Like spring, her smile was warm and inviting. The reason I admired her so much was that she had everything I did not. No, that's not it. I only fell for her at first for her beauty, gradually I found even more things to love about her as time went on. The school days were long, but it didn't matter. I think I actually started to look forward to going just to see her. Yeah, the only thing that motivated me back then was seeing Choi Jinri's smile.

I think she often found me staring at her. I would often look her way during lectures, once such time I found her sound asleep. I couldn't tear my eyes away, and eventually she opened her eyes. My whole face turned red, and I turned away quickly. Despite that, I saw her smile a little even giggle. My heart had never raced so fast before. I knew my crush had turned more into a one sided love at that point.

I remember passing by her locker during Valentine's day. It was so full that presents were falling out of it. I hadn't any room to put my gift in either. I decided against it, and was set on throwing the present away. Unexpectedly, we bumped into each other in the hall way, and the gift I had for her fell out of my arms. Like some kind of odd miracle it landed directly in front of her. She saw her name plastered across it, and thanked me with a smile. I ran off quickly to avoid conversation, or maybe it was out of fear. I wasn't ready to experience rejection.

Jinri, continued to grow more popular in our school. Her grades were constantly the highest and she was kind to everyone. My feelings for her were growing stronger day by day. During the break we had for lunch she'd read outside in the court yard. I observed her from a far. Her long black hair would sway in the wind, she always looked so peaceful. My friends made me sit with her once. I was so shy that I couldn't speak. We didn't really get to speak, but she did ask me something. “Are you happy?” I nodded vigorously like an idiot. I saw her smile, and laugh a little. I was satisfied that I could do this much, still she probably didn't even know my name. She closed her book, and stood up from the bench while staring down at me. “I wish I could be happy too.” She said. I wanted to ask why, but the bell rang. She was already walking towards the building then. That was the first time I questioned myself, is Choi Jinri really happy?

The exam season had passed, and by then we were well way into the summer. The long awaited vacation of most students was approaching. I was a bit excited myself, my sister would be returning from university. I noticed a change in Jinri around that time. She never really seemed to be smiling anymore, she appeared anti social. I wanted to ask her, but I never did. I regret not doing it. What stood out to me the most was that her friends no longer spoke with her. I think it was due to the rumor of her dating the popular guy that nearly every girl in the school liked. The two had actually never dated, but the guy spread a rumor they were seeing each other. That really seemed to ruin her reputation. I hated him for doing that to her.

I was shocked to see her after summer vacation, the long hair she'd spent so long growing out was completely gone. She was sporting short hair now, and it become the of many people's jokes. Her face seemed to be growing more solemn every day. The girl who was constantly surrounded by people last semester now was always sitting alone, and excluded herself from everything. “I wish I could be happy too.” Her words haunted me. I couldn't bare to see her like this anymore.

She was still sitting alone in the court yard today as she always had. She wasn't reading, but sobbing into her hands. I rushed over, and held her as she cried. I was surprised that she didn't push me away. I managed to catch a glimpse of her arms, they were covered in cuts from self harm. It broke my heart. I intensely questioned her about, but she wouldn't answer me. “You don't know anything about me! Leave me alone!” She left after saying that. I just wanted to help.

Jinri, stop coming to school after that day. I waited for her to come everyday, but she never showed. People still talked about her frequently, it was all negative rumors of course. A week passed with still no sign of her. The next day the teacher had told us that Jinri had taken her own life. She was a victim of frequent child abuse, and everything that happened at school had really pushed her over the edge. Nobody really seemed to care, but I cried. No, I'm still crying. It's been a few years since then, but still spring feels empty without her smile.