<< Raining Dogs and Cats >>  

There's a rumour that in the outskirts of town there is a demon who lives in a castle and eats the bad children of the village, but of course, rumours are rumours, and really no one really believes in such things (except, of course, the bad children who secretly fear of being eaten).  

And Zitao never really liked rumours about himself. At the rip age of 18, mentally, and 13 physically, there isn't much  Zitao takes, and listening to the villagers gossip about how he's possibly eating the missing children, is a bit much, even for him.  

"This is annoying," he says, feet dangling from the top branch of the tree as he watches a group of rowdy kids throw small pebbles at each other, screaming and hollering as if Zitao's house isn't a mere 3 steps away.  

Maybe he really should consider adding children to his appetite. Just Maybe.  

"Stop glaring" a small haughty voice coo's, black feather's glistening as he waddles along the rough bark of the tree branch, Zitao merely side-glances his pet crow Sehun in favour of glaring at the children, disregarding the black bird's words. "And stop ignoring me you asswipe."  

Zitao groans, craning his neck to stare at Sehun, "what?" 

"Wufan is coming"  

Zitao curses under his breath, glaring at Sehun as the bird cackles at his bad luck and decides that jumping from the tree right now would be a quicker death than listening to Wufan nag him again.  

Sadly Wufan spots him 0.004 seconds quicker than Zitao can jump.  

. . . . .  

Even though Wufan has a terrible face and personality, Zitao can admit that Wufan makes excellent tea and edible food.  

"Are you absolutely sure Wufan's "chocolate chip cookies" are better than my strawberry herb ones?" Kyungsoo asks dejectedly, the point of his cookie tasting like burnt proven when Sehun gurgles, close to the brink of death as Jongin shoves Kyungsoo's cooking down his throat.  

"If he dies, I will kill you Jongin." Zitao says moodily while pushing away a plate of Kyungsoo's inventions, "I would've killed him myself if I wanted him dead."  

"No killing Sehun" Wufan cuts off, voice strained and clipped, Jongin whines that's not fair! and Chen snickers something about stupid birds and stupid angry faced dog demons.  

"Just because you're stuck being a moody thirteen year old and , doesn't mean I should have to deal with your feminine mood swings." Sehun chirps, and Jongin takes the opportunity of Sehun's mouth being open to shove more of Kyungsoo's horrible cooking down his throat.  

Wufan growls, "Jongin I swear to god, stop, trying to kill Sehun." 

Zitao this time demands Kyungsoo makes more cookies. "Let's just kill him, it'll solve all my problems."  

"You have no problems" Chen chimes just as Kyungsoo skips back into the kitchen with his baking gloves on.  

Sehun gurgles and pretends to die. No one cares.  

. . . . .  

The thing about having Sehun attached to his soul, means he'll never age, meaning he'll forever look like a pre-teen whilst Wufan grows like a bad weed.  

Zitao hates being short, and Zitao hates tall-Wufan.  

"Stop sulking, you'll get wrinkles, and the villagers will wonder why a thirteen year old has wrinkles and then my job will get harder and -"  

"Can you shut up" Jongin groans from the kitchen, hands trying to make their way into Kyungsoo's pants as the said horrible cook attempts to make another round of poisoned cookies to shove into Sehun's big fat mouth.  

Wufan glares at Jongin for interrupting his lecture, and Zitao shoves another biscuit into his mouth.  

"You've eaten too many cookies today" Wufan finally says when there's coming from the kitchen and the house is being wafted by the scent of burning whatever the  Kyungsoo is making, Zitao looks at the handful of cookies in his hand, then back up to Wufan before shoving them all into his mouth. 

"No apparently I haven't eaten enough" Zitao finally says, "I'm still shorter." 

"You'll always be shorter" Sehun chimes sweetly. 

Wufan nods his head in agreement, "stop sulking over stupid things, brat."  

. . . . . 

All their problems start when Luhan brings home a cat, and Xiumin, but Xiumin isn't the problem, the cat is. 

Zitao at first was all for the idea, a cat would eat Sehun and Sehun would be gone. He didn't expect Wufan and the cat to growl and hiss at each other, and to wake up at 4am every ing morning because Wufan can smell the cat.  

"I will kill you" Zitao threatens Wufan the third night, before deducing that he's just imagining Xiumin in the corner of the room. He obviously needs more sleep.  

"This was your idea" Wufan sulks, curling into the sea of pillows Zitao likes to have, "you just had to agree to letting a cat stay. I hate cats."  

"I do too" Sehun whimpers when the cat they named '' jumps up in attempt to claw off Sehun's face and wings. Zitao suddenly likes the cat. 

"She's not all bad" Zitao defends when she attempts at it again. Wufan whimpers.  

"We are not keeping her. She doesn't belong with us."  

"I never asked you to sleep with me." Zitao defends, "I'd be more than happy to sleep with and Sehun." 

"You're trying to get me eaten," Sehun bemoans, "you're horrible. I can't believe I'm stuck being your demon."  

"I'm stuck with you both," Wufan says gravely, "and now there's a cat to add onto it." 

The problem however goes away when Xiumin and run away the next week. Luhan cries at the lost and Jongin takes over the job of trying to kill Sehun off.  

. . . . . 

"There's too much " Jongin groans that morning when Wufan is pouring Zitao and him their tea as Zitao taps the table with an annoyed scowl. Wufan tries not to comment, cause arguing with Jongin and his hormones never turns out well.  

"Not everyone is 24/7" Zitao hisses, "and not everyone has a cook that's willing to have with them every 2 seconds." 

"Not every 2 seconds," Kyungsoo protests with. Zitao ignores him.  

Sehun flaps his wings and caws, "I mean Wufan is close enough to a cook, I mean, I think he digs little boys."  

Zitao chokes on thin air, grabbing the nearest knife in attempt to launch it at Sehun's head, " off!"  

"Manners" Wufan chimes softly, his cheeks red as he places a cup of tea in-front of Zitao.  

"Holy ," Jongin curses, "he does like little boys." 

"I am not a little boy." Zitao protests with. This time, he's ignored.  

. . . . . 

Wufan is a bit over protective. Just a bit.  

"Jongin five steps away, you're taking Zitao's breathing air." Just a bit. Or a lot.  

Jongin whines, "I just want to taste him, is this really too much to ask?!" Or maybe Wufan isn't over protective at all, Zitao is just surrounded by ing lunatics.  

"You know," Luhan says in a fake-manly-voice, "I don't think Xiumin was the problem." 

"He was never the problem," Yixing says flatly, "the cat was the problem." 

Wufan makes a grave face (whilst kicking Jongin away from Zitao), "the cat."  

"Who are you?" Chen asks seriously while looking at Yixing, who's sitting on the couch drinking Zitao's cup of tea. Wufan seemingly unphased by the late weirdness occuring, chooses to just set down another cup. "I don't remember adopting an ugly ferret." 

"I don't like ferrets" Zitao says idly. Yixing glares at both Chen and him.  

"He's not a ferret you imbeciles" Wufan says seriously, shaking all previous memories about the cat out of his head, "he's obviously a hedgehog."  

"Can I be neither?" 

"I don't think so," Chen says, "he has a long ugly face." 

"I'm not any of those, and my face isn't that ugly."  

"He's definitely a ferret, I don't like ferrets, and I don't like him." 

"Should I get rid of the hedgehog then?" 

"Guys," Jongin interrupts, wrapped around Kyungsoo's left leg and possibly humping it, "I think I figured out what he is." 

"Can you stop having in the kitchen?" Wufan says mournfully. 

"He's obviously a rat!" Yixing groans. 

Taking one last sip of his tea he stands up and brushes off his pants. "I'm leaving." 

"Okay, bye" Zitao says whilst taking the rest of Yixing's carrot cake. Wufan decides not to scold him.  

. . . . . 

"I'm not sure what I should do" Zitao groans miserably, Wufan perks up from looking down at his book. "I mean, how should I kill Sehun if we can't get a cat?" 

Wufan glares at the mere mention of the word, "how about you don't kill Sehun?"  

He brushes off that idea with a wave of his hand, "that's silly," he says, "I can't live with Sehun forever. That's just... no."  

Wufan sighs, closing his book with a loud 'snap' before waving Zitao over to him.  

"What?" Zitao says cautiously, and Wufan shakes his head silently, persistently waving him over. "Okay."  

When Zitao is standing at the foot of the bed, Wufan reaches over and pulls the thirteen looking boy over by the collar of his shirt before kissing him long and hard.  

When they pull away, faces flushes and lips red, Zitao laughs. "So, you do have a thing for little boys?" 

Wufan rolls his eyes before shutting him up with another kiss. 

a/

N; wow. This is horrendously not funny.

Move along peeps.