part 01: winter beginnings ~ byun baekhyun
Train Station
~Train Station~
~*~*~*~*~*~
It’s winter.
Snow, marking the beginning to an end...
It’s purity, the color of white.
~*~*~*~*~*~
PART 01: WINTER BEGINNINGS ~ BYUN BAEKHYUN
1st January 2011
Byun Baekhyun @ age 20
It’s extremely cold this morning, the wind constantly passing its way through and around the small figure of Byun Baekhyun. Currently he is standing outside a train station, waiting patiently for the next train to arrive. He shivers slightly, but in all honesty, he doesn’t mind the cold. Baekhyun actually prefers it when the weather is like this because he likes the feeling of the cold breeze grazing against his cheeks and the light stinging pain that it’ll leave afterward. It helps him stay awake since he tends to drift away into his daydreams, and a bit too often for his liking. He hates it when he daydreams because whenever he does, he’ll only remember back to his old memories. You know, the good kind, where he should be smiling away like a crazy fool just upon thinking about them however, in actuality, those happy memories only bring him mixed pain instead. Yea, Baekhyun doesn’t want to remember those kinds of memories. They only end up having her in them.
The breeze blows once again, but this time it bites his cheeks in a more violent manner. He sighs tiredly from the harsh pain and tucks his chin deeper into his blue woven scarf. Yes, he does like the cold, as mentioned before, although he doesn’t want to get himself sick physically because mentally and emotionally, he’s already too ill from heartache. He knows getting a cold will only make his mood worse.
His eyes slowly trail downward and they immediately overlook the train tracks that lay before him. The tracks are covered in a light layer of frost, which he finds himself admiring, especially with the way it would glisten off the rusty metal. It was as if the frost was trying to hide the metal’s imperfections with its crystal like beauty.
Just like how she used to cover up my imperfections by just being by my side…
The sound of a train’s whistle brings Baekhyun back to his senses. His fists are unconsciously clenching and unclenching themselves inside his coat pockets as he looks up to see the near approaching train. Even his heart is beating at a much faster rate due to the unsettling feeling that is pivoting itself deep within his being. The memories are starting to come back again and he knows he can’t do anything to stop them from coming. In the end, Baekhyun would usually find himself blaming it on her for feeling pathetic like this whenever he hears the train’s damn whistle. Yes, it was always her fault.
He sighs. He doesn’t want to think about this. It’s tiring for him and he wishes for nothing more than to just forget about her, but it’s too difficult for him to no matter how cliché it would seem to others. This is how it always was for Baekhyun each and every morning before work when he would wait for the train. He decides to shake the feeling off and focus his attention back to the beautiful frost covered train tracks, trying his best to ignore the rumbling vibrations from underneath his feet.
In the background, Baekhyun quietly listens to the soft murmurs of the people around him as he continues to stare down at the tracks. Their voices had begun to rise up in volume and he could hear the joy and excitement radiating off from them. He half-heartedly smiles to himself knowing that all of these people were all waiting for someone on that train. He was just like them, yet he was also very different because for him, Baekhyun knows the person he’s waiting for will never be coming off that train to run happily into his greeting arms. The thought makes him frown bitterly.
The chattering around him continues to grow louder and louder, making him feel slightly irritated since the peaceful atmosphere that used to be here was now no longer present. He closes his eyes and wills his ears to block out the noise. Another whistle is heard, pulling Baekhyun back into his memories once again. Unfortunately it wasn’t his usual happy memories that he had of them together. It was that one dreadful memory from exactly two years ago, on this very same day.
With his eyes still closed he feels the train pass by him. It slows down to a stop after blowing a final whistle. A minute passes by and he still keeps his eyes closed, hearing the doors finally opening. He takes a deep breath and opens his eyes, immediately frozen at the spot.
There she is standing before him just like two years ago.
1st January 2011
Byun Baekhyun and Bae Jiyeon @ age 18
“It’s over, Byun Baekhyun.”
Baekhyun is paralyzed from her words. It’s over? No, it can’t be. He tries to say something, anything, but his words are trapped behind his trembling cold lips.
Her hand is now softly caressing his left cheek, “Mianhe.”
He shakes his head and looks down at her with pleading eyes. He’s desperately looking for any signs of hesitance in her. There’s nothing. Her eyes only give him a cold and lifeless stare. Baekhyun begins to tell himself that this wasn’t happening, that she wasn’t breaking up with him to leave to Seoul, that she wasn’t going to leave him behind, and that she was going to stay.
His eyes are now glazed over with wetness. He was practically begging her to stay with those tear filled eyes of his. Baekhyun’s hand slowly finds its way to hers that was still clasped gently on his cheek.
“Jiyeon…gajima…” He weakly manages to say.
She stares sadly into his eyes before slowly leaning forward, pressing a small kiss to his other cheek. His eyelids fall close savoring the soft touch of her lips, which he knows he’ll soon forget with time. She pulls away and proceeds to take her small suitcase in her hand while Baekhyun still hung on to her other.
Jiyeon quietly looks at their intertwined hands, marveling at how they still fit together so perfectly even though their bitter ending was soon approaching. Their hands will never hold each other like this ever again will they?
When she finally found the courage to look up into his eyes again she spoke, “I have to do this. I have to go. This is something that I’ve always wanted and you know that. I can’t stay with you.” She carefully pulls her hand away, whispering a final mianhe as Baekhyun’s hand falls limply to his side.
Baekhyun watches as she turns her back to him hearing the train blow its final warning whistle. Everyone had to board now or be left behind. Jiyeon clamped her lips tightly together. This was it. Once she boards this train she’ll be on her way to Seoul, to SM Arts University. She will finally be able to pursue her passion in ballet even if it meant leaving Baekhyun behind.
Jiyeon was walking halfway up the steps before halting to a stop upon hearing Baekhyun’s voice.
“Bae Jiyeon…” Baekhyun smiled softly even though he felt like his whole world was falling down on top of him. He wanted to scream and pull Jiyeon into his embrace and keep her there like that forever, but this was what Jiyeon wanted. She wanted to leave. He understands that. It hurts, but for her, he’ll endure it and pretend he’ll be okay. He’ll endure it all because he loves her… “I love you.” He whispers.
A lump forms in the back of . She tells herself to not look back. Her hand begins to grip the handles of her suitcase more tightly as Baekhyun’s voice repeats itself over and over in her head.
She shuts her eyes and bites her lip. She can’t cry. Not yet. Jiyeon merely shakes her head
“Goodbye, Byun Baekhyun.”
Baekhyun hangs his head and lets out a half-laugh.
Goodbye?
Those aren’t the words he wanted to hear her say, but somewhere deep inside he knows she wanted to say those other words to him.
I love you too…
The doors are now closing leaving her confined inside the train’s warmth. Baekhyun lifts his head and watches her figure walk through the crowded walkway. She sits down near a window seat and slowly looks up.
Baekhyun locks his eyes with hers. Her dull eyes, once filled with joy, stare deeply back into his sad filled loved ones. They were both remembering their memories, from all of their recent heated arguments to their happier and carefree ones.
The train lets out another whistle indicating that departure was coming soon. He could only stand there like a statue. The whistle blew once more and to his ears he knew it was taunting him to chase after her. The taunting quickly became incoherent screams and yelling. He didn’t want to listen to the whistle’s taunting or the sudden voices in the back of his head to cloud about in his brain anymore. There was no point in chasing after her. He could only stand and hold in his pain. His heart was too broken and frozen like the white snow that lay on the ground. She was leaving and there was nothing he could do.
Their gazes were still locked onto one another. Tears had finally collected around the edges of Jiyeon’s eyes. Their memories were on replay and she found it hard to stop them from appearing so vividly in her mind. It was as if they were thinking the same things since Baekhyun couldn’t stop himself either. He will never forget the first time they had met in middle school, the day he had finally confessed his feelings, the first time they held hands, the warm embrace they shared on their very first Christmas alone together, the laughter and many smiles they shared with one another, and the very first time they had ever kissed.
Jiyeon was his first love, his life, his everything…
She places a hand on the window as she continues to look closely at his beautiful features. Jiyeon wants to remember every inch of Byun Baekhyun’s face. Baekhyun walks up to the window and does the same, both of their hands perfectly aligned together only to be divided by glass. The train finally creaks forward causing Baekhyun’s hand to drop from the window. His figure appearing smaller and smaller as the train moved away.
Baekhyun starts to breathe harder and the weight in his chest begins to deepen as Jiyeon’s face nearly disappears from his vision. No, not yet…please, come back! He sprints after it bumping into people along the way. Jiyeon had pressed both her hands against the window now. Her head inched closer so that she could see Baekhyun. Tears begin to overflow from Jiyeon’s eyes once Baekhyun reached the end of the platform. He stumbled and fell to his knees as he watched the train fade away in the distance. There was a pause before he screamed his lungs out not giving a damn about the confused and annoyed looks of the people around him.
He wonders if Jiyeon regrets any of it, of them being together. Byun Baekhyun had loved Bae Jiyeon to the fullest and he would have loved her forever, but he should have known better. He would no longer be the Byun Baekhyun that Bae Jiyeon loved.
Jiyeon was never coming back was she? Did Baekhyun do a good thing? Was it right for him to let her go? He’s not so sure anymore.
Snow began to fall down around him. He didn’t even notice until a snowflake brushed against his cheek. He looked up and blinked, surprised by the delicate and soft touch. Another snowflake fell down landing right next to the corner of his eye.
The snowflake began to melt against his skin.
Jiyeon…
He closes his eyes.
Jiyeon…
The melted snowflake drips down to his chin.
Jiyeon…
He opens his eyes again and stares lifelessly to the sky above. The snow continues to fall around him, crying their delicate frozen tears along with him.
Goodbye, my Jiyeon…
1st January 2011
Byun Baekhyun @ age 20
Baekhyun blinks and shakes his head. The train was blowing its whistle shaking him out of his daydream. There was no Bae Jiyeon standing in front of him anymore and technically she never really was there in the first place. It wasn’t a daydream or him just seeing things, apparently it was just his memory of her leaving him two years ago.
People began to pass by him, bumping carelessly into his shoulders, as they departed the train making him come back to his reality. A soft brush of something touches his cheeks. He furrows his eyes and wipes his hands across it realizing it was cold and wet. He looks up. Snow had begun to fall again. He smiles sadly, thinking how this would be another year without her, before walking into the open doors of the train.
At the same time a young girl comes out from the other door and steps down onto the platform. She flashes a bright smile to the scenery around her before looking downward to her hands. She opens it revealing a colorful beaded bracelet, the handiwork obviously done by the hands of a child. She clutches it tightly to her chest as she gives herself a small hwaiting fist.
She then beams a smile to the sky, the snow falling gracefully around her as the train behind her begins its departure.
I will find you, Byun Baekhyun…
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