A Review!
Libertine Hearts Swallows Morals
So this is a review brought to you by Magical Mists!
Story Title: 5/5
It is unique and the fact that this story title is not used, pleases my interest. So many people write titles that are just simple and not amazing, but looking at this title just gives a warm feeling that this story is going to be interesting to read. I was charmed when looking at this story title and I couldn't wait to review this. Even though these stories are not my type, this story title is different from the others which makes me interested in this story. Another fact that you actually capitalized the words. I sometimes see people lowercase them and I always have to review them.
Poster and Background Appearance: --/10
I will not count this even though you have a black background picture. Even though this score is not counted in, I definitely recommend you to have a poster because that will of course, interest the reader. There are many graphics designers in Asianfanfics that will help you.
Neatness: 5/5
This is an easy score to get. You must be organized to get this and it looks like you organized well. Readers would definitely pay attention for the organization.
Story Description: 2/10
It is a little to bland/plain. It is interesting and very unique, but the fact that it doesn't really seem like a story description. It is just telling about the story characters. I would definitely recommend making a clear story description that is basically your story's plot. I just don't really understand this story description at all so you have a low score. If this is not a story description, I recommend you to make one. It will charm the readers. Sometimes, readers would just read and not care for the story description, but they do not know what the plot is about so they suddenly unsubscribe and walk away. Please edit your story description.
Teaser/Foreword: 7/10
I loved the teaser. But I realized at these kinds of stories won't get that much subscribers honestly. Even though you used magnificent vocabulary, these kinds of stories, you would get easily bored. Although I was interested in this, some readers would get bored and wouldn't even understand what is going on.
Chapter Titles: 2/5
It is not necessary for you to make your chapter titles long however, I liked the first chapter title. It would be nicer if you would shortened it. Since you only have one chapter out, I will not be so harsh about saying these (somewhat) negative comments. I would like you to improve this because you do not need to add a little detail to make a chapter title. Pretty soon you will have a lot of long chapter titles so I would like you to improve.
Plot: 11/30
It is indeed different from other stories, but I do not think this will interest the reader that much. It's unique in a different way than just good. Readers would like simple plots instead of adding so much things that make it super different from the other fan fictions. It seems like people will not read this story at all so I gave such a low score. Even though I was amazed with your plot, some people will not be interested in stories such as these. I even asked some of my siblings.
Originality: 10/10
It is original, but it seems like some people will not read this story.
Spelling and Grammar Mistakes: 18/20
A couple errors that I spotted. In your story description, you put this:
To set things off, Carly Lovevine is an aristocrat woman who studies Marquis De Sade day and night--she starts to see these chewed apart pieces plastered around the sidewalks
And then in the next sentence you did this:
In the middle of things, Jack the Ripper is on the rise as well as a new Society-- One that is spoken through hush, hush tongues and the people live a libertine, nihilistic, amoral life.
Comparing these sentences, I realized you forgot to capitalize 'She' and forgot the period at the end like the other sentences you made in your story description. It isn't that noticeable so it's okay. I also got a little confused on this sentence:
"Upon my soul, I do fear I would," Said Curval, as her did I know not what to Adelaide that brought a loud scream from her lips.
The two that I bold are errors as well. 'Said' needs to be lowercase and 'her' needs to change into 'she'. Other error I spotted:
'And I'd perfer not to.' - Incorrect
'And I'd prefer not to.' - Correct
These are the ones that I spotted. It isn't that noticeable, but you need to check over your chapters thoroughly to see if they make sense, any errors that formed or other errors.
Flow: 10/10
The pace isn't going too fast or too slow.
Writing Style: 10/10
I definitely love your writing style. You used wise vocabulary so why wouldn't I be so happy to score this.
Ending: --/10
The story has just begun so it is not necessary for me to add a score.
Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
I liked the story, but the story description threw me off.
Total: 82/120
68.3%
I like to add a picture for reviewing so it would make the person who is being reviewed happy because they are not satisfied with their score. I am deeply sorry if this review did not make you happy, I promise that you will become one awesome writer some day. Since you have SHINee in your tags, I will add this picture for extra! Thank you so much for requesting in Magical Mists! Again, do not be so sad, your going to be one successful writer someday and Magical Mists will always be there to review your stories once again.
She does have a point, it's not really meant for the general public since the general public of AFF are 12 year olds who never had --THERE I SAID IT! Honestly this is my baby, my prize and joy but it's not meant for the general public.
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