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5/11/2013 : I just edited a fatal mistake. Sorry, i was so careless /bows deeply/          

12 January 2014

            That certain coffee shop is always quiet. Just the way I like it. Maybe is it because of the location? Well, no one goes to a secluded suburban, anyway. Whatever, that’s not your business, _____.

            I’ve been going to this coffee shop for 3 years. It’s always the same… quiet. I don’t expect it to change, however.

            Closing my eyes, my nose is filled with the smell of roasted coffee. As my mind starts to wander, suddenly the door bells ring. Strange. Usually it’s just me and Joon –the night shift barista - alone in this quiet coffee shop in midnight. Who can it be?

            Well, maybe this night, there’s another lonely companion here, as I sip my already cold Americano.

            Then a young man walks in. His gaze seems distant, sorrowful, and lost. He walks up to the counter and ordered a cup of espresso without any drop of sugar. He gets a unique taste.

            Then, I see he drag his lifeless body to a table across mine. And for split a second, time stops. He stares right into my eyes, with those sad gentle eyes.

11 January 2011

            A girl was running for her life. She ran, and ran, until she reached the university where she studying at. She was panting heavily, and tried to fix her appearance before knocking at the  class’ door.

            As she went inside the class, eyes were fixed to her messy appearance.

            “Why are you late, Ms. Yoon? “ the lecturer that day, Mr. Go asked her.

            “Sorry sir, I won’t do it again,”

            “Take a sit, then,” he coldly answers her.

            She walked briskly to the back of the glass, feeling the menacing glares of the class.

            Oh, those eyes just don’t know what I have to go through every day, she thought. She reached to her backpack and brought out her notebook and a pen that has been her ‘friends’ for years.

‘           She tried  to focus to the lecture, but the fact that she’s sleepy and the professor’s voice is too gentle doesn’t help at all. She rubbed her eyes, hoping they would survive from sleepless nights.

            “Hey, are you feeling sleepy?” a sound, out of nowhere, greeted her. She found herself staring into a pair of the most beautiful hazel eyes she’d ever seen. Broking into a sheepish grin, the young man said replied himself ,” Me too.”   

            It was strange. How they suddenly encountered each other, feeling like they already know each other for years.

            “I’m new here, my name is Luhan,” he smiled cheerily. “What is your name?”

            The girl was shocked deep inside her heart, but she maintained her cold composure. People rarely notice her, the infamous wallflower girl, but it’s just strange that this young man initiates to have a conversation with her. Quietly, in a faint whisper, she answered him , “I’m Yoon _____ “

            Instead of commenting, he just smiled brightly. And it shone. Little by little, she could feel the rigidness of her heart started to soften away.

            No. She didn’t like it the way her heart beats around the young man.

            So she turned her head to focus back at the professor’s lecture.

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            No one ever went to that side of university. People said that there was a man hung herself in that abandoned corridor in the university old building, they said that it’s haunted.

            How fool¸ the girl scoffed at the thought. She had been in there for countless times, it was her personal heaven in this tough life. Sipping her newly bought Americano, she scribbled down the answers of the essay.

            Tapping her fingers rhythmically with the music she was hearing, she hummed along the song. It was quiet. Just the way she likes it.

            Suddenly, the music stopped. Who did that? She thought before glaring into the eyes of the culprit.

            “Hi,” Luhan said casually, as if nothing happened. “Where have you been?”

            “What are you doing?” the girl said harshly. She really hates it when someone crosses the line of her privacy.

            “Giving you a companion,” he said, settling himself beside the scoffing girl. He took one of the girl’s earphone, listening to the music she was hearing to.

            “Why do you like sad songs?” he asked, nonchalantly.

            “Why do you like to pester me?”

            “Why are you so harsh?”

            “Why are you too bright?”

            Luhan just gazed to her pair of brown orbs. “You are adorable, you know?” he said, ruffling the girl’s hair.

            No one ever said that to her. She hated to admit this, but she felt… secured with him.

            Maybe, a lonely companion won’t hurt, you thought as you both hummed to the song.

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            It was just another night. Another lonely busy night in a big city. And there, the girl curled up into a ball,  sobbing loudly,  as a man whom he called father kept beating her.

            “YOU WORTHLESS KID!” he spat out those harsh words to the girl, pouring out his anger to her, “YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING DAUGHTER! STAND UP!” he harshly grabbed the girl, bringing her limp body up, only to slap her, sending her stumbling back to the cold ground.

            Her face was still as stoic as ever.

            Today, her father came home after 3 days. No, not a greeting she got. Starts with a slap, and the next seconds were blurs to the poor girl. Kick, step on, and the tortures kept going on.

            She used to it. She used to all the pain she received from the society, until she felt numb, already befriending those pains and sorrows.

            After a few beating, the drunk man left the house again, leaving his daughter curled up in the floor, embracing her own body closely.

            It  was just another fragment. Another fragment of her empty life.

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            “Where have you been? “ Luhan said that question, again. “Why are you always missing?”

            Instead of answering, the girl just kept silence, sitting down her chair and resting her head on her table. She’s too tired. She’s too tired for life.

            “Are you sick? “ Luhan said worriedly. “Are you okay?”

            Am I okay? The girl asked herself, only to be greeted by her lonely soul.

            No, I’m not okay. As much as she wanted to tell him that answer, she just put her usual cold expression, answering, “I’m okay.”

            Luhan  seemed unconvinced, though, as he extended his hand and touched the girl’s forehead. “You are running a fever!”

            She was frozen. Though her heart had been as cold as ice, but for the very first time, she felt her heart beat so fast that it stopped  for a second. Because of his touch.

            She touched the spot where Luhan touched her forehead. It’s burning. “It’s fine.. I’ll just take a medicine, don’t worry.”

            “But the fever is too high!” Luhan said, looking panicked. “Wait a minute. I’ll be back soon, okay?” before running out of the class.

            She felt an unfamiliar tingly feeling in her heart, for the first time. It felt strange, something that her brain couldn’t recognize.

            Not long before she swam further to her little pond of thought, Luhan came back, running with a medicine in his right hand.

            “Here!” he placed a aspirin pill on her palm. “This is the drink,” he twisted the lid of the mineral water.

            She smiled weakly, feeling thankful for someone, for the first time in her life. She whispered faintly, “Thank you,”

            Luhan just smiled, as bright as usual. But a gleam of sadness flashed through his hazel orbs.

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            Cold air of winter started to break out the fractured bones of hers slowly. Here she stood, bruised, hurt, thrown  by her own father. He just officially disowned her and kicked  her from their house.

            She cried, happily. That she could finally be free  from the hell hole, away from the man that always hurt and stepped on her feelings. That she could finally start finding her own happiness to replace the one  that had been taken away from her long ago.

            Walking slowly, she dragged  her sore feet down  the pavement, clutching her luggage tightly. She was lost, didn’t know where to go.

            Her feet brought her to a coffee shop in  a secluded suburban. She didn’t knew where she was. But as long as it’s away from the sorrowful place called home, she’s happy. So happy.

            She entered the coffee shop, and instantly greeted by the aroma of roasted coffee bean.

            She ordered her favorite coffee, Americano. Then, she walked up to the empty chair beside the window, staring into the outside view of the coffee shop.

            And from that day, she decided that she should visit this coffee shop every day.

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            As she came back to the university, the girl already used to Luhan’s companion. There were no much words exchanged. Just smiles and warm gazes, they already know what’s going on through their heads.

            That day, she was hanging out in her usual spot, the abandoned corridor. Luhan was sitting beside her, sharing the same earphone with her. Listening to her favorite sad songs, his mind still couldn’t understand why this girl likes sad songs very much.

            Though he has known her for months now, some parts of her were just couldn’t be understood. How she liked to hide in an abandoned corridor, how she really fond of sad songs, how she always wears long sleeved tees, and how she really liked to drink bitter Americano. Not that it’s weird, a lot of people drink Americano, anyway. But bitter coffees just weren’t his cup of coffee, he preferred something much sweeter like Lattes or Caramel Macchiato.

            She is unique, he thought and smiling at that thought.

            “Why are you smiling?” she asked Luhan, whom surprised at her sudden question.

            “Nothing,” he shrugged off, then split a second, wide grin appeared at his face.

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            It was so unlucky for her. The landlady kicked her off after months not paying her rent.

            “DON’T FORGET TO BRING ALL YOUR THINGS OUT! “ the landlady shouted harshly to her. Rejected, unaccepted, kicked. Those familiar feeling came back to her.

            Clutching her luggage, she walked down the cold pavement of Seoul. She sighed. Then sighed again. No matter how many  she had sighed, those weights just couldn’t be lifted off her shoulder.

            I’m tired, she thought. I want to sleep, I want this to end, she thought bitterly.

            And for the nth times, the coffee shop greeted her again.  After the night where her father had kicked her, she started to come to the coffee shop regularly, after her part time jobs are done.

            Before she knew it, tears started to pour down her cheeks. She felt weak. She hated it, but what should she do? She just tired. She needed to vent out the deep sorrow that had been accumulated for years.

            She sipped down the now salty Americano, as her tears poured and slipped to her pale lips.

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12 January 2011

            “Where are we going?” Luhan was caught by surprise of how she acted today. She smiled a lot, and it was a beautiful view to see. And now, they were sitting down in a bus, leading to a place where only she knows where.

            “My favorite place.” She answered, with happy tone.

            Thought it’s a bit out of her character, she wanted to make this day special. She wanted to find her own happiness, and it started this day.

            Luhan obediently followed her to a secluded suburban. And there they are, arrived at the girl’s beloved coffee shop.

            She ordered Americano to Joon, the barista in the coffee shop. She turned her head to Luhan, and smiling cutely which made Luhan’s heart went crazy. “What do you want? I’ll pay!”

            “No, it’s…..”

            “I don’t accept no. Just order something, it’s okay,” she cut him off and smiled again.

            “O-okay.” He awkwardly shifted his head to a waiting Joon, “a cup of iced Caramel Macchiato, please.”

            They sat at the girl’s favorite spot, the window view seat. The night view of the suburban wasn’t much of a scenery, but the growing love between them was already enough to feel.

            “What’s the special occasion? “ Luhan asked her as they sipped their coffees.

            “Hmm?” she seemed waken up from deep thoughts.

            “Today…. You are so out of character..” Luhan trailed off his sentence, “What’s wrong?”

            She seemed shocked, her gaze is sorrow, but she glazed it perfectly with hint of happiness. “What’s right, anyway?” she asked him back, sipping her Americano gently. “Life has been like that, anyway,” she talked to Luhan... more to herself.

            Luhan held her hands, after mustering up some courage. “You know, if you have any problems, you should tell me, you know.”

            She removed his hands gently, only to cup his hands, giving out some warm breathe on it. “Why didn’t you use gloves? Your hands are freezing..” she concentrated on keeping his hands warm.

            “ ___,” Luhan called.

            “Hmm.”

            “You know that I love you, right?” he finally confessed.

            She stared at him with her lovely brown orbs. “I know. Me too. I love you.” She caressed his hands.

            “What could be more perfect than today? I wish tomorrow is just like this. You’re smiling a lot, and not being your usual sad self, ____”

            She smiled bitterly. Tomorrow.

13 January 2011

            Today, the coffee shop still as lonely as ever. As I sip my Americano, I take out my notebook. The last entry of my life.

            Luhan.

            By the time you read this note, maybe you won’t find me anywhere. I’ve gone. I’ve gone, searching for my happiness that maybe… exist in the other world.

            Maybe you wonder why do I like sad songs? To be honest… I hate them. I see myself in those songs, drowning in the world of sadness, trapped in shattered  fragments of my life.. Every time I hear sad songs.. I secretly laugh at them. Just like how I always wish, that someday I could laugh at my own life. But no, how could i? Laughing is unaffordable for me. Even I can’t cry anymore. I only can bottling up my feelings until it explodes.

            Maybe you wonder why I always hang out in the abandoned corridor. When I was a kid.. I was afraid of death. I was afraid that I can’t see the faces of people that I love anymore, I was afraid that they would forget me. But as the time passes, I found something more scarier than death… it’s life. You know, people said that the corridor is haunted…. Maybe if I could befriend that ghost, I would know how does it feel to die. I know, it’s silly. I just wonder, is it painful? Some people said death is just a gate to life in other world, right? It shouldn’t be as painful as I thought, right?

            Thank you, that you’ve been coming to greet me in my short life. Though it sounds selfish… don’t forget about me. Don’t cry, we’ll meet again in the real life, anyway.

            I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I have to leave you this way. I’m sorry that I couldn’t do much for you.

            I love you

            Tears start to drip on the note. I wipe it , and I quickly close the note, placing it on my table, as I read my book and sip my poisoned Americano. How ironic. It tastes better than the usual Americano I drink.

            I try to concentrate, but the piercing pain in my head keeps bugging me. Maybe it’s the effect of the poison, as I struggle to be awake and continue to read the line in my book

            …..that memory of people who already passed away are still alive,

            My conscience starts to drift away.. The whole world is blurring, collapsing underneath me. I still struggle to finish the line that I’m reading.

            through their photos and writings.

            My eyelid starts to be heavy, I couldn’t feel my arms anymore. My whole body starts to feel numb, and I finally smile. This is it. For a flash, I could see people with welcoming arms  and alluring smiles embrace me tenderly.

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12 January 2014

            Today is the day before her death three years ago. I still remember how she was so beautiful that day, smiling like there’s no tomorrow. Well, ironic.

            Indeed, there’s no tomorrow after that day… for her.

            Thought I try to forget her, but it’s hard. I’ve gone to blind dates, yet… no one can make me smile after what happened to her.

            How I wish I could talk to her in her last minute. I would beg for her not to do that, to leave this world in that kind of way. How I would tell her that happiness in this world is still exist, how I would embrace her so she won’t leave me…

            Today, I decide to pay a visit to her graveyard. I brought a bucket of red tulip flower for her. I still love her, in a way, and I can’t let her go, yet. I also don’t forget to bring 2 cups of Americano, for us.

            As I drive the way to her graveyard, memories start to walk into my mind. How she hid those sadness, and not sharing it with everyone. I really felt useless, that I can’t be the hand that she’ll hold when she’s getting lost….. and now, she’s really lost. Tears start to stream down and I wipe them as I turn off the car engine.

            I fix my appearance and wipe the remaining tears, then embrace the bucket and coffees. And finally I meet her.

            I put the flower and coffees on the ground near her grave and pray for her. That she’ll get the happiness in the other world, that she’ll… she’ll… I couldn’t continue my pray as tears start to choke me.

            I pour a cup of Americano on her graveyard and start to sip the other one.

            “It’s been a long time, isn’t it?” I ask to the whispering winds. I take a  sip of Americano before continuing. “How are you? “ I  stare lovingly to her grave. “Are you happy, there? I hope so….”.

            I start to pour up my feelings to her, “Why did you go? When you go, I asked myself  that question over and over again. Don’t you trust me? Don’t you love me? Why do you have to carry all burdens by yourself?”

            I try to wipe my tears, but they were just too many, “Don’t you know how painful it is for me? It’s…. hard. I need you. If only you don’t go… I swear I’ll give you those happiness that you’d been yearning for. You don’t have to find it this way, Yoon..”

            “I love you. “ I huff my breath, and helplessly whispering. After a moment of silence, I get up and start to drive my way to the coffee shop.

            As I drive my car, the sun is already setting. Now I know where to go…

            It still smells the same, lingering aroma of roasted coffee. Only the people change, after all. I order my favorite cup of espresso without any drop of sugar and, sit on the chair behind her favorite spot.

            And I stare to the nothingness in front of me, I suddenly find myself staring to the brown orbs that I really love. And she smiles. The same smile like the day before she left the world. Another living soulless memory of her. And then, she turns her head, staring to the quiet suburban. Occasionally, she  sips the Americano, and then taking out her book and starts to read.

            A drop of tear travels down my cheeks, as I sip my espresso and stare into the quiet suburban in the night. How bitter.

THE END.

So how was it ? Yeah, i was inspired by the music video of Nell. It's very sad T,T

Please comment and tell me what do you think ^^