April 7, 2010.
6:39PM
I visited Heechul hyung at the radio station today, it seems like he just got his hair cut. He honestly looks very handsome with that sort of cut, it suits him well. It’s just that, well… I can barely see his eyes. I guess if he works well that way, it isn’t a problem. Ah, just two more days to go and we’ll reach the end of the Super Shows. I honestly don’t want it to end yet. It feels like it’s too soon.

April 8, 2010.
2:24 PM
I’m starting to worry a lot about Heechul hyung. He’s been acting very different lately, he’s unusually quiet. He says he’s sick, but I think I know better. He’s been eating only Chinese food for the past week. Even I get sick of eating the same Beijing Fried rice over and over again! He barely leaves his room. I understand that we’re leaving pretty early tomorrow for Manila, but he only left his room once. And that was to pee! As for food, I had to go out and buy more Chinese food for him since I was the only one left at the dorm at that time. Being the good dongsaeng that I am, I did it anyway. Some issues have been really tough on him lately. I’m pretty sure the ones involving Hankyung hyung affect him the most. Even I start to miss my hyungs, especially Kibum. But I don’t think I’ll come to the point of not leaving my room because I don’t see them at all. 
Hankyung hyung must really mean something to Heechul hyung.

8:34PM
I can hear muffled crying from another room. Everyone else is already asleep due to the early schedule tomorrow. Judging from the direction that the cries are coming from, I’d give a good guess…
It’s Heechul hyung.

April 9, 2010.
6:46 AM
We’re currently at the airport waiting to board. Everyone is here except for Kibum, Kangin and Hankyung hyung of course. Siwon is flying over tomorrow since he has taping today. I was right. It was Heechul hyung who cried. I’m too observant not to notice that he cut his hair that way so we wouldn’t see his swollen eyes. Has he been talking to Hankyung ge?
I wouldn’t know, but I do know that ever since Hankyung hyung left, Heechul hyung tried his best to continue being himself. It didn’t work. It looks too fake to me.
We’re leaving now and Heechul still hasn’t said a thing to anyone aside from greeting them good morning like everyone else did. The rest of the time, he was sitting at the corner of the VIP room flipping through his phone like he was looking at pictures. The only pictures I know of that’s stored in his phone are pictures of his cats and selcas with Hankyung hyung. I really have to go now. We’ll see how he is when we get there.

1:12PM
We’re currently at the hotel. The fans were at the airport to greet us and I could really feel their passion towards Super Junior. I won’t disappoint them tomorrow at the concert, I’ll make sure of that. I’ve been observing Heechul hyung a lot these days. Maybe it’s because he’s changed so much. He used to be all giddy and happy when he’s around his dongsaengs, well, that was when Hankyung hyung was around. But still…it shouldn’t change. I mean, we’re still here for him aren’t we? But I guess that’s different for him. Heechul hyung is weird like that, sometimes it’s really hard to understand him, or know what he wants. Hopefully, he wouldn’t be acting so uninterested at the concert. I’m sure he’ll put his fans first before himself.

9:02PM
We’ve just finished rehearsals. It was pretty sloppy from what I’ve noticed. Most of us are sick and tired from our past schedules but we’ve managed to run through the whole show at least twice. It’s not easy rehearsing a three hour show twice in just four hours, I really don’t know how we did it. And as usual, hyung had his hair in his eyes, dancing like it didn’t mean a thing to him. I know he wouldn’t act that way tomorrow night…
Would he?

April 10, 2010.
3:56 PM
It’s the day of the concert and the press conference had just ended. The only thing I could think of is when I would finally see hyung’s eyes. Seriously. They were gone. He wouldn’t fix his hair, he held his head down most of the time only listening to Teukie hyung’s answers. He’d answer when he was asked, obviously. But it wasn’t much. I’m honestly excited for tonight. I wonder how hyung is feeling about it. It’s so hard to understand him sometimes. I could only hope for the best.

12:23 AM
I had a blast! Tonight’s concert was a great success! I could say so much about the concert but someone concerns me more. 
I talked to hyung right after he ate his very late dinner. I asked him about how he was feeling and I told him I noticed that he wasn’t himself lately. I believe he was touched by my concern. Even if he looked at me like I was crazy for talking to him about it, I couldn’t care less. It’s been really weird seeing him that way. So hyung looked me in the eyes before he turned away trying to hide the tears that was starting to form. I don’t think he could bear bottling his feelings up inside him any longer. I know hyung isn’t much of an open person when it comes to his personal problems, I know he only talks to Hankyung hyung about those sort of things. But now that he isn’t here, who would he air his feelings out to? I took the initiative into be that person seeing how hurt Heechul hyung was. I could tell he was hiding it behind a fake smile during the concert. He tried his hardest to be as entertaining as possible. It worked for the fans, but not for me.

So he turned back and leaned his forehead on my shoulders. Hyung started to shudder suddenly,

“H-Hyung…What’s wrong?” I said hesitantly placing my hand on his back.

“I…”

I waited for him to calm down a little.

“I miss him so much.” He cried out onto the material of my pajamas. 

I felt my heart melt in pity for hyung. 

“Hankyung hyung?” I asked, even if it was already obvious.

He nodded slowly, still not turning up to look at me. 

I knew it. I knew it all along that it was Hankyung hyung that made Heechul hyung this way. I can’t blame Hangeng ge for his decisions, but I don’t know how long Heechul hyung would last without the person who understands him the most. 

My heart honestly aches for hyung. It looks like it’s been really hard for him. He was coughing the whole night too and he looks pretty pale to me. He continued to lean his head on my shoulder, and I let him stay there for a while.

“I miss Hankyung so much. Why did he do this to me?” He continued to sob. 

“I don’t think he meant to hurt you, hyung.” I told him.

“I don’t think I can keep this up without him.” He continued as he slowly lifted his head from my shoulder. He started to wipe at his eyes before shaking his head. “I haven’t heard from him in weeks.” 

I was shocked. I thought they actually talk even when ge’s not around. I haven’t heard from Hangeng ge in a while too. I’ve been pretty busy myself. 

“I’m sure he’s thinking of you right now, hyung. I don’t think Hankyung hyung will forget about you…”
Just as I said these words, hyung’s phone rang loudly. He turned to me before reaching for it. He looked at the name and I could tell that he didn’t know whether he should smile or cry more. He looked at me with a facial expression that I simply can’t put a label on. 

“It’s him.”

I felt relieved that Hankyung ge didn’t forget hyung. I knew it in myself that he wasn’t that kind of person, leaving people who care so much for him. I was just finishing writing this when I turned to look at what was happening over with Heechul hyung’s conversation.

I whirled around to check on him when I saw something that caught my entire attention.

It was the first time in around a month that I saw Heechul hyung smile genuinely that way. I think everything’s

going to be okay now…Well, for Heechul hyung that is. 

I’m still waiting for my Kibummie to come back to me.