Myungsoo couldn't understand why people cry when they laugh so much. He couldn't understand why people use violence when they're angry. He couldn't understand why people cry when someone they know dies. He thought it was stupid because when they die, they go to a better place - a safer place. 

He watched as the people around him cry and grieve over the deceased man. His lips were carved in a perfect line, as always, and his eyes were cold. He sat there, emotionless. He sighed and stood up, walking towards the coffin. He patted his mother's back, trying to comfort the other. He might not understand why they were crying but he did know what to say to make the people feel better, sometimes.  

"There, there. He wouldn't want to see you cry." He said as he continued to pat his mother's back. "He's in a better place now. A place where only perfection and peace exist. A place known as paradise." 

His mother looked up at him, searching his eyes for anything. "Why aren't you crying, Myungsoo? Your own father died." 

Myungsoo didn't even tremble or flinch as he heard the word 'father' and 'died' in the same sentence. 

Myungsoo shook his head, "I'm not sad." 

His mother looked at him like he was some psycho. She looked at him like he was a stranger. 

"You're not sad?" His mother whispered. "Why?" 

"What do you mean by why? I don't see what there is to be sad about." 

She just stared at him, stunned. She opened to tell him off but no sound came out, only hot air. Her eyes trembled as she looked at her son, staring back. She lowered her head and continued to cry over her dead husband but also for Myungsoo. 

 

 It was around spring when Myungsoo decided to enjoy nature. He let his feet take him wherever it landed. They landed at the park, full of trees, flowers and sunlight. He took a deep breath and sat down on one of the benches. He looked around the park, only witnessing couples sharing hugs, laughter and conversations. 

The park was actually full. He realised only it when he saw two elderly couple walking around, looking for a seat. He watched them walk nearer to him and like it was a habit, he stood up quickly and gestured them to seat on the bench he was seating on. The lovely couple smiled at him, thankful. 

"Thank you," The old man said. "Thank you so much!" 

Myungsoo stared at them with a neutral expression, "You're welcome." He said bluntly. 

The old lay looked at him with a curious look, "Why aren't you smiling?" 

"I'm not happy."

The couple were surprise by his response, "I'm sorry. We didn't mean to disturb you and take your sit." The old lady apologised. 

Myungsoo shook his head softly, "No, no. I didn't mean it like that." He paused and took a step back. "I just don't know what’s there to be happy about."

The couple exchanged looks before looking back at him, "I'm sure you'll find something," The old man smiled.

"Or someone" The lady added. 

Myungsoo just nodded and left the couple to have some private time. 

He thought what they said was quite strange. If he doesn't bother looking for it, he won't find it. 

That's exactly what he's planning on doing. He wasn't going to waste his life trying to find happiness. He was content with his life, just the way it is. 

 

It was in the middle of summer when Sungyeol invited Myungsoo over to his house. Sungyeol said that some relatives were coming over for a visit and he wanted to introduce Myungsoo to them. 

Little did Myungsoo know, that day would change his life forever. 

"Hello!" The girl brightly greeted. "My name is Bae Suzy." 

Myungsoo looked at her strangely. What was so good in meeting a stranger? 

"Hi. I'm Myungsoo." He introduced himself in the most boring way possible. 

Suzy grinned, "Well, you're happy." 

Myungsoo's eyes grew wide. It was the first time someone told him that. "People tell me the opposite."

Suzy couldn't help but widen her smile, "It was sarcasm." 

"Oh."

"Sungyeol oppa told me that you always look like this." She paused, observing his expression. "Why is that?" 

"I don't have a reason to feel emotional." He looked her in the eye, hoping to scare her away because he felt threatened by her in a way. "I don't need to have feelings."

"That's stupid, Myungsoo." 

Myungsoo was dumbfounded. People called him stupid but hearing it from her made him feel little. It made him feel actually stupid. 

Suzy looked at him with concern, "Are you okay?" Myungsoo nodded slowly. "You look scared." 

Myungsoo was back to his usual self, "Scared? I don't feel anything" 

Suzy scoffed, "Lies." 

"No, I'm not lying."

"Lies" She repeated. 

"Stop it. I told you I'm not lying." 

"Lies"

"Stop it"

"Lies"

"Shut up"

"You feel annoyed now, don't you?" 

Myungsoo didn't answer. He did feel annoyed and it was the first time he realised and acknowledged it. Wow, it was really different. He hated this feeling. 

"Are you annoyed?" Suzy asked, rephrasing her question. 

Myungsoo nodded, "What if I am?" 

"Then you lied."

"How?"

"You said you don't feel anything and last time I checked, feeling annoyed is feeling something."

"Shut up." Myungsoo felt smiling. He felt the corner of his lips slowly raised but he forced it back to its original place. 

"It's okay to smile, Myungsoo." Suzy smiled softly at him. "It won't hurt." 

It was probably the first time Myungsoo felt like he was having a heart attack. His heart was beating so fast, it would be able to jump out of him any second. However, that wasn't what he was interested in. He was interested in the girl who made him feel like this and made him realise it. 

 

 It was the last day of autumn. Myungsoo was sitting in the same bench he was sitting on in spring. He brought his camera with him this time and took pictures of the scenery around him. He really liked autumn. The ground was covered with autumn leaves and the tree was , making it look worthless but beautiful. 

It was quite cold that day and there was hardly anyone at the park. He liked it that way. He could enjoy some peace and quiet without watching people having a kissing session. It was relaxing, just watching nature right before him. 

Only, it got better. 

"Long time no see." He heard a familiar voice said. 

He looked up and saw Suzy, all wrapped up and warm. He watched her sit beside him, his eyes never leaving hers. 

"Do you mind if I join you?" She asked with a smile. 

"No. Have a seat."

It was quiet for a while. Now and then, Myungsoo would look at her from the corner of his eyes.

She turned her head to look at Myungsoo. She admired his profile view before asking, "Why are you lonely?" 

Myungsoo looked at her not that surprise at all. He knew it was coming. 

He answered with silence, not even moving telling her he doesn't know. Suzy nodded, she knew his answer. 

"Do you like it?" Suzy asked.

"Like what?"

"Being lonely?"

Myungsoo thought about it, "What does being lonely feel like?" 

Suzy smiled, "It feels horrible." 

"How so?"

"You feel unimportant. It feels like no one wants you, to be with you." 

"How do you know when you're lonely?" Myungsoo still didn't know if he's ever felt that way.

"I guess when you feel those things I said." Suzy looked him in the eye. "Have you seriously never felt lonely before?"  

Myungsoo shook his head, "I don't know." 

Suzy just smiled softly and stood up. "I think I'll be going now." She started to walk away from him but stopped when Myungsoo shouted after her. 

"Stay for a bit." He said. "Please."

 

Sungyeol forced Myungsoo to come over to his house to watch some movies. He mentioned that Suzy and her older brothers would be there. As soon as Sungyeol mentioned that, it was forcing anymore. Myungsoo gladly agreed. When he arrived, Sungyeol cousins were already getting ready to watch. Suzy motioned him to seat in the empty space beside her. He walked slowly over and took a seat. 

The movie started, it was a horror movie. Myungsoo sat and watched it without screaming, flinching or hiding. He sat there, with a poker face and kept his eyes on the screen. Suzy would move a little now and then and he would take a peek. She was shielding her face with a pillow and Myungsoo couldn't help but think it was adorable. 

When the movie ended, Suzy sighed and stood up. She looked at Myungsoo who kept his poker face on since the beginning. 

"Did you like the movie?" She asked nicely. 

"It was okay." 

"Weren't you scared?"

Myungsoo gave her a look. The same look that people gave whenever someone said something so stupid. 

"I don't have any fears." He simple said. 

Suzy laughed, "Sure." 

He wasn't sure if she was being sarcastic or if she was sincere. 

"Not even ghosts, spiders? Nothing?" Suzy tried to push it out of him. 

Myungsoo shook his head, "Ghosts aren't real and spiders are small. Why should I be scared of them? I'm bigger than them." 

Suzy nodded, "That's true."

Myungsoo was glad she didn't ask any more questions. He watched her read a book and everything seemed to be peaceful and okay. The atmosphere was always like this whenever she was around him. It was quite different. 

 

"What do you think about the stars?" Suzy asked.

"I think they're amazing." 

"Why?"

"Because they can light up the darkness."

It was a breezy night. Suzy had invited Myungsoo to watch stars with her in the park. They were lying on the grass, next to each other. 

"What do you think about them?" He asked, curious to what the other thinks. 

"I think they're special." 

"Why do you think so?" 

"Because they're like us."

Myungsoo his side to face her. "Like us?"

"Like us." She confirmed. "There's a million of them and they're titled the same. Even though there are a lot of them, each individual star is unique."

"I think differently to yours." 

"What is it?"

"When you see a star, you'd think they're special. But when you see it up close, your thoughts would probably stay the same but only for a while." He paused. "After a while, it won't be special anymore. That's when you'll realise that all stars are the same. No matter how you look at it."

Suzy made a noise, indicating that she understood what he said. 

"It's better to look at stars from afar." Myungsoo continued. "When you look at them from a closer view, they don't appear to be that special, to you, after all." 

Suzy made the same sound again. But after that, everything was silent. It was until Suzy said something that Myungsoo wished she didn't. 

"I'm going back to America soon." She started. "My long vacation is coming to an end." 

Myungsoo didn't say anything, which caused Suzy to look at him. 

"I'll miss this." A quiet laugh escaped from . "I'll miss you and your unique personality."

Myungsoo looked at her. He looked at her deeply in the eyes, searching for something. Something he never had. 

"Have a safe trip" Was all he said. Not even a 'goodbye'. 

He did feel something strange, however. He was just stubborn to admit that a random girl made him feel like this. Ha, it was a lie. She wasn't just a random girl. She started to become something special to him. 

 

 Sungyeol had called Myungsoo to tell him to come over to his. Myungsoo agreed and walked to Sungyeol's house slowly. It wasn't a warm day, it was quite chilly. Winter is on its way. 

"Did you hear?" Sungyeol asked him once he arrived.

Myungsoo looked at him, confuse. "Hear what?"

"Suzy's staying!" 

Myungsoo didn't know what to say. Just two days ago, Suzy said she was leaving and now she's staying. 

When Myungsoo didn't give any response, Sungyeol explained. "Suzy's older brothers, Woohyun and Sunggyu, wanted to stay here and study. Something about Korea having a better medical schools and shiz like that." Myungsoo nodded, showing he was listening. "They were begging their parents if they could move here and they parents were against it at first. So they went to ask Suzy if she wanted to say." Sungyeol was getting excited by the minute. "She simply said yes and they formed a team to persuade their parents. Their parents gave up just yesterday night." 

Myungsoo felt warm inside, he felt relieved. But he ignored those feelings and forced himself to become numb. 

"They're staying Myungsoo!" Sungyeol excitedly exclaimed. "They. Are. Freaking. Staying!" 

"Why are you so excited about it?" 

Sungyeol shrugged, "I don't know. I get kind of lonely sometimes and you hardly give any reaction to anything." He paused and narrowed his eye at his best friend. "Which is annoying sometimes." 

"Well thanks, Sungyeol." Myungsoo said sarcastically. A smile played on his lips and his eyes shrank his response. 

Sungyeol stared at him, his eyes wide and mouth slightly open. 

The smile on Myungsoo's face drained and looked at Sungyeol in concern. "Hey. Are you okay?" 

Sungyeol shook his head, looking like he's trying to get something off his hair. "You just..."

"I just?" 

"You just smiled!" 

Myungsoo looked even more surprise that Sungyeol. He didn't even realise he smiled. "I did!?" 

Sungyeol nodded exaggeratedly, "It was so creepy." 

Myungsoo chuckled and for the first time in his life, he felt alive. "Thanks." 

Sungyeol dropped his mouth open, "You just laughed." Sungyeol blinked a few times. "Kim Myungsoo just laughed." He slapped himself softly. "Am I dreaming?" He pinched his skin hard. "Ow! Nope, it's real!" 

Myungsoo shook his head, "You're weird today."

"And you're not?" Sungyeol raised his eyebrow. "I wonder what happened for the past few days. Did something good happen?" 

Myungsoo thought about the past few days and what he did. The only thing he remembered doing was spending some time with Suzy. He coughed awkwardly. 

Sungyeol smiled sheepishly, "Ah. Okay." He tried to suppress the laughter. "Go. Go and talk to her. I think she's waiting."

Myungsoo looked at him, "Who?" 

Sungyeol sighed, "Don't play games, stupid. Now that I think back to it, it did sound so much like your name." 

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, when their parents announced they were staying. Suzy muttered something along the lines - 'I can't wait to tell Myungsoo.'"

Myungsoo felt his heart jump. It was more excited than him. 

"I couldn't make out what the last word was but now, I know." Sungyeol grinned. "Go. She's in the park."

He pushed Myungsoo and slammed the door in his face. 

"What a nice best friend." Myungsoo scoffed. 

 

 Myungsoo arrived at the park and searched for Suzy. He finally found her, seating on the same bench they did whenever they came here together. He approached her secretly, his heart racing as he got closer. 

Suzy turned her head and Myungsoo's direction and smiled, "Sungyeol oppa warned me that you're coming." 

Myungsoo rolled his eyes. He took a sit next to Suzy and watched her put her phone away. 

"I heard you're moving here," says Myungsoo. "I thought you would be sick of this place by now." 

Suzy laughed inwardly, "I heard you smiled for the first time." 

Myungsoo was surprise but not at the same time. Knowing that Sungyeol texted her, he was sure Sungyeol wouldn't miss out that part. 

Suzy had hope in her eyes, "Did you?" 

Myungsoo nodded slowly, "You want to know why?" 

"Yeah"

"Because a stranger walked into my life and told me I was lying." He paused and smiled a little. "That same stranger, spent most of her time with me." His smile grew bigger. "During those times, she took away the numbing feeling I had. She took it away and made me realise that I did have feelings. I just fed myself with numbing desires." 

Suzy smirked, "Who was that person?" She knew the answer; she just wanted to hear it. 

"Just a star." Myungsoo chuckled. "She's a special star to me though." 

Suzy's eyes glowed, "What are you afraid, Myungsoo?"

He thought about it for a while. His smile vanished and he felt panicked just thinking about it but, nevertheless, told her. 

"I'm afraid of losing you." It didn't take long until the smile on Myungsoo's face made reappearance.

Suzy realised he was smiling since before. "Why are you smiling, Myungsoo?"

"Because I'm happy." 

"Why are you happy?"

"Because I met you." 

Suzy couldn't help but smile at his response. "Hey, why don't you throw Sungyeol oppa away and be my best friend instead?" 

Myungsoo shook his head, disagreeing to what she just said. "Sorry, I can't do that." 

Suzy frowned but soon recovered and plastered a fake smile on her face. "I was only joking." She lied. 

"Lies." 

"I'm not lying."

"Lies."

"Shut up. I'm not lying." 

"Liar." 

Suzy groaned in frustration, "I'm not lying, Kim Myungsoo." 

"Then why are you angry?" 

That made Suzy shut up. She turned her back on Myungsoo and folded her arms. She started to kill him in her head and Myungsoo could see she was annoyed. 

"Hey." Myungsoo tapped Suzy's shoulder numerous times to get her attention. 

"What?" She snapped at him. 

"Do you want to know why I said I can't do that?"

Suzy turned around to face him, "Why?"

"Because if you were my best friend, I can't say you're mine."

Suzy stared at him blankly. She only fully digested what he said now. "What?"

"You're mine, okay?" 

Suzy stayed quiet. "You can't just-"

Myungsoo pointed at himself, "Mine." He repeated. 

"Who said you can-"

"Mine." 

Suzy smirked, "Don't forget," Her smirk starting to form into a smile. "You're mine too."