Only for you.
Paint the pain away.
Only for you. Only for you Mr. Kim Jonghyun would I wear that. I tried every other colour, every shade and every brand. You still insisted that single tube of red lipstick that I hate was the prettiest on me. You claimed it brought out my eyes and lit up my face. So no matter how much I disliked it, I wore it for you. That thick, deep crimson lipstick was now a part of my daily wardrobe even if it clashed with everything I wore.
I wore it on our first date. I thought it was a mistake once I had made my way to the restaurant, that it would smear all over my face as I ate. I ended up taking the most ridiculously small bites to avoid it. Drinking my wine was a challenge because I didn't want my lipstick to leave a mark on my glass. It did in the end, I really couldn't stop it from happening. I swore to myself that I'd never use that small tube ever again. Atleast I did until you told me how it was cute when I took small bites. That I was more feminine and it enhanced my beauty.
That date led to more dates. Dates in which I avoided that shade in order to actually kiss you. As beautiful as you thought I looked in that red, it didn't belong on you. You reminded me. You said "I really liked that red colour on you." I'm a good girlfriend. I don't mind making a small sacrifice and wearing it a bit more often, just for you. Only for you.
I remember wearing it when we first made love. That comment about it not belonging on you? I was wrong. I watched as I made small blood colour kisses all over your face. Along your neck, your chest, even the insides of your thighs had the smallest trace of red. Even if red wasn't your colour, it looked so perfect as it stained your face. Smudged from our kisses and the whispers of sweet nothings in between every pant.
That colour slowly became my favourite. It was the colour of all our firsts. First date, first real kiss, first time becoming one. I also wore it the first time you made me cry. The first time you ripped my heart out, as it pumped the same colour that graced my lips. You threw it on the ground. Telling me you couldn't hide it anymore. You loved him and not me. I still can't tell why you chose him. He doesn't wear lipstick. He can't give you all the small memories with each smudge of colour you see. No more next morning chuckles about how you would explain all the stains on your shirt collar.
As much as I wanted to hate that lipstick, throw it out and forget about it, I couldn't do it. I wanted the memories it contained. Good or bad. I wanted them all. The look on your face everytime I wore it after you crushed me made all the pain of putting it on worth it. You're look was sad, hurt almost because just like me you remembered that I wore this colour for you.
Just remember Jonghyun, even the smallest things aren't forgotten. You and I both remember that this red is our colour. It was meant for us, for you. Even if he was my replacement, he'd never understand the complexity, and the feelings behind the deep red colour. The colour that was only for you.
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