I knew that this would happen. Someday, any day, just not right now.

This was war after all. Gunshots and explosions filled the air, like the big booms of firecrackers, except there was nothing festive at all about this. Bodies fell left and right, splatters of blood covered everything within the mile radius.

Everything here was dirty, covered in the grotesque red substance, dirt smudged on every surface. People turned into beasts, clawing and ripping their way through everything, stepping over bodies without sympathy, without a single glance down. It was really kill or be killed here in these grounds.

I had actually given up long ago, I’m surprised I’m still standing after a year of this torture. But I had a protector. A protector in the name of Lee Junho.

Junho had arrived in our camp half a year ago. He was the light in the dark tent that the two of us shared with four other men. He was the one that cheered us up after the loss of one of our teammates; Jaebum. When Jay was shot down right before our eyes, he’d taken our souls with him.

With the arrival of Junho, the others had stopped their crying. The fires in them were  re-lit and sometimes, they even showed signs of happiness again. These days, even laughing was a common occurrence, in the nights when they would sneak a candle and play strip poker and joke around like the little boys that they were before all of this started.

He had jumpstarted my heart again. What used to be just a cold stone weighing me down would now pulse and jump whenever I saw one of those bright eye-smiles.

Of course, I knew he would join the mess of strewn bodies on the floor oneday. I just couldn’t imagine that day being now, when I was still alive and breathing and watching him fall before my eyes.

This wasn’t supposed to happen to him. He had been assigned to us as a drummerboy of sorts, someone who cheered us up within safe barriers. He wasn’t supposed to go out like this, no one was supposed to lay a hand on him until the rest of us fell.

It was my fault.

I saw the way he would look at me sometimes; it was the same way I would at him. I would ignore it, because even if the feelings were mutual, what good would it do here? I thought that if I ignored him, his feelings would die out. His warmth was there for us to appreciate from afar, for all of us to share. I couldn’t go taking everything.

I tried my best to avoid him, and he never looked me at me anymore, so I thought it was okay now.

It wasn’t.

All it took was one moment of unawareness. I heard a gunshot go off behind me and I thought, for sure, I was done for. But nothing came. Everything turned quiet and ominous, I turned and looked down.

There he was. Lying in a pool of blood, his blood, his body stretched out as if he was trying to… protect me.

My heart froze up for the second time. But this time, it hurt so much. Tears forced themselves out of my eyes when they hadn’t the first time and through my blurred vision, I stared at his limp body, his lifeless eyes looking right through me.

I don’t know how long I stayed that way, but then I felt another pain in my chest. This was different than the other pain, I could tell. This one was hot and burning and the heat flared throughout my body. My legs buckled and I fell down to my knees.

My heart strongly pulsed once, twice. My lips twitched up in a smile, I knew what was coming. All I had to do now was wait, and then I could join him.

I could feel myself seize up – it was close. My body fell the rest of the way, landing on top of him and I closed my eyes.

I’m coming with you, Junho, my love.