Can’t Believe It…
By: SaranghaeFFishy
When I’m with you, I don’t mind being nervous
I may be a little hasty, but you are the only one who can tell me what to do~
I guess my heart was stolen before I knew it and I’m missing you all day long~

Yesung stared out his window trying to process what was happening.  Why was he feeling this way? For his dongsaeng? These feelings weren’t normal and he didn’t want to accept their significance.  His heart was captured by an innocent, childish singer.  He wanted to continue denying it but he no longer could.  It would be terrible for him to try.  It was time he started to accept himself for who he was.  He always knew he wasn’t completely straight.  Ever since he started to think of Donghae as someone that was more than a friend.

But, Donghae soon went separate ways with Eunhyuk taking his heart.  Surprisingly, he wasn’t hurt by it.  Because Donghae was the first man he loved and he had no regrets.  After that there were the occasional flings with a couple of females.  None of them had really meant anything now that he looked back on them. The little things that Yesung noticed are how easily he would break into a smile whenever he saw his dongsaeng.  How easily he was able to get close and touch him. 

Even now, he was smiling to himself like a fool at the mere thought of him.  Was this really reality? He feared this was a dream he would wake up from.  All his happiness would easily disappear if this was a dream.  How did it come to this? That he needed the younger male so much that he feared loosing him?

“Yesung hyung~” A melodic voice called out to the male.  Instantly Yesung’s face broke out into a smile.  “Hyung, wait up!” Ryeowook shouted and rushed towards Yesung who stopped in his tracks for the younger to catch up.  “Do you think today will be the day?” Ryeowook asked out of breath from the running as the two walking in the cold fall day towards the training building.

“I don’t know, maybe. Why? Do you want to debut that badly?” Yesung asked grinning.  “Hmm…I don’t know. But as long as me and hyung get to debut together I’ll be happy.” Ryeowook answered melting Yesung’s heart. “Are you saying that if only you get to debut you’ll cancel just to wait for me?” Yesung teased. “Well…do I have to answer that?” Ryeowook pouted.

“I was kidding. Of course you should debut as a solo if you get the chance. Don’t even think about waiting for me. Understand?” Ryeowook nodded hesitantly. 

Yesung smiled at the small memory that was so precious to him. If there was a way, he would keep this memory with him forever because he feared when he was old he would forget.  Was it possible for someone to be so happy for another’s happiness? He always thought the answer to this question was always no.  Because there was so much cruelty in the world. Because the world felt envy and hatred.  But now he knew that if you truly did love someone their happiness always would make the other’s happiness.

He knew this because Ryeowook could never be his.  Ryeowook was already in love with another man.  A man, who was probably better looking than him, had a better personality than him, sang better than him and made Ryeowook smile more than he did.  But he was going to accept this.  Because Ryeowook said he was happy being around this man.  Even though the thought made his heart ache, somehow he would bear it.  Because Yesung had no regrets loving Ryeowook.

*

Foolish, this was the word that described Yesung the best.  He was so dense and completely oblivious to Ryeowook’s feelings.  Ryeowook had been dropping hints for the longest time but the older male couldn’t seem to understand.  He was thick and dense but these traits made Ryeowook love the male even more.  He was so different from others.  He had an odd perspective of reality and questioned the world with his childish way of thinking.

Was his heart really hidden so deep that Yesung couldn’t see it? Or was it that he did see it but choose to ignore it? Ryeowook would truly never know unless Yesung told him.  Of course that wouldn’t stop Ryeowook from trying to get Yesung to realize his feelings. 

He told Yesung there was man he was in love with.  He tried to emphasize that the man was Yesung but the male just didn’t seem to get it.

“Yesung hyung! I think I’m in love with someone.” Ryeowook said grinning as he stared at his hyung who was surprised.  Yesung looked uncomfortable and slowly shifted his position on the couch so he was facing Ryeowook.  “Really? Who?” Yesung asked noticing the odd stare he was receiving from Kyuhyun.  Kyuhyun looked just as uncomfortable and soon walked away leaving the two alone together.

“Who is he?” Yesung asked again.  “I can’t tell you.  I’ll introduce you tomorrow at dinner. Make sure to show up at the restaurant.” Ryeowook said with an innocent grin and got up.  “Wait, what is he like?” Yesung asked.  “Will he treat you well?” Concern overflowed in his tone.  “Well, he’s a very odd person.  He has a…ninja-like aura.  It feels like he’s a cold person but once you get to know him he has a warm heart.  Like I said, he is very odd.  Not the normal kind of person you would meet on the streets.  He’s one of a kind…” With that, Ryeowook left a dumbstruck Yesung.

*

“Sorry I couldn’t show up to dinner.  Did the man you like say yes to you?” Yesung asked in the morning.  “No…he couldn’t show up either.” Ryeowook replied in a depressed tone.  He pouted before starting to eat his cereal.  “I’m sorry, is there anything I could do to make you feel better?” Yesung asked but Ryeowook shook his head with a sad smile.  “Don’t make a face like that.  It makes me feel guilty in that man’s place.” Yesung commented while Ryeowook’s face lit up.  “Really? You feel bad?” Ryeowook asked and Yesung nodded, surprised at Ryeowook’s change of mood.

“Well then I guess its okay.” Ryeowook smiled and finished up his bowl of cereal.  “Whoever he is I’m sure he’ll say yes to you. Someone as kind as you deserves all the happiness in the world.” Yesung smiled and Ryeowook looked at him with a mischievous grin.  “Promise me it will turn out that way.” He said holding out his pinky in a childish manner. “Ryeowook this is-” Yesung was cut off by Ryeowook grabbing his hand and forcing a pinky promise. “Never forget it. No take backs either.” Ryeowook said before leaving with a faint blush on his cheeks.

Ryeowook smiled at the sweet memory.  Could Yesung be any denser? He had described Yesung completely in his short description of the man that he loved.  But it seemed the older man just didn’t seem to get it even when it was right in front of him.  It made him laugh at Yesung’s childish innocence. 

*

The whole dorm was empty.  Even the slightest movement echoed through the dorm leaving an faint howling sound behind.  Yesung watched TV worrying about the safety of the others.  They were out in the storm.  He stood up once he heard Ryeowook coming downstairs.  “Are they not back yet?” Ryeowook asked in a concerned tone.

“Don’t worry, Leeteuk hyung told me they were safe.  They said they will start driving again when the storm passes.” Yesung assured and sat back down.  Ryeowook sat down next to him on the couch and nibbled on his lip nervously.  “Nothing will happen to them.” Yesung reassured him. Ryeowook nodded and closed his eyes.

In a matter of time, Ryeowook had fallen asleep on Yesung’s shoulder.  Yesung could only stare as he brushed some of Ryeowook’s bangs away from his face.  Would it be wrong for him to just steal a peck from Ryeowook? Yesung wondered to himself and sub consciously his fingers glided over Ryewook’s lips.  When he turned to face the boy, his eyes were open.  “What are you doing hyung?” Ryeowook asked but Yesung knew it wasn’t anything he should be worried about.

The whole group knew about his odd obsession with people’s lips.  But Ryeowook’s were amazingly soft.  “Nothing…” He muttered casually.  “Hyung, you still don’t get it do you?” Ryeowook asked him sitting up.  Yesung blinked a bit confused at what they were discussing.  “What is it that I don’t get?” Yesung asked arching an eyebrow.  “Hyung, is there someone you like?” Ryeowook asked. 

Yesung hesitated looking straight into Ryeowook’s eyes.  “Umm…yes.” Yesung answered.  “Who is it?” Ryeowook questioned.  “I can’t say…” Yesung mumbled and turned away.  Really? Was that it? Ryeowook felt bitter.  Why was he holding back?

But in a blink of an eye his answer came to him, crashing down on his lips.  Ryeowook was taken by surprise but enjoyed the feelings of Yesung’s lips on his.  After a couple of seconds, seconds that felt like years, Yesung pulled away.  “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have. I just-”

“You…are really dense. Do you realize how many hints I dropped you? Was it really that difficult for you to kiss me? The man I’ve loved from the very start is you.  It’s always been you.” Ryeowook said pouting. “What?” Yesung asked confused.  “You idiot! I like you!” Ryeowook said feeling as if he still needed to spell it out for Yesung.  “What? Since when?” Yesung asked.  “Since I met you.” Ryeowook answered.

“Yah! You could have said something! Why didn’t you?” Yesung questioned feeling that he had wasted hours of his life feeling depressed.  “I basically did tell you a million times but you are so thick you don’t understand.” Ryeowook said.  Yesung grinned and pecked his lips, a blush appeared on Ryeowook’s lips as he melted into the kiss.

“Kim Jongwoon you idiot!”