Chapter 1 – Lock me up and Throw Away the Key

Whether I should say these things or not has become the problem. Though I may want to say them, whether or not the pain they will cause is worth it; is again - the problem. If I can withstand that pain, then there is nothing that could stop me from saying them. However, if I am unable to bear the pain, then saying them becomes pointless.

Do you understand what I'm trying to say?

Considering the fact that I am already aware of what the answer to the confession I am so hesitant to make will be, I'm growing more and more apprehensive about whether or not I should actually say the things I want to. I know already what answer will be given, yet still I yearn to confess. I desire nothing more than the closure a rejection will bring. That is what I want. I want to be able to finally end this. If I am to be rejected - as I know I will be - then I at least want that sense of finality; that definitive end so that I am able to move on to someone new.

Yet still I waver. My determination is a fickle, weak-minded beast. It never stays strong. It always weakens and wavers at the slightest hint of failure. I am never able to stay strong and on the one path I know I must travel. I am never able to produce the courage to actually do the one thing that will end this torment I place upon myself. I am never brave enough to confess. My determination wavers and weakens at the slightest hint of failure.

What can I do? I can't confess. I can't stay silent. I am in a situation without a perceivable end. There is no way for me to be free of this endless, trapping cycle. Every time I think I can finally confess my courage runs away as fast as it comes.

Is there anything I can do to stop this? Can I confess the feelings I must so as to ensure that I can finally end this pain and pointless self-torture I force myself through?

Or will I shy away and continue to hide my feelings? Will I continue to lock myself inside this prison called love, or will I break free?

********

The alarm clock loudly signals the start of a new day. Oh Sehun is woken reluctantly by the droning noise being produced by the clock.

Today is another day. Another day where I have to pretend – where I have to act as something I’m not.

“Sehun,” his mother called from the kitchen. “If you don’t want your breakfast, I personally couldn’t care less. Hurry up or I’m throwing it out.”

“I’m coming mum,” he yelled back in reply. “I’ll be there in a second.” He scrambled to find his uniform. Then he ran to the bathroom with such pace, he could have passed a speeding bullet. He ran through the shower with as much speed and hurriedly changed into his uniform.

After Sehun barely managed to make it down in the fifteen or so minutes that his mother gives him before she does throw his breakfast out, he sits down at the table.

“It’s nice of you to show your face son,” his father remarked from behind his newspaper. “You cut it close this morning.”

“It’s nice to see you to dad,” Sehun answered.

“Thanks son,” his father replied. “Though I’m not all that sure I can return those sentiments, you see, I’m not all that happy to see you son. I never am. Surely you know that by now? Are you too stupid to not realise that?”

“Well are you son?” his mother chimed in.

“No my lovely parents, how could I be that blind,” Sehun laughed. “Of course I can see how much you resent me.”

“At least we all know where we all stand,” his father said dismissingly as he returned his attention to his morning paper.

“Hurry up and eat your breakfast son,” his mother chided. “Hurry up. Fifteen minutes is more than enough of you.”

Sehun laughed. “Of course it is mother. Of course it is.” He finished his breakfast quickly and walked to the door. “I’m leaving now,” he called out as he walked out the door.

“That’s what I want to hear son,” his father yelled back. “If only it was forever.”

Sehun ignored his father’s words as he walked down the street. The houses either side of him reflected the wealth of their occupants. Each had a modern design with perfect architecture in their curves and lines.

Sehun sighed as he thought of his parents. Am I so wrong? I am merely in love with someone. Can someone tell me where I am so wrong? I need to know before I lose my mind. I thought I was doing the right thing by telling my parents, but I guess I shouldn’t have.

“Sehun!” he heard a voice happily shout. “Sehun, what took you so long?” He was running towards him. Luhan was. He was running with a smile on his face. Sehun couldn’t understand where his ever-present happiness came from.

“Sorry Luhan,” Sehun apologised. “I took a little longer eating breakfast.”

“Your private chef prepared breakfast? I’d take a little longer to enjoy that too,” Luhan laughed. The beautiful peeling sound caressed Sehun’s ears in the most delightful way. There was something about Luhan that made Sehun smile unknowingly. It was one of the many things that made Sehun love him.

“Yes,” Sehun chuckled. “My private chef prepared breakfast. Did you want some?” Sehun asked jokingly.

“Why haven’t you asked me earlier?” Luhan asked excitedly. “I’ve always wanted to see your house. You live in Cheongdamdong right?”

“I do,” Sehun nodded. “But it isn't as good as you would think. It isn't anything close.”

“How can it be that bad? You have more money than my parents will make in their lifetime, how can it be that bad?”

“Luhan,” Sehun said with head hung sadly. “Money isn't everything. There is more to life and more to happiness than money.”

“Oh Sehun, who would have thought you’d be able to say something so wise,” Luhan said sarcastically as he ruffled his hair affectionately. “The bus should be here soon. Although I still don’t get why you don’t have like a driver or something to take you.”

“My parents believe that I should place myself above others and that I should ride the same things as everyone else.”

“Of course,” Luhan nodded. “Your parents must be smart; otherwise they wouldn’t have made the money that they have.”

The bus soon arrived and the two friends boarded. They naturally sat together. Sehun could feel Luhan’s leg brush against his as the bus drove towards their school.

This isn't fair. How can someone be so close – close enough to touch – yet be so far away? It isn't fair Luhan.

The pair sat in comfortable silence as the bus travelled on. Soon they arrived and they exited the bus. Luhan stretched slightly as they walked through the gates. They started talking as they walked towards their classroom.

“Sehun,” Luhan said as he turned towards him. “You can come and find me whenever you want to, you know that right?”

“You say the same thing every time we come together,” Sehun answered with a sigh. “I’ve heard you say that so many times now it isn't funny.”

“Well how about you actually do so for once,” Luhan quipped back. “I don’t say it for my own amusement.”

“I would love to Luhan, I honestly would, but you know I can’t,” Sehun said dejectedly. “You know him and I don’t see eye to eye. We don’t see anything to anything. I can’t spend more than five minutes with him. I’m sorry. As much as I would love to sit with you and spend more time with you, I can’t whenever he’s around.”

“Does Jongin really annoy you that much?” Luhan asked. “I never thought he was that bad.”

“I’m sorry Luhan, I know he’s your friend; but I have to be honest. He annoys me yes. Quite a lot actually,” Sehun replied.

“Alright then, I’ll take your word for it, but you should still come and sit with me.”

Stop asking me so much Luhan; I can’t keep refusing you if you don’t stop asking. Let me have some time away from you, please – I need to protect my sanity.

Sehun sighed in defeat. “I’ll try to,” he conceded. “But don’t be surprised if I leave because of that idiot. He annoys me too much.”

Luhan laughed as they entered the classroom. “Alright then Sehun, if you he annoys you, you can leave.”

They walked towards their seats. They were situated in the back right hand corner of the classroom, and they were conveniently next to each other.

The classroom was filled with the chatter of students waiting for the bell to announce the start of school. Sehun and Luhan added to the noise with their own casual conversation – which was soon interrupted.

“Sehunnie, I missed you!” A voice yelled as the classroom door was roughly slid open. Sehun’s head fell to the desk in annoyance.

“I knew he’d be here, I shouldn’t have been thinking about the possibility of him not being here,” he muttered to himself in disappointment.

The owner of the voice came bounding towards Sehun with glee evident in his eyes. “Sehunnie, why haven’t you said anything yet? Aren’t you happy to see me?”

“No Kim Jongin I am not happy to see you. Haven’t you worked that out yet or is your brain too small to process that.

“Sehunnie don’t be like that,” Jongin said as he took his seat in front of Sehun. “You and I both know you love it.”

“Kim Jongin, are you a complete idiot?” Sehun asked in wonder. “Or do you just not have a brain?”

“I’m not an idiot and I have a brain – how else would I know my feelings for you?” Jongin replied with a wink.

Just as Sehun’s patience – and sanity – was waning, the bell rang and the teacher entered the classroom.

“Hello class,” he greeted with a smile. “Before we get underway today, I have someone to introduce to you first.”

“Who is it?” One student yelled out, the excitement evident in his voice. “I hope it’s a new girl. Is it Jungie?”

“How many times have I told you that you shouldn’t call me that? Call me Mr Jung please,” the teacher scolded.

“Sorry sir, but Jungie’s a better name then Mr Jung, it makes you sound younger and cooler,” another student answered.

“Baekhyun, Chanyeol! Will the two of you be quiet for two seconds so I can finish what I’m trying to say?”

“Of course Jungie,” they chorused.

The teacher sighed. “Anyway,” he continued, returning to his original topic. “We have a transfer student. He’s moving back to Korea from China. Be nice to him. Come in,” he said.

The door slid open and in walked the transfer student. There was something about the way he casually walked to the front of the class, about the way he so confidently stood in front of the twenty-eight or so pairs of eyes that were boring into him – that made Sehun shiver. He knew this person would be trouble.

He could feel it in his bones.

“Hi everyone, my names Kim Jongdae and I’ll be joining you all here,” he bowed politely as he finished his introduction. “I’m looking forward to becoming friends with all of you.”

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I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter. I can already tell this story is going to be fun to write.

I decided to upload the first chapter (since I had sitting on my computer all typed up) but I won't be uploading the second (and following chapters) for about a week. The earliest I'll post the second chapter will probably be the 5~7 of January.

Comments are like  gold, they help me to improve - and they may as well be a drug because they're addictive. I love them. 

So bye for now <3

ABLKN Out~~