It wasn't like he had a crush on you.

It wasn't like he had known you for like, years.

It wasn't like he was hoping you'd go out with him.

 

...Okay, maybe that's exactly what it was. 

 

But he kept his head down, it wasn't like him to open his mouth about it; the only time he really came alive was on stage. The lights and the sounds bringing out the powerful side of him. He didn't think he could get a group of people to follow him that would shine lights on him. It sounded like a split personality, yet he couldn't help it. Whenever you came around his tongue tied itself into knots and he was left beating himself in the head when you left. He would attempt to say something to you, but your eyes on him left him breathless. He couldn't think and he'd end up looking like something you'd sit on. 

 

YoungJae rubbed the back of his neck, trying to keep the redness in his face down to a minimum as you passed him by. The scent of your hair wafted up to his nose, almost making him floor himself. He was sure that fire was leaping off his face, but the way you just gave him a small wave, maybe everything was all right. He was driving himself crazy wondering what you thought of him. Did you like him? Like a friend? More than a friend? If you did, was it because of his idol status? Or was it for him? 

 

...Wait he was getting ahead of himself, he didn't even know if you did! He sighed into his arms, his head currently pillowed in them on his desk. Another video shoot, another day passes that he hasn't said anything. His friends back home would call him chicken...heck, his group members right here already did! Wearing an old school uniform blazer, black, and a crisp, ed white shirt under it...

 

He felt like a grade schooler.

 

The director was eating up his depressed look, it seemed, trying to use it as some sort of a school detention thing. Soon, YoungJae feared they'd be putting him in a chicken suit and parading him around like some Western mascot. Instead the timer ran out for his turn, otherwise the photographer would spend hours -- with no break, mind you -- taking pictures of the group. Something about them being photogenic or something. 

 

At the moment he felt far from that, wanting instead to hide his head, along with the rest of him, inside a deep hole. Nothing was lifting his spirits, not even the hordes of fans waiting outside for them, him even. It wasn't the rush he wanted to hear, not the chanting, not the pleading. It was amazing and painful at the same time. Was this what a crush was supposed to feel like? He could have any girl he wanted, even if it was for his fame; he could have any one of them, but none he wanted. 

 

He watched the others sign things with flourish, and half heartedly signed things himself; even depressed he owed his fans. He just wanted to get to the hotel... 

 

Even the hotel was looking drab. The room was gigantic, painted a light green, enough room to fit them all. It was a huge upgrade from what they were used to...normally it was one room where a few unlucky slept on the floor. The beds were fluffy and made up with dark green sheets and the windows were lit with the dying sun.  

 

And when they closed the doors to the room, cutting themselves off from the eyes of the security officers, he rubbed his hand over his face. Then he faceplanted his body on the bed, sighing loudly, earning a few chuckles from his group mates. 

 

"What?" He muttered through a mouthful of pillows, red faced. He felt a light weight pull the bed down to his left, and a hand on his shoulder-

 

"If you're going to pretend you're not love sick, you're going to have to do better than that." YongGuk laughed, patting his shoulder lightly. YoungJae groaned,

lightly bouncing his head against the pillows in frustration.

 

"I can't help it. Every time I try, I can't speak!" He heard ripping cellophane and looked up briefly to Daeyhun chowing down on a sponge cake covered in frosting. "Where'd you get that...?" He whispered, his eyes glued to the snack. He hadn't eaten all day, too 'love sick' as YongGuk called it. The crumbs where dropping on his black tank top, and he was brushing them off his dark blue shorts. 

 

He was starving. 

 

He was startled when a decidedly wicked smile crossed the normally sweet boy's face. "I'll let you have the other one...if you call her and ask for dinner."

 

YoungJae's eyes bulged out of his head for a moment, before he stuttered out his refusal.

 

"I can't! That'll be the death of me!" He hid his face back in the pillow as his stomach rumbled again. He squirmed, hitting YongGuk's knee with his hip, making the leader gently push him to the side.

 

"If your stomach doesn't kill you first." YongGuk's reply was simple, but a smirk evident on his face, leaning back in his chair. "I don't understand why you are so scared. It's not like she'll really refuse." YoungJae was silent to this, starting to feel a little hopeful. "You're an idol after all." 

 

His heart fell.

 

His head popping up once again, he said with all one breath, "That's what I don't want! I don't want her to like me for that!" He heaved a breath and back in the pillow he went, whining into it like a child. He knew Himchan was shrugging already, and before he even opened his mouth he kicked his feet up. "I want her to like her for me, Himchan." Caught in mid-shrug, Himchan just stared at him, startled, how the heck did he know what he was going to say?

 

YoungJae let a soft smile crept up his lips. "We've been a group for a while now, Himmie." He felt his insides warm at the soft smile Himchan expressed, pleased he could get that reaction from the normally goofy member. It was hard, sometimes, to listen to their comments. To believe them when they told him it would be fine. 

 

He knew the idea of you laughing in his face was a bit ridiculous, but he was still scared to make a move. What if it was the wrong one? He wanted to think

of something to do, but he still didn't know. 

 

...Maybe he should call you, just ask you to dinner, like Daehyun suggested. 

 

He even had your number. In a fit of bravery you were giving it out to the other employees and YoungJae had been overheard joking about asking you. You had marched over, grabbing his phone and smiling, put your number in. It ended with you sticking your tongue at him, his breath stuck in his throat. 

 

It'd been weeks ago, yet he hadn't called it, sure he'd be called a stalker. 

 

He reached in his pocket, still with his head in the pillow, searching around for his phone. They had all gotten new ones now that they were out of the dorm. What was the use of only one cell when the one that had it was miles away from the needed one? His was a cover of sky blue and navy on the inside, with green buttons. They had gotten them after doing a video commercial for the brand. Everyone had gotten different colors, their favorites, even though they weren't available for others.

 

He finally found it among all the odds and ends in his pocket, lifting his head to balance it on his left arm. Bringing it up to his face, he stared at the blank screen, losing some of his nerve. Another weight on the other side of him settled down and he turned to it. Zelo was laying across, mimicking him in his posture, but smiling in a gentle smile, his eyes calming. 

 

"Just try it, Hyung." He whispered to not attract the attention of the other members, engrossed in watching their precious TV. They didn't get many moments like this, together anymore, to just relax. YoungJae bit his lip, worried now that even the Mankae was trying his hand at convincing him. 

 

Were they soiling their youngest? 

 

He looked up once to their leader, wondering just what he was thinking about all this... 

 

The light hearted look in his eyes had YoungJae's resolve hardening, no matter what happened he'd always have the support of his friends. 

 

They wouldn't let him down. 

 

He took a deep breath, combating his natural shyness, he'd never know if he didn't ask. 

 

He wouldn't be where he was if he hadn't taken chances. 

 

He pushed himself up in the bed, his phone clutched tightly in his left fist. All he had to do was hang up.

 

He was going to do it. He was going to call.

 

Zelo smiled up at him, the adorable kid laying his head down, ramen curls brushing the bed. YoungGuk gave him a wide, gummy smile, Daehyun waved the food in his hands, and Himchan gave him a thumbs up.

 

He was lucky to have found guys that would support him in something like this. 

 

His walk was brisk out of the hotel room, the large guards rushing to follow but YoungJae stopped them, shaking his head. He was already anxious; he didn't need an audience as he laid his heart out. 

 

However small a piece it was at the time. 

 

They strayed back, only on the promise he'd be right around the corner, no farther. 

 

Swallowing hard he rounded that bricked corner, stopping in place just beyond hearing range. 

 

Now was the moment... 

 

He could barely move his numb fingers, and almost called several other people before reaching your number. 

 

It was dialing.

 

Youngjae was regretting.

 

Yet, as soon as he was about to hang up, three rings was enough torture right-

 

You answered, with a voice that was even sweeter over the phone, and his own voice was lost. 

 

"Hello?"

 

"Hi..." YoungJae whispered, his fingers tapping uselessly on his raised arm, "It's me...uh...YoungJae..." 

 

"Oh! Hello!" You sounded so happy to hear him...maybe this wasn't such a bad idea...

 

"Hi!" Wait, he already said that, "I was just...I wanted to know if...you'd like to go to..." He trailed off, unsure of how to proceed. 

 

"Would I like to what?"  You asked into the phone, shifting sounds heard from the other end, "Just tell me." 

 

"Liketogotodinnerwithmetomorrow?" He winced as it came out so rushed, he could barely understand it. It sounded so dorky...

 

"I think that was supposed to be, 'Will I go out to dinner with you tomorrow'?" You had a smile on your face, he just knew it...

 

"Yah, would you...?" He closed his eyes tightly, here would come the laughter, or the fact that you'd be busy-

 

"I would love to!" You giggled through the phone, and a fumbling sound, "Sorry, sorry, I almost dropped the phone!" 

 

He smiled at your excitement, feeling better by the minute, "Really, you would? Would you like to go to Yahmato's?" It was a medium on the fancy scale, something you could dress down for, but nothing like a fast food restaurant. As he had never been there before, he thought it might be good to try with you. YoungJae really hoped you might like it.

 

"That'd be great, what time would you like to?" You rustled around, muttering to yourself, but so softly he couldn't hear you, "Just let me get a pen, I can never find them around here...okay, okay I'm good." 

 

He was smiling fully now, so glad that he had tried this, it was so worth it, "How about seven o' clock? After all the shoots?" 

 

"Sure, that'd be great, thank you for inviting me." The warmth in your voice made him smile wider. Glad, so glad. 

 

"You're welcome. I'll pick you up then." He nodded to himself, already planning this all out. He'd need to get flowers-

 

"Oh, I'm sorry, I have to go now, but I really am glad you called, I can't wait until tomorrow night..."

 

YoungJae nodded again to himself, "That's fine, I know you're busy, I'm happy you'll be able to go." He held his finger over the end call button, a habit from his younger days, as you giggled a quick goodbye to him.

 

"Bye."

 

He pushed the button, hearing the solid dial tone, and leaned his back against the wall, a huge smile on his face. 

 

He had a date.

 

A date.