Sehuna

He jolted awake, arms out to catch a phantom; one whom he only saw and hear in his dream. He looked around the dark room, frantic eyes searching for her familiar form his mind knew wasn't there(his heart was another stubborn matter). Drenched in cold sweat on the bed that she'd snuggled into those nights when she ran from dorm, he hugged himself tight and let his companion of the night leak from closed lids.

A kind-hearted person
That precious person
The thin person, who seemed like
she would break when I hugged her

That expressive voice which tells of her feelings, that sweet voice that often called out to him, that soft voice that told him of nothing when they sat on the mountain top watching the sunset, his arms tight around hers as he whispered his love to her. She'd smiled so heartbreakingly beautiful then and Sehun didn't understand the tears in her eyes.

She was gone the next day.

She left without a word of goodbye
When I didn’t even think about saying farewell

He barely registered the sounds around him, drowned in the void that was building up within him while he stared out at the sea of grey, the mist thick enough to barely trace the structure of buildings beneath and around.

Is she alright in the cold? Will she lose her way?

Luhan clamped a hand on his shoulder, the usually comforting touch has lost its effect. She has always been his first priority and now that she's his root of worry, nothing helps anymore.

The skies are sad too and rain falls
Tears fall from my two eyes

Sehun found himself at the hill top despite the warning of rainstorm. The sunset wasn't beautiful anymore, obscure by the dreadful grey of miasma that brilliant orange barely shines through. Strong wind whipped at hair and clothes. Sehun was almost willing be swept along with it had it not been for the sturdy arm around his shoulders urging him to where the car is. Kris saw way too much into some of his intentions.

Wind, please blow
To the place where my dear is
So that my burning heart can be told
So that she can find me with my scent, wind blow
Wind, please blow
Where is my dear?

His heart picked pace at the slim silhouette few feet before him and he stumbled past couples blocking him. Sehun ignored the calls behind him, desperation gave him the push he need to barely grab at her sleeves. His smile was huge albeit strained when he caught his breath and looked up. Her eyes were small, her pale skin unlike the one he was used to. And though she seemed slightly pissed, there was interest in her eyes.

"Can I help you?" Her voice was husky from too much smoking and Sehun released his hold as though scalded.

Junmyun was quick to apologize on his behalf and Jongin glared at him once again.

"That is the tenth women I've promised a date in your stead."

As if I’m crazy, I wander around on the streets
I hold onto people who look like you

He was almost a statue curled by the window seat, the empty cans of beer by his side. The night looked almost bleak without the usual specks of stars anywhere in sight, or it may just be that he refused to see the stars shining bright when Sehun feels so lost in this world without her. It'd been a month without news and the worry has turned to despair.

But no news is good news and Sehun comfort himself that she's still out there somewhere.

If we live under the same sky
We’ll probably meet some day

Sehun was almost sure it was her this time, those brown locks, the lightly tanned skin, the willowy figure he'd missed hugging to sleep at night. She turned her back to him and he gave chase. But no matter how fast he willed his legs to go, how far he stretched his hands out to catch her, how loud he'd yelled for her, she was already a fading shadow.

In this rain,
I run fast to you, call me back

Once again, Sehun found himself reaching for air as he surfaces, wild eyes searching the darkness for a semblance of the girl he'd seen in his dream. And when reality crashed in, pain hot on its tail, Sehun choked on the invisible force tight around his neck as tears of helplessness trailed past sunken cheeks.

You, who has left me, you so bad
But why do you appear
in my dreams every night?

They thought he was getting better when Sehun started dating a year later. And Sehun do feel relatively better. Better than being trapped in desolation every second of his life, the ghost of her haunting every corner of his mind. Everything he does hurts. Every damn thing reminds him of her and Sehun finally got enough of hurting like this when suicide finally won the appeal.

He never did succeed in his attempt though. Kyungsoo and Zitao stopped him in time before he'd shoved the bottle of pills down his throat and into oblivion. Sehun was a living zombie by then and only when his cousin did finally visit him did Sunny(it seems like she knew something) shout some sense into him.

Sehun found a erse sense of fun in switching girl after girl once he'd gotten bored of them(and usually that'll range from a few days to a few months). None of them lasted past nine months; all left wailing their heartbreak. They wondered what trick the boy had in making them fall so hard but it was clear that Sehun was no better from back then.


The only difference now was Sehun sharing his pain with others.

Why do you make me so crazy?
Each day, I go round and round,
I chase and chase after myself
My love is pain

His pain wasn't as devastating but it was still a throb in his heart that Sehun can never remove. He could lie to everyone that she wasn't a part of his memory anymore but that'll be the greatest insult he'd have to her. She was the best that could ever happen to him and perhaps God was thinking twice about gifting him too much bliss when she left.

Three years and Sehun found himself back on the hill top where they'd last been together. There was no warning of any rainstorm this time; the wind was a pleasant movement around him. Sehun'd long given up the idea of dying. She wouldn't like it if he were to leave so simply(and that stubborn part of him still believe she'd be back).

Wind, please blow 
Where is my dear?
So that she can find me with my scent, wind blow
So that she can find me with my scent, wind blow

"Sehuna."

He thought he'd long ago stopped the delusion from plaguing his every waking moment. It must be the memories he had with her here that made it easy to conjure up her voice again. Sehun's chuckle held no humour when he looked out to the dipping sun bathing the landscape different hues of red and he wondered about its beauty. He hasn't find it captivating the two times he was here after she was gone but it's stolen his attention now, just like it'd been when they'd last been here together.

"Your smell is still the same; strong with that slight fruity scent that I easily picked up a few pace before I saw you. It's the same scent that the wind seemed to carry when you aren't with me."

Sehun couldn't have imagined that(since he never did get why she'd say he smell fruity when his cologne was anything but that), nor the arms that slid around him from the back, warm and all too familiar.

He was quick to turn around and capture the solid weight in his arms, afraid this was all a dream and she'd disappear like she did all those times years ago. When the body warmth seeped through clothes to him and her pixie face remained smiling, Sehun's heart raced like it never did for years as he crushed her slight frame to him. Sehun held her tight like that, absorbing the comfort of having her against him.

The years of absence feels like a dream when she easily captured his lips with a tilt of her head. Even their kisses feels the same and had she not cut her hair short, Sehun wouldn't have believed those years without her.

"Why, Sooyounggie?"

The girl's smile faltered a little, pulling him to sit beside her on the grass as the sky turned a shade darker and she told him a story about a girl with stage two liver cancer that no one believed could survive but was now living to tell her story to the male she'd loved and left years ago to battle the disease on her own without a farewell.