Minhwan glanced at the clock on the wall. 10 more minutes till midnight. He then averted his gaze to the window next to his bed. 10 more minutes until he officially turns nineteen. He didn’t know why but he always feel sorrowful as his birthday approaches, every single year. The members never knew about his ‘condition’ because he would compose himself just as dawn breaks, putting on the largest smile he could muster as his hyungs attack him. Minhwan knew he that shouldn’t be feeling this way, that he should be grateful the members, their fans and his family celebrate with him. But there was something missing. Someone.

Minhwan sighed and shook his head. He hated it when thoughts of that person ran through his mind. Memories of him would always bring tears to his eyes, much to his dismay, as Hongki will about being a crybaby. Minhwan rolled to his side to distract himself, but it was in vain. He started to imagine what it would be like if he was still here with them, celebrating together.

Wonbin would wake him up with a homemade breakfast in bed, singing and grinning so large his eyes turned into half moons. After eating, the older boy would attack the maknae with his trademark bear hug that leaves the receiver breathless and slightly sore. But Minhwan would enjoy every second of it and try to squeeze him back. If they weren’t busy with schedules, the rest of the band would spend the day together. Wonbin does that every year since they met, up until he suddenly left. His departure was so sudden, Minhwan recalled. He didn’t even get to say goodbye properly. When he reached their dorm after filming his drama, Wonbin was already gone, leaving behind nothing but memories. It took him several days to accept the fact that his beloved hyung was never coming back.

His eyes stung. Minhwan quickly shut them before any tears could find their way out. Aish, what am I doing? I should go to sleep instead of reminiscing the past. It’s useless! Letting out a long breath, he decided to sleep and forget about the troubles in his mind. Minhwan was just about to drift off into dreamland when he was jolted awake by the beeping of his phone. Grumbling, he reached for the noisy contraption, flipping it open and squinting his eyes at the sudden bright light. They, however, grew larger when he read the name on his screen.

“Wonbin hyung!” Minhwan whispered excitedly, careful to keep his voice down as to not bother the sleeping Jaejin. He eagerly opened the message.

Saengil Chukahamnida, Minanie!
Are you asleep? I hope I’m not bothering you.
Anyways, have a blast celebrating with your hyungs.
I’ll post you a present straight from Japan! You’ll love it!
Saranghaeyo, my idiot dongsaeng!

p/s: Try not to miss me too much and have fun ;p


A sad smile formed on his lips. He knew the last line was meant to be a joke but it was as if Wonbin read his thoughts. His vision was blurred by tears that suddenly appeared but he quickly brushed them away. He will not cry. He’s nineteen, for god’s sake! It was time to man up and throw away these childish feelings. Minhwan threw his phone down carelessly before rolling onto his stomach to bury his face into his pillow.

Wonbin hyung is not here anymore. Stop thinking about it, you fool!

With that thought, he fell into a dreamless sleep.

*****************************************************************************************************

Minhwan was woken up by vigorous shaking. He moaned in protest and rolled over, slapping away at the hands on his shoulder.

“Ya, Minhwan-ah! Wake up! We have a schedule, remember?” Jaejin’s voice reached his ears.

“I don’t want to, I’m tired!” he whined, pulling the sheets over his head to block away the noise.

“Ya, do you want to get scolded by manager-hyung?” Jaejin reminded, pulling the sheets away from Minhwan. “Get up! We’re going to be late!”

At the thought of their scary manager reprimanding him, Minhwan begrudgingly left his comfortable bed to freshen up. Ah, out of all days, they chose my birthday to perform on Music Bank. What a bad luck, Minhwan mused sadly while brushing his teeth. After donning the outfit laid out on the bed by their stylist, he hurried over to their van. He winced at the frown on their manager’s face.

“I’m sorry,” Minhwan blurted out quickly as he climbed into the van and sat next to Hongki. The manager remained silent, opting to drive out of the parking lot instead. Minhwan hung his head in shame. He was really in trouble now.

The journey was normal. Well, as normal as being in an enclosed space with Hongki can get. But he was already accustomed to the loud boy, after living together for 5 years. Minhwan blocked out the yells of Hongki as he fight with Seunghyun and turned his gaze to the window. It was then he noticed the strange expression on the manager’s face through the side mirror. He quickly nudged Hongki.

“Hyung, is manager-hyung that mad at me? I was only 10 minutes late,” Minhwan said. Hongki’s face remained calm.

“He just woke up on the wrong side of the bed today,” Hongki explained. “You know how he is. One minute he’s grumpy, then he suddenly becomes cheerful again.”

Minhwan found his answer very suspicious but he decided not to question it. He turned his head back to the window to gaze at the passing cars. The members have not yet wished him, but he let it pass. They were so busy this month with the promotion of their new album. There has even been days where they didn’t get any sleep due to the overwhelming schedule! So he did not blame the hyungs if his birthday slipped past their minds.

Wonbin hyung didn’t forget, the little voice in his head protested. Minhwan wondered what the older boy was doing now. Probably busy in Japan since his first solo album was just released. Instantly Minhwan was transported back to the time when they were recording their first Japanese album in Japan. He remembered how Wonbin would hold him when he’s crying and missing his family back in Korea.

“Aish Minanie, why are you crying? Are you not happy to live with us? Your hyungs will protect you, okay. We’re all your family now.”

Minhwan smiled at the memory. Wonbin was really the best hyung, eventhough the boy himself did not think so. He was brought out of his reverie when MBC’s recording studio came into view. Minhwan shook away any remaining thoughts and got ready to work. He was a professional drummer and nothing will affect his performance.

******************************************************************************************************

Hongki was still able to maintain his hyper self even after spending the whole day rehearsing, waiting and performing. Minhwan didn’t know whether he should feel amazed, or slightly horrified as he watched Hongki skip down the hallway towards their apartment. He did not know how that boy could muster up the energy and cheeriness. He himself felt like a zombie, in a dire need for sleep.

Minhwan frowned in confusion when the members gathered at the front door instead of entering it. “What’s wrong?” he asked Hongki, “Did you forget the key again?”

When his question was answered by a sheepish smile from the singer, Minhwan could only shake his head. Typical Hongki. He fished out the spare key he always kept in his wallet and unlocked the door.

“Happy birthday!”

The key fell from Minhwan’s hand. He stared wide eyed at the boy standing in the middle of the living room, holding a cake in his hands.

“Wonbin hyung?” he breathed out in shock. “What-how-why-huh?”

Wonbin grinned widely. “Well hurry up and blow the candles before the wax melts into your cake!”

The members had to guide Minhwan forward since his legs were too numb to walk. As they sang the birthday song, he could only stare at the older boy. Is this a dream? Is Wonbin hyung really here in our dorm celebrating my birthday? As if sensing his doubts, Wonbin held the cake in one hand and wrapped the other around Minhwan’s shoulder.

“Hurry, make a wish and blow the candles!” Hongki exclaimed.

I wish happiness to the members and Wonbin hyung. I wish Wonbin hyung would make more time for me.

They all cheered as the candles were blown out. Wonbin placed the cake on the coffee table carefully before enveloping the birthday boy in his arms.

“Were you fooled, Minanie? I lied on the message saying I was in Japan, when I actually was preparing for your birthday with the members,” Wonbin laughed, tightening his hold.

Minhwan could not answer. A lump has formed in his throat from the emotions that were suddenly evoked. All he could do was bury his face into Wonbin’s shoulders. Tears leaked from his eyes as he felt his hand patting his head.

“Ya, is this the greeting I get? Tears?” teased Wonbin while still the boy’s head comfortingly.

The members, hearing the word tears and seeing Minhwan hiding his face, rushed over and cuddled him in a big group hug. Hongki jumped about and spun them around. The six boys laughed as they all tripped over each other’s legs.

“Minhwan-ah, you better cheer up before Binnie leaves! He won’t here for long,” Hongki sang.

Minhwan gasped after hearing that. He wrapped his arms tighter around Wonbin’s waist and went back to hiding his face.

“You idiot!” Wonbin scolded Hongki, punching his arm. “Why would you say that! Now he’s sad again.”

Wonbin extracted himself from Minhwan and held him at an arm’s length. “Let’s just enjoy the time together,okay? Here, we all bought you presents.”


Minhwan reluctantly sat down as he began unwrapping the presents from his bandmates. He received a one-year KFC voucher from Hongki, a pair of custom made drumsticks from Jonghun, concert tickets of his favorite girl group from Jaejin and a replica of him in stuffed toy form from Seunghyun. Wonbin’s gift almost made him cry again. It was a chibi form of him and Wonbin tied to a necklace.

“So you won’t forget me,” he smiled.

It’s impossible to forget you, Wonbin hyung.

The rest of the night was spent by eating the cake, pizzas and just about everything unhealthy that Wonbin had laid out on the coffee table. They gathered in the living room, talking and laughing about old times. Minhwan felt his heart soar. It was just like old times. He noticed that Seunghyun felt a little awkward and left out but Jaejin tried to include him in their noisy conversations as much as he could.

The clock had struck midnight. They stood at the door, bidding farewell to Wonbin. He hugged all the members, including Seunghyun (who was shocked at experiencing his first Binnie Bear Hug) and hugged Minhwan the last. It took all of the younger boy’s strength to let go of the tight hold he had around Wonbin’s waist. Wonbin ruffled Minhwan’s hair as he took a step back. Minhwan noticed his eyes were slightly glistening.

“Anyeong!” Wonbin shouted, walking down the corridor towards the lifts. “Don’t miss me too much, you kids!”

A lone tear dropped down his cheek as Minhwan clutched the necklace in his fist. I will always miss you, hyung. You’re my brother. Saranghaeyo.