Sandara Park

I sat on the window sill listening to this

Remember all the things we wanted...

Now all our memeories are haunted...

We were always ment to say goodbye~

I let tear drops drop down to my laps. Damn these lyrics for being so right. Me and Ji..thinking about our futures...having kids..a normal life...now we already said our goodbyes.

Even with our fist held high 

It never would of worked out right,yeah

We were never ment for do or die~

I didn't want us to burn out I...

Didn't come here to hurt you,

Now I can't stop

Yeah were going to the best we can..all because my stupid mistakes. I thought...what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

I guess its just my carelessness.

I want you to know 

That it doesn't matter

Where we take this road

But someone's gotta go

And I want you to know

You couldn't have loved me better

But I want you to move one

So I'm already gone

More tears fell from my eyes.

 As I hit myself mentally,I thought 'No. Stop blaming yourself Dara...you let him go..its for the better'

Looking at you makes it harder

But I know that you'll find another

That doesn't always make you wanna cry~

It started with a perfect kiss then,

We could feel the poison set in

"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive~

You know that I love you so,

I love you enough to let you go

Yeah I remeber those times when we held hand in hand laughing and huggin.

I even remeber the first kiss...

Now its just all the haunted past that will never happen again.

But...I gave him up. I let him free.

He is free to kiss,hug,hold hands,date anyone he wants.

It was all my choice.

I want you to know 

That it doesn't matter

Where we take this road

But someone's gotta go

And I want you to know

You couldn't have loved me better

But I want you to move one

So I'm already gone

You cant make it feel right

When you know that's its wrong

Theres no moving on

So I'm already gone

Ah already gone,Ah already gone,Ah already gone,

Ah already gone,Ah already gone,Ah already gone,

We both felt it. That nonlove that going on between us.

We have secrets. 

We both cheated.

We can make it right...when we both know its wrong.

Its all wrong.

This relationship.

All the twist and turns got us no where.

Just remebering the break up,breaks my heart.

Here it goes again...

Flashback (1 month ago)

I could feel the guys warm lips on mine.

Then coldness.

I found out I've been dragged apart from my kisser.

By my boyfriend.

"Dara what are you doing?" he asked.

"I-I-I...you've seen it..theres no explaination"I replied looking at the floor.

When your boyfriend catches you cheating on him..there is no really any exlplainatio for it.

Its just. IT.

"Thats it?" he asked.

"What?You asked me and you saw it all" I said with a hint of annoyance.

"You're not trying to explain that it was a mistake?Thsi guy was all over you? You're not trying to hide it?" he asked.

"No..why should I when you already caught us in action?" I asked back.

"I can't believe you." he spat and walked away.

"Yo..Imma just get going.." my hooker said and left.

Leaving my all alone.

And god took the perfect time to sweat...like hell.

And yet he came back for me.

After I cheated in fron of his own eyes.

"Dara...I'm sorry. Its my fault for being a bad boyfriend...maybe thats why your attention was diverted from me" he said the next day.

No he's not the reason.

Its the relationship.

I hugged him. A sign showing that I'm taking him back.

We snuggled.

Did weird romantic things.

But things just didn't work out.

After a week or two...we were just away from each other.

I've got my studies and he got his.

Again..being the badass girlfriend I am...I hooked up with a guy at a bar again.

This time I was able to get away with it.

But once I got home..I just realized that our relationship was just dead.

If I love him...I won't be doing all this cheating .

I would be a good girlfriend and be at his side...but nooooo.

We don't have the sparks flying anymore when we look at each other.

Just plain old Dara and plain old Ji Yong.

No More Sparks.

I was going to tell him personally but I thought it would be a bit harsh.

I was planning on calling him but...I can't bear it.

I wrote him a letter instead.

I wrote:

Dear Ji Yong-ah.

We are over. I can't say this any nicer. We don't feel the spark between us anymore.Admit it. Your not a bad boyfriend. Im the bad girlfriend. I'm sorry for all you been through. I'm crying as I write this.Not as a sad cry but more of an apology cry. Im sorry for being a total through our relationship. DON"T COME AND FIND ME. You can't. I'm far from where you think I am. I'm outa this world. Well your world at least. Don't let my dissappearence be a bother for you. Please. Just go an live your life with out me. Like I never existed. Its not that hard. We never had any feelings anyway.So....goodbye I guess. We were never ment to be.

                                                                                                                                       Sincerly Dara

I left the letter at his apartment.

Then I left for my sisters place in the states.

He probably won't even care. Not like we loved or liked each other anyway.

So..I'm already gone.

End of Flashback

I cried myself to sleep everynight. I finally found out how it was like to live without him.

And it was hard.

Kwon Ji Yong's

I read the letter about a billion times. Until I got tired of the word..."goodbye".

She can't just leave.

Just because she doesn't have feelings for me...doesn't mean I don't have feelings for her.

I looked all over Korea. Her favorites places. All her friends place.

And even that old abandoned place where we first met.

I...still can't believe our relationship was a fake.

I put my all into it.

So what she cheated..maybe it was mistake.

Just... maybe she loved me.

Sandara Park

Just...maybe I loved him...

just maybe.