One night I woke up. It was the unusual cold summer nights of South Korea. Usually, there would be beads of sweat in my forehead and neck whenever I wake up. But tonight, it was different. I woke up with a freezing feet and numb – cold – ears because of the chilly weather.

I stood up, arising from my bed like a corpse that has woken up after years of being trapped onto something I can’t explain. There, in front of me, a desk with a paper and pen at the top of it welcomed my not-so-awake sight. The blue laptop sitting beside the blue whatever-it-is-lamp that provides me light (obviously) when I write late at night. And yes, that is what I am supposed to be doing right now and not just staring at it.

Time check: 4am. What the heck am I doing instead of sleeping? Getting ready. Getting ready for what? A concert. Yes, I’m also a fan-girl. I spazz, I write fan fictions, I read -s and other stories. I ship my bias with his best-friend. But I also work.

What’s my work, you ask? Event producer OR concert PD. Any of the mentioned. Depends on what is assigned to my team.

Apparently, my team was told to take a hold of a concert this month. Note: a free concert.That means we have to find a good – best – place to have it. It’s complicated. But everything’s done now. And today is the concert. YAY!

 

I walked to my bathroom like a hungry zombie looking for brains. Well, except for the fact that I am a human being, I am hungry too… But it’s already tattoo-ed in my head that I.MUST.TAKE.A.SHOWER before cooking or eating, at least.

Water ran through my thin body. The water was cold… I thought the heater were still alive for me but nope, as I said… It was just a thought.

The smell of strawberry-scented shampoo filled the room as I run my fingers through my hair.

The conditioner with a foreign aroma made my hair slick as silk…

But by the thought that I was about to get off of the shower room. Suddenly, the temperature became chilly from cold. Then a sudden struck of pain strike at my chest and started to feel tight. I opened the door and quickly dialed my Hoobae’s phone.

Thick — warm – fog  that successfully made me choke….

The pain started to control my veins and dominated my consciousness. It started to hit my head and there I started to lose grip of my control of my senses.

My fingers started to insanely curl along with my toes of my foot. My body started to move on its own as if it tried to live on its own… .It hurts… It hurts so bad..

My joints and muscles started to jerk.. No, not only my foot or hands. But my whole body. Altered consciousness, convulsions… Suddenly, I lost track of what I am doing. My mind went blank as my body took over my mind.

The door shut wide open. My hoobae arrived and there… she was the last view that I saw.

Everything became dark and deafening silence took over. I am conscious. But I cannot hear or see. Cannot talk and can hardly breathe. But I can feel… I can feel that my hoobae tried to pull me out of the shower but failed. She left and after a flash of seconds, she came back with a pill. A pill that I think, my medication…

She fed me the pill and I unconsciously took it down to my throat… Without any water.. or without any force. It hurts but I have to deal with it…

Slowly, my body eased up. From neglecting the twitching fingers, curling toes and pinky. My sense of hearing’s slowly coming back. The jerking muscles are starting to calm down.

Seizure attack... again. I thought.

It was pretty normal…for me. It’s been 4 hell years. It’s been four years since I was diagnosed with Epilepsy.

At first, I thought: Why me? Why me in 100% to belong in 2% with epilepsy?!

Cannot watch TV for 2 or more hours.

Can’t go out with friends to watch movies.

Can’t even go to clubs and other places.

 I remember the first movie I watched with a friend before my first EVER seizure. That was fun.

Being Epileptic is a big embarrassment and humiliation. I’ve been through so much that when I think about it, I often just wanna stab myself and die… But instead, I will cry.

I’ve been humiliated a lot of times. Been discriminated, called names, feared. People from my parent’s place would assume that I was possessed by a demonic power or something.

I went from one doctor to another. From medical, herbal and quacks, physics, ghost experts, priests, exorcists. Even to someone that is believed to heal me by dancing around yelling ground bunts living names, just so that I could be cured.

But everything failed.

There is no cure for epilepsy. It can only be controlled.

“PD-nim?!” I felt a small hand slap my shoulders cautiously. I opened my eyes and had the sudden thought to play around. Playing around when I just had seizure? PERFECT. I just looked at her straight. She looked like she was in disaster. I just looked at her… still looking…

“PD-nim!!” She suddenly started to cry like a wimp.. Tried to carry me around her arms. Again, she failed. She cried hard and cried octopus tears (A.K.A Eyeliner tears). “Stupid”. I stood up like nothing happened and left the shower room. She stopped crying and I felt a smile carved in her lips.

I grabbed a white soft towel and stood still. I have to admit that my body haven’t fully recovered yet. But I have to work.

I stood still beside the shower room’s door as I wipe the beads of water off my body. I grabbed my bathrobe and left the room.

The sudden rage of my hoobae bashed the hell out of my ears. Screaming “WHY!!!” like I was dead in her arms as she lunatically caressed the glass door of my shower room. Well, she’s called a drama queen for a reason.

“Come on. I’m not dead.” I reassured her. She stood up like nothing happened, brushed off the imaginary dust off of her legs and took the towel. She came up to me and smiled. “Yet!” She just stared at me, and tears started to drop down again. She held my wall for support while she cries. I left the room and shouted “Just kidding!!”

“—♥—”

“For God’s sake!!” the manager hissed. “Where’s the bathroom for the members?!”. I just looked at him gall-y: Trying to endure the bitterness for a while. “I didn’t mean to hurt your pride but –“, “You just did, Sir.” I said then turned my eyes somewhere else. . “Yeah, Pretty sure, I did. But why is there no bathroom for the boys?! It was in the terms!”. I cleared my throat and with my sarcasm I answered him back.“I thought I clearly said that there’s a bathroom backstage earlier.”

“Hyung, I just peed.”

This guy and his annoying attitude.

“What’s the problem?” he continued. He looked at me from head to toe. The gaze was familiar and cozy. As bad as it sounds, the gaze was horribly comfortable. If only I could beat the hell out of you, douchebag! I thought to myself.

Loud music played by the tech team and announced to gather around. “Faster!” The head of the A.V.Tech team commanded. I ran fast towards the audio tech table and everyone gathered. I turned off the music. Simply annoyed. “Why would you turn on the music when you want to announce something, MR.KIM?” and rolled my eyes from him to the others. I saw him scratch his head intimidate-ly from the side of my eyes.

“Artists! Stand by!”, The stage tech commanded. I held the mic by my right hand weakly and saw the douche looking in my direction. I looked around my space and saw no one. Is he looking at me? Then die. Conclusion: I LOOK WEAK ENOUGH TO BE INSULTED BY HIS GAZE. I cleared my throat and continued to announce some matters.

“Artists, please go to your respective dressing rooms” and the members left by group. From Block B to B1A4 and finally INFINITE. From Hello Venus, Evol and Girls Generation. “We have 4 hours left. And if you think that’s enough… THINK OF YOUR THICK MAKE UP! And get your off to work!” I know, I dislike girl groups because of their thick make up routines. BUT I don’t hate them.

“Final stage check up, please” the stage team obeyed “And also lights and effect.”

“Audio Tech team! Please make it clean” I said and they’re gone to their respective station. “And Mr.Kim,” the old guy looked at me like he saw a lunatic, “We need to talk.” And I placed the mic at the top of the table.

I signed him to follow me backstage. “Y-yes…” he said then left with me.

====

“Mr. Kim…” I said and looked at him in the eye.

“Dad….”

“Did it happen again?!” he checked me up and held my shoulders. “Did you skip medication again?!” he followed as he shakes me by my shoulder. “Why?!” I just shook my shoulders and rolled my eyes. His questioning voice is always giving me shivers.

“AACCCCCHHIINNNGGG!!!!!!”

Both me and my dad looked at each other in panic and asked in unison “Who’s there?!” He bashed the tent’s door open and followed him outside. “Did you see anyone, dad?” I said quietly. He sighed in disappointment… A sign that he caught no one. AT ALL.

“We better wrap this up, Mr.Kim” and left him at the tent.

“—♥—”

“5 Minutes before the cue!” I announced backstage.

It is chaotic outside since the fans already got in. We’ve got no time to waste and time’s running out fast. The fans were screaming by the Ads that they see from the huge LED VTR. Fan chants triumphed over our Sound System, giving the backstage staffs legit goose bumps.

“Artists! Stand by!”

One by one, the groups took their position at the both ends of the stage. “Lights off” I signaled through my mic. The lights died, rage of screams and crying fans could be heard from backstage.

“VTR Cue!”

The artists’ VTR made the fans scream louder, mourns for their life as if they’ve lost their souls. The fans gone wild. Some fans were reported to have fainted even before the concert started. Some were sent to the hospital because of sudden heart failure. Oh God, why didn’t I experience such a good thing. But then, it’s not our fault that they lost their only chance to see this event…. FOR FREE.

Suddenly this gorgeous guy came up at me. “Noona. . . “ I knew it. NOONA!!! “I.. Hi! I’m Jinyoung from B1A4!” the sudden confidence on his voice made me smile. Still minding my work and his work I asked him. “Yes, why? May I help you?” He bowed at me and handed me a paper then left.

I didn’t open the letter (It’s so obvious that it’s a letter made two minutes ago, duh.), yet. I minded my work first and it ain’t no time to mind any other business than this.

“B1A4! EVOL! Out of the stage!”

“Let’s get this on!” Both the groups cheered and roared out of the stage. The fans got more wilder than ever. Like it’s their first time to see the idols dance the song in front of them. Well, I salute the artists for having the most daring popularity and made the “free” concert successful than we ever imagined.

“Girls Generation! Block B! Out of the stage!”

“Hwaiting Hwaiting!” they all cheered in unison. Mixed crowd, mixed feelings. SONE and BBCs got distracted by the rookies the most. My heart suddenly raced, nervous that the respond won’t be as good as the VTR.

“BLOCK B! GIRLS’ GENERATION!” the fans cheered in unison like a cult. Along with the names of the rookies, all of them chanted in unison. Like there were no fanwars and such.

“Finally! Hello Venues and INFINITE!”

“We’ll do well!” both of the group said happily and went out of the stage as the others entertain the fans. But I noticed… there’s a member who didn’t step out of the dark.

I walked towards the member and asked him, “When’s your turn? Tomorrow?! Get your off out there—“ A sudden move from the member and I felt something soft pressed against my lips. I pushed him away… I pushed him hard that made him visible to the fans. His visibility made him walk in of the bright strong light he has to be and not the dark side here in backstage.

“Lights off! VTR in 3 Seconds!”

All of the member hurriedly walked backstage to change costumes and re-touch their make ups. They’ve gone to their respective dressing rooms as they’re busy wearing off their costumes on the way. It must have been hard to change clothes within 2 minutes. Oh right. “2 MINUTES BEFORE THE VTR ENDS!”

One by one, the groups walked out of their respective rooms and positioned themselves at their respective spots for the stage. We’ve practiced so much for this.

The special performance.

“Lights on!”

The fans roared from jealousy. I saw some fans slapping each other’s shoulder. Others are crying or just enjoying the special performance.

“Music start! Stage team, you know what to do”

Some just didn’t watch and tried to escape the honey moan of their biases while the woman-idols caress their guys. It’s funny, really. It’s more funnier because some are crying the legend of tears; Eyeliner tears. I mean, WHY would you wear thick make up in a concert? It’s non-sense.

The performance ended and the other groups walked towards the backstage. Some looks like they’re having fun because they’re tired. Some are tired and can’t have fun at all. Or some just enjoyed the overwhelming audience.

“Miss Kim, can I have a word with you?” The manager that manages that annoying pulled me by arms and took me to the nearest corner. “Are there are any problem, Sir – —?”. “Nothing, but can I have your contact number?” He said. I just laughed my out then sudden change from laughing to straight face. “I’m sorry, Sir. No.” I said then turned my back at him “Work is Work.” I said then left the corner.

He stopped me by my shoulders and explained himself.“No, no. It wasn’t me. Some kids. Not my kid, though.”.That reminded me of the sudden event that happened earlier. I looked at him, one eyebrow judging him and a smirk from my lips. “Maybe it was your kid.”  I pulled out a card from the back pocket of my pants and gave it to him. “Kim Yana. That’s my calling card. ”I turned my back at him and walked away – liked a boss –

“Stage team. You know now what to do.” I said to the stage team’s head then walked down the side of the stage. I stood in front of the stage, mesmerized by my team’s work. It is successful.

For 3 years of my work in this company. This is the first ever successful event concert that we’ve done. Much have failed because of our team’s team work: It’s a mess. . . Disaster.

Before, we would be criticized by international production crews and other teams because of our work. More or less, we will always be criticized because we lack everything. But now, I think we’ve changed. We had a serious talk about this and that and divided our works. Stage team, lights and effects team, technical team, audio tech team and others (me and extra production crews).

I was unconsciously looking at the group that was on stage until my crew member lightly punched my shoulders. “That’s INFINITE” she said and mocked smiled at me. “What?” I asked her. No, I didn’t intend to watch them or something. I was just mesmerized by my team’s work. “That’s Hoya.” . “Why are you telling me these? Smells fishy, little kid.”. I don’t know who is who.

Whoever that Hoya is. I’m not interested.

The group’s one by one said their goodbyes. Speaking in different dialects and languages. It’s amazing to know that some of them learnt other languages fluently in spite of their hectic schedules. Imagine? Practice till dawn. Recordings. Others are filming. Everyone was on their cute bright red costumes with bling blings.

Some artists passed bottles of water to others while others that received the bottles drank it in one shot. Some threw out the bottles to the thirsty fans. Some walked out of the stage to the main platform to communicate more to their fans. Some gave fan service. And some… was left out by their members.

The last one to talk was from Girls Generation. I assume it’s Jessica because I think she speaks English well. “Thank you for coming! Tonight was great guys!” the fan boys screamed their lungs out and stopped when Jessica started to mumble more. I can’t understand what the others were saying. And it’s either the artists were eating the mic OR the fans are loud.

But this guy caught my eye. He was so over-joyed by the fan’s love and screams. It feels like he could receive all of the fan’s love. He was standing not far from where I am standing. He dances to the rhythm and feeling of the song as it plays. He was dancing like it’s the last time he could and I think that’s the reason why his fans like him. 

The lights dimmed as the fans chanted “We want more!” in unison. Apparently,  it’s the last performance already and we can’t extend it anymore.

After 5 minutes, all of the lights for the fan’s way to provide light to their ways out the arena. The concert’s officially over.

“—♥—”

I was standing at the elevator station, which was flanked by benches and cigarette urns. I was standing motionless in front of the closed elevator door.  A familiar face appeared right beside my eye with his glasses, black high cut shoes, colored PJs topped with thick red jacket. “Going down or going up?” he looked at me and pressed the down button. I didn’t even press anything! Goddamnit. I hissed to myself and looked at him. “Excuse me, Mister. I know you think that I’m stupid but I’m just—“, “I know you’re tired. Thank you for the hard work, Ms.Kim”.

I looked at him and my eyes widen by his appearance. 

It’s the ! 

 

 

 

 

Okay so... I was so lazy to add more and I might take a while to update this one. As you can see, I'm trying to achieve 5000 words.. But unfortunately, this one is just almost 3000 words TT_TT. Happy new year everyone! It's already 11:36pm here in PH. 

 

CHEERS!