Kris was lazing around on the couch, lifted his head a little to stare at Tao’s direction. “Hmm?”

“How long have we been dating?”

Kris furrowed his eyebrows, trying to remember. “Around 9-10 months. I guess. Why?”

“Nothing,” Tao muttered softly. He smiled in thanks before retreating back to their bedroom.

“Taozi?” Kris called.

Tao stopped on his tracks, feeling how his heart still beats like crazy hearing that nickname being said lovingly by Kris.

“Is this about the date of our anniversary? I already set an alarm on my calendar, dont worry. Should i forget later, i’ll be reminded by the alarm so i wont miss it.”

Tao laughed. “No, it’s not about that,” he said. “I already know that you’re not good in memorizing dates so i wont protest if you do forget, ge.”

Kris chuckled. “Am i that bad?”

“Yes, you are,” Tao said a little louder in a joking tone, as he opened their bedroom door. When he was sure Kris couldn’t hear him, he added, “You’re the worst, Kris. How could you still act like nothing happened, like you still love me that way?”

He could feel tears forming, so he took deep breathes to calm down.

“You’re stronger than this, Tao,” he chanted himself. “You’re not going to fall now. Not yet. This is nothing. It’s nothing,” he whispered, yet his heart felt as if it was crumpled. Gripping tightly on his hurting chest, Tao lied down facing the wall so he could deal with his despair by himself.

People say to do other things to distract mind from thinking about upsetting things, but Tao thinks otherwise. He believes that everything was made for a reason. That living life to it’s fullest means he must feel every emotions without complaining. Just like he must feel happiness, he too must bear the sadness, not shielding away from it, and that’s what he did. When his mind wandered to every events happened in his life, he let it, smiling at a happy memory, and letting out heavy breaths at painful memories.

As if on cue, Kris’s figure appeared in his mind. Tao smiled, even though he could feel his eyes watering. The reason of his happiness, and his misery as well. You, mister, I should hate you right now but I know I would love you still, his mind whispered. You jerk, Tao gritted his teeth.

It had been a while since Kris started to act slightly uneasy around him. It was not obvious, but Tao could feel the small changes in Kris, knowing him too well for their short dating time. He wished Kris would tell him, because that’s what lovers do, right? Comforting each other..

Tao went to analyze his behaviors. He did realize that mostly, all he did was acting like a spoiled kid around Kris. He whined all the time, clinged on Kris whenever Kris opened their apartment door, complaining about how his wushu lessons and Kris’s job took their time together, wasting money that Kris brought (Kris said he wouldn’t mind, though), and never ask whether Kris had any bad moments through their life. Surely even though they were living such a happy life, one must had bad moments, right? Tao himself had many bad moments—almost all the time, he would admit, because some of his bad moments were so silly—and he always had Kris to support him. Was that why? If that so, he is willing to change. He will be more mature, he will stop whining, he will be good, he will be the one Kris can trust his problems into.

If i do that, everything will be okay again, right?

Tao himself was unsure about that.

* * *

a/n: short chapter. I just HAVE to put this sad scene.. next i'll post the reason why Tao cried.... TTmTT