I love you .Forever.

Luhan asks himself since when these words became so …simple. Nothing special. An  excuse everyone used when they did  a mistake.
“Hey honey I killed our cat . But I am sorry and I love you , okay ?”
“Hey babe ,I cheated on you twice but I  love you , forgive me please ?”
Luhan shook his head and tried to erase these thoughts from his mind because he knew to  what this all would lead . The thoughts would get more detailed and at some point his face would show up . How he sweetly whispered in his ear while they lay on a blanket, stargazing in a warm summer night . How he said that he would love him forever and he knew that with this memory the tears would come too. And they wouldn’t stop.

Groggily he pushed the blanket he slept with aside and stood up . The sun rose an hour before and it was time for Luhan to get  up , take a shower and do something out of his live . Well , at least pretend like he did. Because Luhan knew that no matter how often he would take extra shifts or how wide he smiled inside he was crying . His heart was broken for a long time now and it would never get repaired again . His mind was full of depressing thoughts that overshadowed everything pleasurable that happened from time to time . His whole being was pitiful and broken . Broken since his love left him .Since the person that promised him undying love said good-bye non the less.
Since Tao died.



I love you . Forever.
 
Sehun  wiped the tears away and ripped the picture in half . Then another time and another time . As long as all that was left was a little heap out of paper scraps. Angrily he stomped on the heap , letting the scraps fly all over the floor in his bedroom . Exhausted from all the crying and thinking he let himself fall on his knees and as soon as he hit the cold ground the tears streamed down his face again . Some times Sehun whished that he could cry so much that he would disappear . With every tear drop another part of him would get erased .In the end all that would be left was a puddle full of his memories.
Then a dog would come and slurp his memories off.

Sehun let out an sarcastic chuckle at this thought .Yes , such an ending would suit him . He never was lucky  and he will never be lucky again .Because the biggest luck he ever had ,had left him . Told him how much he loved him ,  just to die the second Sehun turned his back at him . And Sehun was too slow to turn around and help his love . Now he had to live with the consequences .With Kris being dead and him being alone and dead from the inside.


Sehun and Luhan both got dressed and somehow gathered all their left - over strength and left for work . For both of them it was more compulsion than actual work .
Luhan worked in a supermarket while Sehun worked as a kinder gardener. They tried to live their life as normal as they could without breaking down constantly. But still  everyday and at every time their minds were filled with pictures and memories about their ….ex-lovers ,  Kris and Tao .
Both of the couples were in a relationship for about 3 years  before Kris took a shortcut over the train tracks and his shoelace somehow got caught .
Sehun had to eat dinner alone this evening for the first time in 3 years.
While Sehun ate dinner alone on this evening Luhan and Tao wanted to eat in a restaurant . When the Mercedes hit their car on Taos side Luhan whished that they would have never left their house.
 

They both somehow managed to end their working days and you may call it fate or just pure coincidence , both decided to pay their beloved ones a visit . While Luhan was already standing in front of Taos grave , a red rose in his hands ,the jacket slung tightly around his body to keep the cold away , Sehun was on the way to Kris grave that lay , you can call it coincidence or fate again , next to Taos .  At first the two boys didn’t took notice of each other,  too immersed in their own pain when Luhan accidentally let the rose fall down . Sehun saw this and bent down ,  the two boys grabbing after the rose. When both of their hands touched they lifted their heads and looked at each other . Now was the time that both of them should have felt sparks and a weird tingling in their stomach but that was not the case . They just looked in each others eyes and saw a feeling both of them shared :  pain . And fear , an immense fear of being alone .
They didn’t need words at the moment or hugs .All they needed was to talk so they sat on a nearby bench and talked.
They told each other everything ,their fears , their pain ,the love they still felt for Tao or  Kris and the  frustration and anger that came with the reality of them not being able to ever feel the love from Kris or Tao again . They sat next to each other in this slowly getting cold spring night , not knowing anything of each other but still they felt like being close .Closer than they were with everyone else since the deaths .
In this night a tender bond started to bloom between the two  boys, tying them together without them even  noticing .

They sat on this bench for a long time on this evening , talking from time to time ,  thinking from time to time , crying from time to time . Neither of them made an effort to get up and go home, both knew that this was the last place they wanted to be . So they just sat there , Luhan still holding the rose in his hands while Sehun blankly stared at Kris gravestone and the pink flowers he had put  in front of it .
“You want to place it on his grave with me ?” Luhans small and broken voice suddenly broke the silence . Sehun looked up and saw something in Luhans red , still teary eyes , his trembling hands and feet and his quivering lower lip that made him feel weird inside. Was it sympathy ? Was it the fact that he trembled just like Luhan ? Sehun didn’t know.
All he knew was that it felt cold , almost freezing and that he had the urge to take the boys hand and do what he asked him for. Maybe the coldness would turn in warmth afterwards ?
So Sehun took Luhans hand and they stood up , walked  to the grave and positioned the rose in the middle of the grave .
“You want to say something ?” he asked Luhan who nodded.
He started with a small , broken voice that was not louder than a whisper.
“Hey Tao….how are you doing ? …. I -I -I” he swallowed and the first tear rolled down his cheek , he continued to talk in a tear filled voice “ I am doing okay…I miss you . I still sleep with your favorite blanket and I should tell you from your teddy that he misses to sleep with you too ……So please hurry and come back , o-okay??” he asked , a choked sob escaping his lips . The tears streamed down his face and only then is when Sehun realizes how beautiful and fragile Luhan is . How much his thinking is like that from a child and how much he whishes Tao to come back …..and how much Sehun misses Kris.
He turns his head to Kris’s  grave and looks at the big ,grey grave stone . He remembers their first date , their first kiss and the first time they had a fight . How Kris would laugh at his lame jokes and how he would tell him how beautiful he is . How he would wake up in the morning and watch Sehun till he would wake up just to get a big and sweet good morning kiss from Kris. How he waited that evening ….at the dining table , candles lit and Kris favorite music playing . How the doorbell rang and how ….how the police men destroyed his live by telling him that he ….he had left him .


Without Sehun noticing he kneeled on the ground in front of Kris’s grave , sobbing  in his hands. He didn’t register how Luhans arms pulled him in a hug , how Luhan cried with him or how Luhan took him home . All that he remembers is that Luhans bed sheets smell like roses , that the night he slept on Luhans couch was the first night since Kris death that he slept trough without nightmares and that he doesn’t want to leave this place . It feels warm here , not like his apartment where everything reminds him of Kris .
 

Luhan and Sehun ate breakfast with each other , they don’t talk a lot they just enjoy their company . it’s the same when they eat lunch and dinner . Day after day . Week after week .
Neither of them wants Sehun to leave . With them being not aware something else starts to blossom between them .Love . A pure and tender love .
 The occasional touches start to get more frequent and they soon start to share Luhans bed . Two blankets turn into one , the pillow under Luhans head turns into Sehuns arm .
But while the love  between them grows stronger , a different feeling starts to grow stronger too. Fear .
They both fear to love because they both got hurt by love . They don’t want to lose someone they loved again , so they rather not love at all. Which resumes in pain again . A pain neither Sehun nor Luhan can endure so one day when Luhan has an idea Sehun just says  yes ,regardless of anything .

“You think that Tao and Kris know of each other ?” Luhan asked Sehun one day while the latter played with his hands.
“To be honest , I think they have even more . Just like us . “
“You think so ?”
“Yes …I think it was fate . You know we lost them and now we found each other so why shouldn’t our counterparts have the same luck ? Maybe god planned all of this .” Sehun  chuckled while voicing his thoughts .
Luhan smiled but suddenly got serious again .
“I still love him .”
“I know Luhan , I know .I love Kris too. ….more than I will ever be able to love you .”
Luhan smiled bitterly , tears started to brim at the corner of his eyes.
“I feel the same way as you . As much as I want to love you I still feel bad . I am torn between you , the real live , and Tao , the life I want to  live . I think it is time that we end this .”
Sehun looked at Luhan , eyes big .
“How ?”
“ I think god planned this too , but I think god miss planned something . He didn’t thought about our feelings and I strongly believe that Tao and Kris feel the same even  if they are in heaven . They still long for us . I can feel that . Our relationship and their relationship are not balanced. My love for Tao is still too big to love you while Kris´s  love for you is too big to love Tao .We are caged in our feelings and to be honest I don’t see a different way than this. We have to be where Tao and Kris are .In heaven “ Luhan said while Sehun caught one of his tears .He brought the finger to his lips and tasted the tear .
“Luhan , my mother always told me something . A human starts to cry when he feels to much emotions , so one day the emotions spill over and transform into tears . Good emotions transform into sweet tears while bad emotions transforms into salty tears . Luhan ,your tears are extremely salty , so are mine . I think you are right . We have to end this . So one day we can cry sweet tears .With the persons we truly love .”

 

So Luhan and Sehun made their plan come true .
Everything went fast and without pain .
The red wine that was poisoned was the best they ever drank  and when they lay  face to face on Luhans bed they looked in each others eyes and without both of them speaking they knew what the other thought .
“Now we will be able to love again . Love till eternity and beyond .”

a/n

Please dont kill me ! I know I hate myself too for killing 4 ! people in just 1 ! chapter ...I am  a horrible person . ...but I regret nothing :D

Leave a comment if you liked it ,kill me if you don´t liked it :D