I'm Back Until I Die.

Test Review By NasSein
 

Harsh Meter: Sullen 

>>Because my name just isn't Suzy- Title 

10/10

It was original, it related to the story and it attracts the eyes of readers who are fond of reading angst.

→My autobiography isn't written like this- Foreword & Description

12/15

Though English is not your first language, the foreword/description was awesome but you should make it sound more professional, not like you’re telling your friend a story. Don’t put too much “though” because it makes it sound so beginner-like. Remember that first impressions are important. 

>>How can I be known as  Miss Mary-Sue- Characterization

17/20

→Overratedness cannot be closer- Plot & Originality 

10/20

This kind of story is a bit too usual already.
I already had a slight dislike when I read the first chapter. When you write a story, you think about the readers, right? You think about how they would like it, how they would react to it and everything else. But have you thought of readers with illnesses? Readers with friends or relatives who have illnesses? You have to be sensitive no matter what because the character can affect how they would think of themselves and how they relate to the character. If you want the character to say something, make sure it sounds biased. Say it as if he’s the only one thinking that. Don’t make it sound like ALL people with illnesses will never be normal again because it can hurt the reader.
About Taemin during the first chapter, shouldn’t he be surprised that he saw his umma when he thought his umma was dead?
Other than those, I loved the story. I loved every ending of each chapter because it made me look forward to the next chapter even though I can be there in one click. If I were like any other bookworm, I would have cried reading your story but that’s a good thing.

>>Because English is oh, the hardest to score- English Use

9/10

The open and close parenthesis weren’t necessary since you want to let the reader know that. You should use “ instead of ‘ when someone is talking. Just a tip, making a certain word italic can emphasize the word making it easier for the reader to take note of how the character wants the reader to think.

→Define the colour scheme honey- Design/Appearance

6/10

The story is supposed to be sad, right? So why put happy, bright colors? 

>>Do not disturb the sleeping beauty- Entertainment Value

8/10

I loved the story it’s just that the first chapter that really bothered me but other than that and all the other things pointed out, it was awesome.

→This is not just blue- Details

4/5

Be more descriptive when describing feelings and sights to make the reader feel what the character is feeling and to visualize what the character is seeing.

A.O.B
I seriously love your story.

Total: 76/100

Recommended for Featuring.

Additional Comments from lostredroses: 

I'd admit I haven't read your story at all. Not yet. All of this is based on your story's first page, first chapter and the review. I apologize if any of the comments below do not add up to the story and that I will be happy to make changes once you inform me of such. 

I'll be back until I die, the title itself, it's not bad. But hear this: I've asked my friends, and most of them see this title under 'horror' rather than 'angst'. And I do agree. Sometimes I see the title as this person getting revenge- and you better regret because I'd be back until I die- I ain't giving up, you know? :) Also, I found that your title doesn't exactly link to the story, since Key only came back once and to stay- as a different person, and the title is bordering on coming back multiple times until the person dies. Again, I never read the story so I don't know, but... Yeah. 

Your foreword could have been written to better fit the theme of angst. Your foreword was literally like, there. It isn't very angsty and I didn't really get into your story from your foreword. 

Similarly, your first chapter didn't draw me in as much as I expected from the title. Your plot could be better revamped and described to convey better emotions that would have moved your readers. Everything was happening as the foreword described it, and I'm guessing the angst comes from the journey of discovery and from Key himself. 

Your grammar isn't too bad, just sentence structures, I would say. For someone that takes English for their second lang, not bad at all. I'm not against your decorations and designs too, seems okay to me. I personally don't stand for character charts that describe hell lot of their characters and then just skim past those in the actual story. Details are kind of lacking too, sadly. 

Hwaiting. Practice makes perfect.