Author’s Note: What am I writing orz I’m so sorry for this T_T

 

 

 

 

 

Luhan wasn’t really fond of yearly resolutions.

Unlike him, his friends were quite eager whenever the end of year was near. Minseok would clap his hands in excitement because the end of year meant Christmas and New Year and it meant a long holiday. His resolution was simple: to be happier than the years before. Yixing would just stare at Kris blankly—usually it was because he forgot what he was about to say or ask. He was determined to try and not being so forgetful anymore but seeing the past years, maybe he didn’t try hard enough. Jongdae would give Zitao longing glances and mutter quietly to himself—something about wanting to have a boyfriend. It had been his resolution for the last two years but whenever someone confessed to him, he turned them all down.

While Luhan’s, well, he just wanted to be better than last year.

Better at what, he had no idea because nothing was considered significant as a change. He was still stuck at the same workplace, same position, same salary. Luhan thought of quitting his job, but he liked the quiet environment. His boss, despite the fact that he was Korean, was nice and kind hearted to everyone—and what was more important than a nice work environment?

He was still hanging out with the same group from three years ago—not that he would want it to change, though. Just having the six of them was irritating enough, the thought of adding another friend into the circle caused a headache. Luhan batted his eyelashes at Minseok’s laugh and stared absentmindedly with his arms folded on the table. His friends were drowned in the chat about their plan of watching the fireworks on new year’s eve—something that had become ritual for the six of them. But this time, it would be different because Kris’ crush—who turned out to be a Korean—would come to celebrate new year with them.

How Kris even found someone outside Beijing, Luhan didn’t want to know. His face scrunched up for a moment at the thought of a stranger hanging out with them, but sooner or later they would get girlfriends or boyfriends and it couldn’t be avoided. He inwardly sighed and sank lower on his seat. Apparently Kris’ resolution was to get along and to be a better person for his boyfriend-to-be. Everyone seemed to be awestruck because it was the first time for Kris to be this determined for someone.

Luhan wondered if he would ever find someone he liked.

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

It was funny to think that no matter how much he wanted to avoid it, he never could.

Sometimes, he wished to just stay home, away from the crowd while everyone was celebrating and welcoming the new year. But every year on the night of December 31st, the plan was certainly just a plan because his friends would cheerily show up by the door to drag him away from the comfort of the blanket. Luhan would weep dramatically at their appearance and Minseok snorted at him everytime he did.

That year, it was no different.

Luhan had already anticipated their presence by dressing up neatly. He wore a simple gray sweater and a dark colored beanie for warmth and quickly dashed out of his house when Kris’ car came into his sight.

All the way to the fireworks, Jongdae gushed at how new year’s kiss would bring good luck throughout the year. Luhan frowned slightly because he recalled Jongdae telling them the same thing last year. No one seemed to pay attention because they were all drowned in their own thoughts. Kris looked utterly nervous about meeting his so-called-boyfriend (But wasn’t it just a crush yesterday? Luhan blinked) and it amused Luhan to no end because come on, duizhang never got nervous. Jongdae gave up talking because no one listened and puffed his cheeks in annoyance as he gazed outside. The male seemed terribly bemused at how dense Zitao could be. Jongdae had been giving him hints but yet the younger of the two never seemed to realize what it meant.

(Maybe Luhan should just force those two to kiss later).

When they finally arrived at the said place, the place was over crowded but it was expected.

Luhan casted a glance at his wristwatch. Midnight was near and the fireworks should start in a few minutes. Everyone around him was engulfed in cheery laugh with their friends or families. No one seemed to bother about yearly resolutions and stuffs at the moment—they just wanted to have fun. Luhan found himself smiling bitterly at the view. Even though there were a lot of people and his friends beside him, he felt just a bit...lonely. Maybe what Jongdae wished wasn’t so bad...

Maybe he, too, wanted someone special.

The big screen by the stage showed numbers—for counting how much longer the year would end. It also kind of annoyed him because new year also meant getting older. Funny how things seemed to pass by quickly without him realizing, just like that. Everyone started counting down in excitement and the performers on the stage stopped singing to count with them.

Luhan looked sideways only to find that some of his friends were gone. He pursed his lips as he saw Zitao buying trumpet and balloons for Jongdae who bounced happily beside him. He saw Minseok staring into the sky with his mouth slightly gaped, waiting for the fireworks to be started. Kris and Yixing were nowhere to be found—the former was probably looking for his boyfriend, but the latter—oh , Luhan thought panickly. What if he forgets his way back?

The pretty male was about to stalk toward Minseok to drag him to find Yixing when all of a sudden the sky was bright colorful. Luhan looked up and his eyes widened at the blasting fireworks above him. The thought to find Yixing dissipated instantly as he marveled at how beautiful the sky was. Everyone around him cheered and their eyes were all directed into the sky. They began to count the number even louder. It was barely sixty seconds to new year.

“Let’s make a wish, guys.”

He heard Jongdae saying those words faintly behind and he instinctively closed his eyes.

Luhan frowned with his eyes closed as he pondered. What shall he wish for...?

He wished for a better career (although he crossed his fingers on this).

He wished for health and happiness (oh right, he needed to start jogging more often).

He wished to have a lovely relationship. He wished for a...a boyfriend.

Luhan’s heart skipped a beat.

A boyfriend?

He spent his time thinking if that was what he really wanted—too much that the seconds stretched by quickly. The sound of the trumpets blown loudly could be heard and Luhan winced his eyes open. Balloons and confettis filled his view everywhere his eyes went. Minseok laughed and clapped his hands as he spun around to face his friends—clearly oblivious to Jongdae’s annoyed expression that he was trying to give Zitao a proper ‘happy new year’.

“Happy new year, guys!”

Luhan chuckled and let Minseok hugged him. Minseok did the same to Zitao and Jongdae—who still looked annoyed because he was still trying to give Zitao some hints. Luhan suddenly realized that Kris and Yixing weren’t there and he looked around frantically. “Guys, where are—“

“I finally found you, hyung.”

Luhan wasn’t even able to register what was happening as he was abruptly pulled by the arm and felt a pair of warm lips pressed against his own.

Someone was kissing him.

He visibly tensed and froze on his track, unsure of what to do because the weather was cold and it was nice to have the warmth on his lips... His heartbeat accelerated at the fact that a stranger was kissing him—and the sane part of him told him that he should push the male away. But Luhan wasn’t able to do anything because the male in front of him smelled really good... And to think that it was his first kiss. Something that Luhan should save for someone special.

“Sehunie!”

It was probably the male’s name because he broke their kiss and gasped. The one named Sehun craned his neck to the source of the voice and stiffened when a beautiful male—he was really beautiful, Luhan thought absently—flew into his arms, unaware of the fact that Sehun’s hands were still on Luhan.

“H—hyung? I—I thought you’re—“

Sehun gave Luhan a look and Luhan held his breath. The beautiful male in his arms wore the same outfit as Luhan—gray sweater and navy blue beanie. Although their scarfs had different patterns, but if no one paid attention—especially in such crowd—they would surely mistake him for the other. The same thought seemed to seep into the blond haired male’s mind too because he had his eyes widened.

“He’s not serious with me,” the male wailed sadly. “I saw him kissing another guy and—and they look good together, Sehunie!”

“He what? I’m gonna go punch him!”

Sehun received a desperate headshake.

“I just want to go home, Sehunie...”

Luhan looked lost in their fast Korean. Whatever it was, he could only catch that something awful was happening because the male started to be a crying mess and Sehun looked slightly panicked. The latter turned to stare at Luhan and he visibly tensed (again).

“I’m sorry,” Sehun said in English and Luhan noticed his lisp. The former didn’t wait for Luhan’s reply as he wrapped an arm protectively around the other male’s shoulder before walking away. Luhan could only manage a nod as a late reply and Sehun’s back was the last thing he saw before they disappeared into the crowd.

Everyone fell silent.

“Wow,” Jongdae whispered. “Luhan-ge got his new year’s kiss already.”

Luhan thought he heard the younger male added something in Korean along the lines of ‘I hate him for it’ but he couldn’t think at the moment.

He could only hear the sound of his heart breaking.

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

Everyone’s mood seemed to change after the accidental kiss.

Jongdae refused to talk and he kept a safe distance from Zitao. Minseok’s cheerful smile vanished from his face and his expression dimmed. Luhan was probably the worst. He felt awful and indignant, but it wasn’t about the kiss. Okay, so it was probably about the kiss, but more because of that Sehun guy mistook him for someone else.

And to think that it was his first kiss.

Luhan facepalmed in exasperation as he leaned his back against the car. Why didn’t he shove him away? Why didn’t he snap? Why didn’t he give him a slap? Endless ‘why’s swam through his mind and he groaned in frustration. It didn’t help.

“I want to go home,” Jongdae said sulkingly.

“Me too,” Luhan grunted. “Where the hell is Kris? And Yixing—oh my God, Yixing! I totally forgot about him.”

“Sorry,” Kris said offhandedly as he appeared out of nowhere. Yixing followed closely behind him with a dazed expression.

“Where the hell have you been?”

The question was more directed to Yixing than to Kris. Yixing only stared at Luhan blankly.

Something was off, Luhan noticed, because Kris was flushing madly like he had done something terrible. If he was in his normal state, he would dig to the core but decided to shrug it off because he couldn’t wait to go home. “How’s your boyfriend?”

Kris didn’t answer as he climbed into the driver’s seat and started the engine. Everyone crawled in to their seats. Jongdae looked hesitant because he had to sit beside Zitao but as the taller male motioned him to get in the car, he obeyed anyway.

“I got stood up.”

His voice didn’t waver a bit, but Luhan could feel the hint of hidden sadness in his tone. He sighed in an audible voice, loud enough for everyone to hear and knew they were all thinking about the same thing.

It was a lousy start on new year for everyone.

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

It was supposed to be happy holiday.

Jongdae thought he would finally kiss with Zitao (after all these years), Kris was supposed to meet his Korean boyfriend (and lived happily ever after), and the rest of them would be happy (because everything went according to plan).

Sadly, no.

Jongdae still kept a safe distance from Zitao who still didn’t have a clue, Kris had visible panda eyes, Minseok was gloomy because everyone else was, Yixing looked terribly scared of Kris, and Luhan...

Luhan felt irritated.

Something was definitely off, especially between Kris and Yixing. They had been avoiding each other and both of them were aware of what they were doing (unlike Zitao who was clueless about why Jongdae would suddenly sit beside Minseok). It was Minseok’s idea to gather everyone at the usual cafe to hang out. Even though everyone came, but none of them seemed pleased with the idea.

“I’m gonna go home,” Jongdae announced as he stood up without waiting for an answer.

“Eh? Why?” Minseok looked confused.

“I’m coming with you,” Yixing said and grabbed a few bills from his shirt’s pocket before handing them over to Luhan.

Luhan stared at the money blankly. “Why are you...we haven’t even ordered anything.”

Yixing mentally facefaulted. “Oh. Right.”

“Holy !” Minseok suddenly cursed and everyone turned to him. He gave his friends a horror look. “It’s the guy who kissed Luhan!”

“The guy who...”, Kris trailed off.

“Yes, he kissed him the other day! On new year’s eve! Just came out of nowhere and suddenly lunged to catch his lips and umffff—“

Luhan clasped a hand over Minseok’s mouth panickly. He had turned crimson and gave the other male a death glare. Luhan could feel Minseok gulping under his palm, understanding the threat and he slowly let go of him. He tried to think of a reason to tell his friends, but it seemed like no one paid attention to him anymore. All of them had their eyes fixed to the slender, tall male who had just entered the cafe. Even Jongdae, who had seemed to forget the reason why he stood up in the first place.

“He’s good looking,” Zitao commented and Jongdae almost cracked his head for turning it so fast to his direction.

Kris snickered but it died the moment he saw who was walking behind Sehun. He arrantly stood up without warning and caused everyone to gasp. “Junmyeon...?”

The place wasn’t crowded at the time so the drama they made got to Sehun and Junmyeon.

Junmyeon went pale. “Yi—Yifan?”

“Oh God,” Kris breathed and hastily stepped closer. “I thought you never came to Beijing, I thought you ditched me, I thought you—“

Kris stopped talking as Sehun took a step aside to stand in front of Junmyeon defensively. The latter looked scared and hurt behind him. Even though Kris was much taller, but Sehun didn’t squirm under his gaze. The male who had kissed Luhan lifted his chin high, as if to challenge the Chinese male. “What do you want, ge?”

“Junmyeon,” Kris tried again, ignoring Sehun. “I thought you’re not serious.”

“Me?” Junmyeon squeaked. “I thought you’re not serious! I saw you kissed another male that night...that male...him!” The male braved himself to peek from Sehun’s back and pointed at Yixing. He shook his head sadly. “I flew all the way from Seoul only to find you...”

Minseok and Jongdae, who understood the whole conversation turned to Yixing questioningly and the latter gave them a ‘I’m innocent!’ look.

“It was an accident!” Kris spluttered. “I was looking for you and someone bumped onto Yixing and he accidentally bumped onto me and it just—it just sort of happened, but trust me, I had nothing toward him! I... Junmyeon, I was really worried. I thought you hated me...”

Junmyeon only blinked in confusion because Kris had spoken abnormaly fast.

“Help me,” Kris said to Sehun almost pleadingly. “Please.”

Sehun stared at the taller male lazily before sighing in defeat. “He really loves you, hyung.”

“R—really?”

“...yeah.”

Kris saw Junmyeon’s shoulders became relaxed and he took it as a positive sign. He slowly offered his hand to Junmyeon and the latter stared at it hesitatingly before reaching out to him. Kris let out a relieved sigh as Junmyeon shyly took a few steps closer.

“I’ll kill you if you ever hurt him again,” Sehun threatened.

Now that Junmyeon was in his arms, Kris got a bit brave before replying, “And I’ll kill you if you ever hurt Luhan.”

“Luhan?”

“My friend over there whom you kissed.”

Luhan wanted to dig a hole and bury himself. He wished Minseok hadn’t mentioned it earlier because clearly Sehun had done it by mistake and not by heart. Kris then left the place with Junmyeon, leaving Sehun standing all alone with his eyes fixed to their table.

Minseok threw sideways glance to Yixing. “Wow. You kissed Yifan by mistake?”

“It was an accident,” Yixing replied desperately.

Jongdae looked awfully irritated. “Accident or not, even you got your new year’s kiss,” he cried in distaste and stomped away from their table. He ignored Sehun who was still standing by the door and exited the place.

“Aren’t you supposed to go after him?” Luhan nudged Zitao not so subtly on the ribs.

Zitao gave him a puzzled look and shrugged before obeying the older male. Minseok and Yixing exchanged glances before the older of the two cleared his throat.

“Uh...we should go.”

“I’m coming with you—“

“NO,” his friends said in unison.

Luhan blinked. “No?”

“Are you insane? You have the perfect boyfriend-to-be before you and you want to go with us?”

“P—perfect boyfriend?”

“You stay and see if he makes a move,” Minseok said pointedly as he stood up and pulled Yixing by the arm. “Let’s go, Yixing. Let us eat somewhere else.”

“And—and if he doesn’t?” Luhan hissed.

“You make the first move,” Minseok yelled in a quite audible voice because he had walked away from the table. He patted Sehun’s shoulder lightly as they passed by. “Take good care of my pretty friend, alright?”

Luhan really wanted to bury a hole and die instantly. His hands curled into loose fists as he rested them on his lap. He tried to think—at least of what to do. Running and pretending that he was okay seemed to be the best choice at the moment. So Luhan carefully stood up and tried to walk away as normal as possible. His knees almost wobbled when he got closer to Sehun because Zitao was right, the male was so good looking and he was handsome and he had a tall body and a pair of nice legs and—

“Luhan, is it?”

Luhan braked himself because Sehun had just extended an arm to prevent him from walking further. He gulped nervously as he took a step back and gazed at the floor with his breath ragging. Say something, dammit. Say something. “Y—yes?”

“I’m kind of hungry,” Sehun said softly.

Luhan almost blurted out that he could cook even though it was awful but at least it was decent, but the thought of bringing a stranger to the apartment would be weird...and Sehun probably wasn’t asking him to cook. He swallowed thickly.

Be brave, Luhan.

“I—I know a good place...”

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

Luhan actually had no idea where to take Sehun.

He had a few places in mind, but he wasn’t sure of Sehun’s likes and dislikes. After a few times battling with his inner self, Luhan ended up bringing him to a Japanese restaurant.

Sehun blinked. “Japanese.”

Luhan scratched his neck sheepishly. “Um...fair enough? I don’t know if you like Chinese and you’re probably bored with Korean...” Sehun’s face stayed expresionless and Luhan mentally kicked himself. “Oh, okay, let me just take you someplace else—“

“It’s okay,” Sehun jerked his head toward the entrance. “I’m starving. Japanese is fine.”

“R—really? Cos I really can take you—“

“Let’s go inside,” Sehun grabbed his wrist and Luhan’s heart almost stopped beating at the touch.

They had to wait for a few minutes because it was lunch time and the place was already crowded. Luhan’s eyes drifted worriedly to Sehun, he was afraid the male was going to faint due to his hunger. Somehow they managed the wait and when his name was called by the waitress, both of them walked to the vacant table.

They stayed quiet even after ordering. It killed Luhan because usually he wouldn’t mind the silence but it was Sehun and he didn’t know Sehun and Sehun was the person who stole his—

Stop thinking about the kiss, dammit.

Luhan mentally facepalmed. After a few minutes that seemed like an eternity, the pretty male almost couldn’t take it anymore so he decided to speak.

“Your...”, he started and Sehun’s eyes shifted to him. “Chinese...is good.”

Sehun’s lips curved into a simple smile. “Thanks.”

“I can speak Korean too, you know,” Luhan meekly added. “Just a bit. A really, tiny bit. Thanks to Minseok and Jongdae. They’re—they’re my friends. For your information.”

Sehun leaned forward to prop his arms on the table. He looked deep in thought as he put his chin on the heel on his palm. “...when he told me he wanted to learn Chinese, I’d never thought it would be for...someone else.”

Luhan fell silent and felt his heart thrummed loudly against his chest. No, he cried inwardly. No, don’t talk about it. Sehun was obviously talking about someone else—someone that apparently was with Kris at the moment. Luhan could feel something grew in him as Sehun continued to talk in a longing tone.

“When he told me he was going to Beijing to meet a special someone, I just...felt weird. Junmyeon-hyung always acts strong and tough, but on the inside, he’s not at all. And when he was determined to go, I just...I was also determined that I wouldn’t let him go all by himself. ”

Luhan’s throat became dry. “And you...regret it?”

Did you regret kissing me?

Sehun turned to look at him, but his expression was unreadable. “I don’t know.”

It was probably an honest answer and yet painfully heartbreaking at the same time. Luhan dropped his gaze to his lap, not wanting to know anymore. He was saved from the terrible situation when the waitress came to their table with their food. They both dug into their food silently and said nothing even after they were done.

Luhan wanted to go anywhere but there because being with Sehun somehow hurt and he didn’t even know why. There was something about the tall male that made his heart beat faster. It was probably because he was his first kiss (sadly, he kept on telling himself that). And Minseok was right (again), Sehun was absolutely perfect for a boyfriend. Luhan couldn’t help but took notice that most of the girls turned their heads to swoon at his perfection. He was about to make up a reason to go but Sehun beat him to it first.

“Hyung’s already done. Told me to meet him in front of the art museum.”

“Oh,” Luhan dryly said. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

Luhan awkwardly raised a hand to wave him goodbye and planned to just dash away as soon as possible, but Sehun’s voice interrupted his thought.

“Luhan?”

“Y—yes?”

“I don’t know where the art museum is.”

“O—oh,” Luhan stammered. “You’re just gonna have to take the bus—or taxi, if you prefer—that is going for—“

“Can you come with me?”

Luhan’s resolve to run away began to waver. He almost felt inadequate because a tiny part of him wanted to be with Sehun just a little bit longer. “I—“, he paused. “I—okay.”

They ended up taking the bus because it was a lot cheaper than taxi.

Sehun tried practicing his kanji by reading everything as they passed a lot of buildings. It amazed Luhan how fluent the male was, considering the fact that he had probably started learning a few months ago—he assumed it was around the same time Kris came breathlessly to Minseok, telling him that he wanted to learn Korean. Now that he thought about it, it was probably why...

Maybe he really likes Junmyeon.

Luhan pressed his lips into a thin line to wipe the thought. He felt pathetic and somehow he understood what Jongdae felt. To like someone who didn’t like you back...

Wait. Like?

His eyes widened in realization as he stole another glance from the corner of his eyes at the male. Could it be what started the uncanny feeling? But...was it even possible? They barely knew each other and suddenly he liked him?

“We’re here,” Luhan vehemently said as the view of the art museum came into their sight. He hastily hopped from the bus and waited for Sehun to follow behind him. He then pointed at the huge building across them. “That’s the place. You’re gonna be alright from here, right?”

“I can walk you home later after I meet—“

“No,” Luhan cried desperately and brought a hand to his mouth. “N—no, I mean... No, thank you. I... I can take care of myself.”

I don’t want to see you with Junmyeon.

Sehun exhaled slowly through his nose. “Luhan,” he said contemplatively. “I’m sorry...about the kiss.”

No, don’t bring it up. Don’t.

“I don’t know about you...but I kinda like it, though.”

Luhan deadpanned. It sent a shiver down his spine. “You...what?”

Sehun earnestly smiled as he stepped closer to the Chinese male. “To be honest, when I kissed you...I...felt calm. I felt peace and serene...like nothing else mattered. I wonder...if you feel the same.”

Because you thought I was Junmyeon?

“You’re my first kiss,” Luhan whispered dumbly and wished he could’ve uttered a different response.

“I am?” Sehun looked a bit surprised and his smile got wider. “I’m honored.”

You should take responsibility of it, was what he wished to retort, but nothing came out. Luhan wanted to take a few steps back from Sehun because the male got even closer and closer to close the gap between them and his heart was trying to leap out of his chest, but it was as if his feet were glued to the pavement.

“I’m nervous right now,” Sehun admitted as he invaded Luhan’s personal space. “I’m nervous and I need...”

The male’s eyes fell on his lips and Luhan slightly nodded.

It was the sweetest kiss Luhan have ever had. It was different than their first (accidental) kiss, because this time Sehun was doing it gently, tenderly, almost lovingly that Luhan wanted to cry. Luhan hesitantly kissed back, and when he did, Sehun pulled him even closer by snaking an arm around his waist.

Luhan was the first to pull away this time because he needed oxygen and Sehun pressed their foreheads together.

“Your first kiss,” Sehun said quietly after few moments of silence. “I’m sorry. I shall repeat it.”

“H—huh?”

Everything happened so fast that Luhan almost couldn’t catch what happened, but then he felt Sehun’s lips on his forehead and everything kind of made sense.

Sehun was so sweet that it hurt.

“Be careful on your way home,” the male said softly.

Luhan felt himself falling.

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

Junmyeon and Sehun’s stay on Beijing was coming to an end.

Kris managed to bring everyone together as he introduced Junmyeon as his boyfriend (properly, this time). He looked proud because most guys gave him an envious stare—Junmyeon was indeed too beautiful—because no matter what happened, it didn’t seem like Kris would unlink his fingers from his boyfriend’s. Junmyeon didn’t look awkward with Yixing anymore. When they started chatting, they suddenly went from strangers to best friends, judging from the fact that they were giggling over something stupid.

Jongdae had recovered from his sulking time because he had his hands linked on Zitao’s arm just like usual. Minseok simply looked happy because everyone else was.

But the happiest one between them was probably Junmyeon.

The male couldn’t stop smiling and everytime Kris leaned down to whisper something on his ear, Luhan couldn’t help but noticing Sehun’s lips twitching. It kept on happening until Sehun stood up and excused himself to the restroom. Luhan waited for a few moments before pretending to walk over to the counter to order some extra cakes, but when his friends weren’t watching, he quickly ran to follow Sehun.

The taller male had just finished washing his hands when Luhan stepped into the restroom. His eyebrows were raised slightly at the sight of Luhan. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Luhan tilted his head to a side.

“Do you need to go to the bathroom?”

“No.”

“No?”

“I just...”, Luhan swallowed all of his uncertainties as he stepped closer to Sehun. “I just came to check on you.”

“...check on me?”

“Cos you seemed...uncalm?”

Sehun was a bit taken aback at the statement but did nothing when Luhan captured his lips in a chaste kiss. Luhan pulled away as soon as he did, his cheeks were red from all the embarassment but didn’t get very far because Sehun had caught his wrist in a tight grip.

Luhan fluttered his eyes closed when he felt Sehun sweeping his bangs away from his forehead. It was hurt because he somehow felt loved and yet he knew he wasn’t the one Sehun fell in love with. He braved himself to open his eyes, only to find the taller male staring deeply at him.

It was a fond stare.

“That’s very sweet of you,” he said. “Thank you.”

Luhan knew they should go back to the table because everyone would definitely wonder where they were, but when Sehun leaned forward to kiss him, he just let him.

Because he felt helpless.

Luhan felt helplessly in love.

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

Luhan was scared to see Sehun again.

Because he knew he had fallen too deep for the handsome male.

It was strange to think that he felt that way in only a few days, but Luhan had never felt like this before. His fear increased because he was scared he wasn’t going to be able to let go. Because it was not him that Sehun loved. Because their second and third kiss happened just in order to make Sehun calm and not to love him. Because Sehun didn’t live in Beijing.

Sadly, with the return of Sehun and Junmyeon to Korea, his long holiday would also end.

Minseok was starting to whine dramatically because he loved long holidays. There wasn’t any progress on Jongdae’s love relationship, but Luhan caught him linking fingers with Zitao the other day—it could be something. Yixing stayed the same.

Luhan had been declining the offer to hang out for the last few days because he couldn’t bring himself to face Sehun. He felt the disappointment in Kris’ tone, the black haired male probably thought he didn’t want to see Junmyeon. Luhan refused to come and he kept on locking himself in his room.

When it was finally the day for Sehun to fly back, Luhan cried his eyes out and sobbed helplessly against the pillow. His chest ached because he wanted to see Sehun and he selfishly didn’t want the male to leave. He stopped crying when his phone vibrated on the nightstand and Luhan tiredly reach out to it. It was probably from Kris.

He didn’t know whose number it was—it wasn’t saved in his phonebook. Luhan opened the text with a frown and held his breath.

Thank you for everything, Luhan.

It was from Sehun.

Luhan felt like crying again because he knew, he needed to say goodbye. Because at least, it was the only way he was going to be able to heal his heart. To be able to sincerely let Sehun go.

So Luhan took a quick shower and dressed up and took a taxi to the airport before it was all too late. He couldn’t stop thinking of the possibilites of what they would become. They could be friends. They didn’t have to be something more—as long as Luhan’s presence was allowed to be around Sehun, it was enough. Even though it hurt badly because he had to witness Sehun loving someone else. It might be Junmyeon for now, but who knew for the next couple of years? It could be a girl, it could be another guy.

When he finally arrived at the airport, he was glad he wasn’t too late because Kris was still there with Junmyeon in his arms. Junmyeon’s eyes widened at the sight of him and Luhan quickly pulled him into an embrace, ignoring Kris’ glare of protest.

“You’re always welcomed here,” Luhan said quietly. “Don’t hesitate to ever come back, alright?”

Junmyeon sniffled sadly and nodded. “Thank you.”

Luhan let go of Junmyeon and the male walked closer to Kris. It didn’t take him a long time to know that Sehun was staring. Luhan his dry lips before proceeding to reach out to Sehun. He tried to form a smile but failed in doing so. Luhan opened his mouth to speak and almost let out a senseless ramble but thankfully, his self control wasn’t damaged. He trailed his fingers longingly on Sehun’s cheek before they made their way to his jaw.

“I love you,” he whispered.

Sehun frowned and Luhan got worried.

Please just hear me this time.

“I—I know it’s crazy and it doesn’t make sense, but it’s real and it’s what I feel and—“

“Luhan,” Sehun intercepted and the other male stopped talking immediately. His eyes were filled with disbelief. “Why?”

Luhan almost choked as he tried to hold back his tears. “B—because you act so strong while you’re actually not...”

Sehun was stunned for a second before breaking into a wry smile. He had nothing to counter that.

“And I... I just wish I could be your everything so I could always tell you that you don’t have to feel that way...”

Luhan took a deep breath to calm down but he failed, his tears were already forming on the rim of his eyes.

“Sehunie,” Junmyeon called out softly.

Sehun glanced over his shoulder to the older male and nodded slowly. It was time for him to go. “Luhan.”

“It’s—it’s okay,” Luhan waved his hand nonchalantly because this time, it was his turn to act strong. “Always take good care of yourself, alright? Eat lots of food. Have enough sleep.”

“I will,” Sehun nodded and took a step backward reluctantly. “You too.”

Luhan chuckled even though it hurt badly inside and he nodded. He chose to turn around, because it pained him so much more to see Sehun leaving. He would not cry. He promised himself he wouldn’t cry even when he saw Sehun leaving, but it was definitely easier to be said than done. Luhan saw Kris gave him a gentle smile and he wasn’t sure if he could hold back any longer.

He would’ve start sobbing if the sudden grip on his wrist didn’t distract him.

“I’m nervous,” Sehun said sternly. “I’m always like this when it comes to flights—“

Luhan didn’t let him finish his sentence as he pulled Sehun down to kiss him senselessly. They were engaged in a longing, passionate kiss with Luhan’s arms wrapped around Sehun’s neck possessively. He didn’t care if the whole world was watching because dear God, he was so in love with this man so if he couldn’t ever have him, just let this one moment... Luhan cried between their kisses, unable to contain the tears any longer. Sehun realized that Luhan was crying and their heated ones slowly turned into chaste, innocent kisses.

The taller of the two his lips before brushing them slightly against Luhan’s for one more kiss.

“Can I call you?”

Luhan widened his eyes in disbelief before breaking into a bashful smile. “You—you would do that?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I call my boyfriend?”

“Boyf—“

“Sehunie,” Junmyeon called out again and this time he seemed a bit worried. They really needed to go.

Sehun pecked Luhan for the last time before detaching himself off of the later for real. He was already half dragged by Junmyeon who was afraid they were going to be late for the check in that Sehun had to shout. “You realize that we’re going to be in a long distance relationship, right? You do realize that I’m gonna be very demanding, right?”

Luhan felt people turned their heads to glance at him and his cheeks visibily reddened. “Y—yes. Have—have a nice flight, Sehun-ah!”

Sehun—his boyfriend—seemed to still have something to say but closed his mouth as he finally disappeared into the next room.

Luhan almost couldn’t believe at what just happened. He felt his face flaming and the impish grin from Kris didn’t help either.

“Come on,” Kris said. “I’ll drive you home.”

Luhan dumbly nodded. He was about to walk after Kris when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. His heart stuttered at the text.

I love you too, Luhan.

Maybe new year wasn’t that bad afterall.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

End.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“So...I’m glad things are finally clear between you and Sehun.”

“Yeah, me too...”

“Don’t worry. At least once—twice a year max—when he’s on his break, he’ll probably gonna be able to visit you.”

“I hope so—wait, on his break?”

“Yeah.”

“What...break?”

“...don’t tell me you didn’t know that he’s still in college.”

“He’s still in college???”

“...okay, so you didn’t know.”

“B—but Yifan, he only called me Luhan!”

“...uh...yeah, well, at least he’s taller than you.”