This quick one-shot is based on this song, Go by Jay Park.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaPh2ui5bqg

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You knocked on the door. Then, you stepped back. The door opened, revealing his glowing face, but you noticed the dead, emotionless look in them, compared to how they used to shine when they landed upon you a year ago.

 My name is Kim Juniel. I major under the Visual Arts at K-ART Academy, and I am a landscape artist, a person who looks to nature for ideas. I moved from the States to Korea because this was my home country, my nationality, and my sister and brother had moved here to debut into artists.

The man in front of me is Park Jaebeom, my boyfriend. He’s 23 years old, and is the leader of a kpop boy group, 2PM. He’s a rapper, singer, and dancer, something that is called a “Triple” threat in the entertainment industry.

We’ve been dating for a year now, and it’s our anniversary. I was dressed up in something simple, a white button-down shirt with dark navy blue jeans and white vans. He had called me, saying it was urgent, and that he needed to talk to me.

“Junie.” He said, smiling a fake smile. I ignored it, and smiled back up at him. Probably some issues, I wonder what’s going on.

“Annyeong, Jaebeom.” I greeted him. He nodded, and stood there. My hands wrapped around my phone tightly, clenched into a fist.

“What are you doing here?” He asked me quietly.

I raised an eyebrow. “I hope you haven’t adapted to short-term memory. You called me here.” I said, with a slight edge to my voice.

Jay froze, then opened the door wider to let me in. “Come in, baby.” He said warmly.

I stepped in, to find the place bare. I sat down at the sofa, and he sat down on the sofa across from mine. He placed his elbows on his knees, and clasped his hands together, a pained look written across his face. I sniffed the air. Perfume, that wasn’t mine.

I ignored the slight aroma change, and looked at him.“What is it, Jay?” I asked him quietly.

He looked up at me, and grabbed my hands in his. He rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand, and kissed my cheek.

“I need to tell you something-“I opened my mouth to speak, but he interrupted me. “-and without any interruptions. I want you to stay quiet, until I finish, and open your mind, okay?”

I nodded slowly, beginning to feel a cold, sinking feeling in my heart.

“Promise me that.” He said.                               

“I promise.”

He nodded and then sighed. He ran a hand through his hair, and looked at you.

“How do I start?” He mumbled.

“Well, how about I start with how we met. Remember how we bumped into each other at the coffee shop? I spilled my coffee all over your white dress, and then I brought you to my apartment, this apartment, to give you my t-shirt. You had sat down and talked to me like we were old friends, and soon we had gotten closer somehow.”

“Then, we exchanged numbers, and promised each other to meet back at the coffee shop on the next Saturday, at 6pm. We were both so excited, and soon from there, one date turned into many. You found out a week later that I was a trainee under JYP, and you grew hesitant in our relationship. I silenced you with a kiss, and said that whatever happened, we would be together, and I asked you to be my girlfriend.” He chuckled. I smiled.

“Then, our relationship grew, and grew, and we were closer than anyone could ever be. I debuted, but we were still close.” He said. Then, a flash of remorse appeared on his face.

“We had to go to a Thailand concert. I had come back, but our relationship had changed. We grew less intimate, less talkative, and angrier.”

He sighed. “I know that today is our first anniversary, but I have to tell you the truth.” He said.

His voice broke. “Remember when you saw the news about me and SNSD’s Jessica? You were so jealous, it was so cute.” He smiled slightly. I frowned.

“Then, you grew more suspicious. You saw the pictures of us together, walking in Hongdae, and together on the Seoul Tower, with locks in our hands.” He said quietly. He took a deep breath.

 “I’m dating Jessica.” He blurted out.

I felt like a hundred pound of rock smacked into my face. My heart dropped, and I snatched my hands away from Jay. He looked at me with a sad look in his eye.

“Junie, I’m sorry, after we met on Idol Army, I started too really like her.” He said, “She was beautiful, talented, and cute. I liked her attitude, and she…”

I stood up and walked to the door. He pulled me back.

“You promised me that you would stay until I could finish.”

I took a deep breath. “Jay, I’m not going to stick around and hear you spitting out complements about a girl-“

He interrupted you. “Let me finish then, Juniel.”

His everlasting nickname for you just went out the door. No “Junie.” No “baby”. No “babe.” Just a simple, forced Juniel.

“I got her number, after we finished the filming. We started to exchange text messages, and started to go on secret dates. I-I brought her back here, and we-“

I buried my face in my hands. I stepped back.

“Junie! I’m so jealous of you, Jay is such a loyal, hard-working, honest man.”

“He would never cheat on you! You could trust him!”

“Look at that, so many girls onto him and he didn’t even realize it.”

“All he see’s is you, Junie. Remember that, and stay faithful to him.”

“If you lose him, you lose your world.”

“I wanted to tell you this because I want you to let go.” He spoke.

“Let go.” I repeated. He nodded.

“I’m a bad man, Juniel. You don’t deserve this. I want you to go. Once you walk out that door, you won’t look back. You won’t think of coming back. You won’t text me. You won’t call.” He said, taking my phone from my hands.

I snatched it away. “No! Stop!” I begged. He held me back, and deleted his number.

“Jay-“

“Let me finish.” He said. I quieted down, and he handed me my phone.

“You won’t watch my videos. You won’t come to my concerts. You won’t look me up on the news. You’ll throw away everything I gave you.”

My heart started to crack. My body grew cold, and my mind shut down. I dreaded the next words that would come out of his mouth.

“Let’s break up, Junie.” He finished.

Then, my heart broke. A tear dripped down my cheek, as I bowed my head down.

He lifted my chin with his forefinger, and wiped away the tears that came rolling down.

“Don’t cry.” He pleaded, “Don’t waste your tears on me, I’m not worth it.” He said gently.

“Junie. Look at me.” He said.

My eyes flitted towards him. He leaned forwards, and pressed his lips against mine. I gripped onto his shirt. He broke the kiss, and softly pushed my hands away. He brushed my hair from my face, and gave me a last kiss on my forehead.

“I love you, baby girl.” He said. “Remember that, I’ll always love you. You’re my number one girl.”

He opened the door, as I stood there. He took his most favorite letterman jacket with AOM written over it, and draped it over my shoulders. My ears sharpened, as I heard the rain thudding against the windows.

“Go.” He said.

I stepped back, staring at him. He gave me a sad smile, and fixed my hair.

“Go, Juniel.” He said.

I wrapped my hand around the handle of the door, and opened it. I stepped outside, my eyes still locked on his.

“I love you, Jay.” I said. His eyes softened, and I saw them glistening with tears.

“I’ll always love you, no matter what.” I said, “I’ll support you. I won’t promise that I won’t look you up on the news, or watch your videos, or throw away your ring.” I said quietly. I stepped back.

“But you have to promise me one thing.” I said, my voice cracking. “If you see my name anywhere, you’ll drift past it just like it’s some name. You won’t recognize it. You’ll ignore it.”

He stared at me, before nodding slowly. As I closed the door, I saw a tear slip out of his eye and drop to the floor.

~

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7Snig4bqgE

I slipped my arms into his jacket, and put my phone in it's pockets. Jay’s cologne wrapped around my body, as I zipped it up. I bit my lip to stop the sounds from coming out, but as I walked further away from the building, the tears sprang out.

The rain grew harder, and I started to run. I didn’t know where, but my feet brought me to another apartment door. I knocked on it, and it opened, revealing one of my closest friends, Baeyeon. She gasped.

“Juniel!” She pulled me in, and shut the door behind me. She quickly grabbed a towel, and pulled it over my head, and walked me over to the sofa.

I was frozen. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. I was numb inside. My mind had completely shut down, and my body was stiff.

“What’s wrong? Is Juniel okay?” My two closest friends walked in. Yoon Ji and Hanbyeol walked in with alarmed faces.

“Look at her, she’s pale, and her skin is so cold!”

“Juniel, what’s wrong?” Baeyeon came in, and set down a cup of hot chocolate in front of me. I opened my mouth to speak, but instead I let out a sound of anguish. A sob and I buried my face in my hands.

“Jay..” I cried. “We…we agreed to let go.” I choked out.

They gave me confused faces.

“What do you mean?” Baeyeon said gently.

Yoon Ji started to dry my hair with the towel.

“Why don’t you shower first, and change into something else?” She said, patting my head softly.

~

I stepped out of the bathroom quietly, dressed in grey sweatpants and a long-sleeved black t-shirt. I put my now-dried hair in a bun, and walked into the living room.

I sat down on the sofa. My friend’s faces were anxious, alert, and sympathetic.

“Today is your first anniversary.” Yoon Ji said.

I nodded. “It was.” I said quietly.

“Was?” Hanbyeol blurted out.

“We decided to let go.” I said. “He told me that when he had met SNSD’s Jessica on Idol Army, they exchanged numbers and got closer. He told me that they started to go on secret dates, and that he fell in love with her.” I said.

Hanbyeol stood up.

“That’s it! I’m going to kill him!” She said angrily.

Baeyeon pulled her down.

I sighed, “He was dating Jessica behind everyone’s back. s knew that they were dating, but they didn’t know that we were dating. He brought Jessica out to public, but we had to stay inside and do nothing.” I said bitterly.

“He told me to let go. To not watch his videos, to not look him up on the news, and to not go to his concerts. He told me to throw away everything he had given me. Even our promise ring.” I said.

“Selfish bastard.” Yoon Ji spat.

I looked up at her with hurt eyes.

“He deleted his number from my phone. I smelt her perfume when I walked in.” I said.

I bit my lip, as tears dripped down my cheeks.

“We broke up.”

I laughed bitterly, my vision blurry from the tears in my eyes. “You know. He promised me so many things. He swore that we would be together, and that he’d always love me.” I smirked, and looked down at the floor.

“Look what happened now.” I chuckled. “And he had the damn decency to tell me on our anniversary. He met her one month after we had gotten together.”

“I was so stupid.” I cried, looking up at my best friends. Baeyeon had tears in her eyes, Hanbyeol had her eyes locked on the windows, and Yoon Ji had cupped .

“Am I that vulnerable? To be used so easily?” I asked them. They stayed quiet.

“Every guy. Every guy.” I repeated, clenching my fists together. “Everyone tells me not to cheat. To not go out with my guy friends. To not look at guys at school. To not even talk to a guy.”

“Everyone thinks I’m the one to cheat. Everyone thinks’ I’m unfaithful. Everyone accuses me,” I said quietly. “I lost so many great friends. I lost a scholarship. I lost so many things so that I could stay with Jay.” My voice broke, and I started to sob.

Now, Baeyeon started to cry. Yoon Ji had tears rolling down her cheeks, and Hanbyeol was biting her lip to keep herself from crying too.

“I don’t want you guys to hate him for what he did.” I spoke up.

Hanbyeol, Yoon Ji, and Baeyeon looked at me with disbelief.

“He hurt you!” Yoon Ji said.

“He can’t get away with this, Juniel. You know that. That was a selfish thing for him to do.”

“They’re right, Juniel.” Baeyeon spoke. I looked at her. She always thought violence was a bad thing. Yet, she was agreeing with them.

“It’s not fair for you.”

I murmured, “The world isn’t fair.”

I got up with a tired look on my face. I gathered my stuff, and changed into jeans and a warm jacket with a scarf. They stood up, with alarmed faces.

“I just need some time alone.” I assured them. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

And I walked out.

~

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njVF9RAWE-8

It’s been a week ever since I had lost Jay, and walked out of that apartment. I had put clothes into my suitcase, took out at least a 1000 dollars in my bank account, and traveled somewhere away from Seoul, just to have time off.

Here I was, in a white dress. I had taken my heels off, and curled my hair. I dyed it brown. My legs were dangling from the edge of a roof on a beach, as I stared out into the ocean. I looked down.

An easy 40 feet.

All I had to do was jump.

One jump and I was free from the unfair world. God’s cruel tricks.

“I wanted to tell you this because I wanted you to let go.”

Then it dawned on me.

He was my anchor. He was my iron grip. He was my hold of reality, to keep me from drowning in sadness and despair.

He wanted me to let go.

I looked down at the ground again.

One simple, ordinary suicide wouldn’t make its way to the news, would it? I’m just a girl.

I smiled sadly at a family on the beach. The children were smiling, and the couple was embracing.

I’ve always wanted a family. I’ve always wanted to have a person where I was willing to do everything for, cook for, and welcome home. Those were the things that kept me alive, that kept me hanging on to that rope.

To a chain, handcuffs, a rope around my neck.

I could never build a family. I could never be able to have someone I loved.

It was time to let go.

I stood up, and closed my eyes, feeling the wind blow through my hair.

I heard footsteps booming loudly against the wooden stairs to the left. I took a step forwards. Three more steps and I could have my freedom.

As I took a deep breath, four figures appeared.

“Junie!”

My head whipped towards the right quickly.

Jay.

Baeyeon.

Hanbyeol.

Yoon Ji.

Jay took a step forwards.

“Junie, please.” He said. “Don’t.”

Baeyeon’s lip was quivering. Yoon Ji was shaking. Hanbyeol was staring at me with wide eyes. Jay’s hands were clenched into a fist.

“Junie, don’t do it, please!” Baeyeon cried out.

I stared at them, my dress billowing behind me.

“Why not?” I asked them quietly. They all froze.

“Why not? It’s so close.” I asked them again.

“What’s so close?” Jay asked me, stepping towards me slowly.

I eyed him carefully, before taking another step forwards.

Two more steps till freedom.

“Freedom.” I smiled sadly.

“Have you guys ever wondered how it felt like to be lost in a sea of chaos? To be stuck in the middle of nowhere? You didn’t know which direction to go to. And just below you, thousands and thousands of miles of darkness lay. Above you, a shining light, beckoning you towards it. Your body moving slowly upwards only to be pulled back down into the darkness?” I described.

They slowly shook their heads, and I continued.

“When you’re pulled down, you have three long till you reach that light, you have three until you can breath, you have three until your wrapped in the arms of your loved ones. You take one . Then you take another.”

I took another step, until my feet lined against the edge. Jay bit his lip, and stared at me with a scared, desperate look in his eyes.

“You have only one left.” I said softly, looking at the ground beneath me.

“Please don’t jump, Juniel!” Hanbyeol cried. I looked at her swollen eyes.

“You have a lot to live for.” Yoon Ji said.

“Just don’t, please. Think about your brother and sister. Think about us. Think about Jay. Remember a week before you came here? You said to not do a thing you wouldn't do. If you do that, then I'll do it too.” Baeyeon said.

Jay stepped closer to me, his eyes filled with sadness.

“Baby, please. I love you. Don’t do it.” He said quietly.

I smiled at him. “Jay, you’re the one who told me to let go.” I said.

His eyes widened, now, he realized the situation.

“Junie.” He said, his voice stronger and more pleading, “I’ll stay with you. I won’t let you go. Just don’t do it. You have a whole life ahead of you; don’t let me be the one to put you down.”

My hand reached out to cup his cheek.

“You didn’t put me down, Jay.” I said. “You helped me realize.”

“I’m not doing this because of our break up. I’m not doing this because of how sad my life is. I’m doing this because I need to move on.”

Jay gripped your hand. “You can move on without doing this, Juniel. You’re beautiful, your pretty, your pure. The world needs this. They need your purity.”

I laughed. “No, Jay. They need you four.” I said, dropping my hand down to my side.

“You all are talented, hard-working, and honest. People need people like you guys. Not me.”

Jay opened his mouth to speak, but I interrupted him.

“Go.” I said, repeating the same words he said to me a week before.

“You’ve all been through enough. Let go, and move on. I want to do this.” I said, brushing the tears from Jay’s eyes.

“I love you all. Remember that, and remember to always move on, no matter what happens to you. Treat the ones you love right, and always be happy.” I said with an air of finality in my voice. Jay leaned in closer to press his lips upon mine, and I kissed him back longingly.

He looked at me, tears dripping from his eyes nonstop. He slowly walked backwards, to the stairs. I smiled at my friends, and turned my head around.

I closed my eyes.

My heart picked up from its steady beat, and started to race. My blood pumped in my ears. I lifted a foot into the air below, and then fell forwards.

Memories raced through my mind. Flashbacks of my childhood, my parents, my siblings, my friends, and finally to Jay. I thought of his warm hugs, his kisses, his voice. I thought of his smile, his laugh, and how he picked up my heart and pieced it together.

Then, the ground came closer and closer.

I smiled one last time, and a loose tear trickled down my face.

“You’re above water.” I whispered to myself. I heard his voice echoing in my mind, a soft caress. I could feel his arms wrapping around my waist, and his lips placing themselves against my cheek. I could feel his lips curl up into his beautiful smile, and could see his eyes curling into his amazing eyesmile. His scent wrapped around my body, and he pressed me closer to his. Then, his lips traveled to my ear, to whisper the three words I've yearned for all my life.

                                                                                         

“You’re free, Juniel.”