“No, you, you’re the problem here!” the shorter girl shrieked, the skinnier girl with the darker complexion yelled at the taller one--shoving the taller one with both of her hands, raging.

“Get a grip, Jung,” the taller one scoffed as spun her heels abruptly turning the opposite way, dusting off the invisible dust from her shoulder and flipped her auburn curly hair to the back of her shoulder. She disappeared down the hallway. 


Jungri broke down afterwards. She wasn’t usually a tearful person, but that day was an exception of the rare days. Reality had bricked her hard concrete walls, causing her to have a titude (what Jaeyoung calls Jungri when she is having one of those days). And she, as a frail sixteen-year-old girl was left defenseless on her own, no one to comfort her.

Not that she wanted to be comforted, but a companion of one or two wouldn’t ruin her ice-princess image too bad, would it? Happiness is more important than dignity, to most people. But Jungri was not the one percent that didn't think that way. Nevertheless, the horrid truth is that Jungri had no one to be with her anyway. She never found the need to acknowledge that she’s also human, meaning she needed happiness. 


She told and tells no one about her personal life--her family, what so ever s that is needed-to-be-told when socializing, not even her favorite color or her height. “Why not?” people would always ask out of curiousity, after being directly rejected (the socialites, “human butterflies” is what Jungri calls them--the ones that everybody likes and tries hard, a little too hard most of the time--to get the attention of highly-soughted people), after having their nosy questions unanswered by Jung Jungri.

The answer would always be a faint “just because” that no one never managed to hear a glimpse off under her sharp screech of heels or her sharp click of heels as she turned around to leave the conversation, and no one never dared to take a another risk of asking her, out of fear or of annoyance--sometimes even both. 


True, Jungri did break down after Jaeyoung told her off. But under the span of only about three seconds she had wiped all of the tears off and the horrid expression on her dace. She was scared that the CCTV might caught her, and ruin her reputation. Jungri lives and believes in the world where they say that even walls have ears.

What managed to escape out of her body was a few millilitres of tears that escaped her eyes, abruptly stopped by her perfectly manicured fingers. Her perfect pearly white teeth had bit her own lips until the metal-copper taste erupted in her tongue. 



“Get your ing together, ,” she scolded herself quietly, her lips throbbing with each syllable for the wound isn’t healed yet (what kind of wound heals after two seconds, really). She wiped her sweaty hands on her favorite black leggings, and skipped out off the dark hall with grace--humming to herself her favorite song on her first debut album, because she thought that no being, aside from CCTVs that doesn’t record sounds, was watching her. 

But that day her thoughts were wrong.

“Congratulations Jaeyoung-ah for your new drama!” 
“Jaeyoung eonni congratulations!” 
“You’re going to rock that role, Jae eonni!” 

Incoherent muffled screams were heard from all over the room, decorated with blinding flashes here and there, causing Jungri’s head to throb and toes to curl in annoyance. But she plastered a dazzling smile on her face nonetheless, and together with that smile was a one-hundred dollar lipstick sold away, captivating hearts of fans and fashion critics. 

Even knowing that didn't make her smile any more sincere. The yells of press of her name indicating that they’re dying for her glance didn't faze her horrible mood because she knew that deep down, Jaeyoung had more attention in this red carpet. 

And she wasn’t pleased. When is she actually ever pleased anyway? 


With her staged expressions and perfectly executed eyesmile, Jungri linked her arms around Jaeyoung’s arm. Jaeyoung was her fellow group member on her girl band called Sixy.

Her group had debuted with six members but it was only down the two of them now, where the four others left the company because of problems with the SM Entertainment--but it was a secret the whole entertainment industry knew that it was more than just problems with the company. Ice-princess Jung Jungri was also one of the leading causes of the break up. 




The Awarding party was like the usual, for Jungri. Too exaggerated and too loud for her liking, she preferred shows that had little audience and a little studio, because it lessens the throbbing in her head or the pounding on her heart. But of course nothing will be able to wear down her mask like showing a displeased face. Because Jungri is perfect and she is loved by her perfectness.


Jaeyoung won an award and Jungri won two, and that fact had calmed down her previous annoyance towards Jaeyoung.

“Jungri, I’ll be right there next to the buffet section, call me when you need me.” Jaeyoung said to her as they walked towards the dining hall. “Faye, please. The public,” she replied through a gritted-teeth smile, her hands clutching her amber silky dress, and her reply was replied with Jaeyoung rolling her eyes as she  disappeared away with the crowd of other celebrities--Jaeyoung had traits of a human butterfly Jungri highly despised. 


“ing stupid .” Jungri cursed melodically with her exhale--that’s one of her talents, being able to curse someone and murmur under her breath without being caught. She flashed smiles to the unsuspecting strangers as her black killer heels clicked against the marble floors, but her dazzling lips stopped curving upwards as soon as a hard chest collided onto her face--for only a split of second. Her smile returned in a blink of an eye and she bowed sincerely towards the person that bumped onto her. 


She muttered a polite, beautiful apology towards the hard-chested person and lifted her head to meet his eyes.

It was Kim Jongin, name and face was printed in Jungri's head along with the thousand other faces and names that she had to memorize--because that’s one of the requirement to be a perfect star, recognizing other idols and labelmates.

“Ah, Kai-ssi,” she smiled sincerely and warmly (because her acting is just that perfect, she managed to work out sincere expressions too) again, her eyes twinkling with warmth. The guy chuckled.

“No formalities please, Jungri-ah. Why are you so stiff? We’re in the same company after all.” Jongin smiled back with his lopsided smile, and Jungri had to resist the urge to gag out loud and roll her eyes at the unnecessary flirtiness.

“I prefer calling people by their stage names so I don't slip up on interviews. Call me Faye, I insist,” She managed to say with a hint of sarcasm, her lips remaining in the same sickening upwards position. Jongin laughed once more, and with that Jungri had decided and took a mental note to avoid this hoobae of hers--he was one of those human butterflies.

“Human butterfly, Faye-ah?” Jongin repeated with a confused yet teasing face, causing Jungri to frown a bit, losing its sickening smkle.

“How did you…?” she trailed. “Mouth reading. I practice that along with intensive rapping twenty-four seven before and after debut,” Jongin explained awkwardly, loosing the confidence he had in the beginning of the conversation but still managed to put on a relaxed expression.

Jungri wanted to claw off this guy’s head off for being such a nosy person but she didn’t, of course--a perfect idol does not claw off people’s head off.

With a small smile, a smile that indicates she no longer is interested in this conversation, she spun her heels the opposite way, her back facing Jongin’s, ready to leave--until Jongin calls out her name once more, causing her brain to explode with anger--not literally. “Jungri--”

“It’s Faye for ’s sake!” she whispered out loud, not being able to hold down her annoyance. Jongin froze at her profanity, but walked towards her despite the cold icy look that everyone avoids.

“I...I saw you crying that day in the building, and I heard you cursing Jae-noona after she left,” Jongin started bravely, his spine feeling the chills from Jungri's piercing glare.

Jungri’s mouth went slightly ajar after listening to his sentence, but then switched back to her normal expression without missing a beat.

“So?” she coolly and calmly retorted back, her feet steady in the ground, her hands not shaking, showing no symptoms of nervousness, or fear. She didn't even deny or corrected Jongin.

Jongin almost chuckled.

“You know, most sixteen-year-olds don’t curse fluently like you,” Jongin cocked his right brow, as if challenging Jungri to retort something smart.

“I know a lot of languages, and practice makes perfect.” The sentence rolled out of her tongue so smoothly with no errors, Jongin almost apologized because she made it sound like he made a misteake, but managed not too.

“And the Jung--Faye that I know is a cheerful person on stage, why so bitter inside? Most sixteen-year-olds I know are more than happy to be an idol at such age.” Jongin started again.

Jungri’s mouth opened a bit to answer, but it closed again.

“But Kim Jongin-ssi, do I look like most sixteen-year-olds? I’m also turning seventeen this year, technically I’m not sixteen anymore.”

The cold icy paragraph lured him deeper into her, unconsciously.

Hurried footsteps echoed down the hall as Jungri pulled her cap down lower, with fear of fans spotting her not-so-beautiful face with no make up, running towards the nearest exit. She was late, and with perfection comes punctuality, so she can’t be late. She sighed a breath of relief when her hand grabbed the door railing, but stopped shortly when a harsh tug prevented her from lurching forward, a string of cuss words inmediately escaped her lips.

“Your words, Jung,” Jongin, the person that tugged on her arm blurted out. Jungri pulled her hand off his roughly, but sporting a sweet smile.

“It’s Faye.” She corrected in a dangerously low voice, which caused Jongin to flinch. “Can I help you with anything, Kai-ssi?” Jungri continued brusquely, her eyes almost twitching. Jongin didn’t like her addressing him as Kai, but he stayed quiet.

Without her make up she looks like the young sixteen-year-old she’s supposed to look like--only with darker eye bags and a vulnerable look. Even her smile looks tired, her lip balm isn’t applied perfectly, causing her cracked lips to show under the excessive lighting. Comeback choreographies, MC lines, CF Endorsements, never ending fan meetings, variety shows, dress-fitting, basically--being an idol has the life out of the young girl’s body.

Jongin’s heart clenched at the sight, but smiled at her nonetheless--earning another annoyed scowl from her.

“What do you want, say it!” she snarled impatiently, she had no time for this.

“I-Uh, you left your headphones in the practice room,” Jongin cleared his throat, feeling intimidated of the kid two years younger than him. She almost screamed out loud but decided just to claw Jongin’s hand in process of retrieving her purple headphones, but Jongin didn’t react.

“Thanks.” She mumbled, and turned her heels to escape as soon as possible, so she won’t be bricked by her manager’s wrath.

“Wait!”

Jungri shrieked, causing Jongin to jump a bit. “Do you want to go out for coffee some other time?” Jongin inquired. “Do I look like--”

“Yes or no?” and this time, it was Jongin that cut her off. Her blood boiled at his attitude, but somewhere inside she was amused at this man – brave enough to cut off the ice-queen.

“ you.” She decided to reply, and slammed the plastic door right in front of his face. “I’ll take that a yes because you said you want to me!” he called out and whistled, disappearing into the dark hallway.

Jungri couldn’t help but smile--a sincere smile after the longest time-- listening to his words. It took two seconds for her to revert back to old plastic Jungri's default expression.

The elevator music was annoying, a reggae off-beat soothing (supposedly to be) song repeated after every ten seconds seconds. It was annoying enough to make Jungri feel homicidal. She wanted to grab the man standing next to her by his tie and bang his forehead against the metal walls. But she didn’t, because perfect humans don't do violence. She kept her expression unfazed and soft, how she’s supposed to be.

“Oh my god, aren’t you Sixy’s Faye?” a girl gasped upon meeting her eyes, when the elevator door opened on a floor where she isn't getting off. She mentally pulled her hair out, but gave the girl a warm smile.

“Yes, I--” her sentence was cut off by a loud shriek that caused her head to throb. “Oh my god, it’s EXO’s Kai!” the girl screamed and Jungri mentally face-palmed herself. I’m three hundred ing times more talented and professional than him, but he gets more fans just because he’s a guy, she complained to herself.

Jongin was obviously enjoying the attention, and Jungri was cussing a lot in her head, wondering why did she even agreed to the stupid dinner in the first place, when she could be memorizing her new dance steps for her comeback four months again or memore her audition lines for this drama she’s been planning to be casted in.

Jongin had promised that I could sleep the whole dinner in his apartment, that’s why I agreed to this, Jungri convinced herself. She needed sleep more than anything, and manager eonnis and Jaeyoung loves it when Jungri takes a break from work to socialize more than they love Jungri’s health.

Jaeyoung actually dressed her up and applied her make up, did her hair and lent Jungri one of her favorite Louboutins heels, and sprayed Jungri her favorite perfume--Jar Perfumes. It was pretty ing expensive, seven hundred sixty five dollars per ounce--and it means Jungri meant something to Jaeyoung. Somewhere deep inside, Jungri knew she cares for her unni, her full Sixy girl band members and for her friends (ex-friends, better said)--but ignorance and pride won her over. ed her over.

“It’s our floor,” Jongin breathed on her ear lowly, causing her neck hairs to stand up but her facial expression was calm as she shrugged him off. “What’s this amazing smell…” Jongin whispered to himself as he placed his right hand at the small part of her back, which received a slap immediately, and Jongin retreated his hand back to his sides quietly muttering an apology while rubbing his injured hand softly with his other hand.

Jongin stopped abruptly in front of the wooden door, which caused Jungri to stop behind him too, bodies almost crashing but Jungri was that perfect out of a dancer she managed to balance herself before crashing onto his back. By the moment she’s balanced herself he had already opened the door to his apartment. Soft brown light glowed from inside the apartment, giving off a cozy feeling.

Without second thoughts, Jungri took off her Loubutins and comfortably settled herself down on Jongin’s L-shaped couch, eyes already closed and her hair already undone. Within a few minutes, light snores were already heard.

The view was comforting, Jungri sleeping soundly on the couch with her fancy dinner dress on, the fireplace burning and crackling, the night view of Seoul reflecting on Jungri’s glossy lip balm, and Jongin staring at her with a soft gaze.

“For some reason, Jung Jungri, you make me want to protect you." Jongin whispered, staring at Jungri’s sleeping body in the most uncreepy way he possibly could. “It’s amazing how you’re only sixteen…” he mumbled under his breath as he undid his tie and took off his shoes.

“Too bad we’re just mere strangers.”

Jungri’s eyes fluttered open and the smell hit her immediately, the wave of home made food. She sat up straight immediately, worrying about how her hair and make up looks. She sighed in relieve when she noticed her features still perfect, only her hair a bit messed up at the side--but who cares, it’s only Jongin anyways.

“You’re awake, right? Come here, it’s dinner time!” Jongin called out enthusiastically from the kitchen followed by a sizzling sound of food being fried, which immediately lured Jungri to walk towards the kitchen.

She took his breath away as soon as she stepped into the kitchen with a dazed look, innocence radiating out of her face.

“You look like a baby,” he chortled, handing her a plate of sausages, eggs, and mashed potato, all still sizzling hot. Her eyebrows met in the middle, looking at Jongin with distaste. “I am a kid. I’m only sixteen,” she yapped instantly, pulling the plate roughly out of Jongin’s grasp, which looked absolutely adorable from Jongin’s point of view. 

It was amazing how she could twist everything to support the way she wanted people to react to her. The first day they met she'd chastisted him for adressing her as a sixteen-year-old, and now she's using the fact that she's sixteen to get her way. It made Jongin smile.

Jungri took a seat on the cold stool, in front of Jongin, and immediately attacked her food.

“What is this,” she said after a few bites, her words getting caught up with some of her sausage chews, “A ing dinner? It looks exactly like a breakfast meal to me.” She swore again. The melodic feel never left her, she was always able to speak out harsh icy words with so much grace that the person listening to it won’t even realize that she slipped a swear word in between the sentence, causing her to get used to it--swearing anytime she wants--and she feared that one day she might slip her bad habit in one of her the TV shows. Thankfully, but she managed to last. Up until now, at least.

No one replied her incoherent whining, instead she was replied with an intense gaze--on her lips, smeared with oil from both sausage and eggs, plump and as red as roses, distracting Kim Jongin.

“But it’s technically breakfast, the fact that it’s two in the morning…” Jongin trailed, his breath suddenly next to Jungri’s ear. Jungri jumped at the sudden proximity, she was too immersed in consuming her food (when was the last time she ate real food like this, alone, two or three weeks ago?), failing to notice Jongin until he actually breathed on her ear.

“Kai, I –”

No more words were exchanged that night--like they say, action speak louder than words. It was wrong, she was sixteen, he was almost twenty. Jungri goes with the motto “age is a number”--but when it comes to Jongin…

Secret. 


That’s the perfect word to describe what kind of relationship Jongin and Jungri has after that night in Jongin’s place. They weren’t dating, that’s what’s for sure. It was an indescribable kind of relationship where both of the individuals enjoyed it, were into it, but no strings were attached. It’s where both of the individuals knows that they have something going on, but both keeping it to themselves from each other and from any other person beside them. The type of relationship that comes out when it’s only the two of them--only some where they wanted to be. 

At least Jongin believed that Jungri had interest on him of some sort. 


On the contrary, Jungri believed that it was just lust--when two foolish non-adults meet and vent out their needs to each other. Feelings erupted too, but being the stubborn and rock-headed girl she is, she unconsciously blocked it out from her brain and believed that it is lust and only lust. Moreover, she was what more is to forgotten--she had forgotten how it felt to be loved and the feeling of being in love. So her mind could not make out the feeling that she was giving and described it as lust.



“I have to leave,” Jungri whispered as she pushed Jongin off her, detecting the jingling sound of metals bumping into each other, indicating that EXO’s manager might be on the door way right now, about to enter Jongin’s apartment.

Jongin didn’t budge. 

Jungri’s heartbeat increased as she heard the door opening, foot steps growing louder by each millisecond that passed, but Jongin was still sound asleep--his arms and feet tangled and on top of her body.

“, Kai, wake up!” She hissed, hitting Jongin repeatedly, trying to tap in some consciousness to this guy. Instead, he let out a tired chuckle. “What happened to Jongin?” He croaked teasingly, his eyes still closed, and snuggled deeper into Jungri’s body. She cursed out loud. 


“, --your manager might be here! I don’t want him--” 
“Oh my god!” 
“Manager oppa, I--” 


Her eyes met a pair of other eyes, which belonged to a girl she didn't recognize. The girl’s eyes were as large as saucers, brown and shocked. The girl was wearing thick-rimmed glasses and a white hoodie covering her face up to her her brows, but what stopped Jungri’s heartbeat for a second was the fact that the girl had her frail fingers secured on a DSLR, pointing out the obvious fact that the girl could snap her face any second now. Jungri’s mouth was ajar, in a state of shock, and Jongin sat up quickly when he realized that Jungri is in loss of words--when she usually isn’t. Jungri was the type of girl that could make up lies, she was trained to, the entertainment world is a pain in the for those who can’t lie. 

The next few things that happened were a surge of blur. A clicking sound was heard and before they knew it, the girl was gone--and reality hit them; 

A sasaeng had entered Jongin’s apartment and snapped a picture of both of them in bed.

“Shut up!”
“Jungri-ah, calm down--we’re gonna--”
“It’s Faye for ’s sake, Faye! We’re going to what? What?” 
“We’re going to be just fine!” 
“I doubt your definition of ‘fine’, Kai,”

Jongin clenched his fists as he watched the stubborn girl get off the couch, walked around in circles, her red hair sticking out in random directions, messy--uncombed, which was unusual. Jungri was stressed, and Jongin was annoyed. Jungri was visibly shaking, it was three in the morning and everything is pissing her off.

“I’m not going to be invited for We Got Married if this happens,” Jungri breathed, running her cold fingers through her hair, continuing to circle Jongin’s red cashmere carpet under a black tea table. Jongin had tried to grab Jungri’s wrist once in a while, but Jungri would always slap his hands away, gave him an icy cold glare, and that backed Jongin away.

Jongin was tired. To him, Jungri was overreacting. He knew what kind of trouble both of them had gotten into but he wished Jungri would understand that this wouldn't put only her in disadvantage.

She looked like a train-wreck with Jongin's shirt inside out, and her biting her nails wasn’t something ordinary Jungri did. Fear was eating her up and Jongin didn’t like to see her in such a pitiful stage.

“Jung--” Jongin stopped midway when Jungri’s icy glare met his orbs.

“Faye, get your together!” he continued, now gripping her wrists tightly, causing her to both squeal and jump at the sudden contact.

Her eyes were b with tears of anger but she kept shut, because at least this time Jongin made an effort to call her ‘Faye’, the way she likes it. Her eyes didn’t meet his, she focused at his collar bone and only his collar bone. She tried to train her mind to fixate on her upcoming schedules instead--trying to ignore Jongin and successfully did.

“…Okay?” was the only thing that Jungri could hear, and she nodded in response. She wasn’t a fan of hearing repeated rants, so she just nodded in response. All she wanted to do was go back to her dorm, drink her sleeping pills and not wake up until her next schedule in a couple of hours--if she had a schedule after this thing blows up the media, anyway.

Jongin tugged on her wrist gently and pulled her into a warm embrace, but she didn’t respond. Her eyes were blank and her mind wasn’t functioning well, her thoughts crashing into each other. Each thought affecting the other one and nothing longer made sense in Jungri's head.

“I’ll be going now.” She said lifelessly after Jongin released her. Jongin frowned, but nodded nonetheless, not wanting to cause another heated conversation between him and Jungri, especially with Jungri in that state. She grabbed her coat quietly and combed her hand with her hair, whispering things and muttering things under her breath.

A pep talk to regain her dignity in front of Jongin--and sanity in front of Jaeyoung later, when she’ll arrive home.

He ruffled her hair and waved at her as she exited his apartment, thoughts clouding his mind on how easily Jungri agreed to meet up with EXO’s manager tomorrow.

Fake.

It was no longer secret; it’s now fake.

The picture spread like a virus, it got too scandalous and dangerous for both individuals to the point that SM actually had to step up and clear out the misunderstandings for good, by stating that Jungri and Jongin is dating.

In front of Sooman, she nodded in a heartbeat, her chest thumping hard.

But behind Sooman and all the other staffs, Jungri would always be yelling and swearing at Jongin, bruising the poor boy’s heart. Their relationship was real to the public, but a fallacy in reality.

“Faye.”

Jongin had called out to quiet the girl down, who was fuming with anger, veins on her neck looking like it was about to pop out. Jongin had grown accustomed to calling her Faye. He hardly believed his love for Jungri anymore after all these, almost gone but still there. Jungri never noticed anyway.

They were in a music show’s back stage, a few moments after EXO had just performed their latest xomeback’s good-bye stage--Jungri coming to visit them for the sake of maintaining their ‘relationship’ status. Fans had been sending more death threats to Jungri after her kissing scene with Lee Wonkyung in her latest drama, and she’s trying to make her relationship with Jongin look more real in public to lessen her hate. And she disliked it.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Jungri shriek-whispered. “Stop ing hanging out with Soojung! The article has gained thirty thousand views and your picture with Soojung made it into the front page of K-News! How could you? Your fans ing hate me for ‘leaving you’, and I seriously think that Kaistal has more shippers than Jungin, which makes this harder for me,” Jungri air-quoted the word ‘leaving you’.

“You call Krystal Soojung but me as in Kai?” Jongin replied dejectedly--in a teasing manner, his reply had nothing to do with Jungri’s rant. “Why did you ing kiss her?” she furiously whispered, angry tears b in her eyes --her body shaking and staffs were looking at both of them with concerned looks.

Jongin stopped his smile abruptly when he saw Jungri’s lips quivering, and reached out to caress her cheeks--but stopped abruptly when her hands slapped his. “Get away from me, Jongin, just, get lost!” she shrieked now, staffs jumping and other idols started to whisper at them, making assumptions without knowing the truth.

“She was the one who kissed me first, Jungri, I didn’t even respond!” Jongin finally replied, whispering to Jungri’s ear for he had grabbed her by the wrist and spun her around to face him. She pushed him away, her heels made a mad clacking sound, and she proceeded to grab a box of tissue nearby, chucking it towards Jongin.

“Jung Jungri!” Jongin yelled, surprised by her actions, but still took steps forward towards her.

She glared at everyone who watched her, causing everyone to flinch and take a step further from them, creating some kind of a tense aura in the room. The other idols were quiet, EXO was tense, and staffs were trying to block any openings for a possible fan to enter the room--or be able to see the room.

“Don’t come closer to me, Jongin, just don’t!” she yelled, her hands shaking--was shocked. She called him by his actual name; she was being serious.

“And I hate you!” she added, biting her lips afterwards, her body shaking along with her stifled cries. A staff tried to approach her but she refused, she wanted her dignity intact and she didn’t want people to comfort her.

She continued to throw swear words at Jongin. “This is all your stupid fault! If that day your stupid sasaeng didn’t show up, I’d be able to wake up and continue my life without being constantly sweared at and receiving death threats!” her voice mixing in together with her sob, hardly coherent, but Jongin understood.

“Fine, I won’t! Why am I always on the receiving end of your blames? I ing sacrificed everything for you Jungri, everything! All you could always do was ing yell at me! It was just a kiss on the cheeks!” Jongin finally yelled after a long silence. Gasps were heard, it was unusual for him to swear, and Junmyeon didn’t like it.

“You’re not even the one that gets bashed for this, Jung! I am! I get death threats, too. I get sweared at, too. Guess you’re not so special anymore, huh?” he yelled again, his voice dragging over the word ‘not’.

Jungri was about to step forward to speak up, but her body froze abruptly, and fell onto the ground.

Panicked gasps erupted from the whole room, and Jongin felt a lump on his throat as he sprinted towards Jungri who was now lying on the cold on the floor. He cradled her on her arms and took off her sun glasses and pushes her hair off, and it was only until then realization had hit Jongin on why was Jungri wearing sunglasses in the middle of the winter like this.

Her face was pale, her eyes were red--dried tear streaks were visible now that he’s looking at her up close--Jungri had cried. She didn’t want any one to see her crying, maybe because perfect humans don’t cry, in Jungri’s dictionary. After all she didn’t really cry when Sixy won their very first award after debut.

Jongin started to cry as he lifted her up, as the staffs helped him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered quietly, and hugged her tightly to him as he frantically waited for the medics.

“Jongin, I was mad that day because I was scared that my fans might attack you too much, but I guess I was that much of a to actually be able to point that out,” she had said--her weak voice repeating in Jongin’s head like a broken radio.

“Maybe I really do actually love you back?”

Tears fell down his face and he proceeded to wipe it off his face, and smiled at Yixing who was questioning him next to him, assuring that it’s okay, that he’s fine. “Are you ready?” Yixing asked as his group mate, and Jongin cracked his knuckles in a teasing manner indicating that he’s ready.

It was SMTown 2015’s first world tour performance in Seoul, and Exo was the opening performance. A soft hand touched Jongin’s shoulder, causing him to jump in surprise and turned at the hand. “Oppa,” a smile greeted his face. The smile was sincere and happy, it suffocated Jongin inside but he managed to ignore it. “Oh, Jungri-ah,” he swallowed the lump on his throat.

“Good luck, you’re going to rock that stage, Jongin oppa!” Jungri made a cute hwaiting sign, her eyes shaped into half-moons, her red lips’ corner curving upwards. It stabbed Jongin again, and that copper-like taste appeared in his mouth, together along with the unsettling feeling on the pit of his stomach.

Jongin wanted to cry.

“Thanks kiddo,” he smiled back at Jungri, his heart shredded into tiny little pieces as he studied her facial expressions that she never expressed back then--pure happiness and delight. His hand stiffly reached out to ruffle her hair, and gave her another soft smile before the floor surged upwards, showing that it’s Jongin’s cue, and before they know it, the whole EXO is already on stage in front of thousands of fans – Jongin forgot about Jungri and performed with all his heart.

It had always been the best and the only option Jongin had, forgetting Jungri was the best solution. After all, Jungri didn’t even remember him and their memories.

Jungri watched as Jongin’s body was lifted up towards the stage, and her smile disappeared, her eyes stung and she pinched herself to prevent her from crying. “It’s for the best, it’s for the best,” Jungri whispered to herself, and disappeared to the dressing room with the other SM artists, the smile that was gone re-appearing on her face.

Jongin thought that Jungri had lost her memories on her immediate surgery after that faithful day on Music Bank, and the last words she said towards Jongin was “Maybe I really do actually love you back?”
He had thought that not telling Jungri was the best solution, for her old memories were too harsh, too sad, he didn’t want her remembering about him and her’s past love life, so he shutted up and kept their memories inside with him and only him.

Meanwhile--

Jungri never lost her memories.

She just thought that starting over with no complications along the way would be better. Meeting up with Soojung would be awkward, explaining to her fans, friends, sister and Jaeyoung would be complicated, and pretending that she didn’t know how her parents passed away (the thing that caused her to cry that on the beginning of the chapter) would be easy.

She decided that it’s finally the right time to abandon her over-achieving self, her self, and sacrificing Jongin was one of the things required to complete her task.

If only, if only both of them knew.

sooooo okay it's finally done i hope you all enjoy it and PLEASE COMMENT I HATE QUIET READERS SO. MUCH. don't forget too subscribe too because it's highly appreciated. teehee c; i spent days writing this one because it just felt so dramatic and beautiful, both plot and Jungri (a.k.a YOU HIHIHI), also Kai and his awkward demeanor. ok i should shut up bye love ya kiss kiss COMMENT AND SUBSCRIBE OR ELSE