Theres a place I used to visit every time my head hit the pillow. Nothing was impossible there. The people were different every time I came, so each time I visited I was more amazed and thankful than the last at how they let a total and utter stranger into their world with nothing but smiles on their faces. It was amazing.

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I guess I knew somewhere, on a subconcious level, that this world was just a figment of my imagination, it wasn't real, yet I could never bring myself to look at the mirror and just admit that "It's not real. You're still alone Jiyong. Nothing's different from before."
I was, I am, a coward.

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I don't dream about that world anymore, something else has taken its place. Someone. Now I dream about him. His eyes, as dark as obsidian. His deep voice. And that smile that brightens up my day. Life has become worse though, and I find myself going to sleep as early as I can allow myself to escape the nightmare that is my life. As my head falls to my pillow, his beautiful smile will take the pain away, blanketing and silencing my never ending thoughts. It makes sleeping all the more sweeter.

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I have come to be afraid of my dreams, or, should I say 'nightmares' now? They plague me with images of what I know I can never have, they haunt me with the beautiful boy with obsidian eyes. I have been staying up later and later at night to try and evade them. The bags under my eyes are becoming more prominent each passing day, and I need more and more makeup every morning to conceal them. Too many questions would be asked. I don't like questions.
I don't know how much longer I can go on like this.

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The dreams have stopped completely. He has a girlfriend, I have no right to see his face in my sleep anymore. I knew it would happen yet it still tore at my already abused heart, ripping what was left of it to shreds. She better make him happy.

That night my mind was peacefully blank, and somehow I knew I'd never dream again.
 

Goodnight, sweet dreams.