“What’s bothering you babe?  Why are you crying?  Is there something wrong? Tell me.”  Top asked me and gave me a hug.  “You must be happy.  Don’t you remember that it’s our first anniversary?” He added and put out a small box out of his pocket.  He opened it and a necklace with a star pendant is in it.  He swings it in the air and put it on me.  “Happy first anniversary jagiya.. I love you so much.” He said and kissed me in the forehead.

I smiled to hide the fact that I forgot about this day.  I can’t believe that days passed by so fast.  It seems that it was just yesterday when Seungyun and I met. 

It was one rainy night when my car ran out of gas.  I was on my way home from the rehearsal.  The place where I got stocked was unfamiliar.  There was no one passing by and my phone’s was out of battery.  I stayed inside the car.  I have decided that I’ll just wait until morning comes until a light coming caught my attention.  He stopped his car and knocked the window of mine.  With no second thought, I opened the door and told him what happened.  He offered me a ride home.

“Hey! Don’t you like my gift?”  He asked.  When I looked at him, I saw the disappointment in his face.  I moved closer to him and kissed him.

“Of course! Of course I like it. I love it babe.  Thank you so much but… I.. I”

“Shhhhh.  I understand.  I know you’ve been busy with your work.  Having you here with me tonight is enough.”  He smiled and kissed me. 

This is what I love about him.  He always understands me but I can’t deny it that I feel so guilty.  I feel like I’m taking advantage on him.  He always finds time for me despite of his hectic schedule.  He never fails to give me flowers every morning.  He never gets tired of my mood swing.  He never fails to let me feel his love.

“You know I won’t ask for more than you can give babe.  You know having you as my girl is more than enough to be this lucky.” He added. 

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People call me an outcast.  Not because I am alone, but because they say I don’t fit in.  People always put me in the bottom list.  Not because I’m numb, but because I’ll never be a priority.  Friends used to let me carry their things.  Not because I’m strong, but because they say I’m a maid to be. Guys throw tricks on me. Not because they are magicians, but because they see me as the wicked one.  Even if I excel in academics as well as in extracurricular, these things are not enough for them to treat like a real human, like a real woman.

But everything changed when someone started to defend me.  He punched guys when they fooled around me.  He scolded girls when they’re talking things about me.  He clapped when teachers complimented me for getting the highest scores during exams and sat down beside me and offered me a company.  People know him as the school’s bastard.  Girls call him a jerk for breaking their hearts.  Teachers are mad at him for he doesn’t do assignments and doesn’t study.  He just holds his pen and composes songs.  At first I doubt his kindness.  It’s awkward that suddenly everything between us run smoothly.  Silence between us becomes more comfortable.  I’ve learned to ride on his jokes.  I’ve learned to laugh aloud, to speak aloud and to craze around.  Changes about me, everything is because of him.

-------

“Let’s go? I know you’re tired and you still have rehearsals tomorrow.  I don’t want you to tire yourself more here with me.  It’s late and you must be resting right now.” 

On our way home, his phone rang.  He picked it up.  I wondered who called but I didn’t bother to ask.  I know he’ll take it the other way.  He speeded up.  It seems that something happened.

“What happened? Slow down, babe.  You’re scaring me.  You know I have..”

“I’m sorry babe, I didn’t mean to scare but my brother needs me.  He’s in the hospital.  He got a car accident.”

As we reached the hospital, he hurried himself and looked for his brother’s room.  I never know he has a brother.  I thought he’s an only son.  Upon knowing that his brother is fine, he drove me home.  I didn’t even have the chance to see how his brother looks like.  I fell asleep while waiting for him to go out from his brother’s room. 

I didn’t sleep the whole night.  Nightmare of the past kept on spinning out of my mind.  I remembered the time when I got a car accident with him.  With the man who used to be my superman.  The man who helped me to stand up and let everyone knows my worth. He’s Jiyong Kwon—the man who has taught me a lot about things including falling in love.  

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“If you’ll be scared of everything.. you will not be happy.  You have to learn how to free yourself from that shell.  You have to learn how to defend yourself.  Don’t let people bring you down, you don’t deserve such things.  You deserve more than they do. You deserve to be respected, to be known, to be honored and most of all..  You deserve to love and to be loved back.”

Those words changed my point of view.  He was right.  I deserve more than this.  I remained silent as I took off my eyes from him. I was confused.  I didn’t know what love really is.  I didn’t know what this feeling I feel for him was not until he taught me what.

“Do you know what love is?” I asked him, trying to break the silence between us.  “Is it true that it causes you butterflies in your stomach? Sleepless nights?  Feeling the way just like of those fairytale princesses?”

He looked at me and moved closer.  This time, he’s acting different.  I can see the seriousness on his face.  The sincerity his eyes got. I could feel the drum beats in my chest that confused me more. 

“I really don’t have any idea what true love means, until I met Dara Park. . until I met you.  The first time I saw you standing in front of the class, the first time you got punished because of your group mates, I was mesmerized.  And from that day until now, you still are the reason why I’m always out of my mind.”

I got teary eyes upon hearing those things.  I know I love him and knowing he loves me, it seems that I just reached the stars.

“What do you mean, Ji? I don’t understand.” I asked him trying to assure things.

He didn’t answer me but instead, he stood up.  He faced me and pulled me up.  I felt the coldness in his hands.  He’s nervous.  He looked at me in the eyes as he started swaying. We are actually dancing. We are dancing under the moonlight with the melody in our heart.

“I said I love you.  I love you Dara.  Do you love me too?”  He whispered in my ears.  Words of his love between the lyrics of the song he was singing that time. 

He continued singing.  Waiting for me to utter even a single word, but I was too surprised.  No words came out of me and I found myself nodding--nodding to him as my answer, as my YES.

He hugged me tight.  That time, I felt his love; his sincerity.  He spaced out and looked at me.  He moved his head nearer mine as he lowered his eyes to my lips.  I was about to speak but he was too fast that he conquered my lips already.  He kissed me slowly, savoring the taste of our first kiss.

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I suddenly felt strange when I saw Seunghyun’s car outside the house.  I know he got worried knowing I didn’t attend the rehearsal.  He must be here to check on me and I was not wrong.  The doorbell rings.  I opened the door and someone familiar is standing right in front of me.  I felt the goose bumps all over my body.  I was shocked upon seeing Jiyong, standing in front of me.  He still looks the same.

“Ji.. jiyong?”

He hugged me tight without saying a single word.  I felt so happy upon feeling his warmth again.  I’ve longed for him for so long.  I missed him so much.  I’ve never seen him again after the car accident.  That was accident that separated us together.  After what happened, I didn’t hear anything about him.  I just thought, he died in that disaster.  He didn’t even try to contact me.  He didn’t even try to look for me.  But these never make me love him less.

“What happened to you after the accident? Why you didn’t even try to contact me, to know if I survived.  You didn’t even bother to know what happened to me.” I told him trying to control my tears.

He pulled me and tried to prison me in his arms.  He tightened up his embraced and tried to comfort me with his kisses.

“I’m sorry Dara.  I didn’t mean to leave you.  I didn’t mean to hurt you, but after the accident… I lost my memory.  I got my back broken.  I got damaged my head too much.”

“That’s cliché, Jiyong.  That’s cliché!  I don’t believe you.  You are lying.  You are lying.” I screamed and tears started to fall down.  I was hurt too much.

“Dara, please believe me.  Please! I love you so much, I won’t lie to you.”

“He’s saying the truth Dara.  What he has told you are all true and I can prove you that.”  Seunghyun interrupted trying to calm the situation down.  “I know you are wondering but let me tell you everything.” He added. “Ji is my bother.  We have the same father but we differ in mothers.”

“Stop it hyung, I can explain things to her.  I know she’ll understand.  She’ll feel it in her heart, right D?” Ji interrupted, his eyes were seeking for answers- answers from me.  I looked at him. 

PUZZLED. CONFUSED.

I walked away to keep a distance from them.  I was looking to the both of them standing in front of me.  Thoughts were spinning in my head.  There were a lot of questions; A lot of things to clarify; A lot of things to be explained.  I was torn in between.  I can’t tell them what exactly I feel. 

“I know it’s hard for you being in this situation.. but Dara, I know what is up with you and my brother.  I was hurt when he told me about you, being his girl but I don’t have a choice but to accept it.  You’re the first and last woman I love, from that moment until now, it’s still you.  But I can’t blame you if you thought I’ve died.  That I’m resting with angels now.  I will accept it if it’s him, you are love now. I’ll respect it.” Ji whispered.

Seunghyun walked near me.  He was trying to comfort me but I refused.  I kept distant.  He’s love for me, I can’t feel it now.  I can’t believe he didn’t bother to tell about this thing.  He took advantage of me.  He was a coward.  This only means that he didn’t trust my love for him to well.  I was so disappointed.

“I know I was wrong for keeping it from you Dara, I’m just afraid to lose you, I love you too much.  I can’t let you go by just that.  Forgive me from hiding you the truth Dara.. please.. I’m sorry.”  I expected him to say this but I can’t just let this be. 

“Seunghyun is my boyfriend right now.  And you, Jiyong were my boyfriend.  I am stuck between you two.  What hurts me more is the fact that you are brothers.” I told them.  Tears fell down.  Pain arouse in me.  It’s hard to be stuck in this kind of situation. 

“I’m ending it up with you now, Seunghyun.  I know this is childish but I’m sorry.  I’m confused right now.  If you are thinking I used you to forget him, I want to let you know I did not.  My love for you is real.  Those things I showed you were real not until this happened.  This confused me.  It doubted my love for you.  I’m sorry but we’re done.”

I saw him bowed his head.  I know he’s hurt.  I broke him.  I ended up hurting the man who used to be my source of happiness.

“I understand.  I know your love, from the start is not purely for me.  I tried to replace Ji in your heart but I failed.  I know your love for him is real.  He’s your true love.  Please remember, I love you even if your love for me is not true.”

I found freedom upon hearing those words from him.  It lightens up my feeling.  I looked at him but still I felt so sorry for breaking his heart. 

Jiyong patted his brother’s shoulder.  I can see the concern with him.  I didn’t expect that after what his brother has done to him, even if his brother betrayed him. 

“It’s never been your fault.  Whatever happened, you know we’re still brothers.. we have the same blood running on our nerves.  And what just made things in this situation is that, we fell in love with the same girl.”  He said and looked at me.  He smiled—that smile was just like the smile the first time we met.  I know that smile well, for that smile was the reason why I fell for him.

  unedited

YAY. At last, it's done. ^^

Thanks for reading. Side comments are allowed since I'm a newbie :D

-giantdork

This serves as my apology to UNNIE KO for hurting her badly.

i didn't mean to. I'm sorry. ><

I hope you are not disappointed to me now.

Dongsaeng mo loves you very much.

(*^________^*)

my very first public apology. :3