The first time Jongin and Kyungsoo kiss, it’s a drunken mistake after one to many cheap beers in the Union bar. Kyungsoo tastes like yeast with the slight tang of Dorito flavouring, and it should be disgusting, but all Jongin can think at that moment is, , I like how he kisses.

They both remember the incident the next morning, but neither one of them mentions it over breakfast, and after a month, Jongin reckons Kyungsoo just doesn’t want to pursue anything. Maybe he doesn’t want to admit he’s gay, although Jongin’s pretty sure he is. He’s seen the way he stares at that hot Spanish lecturer’s .

***

The second time they kiss, they’re marginally less drunk at a pub that is five minutes away from their dorm. This time, it’s a dare, thought up by the girl who is giggling hysterically from Joonmyun’s lap. Neither of them refuse the dare, and for one moment, Jongin’s heart skips a beat at the idea of Kyungsoo actually wanting to kiss him.

Of course, those hopes are dashed when the kiss lasts about five seconds – if that, he thinks morosely – and Kyungsoo skips off to the bathroom afterwards, almost immediately.

He avoids Kyungsoo for about a week after that. It takes Kyungsoo almost beating down his door in an attempt to catch his attention to get them talking again, but Jongin holds himself aloof. He doesn’t like the idea of this one-sided crush ending in rejection; and he’s so scared of being rebuffed that he never even considers asking Kyungsoo out himself.

Besides, he thinks, his parents won’t be too thrilled by the idea of him bringing another man home. The entirety of his family still have yet to get over his cousin Jongdae running off to China to live with some male dancer. He’d rather not alienate his parents, as they’re one of his principal sources of funding, and while Kyungsoo’s cute, he’s not quite worth that.

At least, that’s what he tells himself when Kyungsoo groggily (cutely) stumbles his way into their 9am lecture.

***

He invites Kyungsoo over for Christmas break, because his parents want to meet his new best friend, and because he knows he’s got nowhere else to go. Both of Kyungsoo’s parents work abroad; his home will be empty and so there’s no point going there for Christmas.

Kyungsoo accepts gratefully, but Jongin can’t help but feel it’s more because he’s afraid of being alone, rather than any sort of feelings for Jongin himself.

Christmas is a fairly quiet affair in the Kim household, but there’s plenty of food and presents, something Jongin enjoys. Kyungsoo seems to enjoy it too, already wide eyes becoming saucers when he sees the turkey.

“I’ve never had a proper Christmas dinner before,” he says, “if my parents were home, we always went to a restaurant for Christmas lunch because neither of them can cook.” His smile is disarming, and suddenly Jongin has the urge to give him all the things he’s missed with his unstable family life. He can tell his mother feels the same, as she piles Kyungsoo’s plate high with food, and tells him that she’ll do her best to give him a real Christmas.

Jongin supposes that’s why they’re standing under the mistletoe right now, looking nervously at each other.

Kyungsoo speaks first. “Why is there mistletoe above every door?” He asks, raising his eyebrows at Jongin. He can’t explain why his heart is beating so fast.

“It’s my sister’s idea of a joke,” Jongin replies woodenly, because he’s hurt by the look of fear on Kyungsoo’s face. Is the idea of kissing him – even though they’ve already done it two times – so repellent?

Kyungsoo’s lips quirk up into a semblance of a smile. “She has a weird sense of humour, seeing as we’re the only people in this room.”

Jongin shrugs, pushing open the door and walking in. He takes the mistletoe down, throwing it in his bin. “She knows I’m gay, even if my parents don’t. She probably thought this was hilarious.”

It’s the first time he’s ever actually admitted it in so many words, in front of Kyungsoo. It only registers that he’s basically admitted that those two drunken kisses meant more than jokes when he’s tucked in bed, trying to ignore the fact that Kyungsoo snores.

Whatever, he thinks. It’s not like Kyungsoo cares.

***

Now that he’s actually legal, Jongin decides that he wants to go out on New Year’s Eve. Kyungsoo, as his guest and supposed best friend, tags along.

Jongin hasn’t mentioned the fact that he’s gay since the mistletoe incident, and Kyungsoo hasn’t talked about it either, but there’s some sort of unspoken awareness of it as they push their way through heaving, drunken crowds to find some space to dance.

Cheap beer is replaced with overpriced mixers, and Jongin learns that whiskey should not be downed like a shot. Kyungsoo’s patting him on the back as he splutters incoherently, mumbling about Jongin needing a glass of water, when something seems to…shift.

He shakes his head. “I’ll be fine.” Is he slurring? He sounds like he’s slurring. This is about the drunkest he’s ever been, he’s sure.

Kyungsoo sits up, staring at him even though he can’t really focus on anything. “You always say that, and then you’re not.” He speaks as if he has uncovered a life-changing revelation, but Jongin just snorts.

“We’re drunk, Soo.” He says. “As long as we get a cab home, I will be fi-ne.” He drags out the last word.

A cheer starts up around them, the mass of people in the club counting down the new year in a rising crescendo.

“TEN!”

Kyungsoo stares at Jongin again, those large, large eyes impossible to read.

“NINE!”

“I never said it before because I was stupid,” he shouts, over the noise, “but…I like men too.”

“…THREE!”

Jongin blinks back at him, too drunk to understand what this means.

“TWO!”

Kyungsoo jumps off of his stool with a thud. With vodka-driven confidence, he cradles Jongin’s tired-looking face in his hands.

“ONE!”

This kiss tastes of too much alcohol and more than a little desperation, but Jongin hazily thinks it’s worth it, as his arms tighten around Kyungsoo’s waist and Kyungsoo’s hands slide around his neck.

Well, he does until he falls off the stool, but what’s the point of being a fresher if you don’t make a complete and utter fool of yourself while drunk at least once?

***

The next term starts with a bang, mainly because both Jongin and Kyungsoo forgot to start their 2,500 word essays over the holidays. This results in both of them feverishly cramming the night before, Kyungsoo angrily slamming Jongin over the head with a book about agriculture when he nearly falls asleep.

True to form, they completely ignore their last kiss, but Jongin’s actually beginning to wonder if it was a dream. In all honesty, he can’t see his reserved best friend doing…that.

But something seems different – they almost seem closer, somehow, and it confuses the hell out of him when Kyungsoo crawls into bed with him after their essays are finished. His bed is the standard (meaning, tiny) single bed handed out to first years. There’s barely any space, and yet Kyungsoo doesn’t even bother thinking about walking the five paces to his own bedroom.

“What are you doing?” He whispers sleepily, whining a little when Kyungsoo’s elbow digs into his ribs.

“Sleeping.” Kyungsoo mumbles, cracking one eye open. “You should too.”

Jongin doesn’t push it any further; he’s too tired to try and figure out what Kyungsoo’s doing in his bed.

***

They wake up at 11 o’clock; both agree this is far, far too early and immediately try to bury themselves back under the covers. They realise that this is not going to work when Kyungsoo’s knee ends up between Jongin’s thighs.

It’s an awkward situation, made even worse by Jongin’s strange, strangled yelp when Kyungsoo almost climbs on top of him to get out of the bed. Kyungsoo gives him a weird look, but goes to close the curtains anyway.

He gets back into bed without touching Jongin, who rolls right to the edge of the bed in order to give him space.

They decide to wake up for real at 1 o’clock; by one thirty, Kyungsoo is sitting on the edge of the bed, yawning, as Jongin stares blearily up at the ceiling.

“Lecture at 3,” Kyungsoo says huskily, stretching his arms. “And we need to print our essays.”

And Jongin curses mentally, because Kyungsoo – as always – has gone right back to pretending like nothing happened.

***

They celebrate their return to Uni life (and the successful completion of their essays) with yet another trip to the Union bar. This time, however, neither of them are drinking.

There are two reasons for this; one is that Jongin is taking copious doses of cold medicine, due to the fact he’s managed to catch Fresher’s Flu again, and two, Kyungsoo has decided to support him in the not-drinking thing, as a good friend.

This makes a raucous game of ‘Never Have I Ever’ a lot less funny than it is to everyone else. However, they both send each other nervous, awkward looks when the question “Have you ever kissed your best friend?” somehow slips out of Chanyeol’s grinning mouth. He knows, Jongin thinks frantically, he knows we’ve kissed and that I want to kiss Kyungsoo again and he’s just doing this to taunt me!

Kyungsoo sighs, nodding his head. Jongin does the same behind him.

Baekhyun snorts. “We all know you two have. Jongin’s practically gagging for Kyungsoo.” Jongin’s head whips up at this, cheeks colouring scarlet at Baekhyun’s revelation.

He hates all of his friends, he decides, as he immediately stomps off of his stool and out of the bar, too embarrassed to even look back. This was not the way he wanted Kyungsoo to find out, and now he’s going to be rejected – his stomach turns at the thought.

He’s marching away so fast, the blood rushing in his ears, that he doesn’t hear the pounding footsteps trying to catch up with him. He barely hears his own name – “Jongin!” – yelled from a couple of yards behind him.

He does, however, feel the hand yanking at his arm. “Jongin, for s sakes, slow down!” Kyungsoo says breathlessly, owlish eyes narrowing imperceptibly.

“Let go of me, hyung.” Jongin tries to say emotionlessly, cheeks still red with angry humiliation.

“Jongin-“ Kyungsoo tries. “It-it’s fine.” He doesn’t know how to approach this topic. “Baekhyun-hyung, he didn’t mean it, you know he did-“

Jongin shakes his head, ready to interrupt, but Kyungsoo’s fingers tighten around his arm. “What he should have said,” Kyungsoo starts purposefully, “is that I’m gagging for you.”

There’s something to be said for confessions shutting up even the most talkative of people, and Jongin’s never really been described as chatty. His mouth falls open, denials ready to spring forth, but Kyungsoo’s lips are on his before he can give voice to them.

And somehow – despite the absence of alcohol – they end up kissing for the fourth time, and then the fifth, and even a sixth time.

Jongin thinks that he prefers this kind of kissing.