Taylor Swift: The Last Time (feat. Gary Lightbody)                                  

 

Sunggyu stared at the wooden door in front of him.

(He saw his heart)

 

It was old, beautifully old.

(Saw his heart ripped apart)

 

Simple yet delicate carvings of floral patterns adorned the edges while scratches littered every inch of its surface; the scratches varied from simple finger nail marks to the deepest scratches, maybe a few inches buried into the wood.

(His heart that had loved for a million times, his heart that had fluttered in joy and squeezed in pain, his heart that had endured the many times he’d fallen)

 

Sunggyu hesitated, his hand stopping midway to the rusty brass knob.

(Fallen for the same man over and over again)

 

The golden light skimmed across his pale face for a moment, lighting up his dull eyes and long lashes. Sunggyu finally held the knob in his hand and opened the door.

(Over and over again)

 

The door let out a low whine, its hatches groaning from the pressure and its knob turning very slowly due to the rusts.

(But why wasn’t he turning back, he asked himself more than often now)

 

Sunggyu stepped into the room and closed it behind him.

(He wasn’t ever going to turn back, he finally realized)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunggyu wondered how many times he’d left his door open for the same person over and over again.

(He never figured out)

 

He wondered why he couldn’t just lock the door and throw the key far, far away.

(He didn’t even try anymore)

 

He wondered when he had ever turned into such a mess, into such a stupid mess that he let himself break down like this.

(He even felt nothing)

 

He wondered where had his mind been all this time – all this time of falling and tripping and drowning.

(He forgot even before he remembered)

 

And he could see himself breaking down, fingers wrapping themselves around the bottom of his shirt in twists and turns and he could see this all happen in the glass eyes that stared at his pitiful figure.

(He couldn’t bring himself to care now)

 

 

 

 

 

 

He wondered how many whispers of lies had deceived his own ears.

 

He wondered how many butterflies of kisses had poisoned his own lips.

 

He wondered how many lingering touches had burned his snow skin.

 

He wondered how many stares

 

How many blinks

 

And how many breaths it had taken him to bring his walls down and let him in.

 

He wondered why he doesn’t know the answer to all of his questions.

 

He smiled pitifully at himself, at the ceiling, at the door.

(Left vulnerable, left breakable, left open)

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Sunggyu?” There is a knock on the door and it pushes open very easily, Sunggyu doesn’t know why he even tries. A figure quietly enters and closes the door behind him with a gentle push, the door clicking in place. “May I come in.”

 

Sunggyu watches as a cheeky smile appears on his lips and his eyes aren’t dull like his – they are in fact, twinkling even in the darkness of Sunggyu’s room. He doesn’t answer.

 

Only a few seconds pass, and Sunggyu doesn’t feel it anymore but there is a breath of air brushing against his ears, lips pressing lightly against the lobe of his ear and fingers tracing stars on his skin.

 

Sunggyu promises himself the last time.

 

The last time he ever lets those sweet words into his mind.

 

The last time he ever lets those lips leave pink bruises on his skin.

 

The last time he ever lets those fingertips paint his arms magical colors.

 

He promises himself never to let anyone in his door again.

(He fails to remember once fingers dance across his palms and slip themselves into his own)