chinese man.
"I'm just afraid, ok!" He snapped and looked to the side, feeling very uncomfortable with the discussion they were having.

"Ok. I get it.. have you ever tried to get rid of that fear?"

"What?" Kangin quickly turned his head back, realizing that Zhou Mi had had his hand closed gently by his side for the whole time.
"You didn't.." He trailed off and swallowed a lump in his throat, gaze fixed upon Zhou Mi's fist.

"I did. And so will you." Th other replied determined and grabbed Kangin's hand before the other had time to protest.

"Ah! Oi! No you won't...please.. it's only going to die if you..." He tried pulling his hand away but stopped when Zhou Mi turned his palm upwards and placed his own hand gently above it.
Kangin could now hear the quiet sound when the butterfly's wings reached to touch Zhou Mi's hand.

"Are you ready?" Zhou Mi asked him in a playful, yet serious tone and began releasing his fingers one at a time, a wing brushed Kangin's palm and he winced, but was too paralyzed to move in fear of hurting the butterfly.

Zhoumi took off all his fingers until he was cupping the butterfly against Kangin's slightly shaking palm.
He then released his hold on Kangin's wrist and slowly slid his hand upwards and guided Kangin's fingers to curl around the butterfly, Kangin fought down the urge to twitch and whimper every time the wings brushed against his skin.

They both stayed silent, until Kangin eventually began relaxing and Zhou Mi smiled at the sight.

"Maybe we should release it outside.." He suggested and Kangin nodded and walked over to the window that Zhou Mi was already opening for him.

He put his hand outside and slowly unclenched his fist and looked at the butterfly that was perched on his palm, the wings that slowly moved up and down reminded him of his childhood and he watched happily as the butterfly took off.

"See, you didn't hurt it... just like you haven't hurt any of us..or Leeteuk." 
Zhou Mi said quietly.
"You're hurting him the most when you don't believe in his strength.."

At the name of their leader Kangin turned around and smiled a little at the man in front of him.

"I'm just afraid I will...eventually..." Kangin looked out the window once again, startled a bit when arms wrapped around him in a warm hug.

"Then you can just follow your grandmothers advice and follow your steps to find the mistake you made." Zhou Mi patted the man's back.
"Isn't it better to regret something you've done, rather than regretting and pondering what could have been."

Kangin, too touched by his friends words could only hug him back and whisper a quiet 'Thank you'

Zhou Mi wasn't surprised when he heard Kangin thank him, the other had always been polite towards him. What surprised him was the hands that were wrapped around him. The hug was truly warm and gentle, protective even and Zhou Mi knew that Kangin's grandmother could be proud of his grandson.

"Ok, now that we have conquered your fear of butterflies, how about we have some coffee and discuss on how to get rid of your fear of angels?" Zhou Mi smiled his watt-smile at Kangin and began moving towards the kitchen.

"But...we just did so..I'm not afraid anymore.thanks to you." Kangin said and took a few steps after Zhou Mi.

"You're not?" Zhou Mi grinned over his shoulder.
"Good! Then we can go straight to the point of how to make him your own angel, sitting at your palm just like that butterfly did." 
Zhou Mi quickly skidded over to the kitchen, when angry hissing came from behind him.

"Just exactly what are you implying.." He muttered after the man, but smiled never the less, he couldn't be happier that it was Zhou Mi who had found him today, he doubted he would have told his story to anyone else.
And judging by the look on the chinese man's face, he wasn't kidding on the Leeteuk part.
Not that Kangin minded it,though.

/Grandmother, Hope you will still accept my path even if I go this way, I'll promise to keep an close eye on this angel, just like you told me to/
After that, Kangin could swear he felt warness around him and faint sounds of butterfly wings enter his ears and he couldn't help but smile in relief.
His grandmother was still there and now all that was left at his side was their leader, his most precious person..his angel on earth.

He walked happily into the kitchen, not noticing the single butterfly that flew up from the windowsill.


- - - - 
I know it stumbles at some part, but it was difficult writing these two in such an.. warm - friendly scenario :'D since this fic kind of had a mind of it's own and it's very far from the quick and short comedy skit that was in my head when I began writing..
Hope you still enjoyed it ^^