The heaviness in my heart is getting stronger and my anxiety is driving me crazy.  I sit at the desk, hanging my head low as I close my eyes and memories overflows my mind.  All of the “What If” questions start coming into play and the fear of losing everything I worked so hard for starts eating me alive.  I take in a deep breath as I keep on going through the pictures and articles that are dedicated to me.  I smile as I read through the comments, the words of encouragement and the picture blogging.  You make me smile without you even knowing it.  You are definitely the wind underneath my wings.  No matter the struggles or fight, you always stood by my side.  Even though I put on a smile for the world to see, the pain in my heart lately dominates all other emotions.  Tears fall as I know that eventually, one day this will have to end.  The questions continue to run though my mind as I try to hold on to all the memories.  If I lose everything, if my popularity drops, if I can’t sing, if I get a different job, Will you still be able to love me for who I am?

I want to ask you all of these questions and yet, there is not an easy way to approach you.  How do I tell you that who I am on screen isn’t really my everything?  Or that my overflowing confidence makes me even more anxious?  You say that you love me but am I really who you love?  Are you in love with the idea of me?  Do you even know the real me or is what you see in front of the camera everything you believe?  You say that you fell for me but am I really the one who made you fall for me?

Standing under the flashing lights, there is a thick shadow behind me.  A shadow that won’t ever leave no matter how many spot lights shines down upon it.  When you are in my arms, looking at me, I want to ask you these questions but I’m scared.  I’m scared of what your answers might be…

Someday, the day will come and I’ll come down from the stage where the cheers have decreased.  My shoulders droop down and my head hung low even then, Will you stand by my side?  The questions continue to run though my mind as I try to hold on to all the memories.  If I lose everything, if my popularity drops, if I can’t sing, if I get a different job, Will you still be able to love me for who I am?

So now I’m asking you…. Will you still be able to love me for who I am?