“I passed the audition!”

“What?”

“I passed, Meng Li, I’m in!” Yixing exclaimed, flaunting the acceptance papers from behind his back.

“Oh my gosh!” I squealed, snatching the papers out of his hands. “Xing this is awesome! I’m so proud of you!”

Like two fan girls, we joined hands and began jumping around while screaming at the top of our lungs.

“Xing, I’m so proud you!” I pulled him into a tight hug at the neck and he spun us around until we were couldn’t tell the difference between us spinning or the world spinning.

“Did you tell your parents yet?” I asked when I slightly recovered with my body sprawled over the soft green grass.

“No, not yet,” he grumbled, holding onto his head with a bright smile.

“Well, what are you doing here?” I sat up a bit too fast and a sharp pain hit my head but I ignored it and grabbed his hands to pull him up. “Let’s go!”

“Aw, my head hurts!” He whined, pulling me down on top of him while doing so. I laughed as he wrapped his arms tightly around me, strapping me down to him. “Aw, this is much better.”

“Sneaky,” I chuckled as I lightly nudged him in the ribcage.

 

This is my boyfriend Zhang Yixing. His longtime dream has been to become a singer and today, he had passed his final audition to get accepted as a trainee under a large entertainment company. As for me, I’m Ma Meng Li.

 

I met Yixing through a mutual friend two years ago and we instantly had a connection. We loved all the same things, and always finished each other’s sentences. We’ve been through it all and we’re still going strong.

 

As happy as I am for Yixing right now, he and I both know that he will have to leave me one day. He’s had plenty of opportunities here in Changsa but now a new journey outside of here is awaiting him. Now the question is, when is he leaving?

 

“Xing, I think it’s time.”

We were enjoying a nice bicycle date by the lake and decided to take a break by dipping our feet into the lake at the end of the dock when I brought it up. We obviously have been avoiding this topic but time is ticking and it needs to happen, sooner or later.

I turned to him and he lowered his head.

“Do we have to do this?” Yixing asked quietly.

I took my feet out of the water and cupped his face to make him face me. I inhaled and planted a soft kiss on his lips. “Let’s break up.”

“We can try to work something out,” he began, placing his hand on top of mine. “I won’t be gone forever.”

 

“Yixing, we’re so young, let’s not drag this out any longer,” I slightly shook my head and reached out to brush his hair out of his eyes. “You’re moving to a different country, you’ll be learning a new tongue, new customs, perfecting your own skills, Xing, eventually I’ll be forgotten and I don’t want to become the girl that you forgot about.”

“There never was another option for us was there?” He asked quietly. “I’m sorry Meng Li.”

I shook my head slightly, disagreeing with him. “Why? Why are you sorry? Xing, this is your dream. You’re so close to it now, don’t be sorry.”

Yixing sighed and tucked my hair behind my ears. For a long time we just looked at each other in silence. Without me knowing, a tear escaped my eyes and he reached out to kiss it.

“Let’s enjoy the rest of the day,” he began slowly, “As our last day.”

 

I sighed and solemnly nodded reluctantly. I released his hands and wrapped my arms around his waist before placing my head on his chest. I had always thought I was more than prepared for this day to come but I guess I was wrong. It was such a pity that this beautiful lake was now stained with this painful memory.

 

Despite the sad ending that was awaiting us at the end of the day; we had a great time together. But nothing lasts forever and here we are, walking hand in hand without a word towards my house. It’s usually a ten minute walk from the subway to my house but today, it just might take twice as long.

The sun was down and the street lights had taken over but the city was still as busy as ever.

 

“Go up,” Xing said softly, nodding his head towards the entrance of the apartment complex.

“Mm,” I lowered my eyes towards our hands and he pulled me into a tight embrace. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck as he dug his face into the crook of my neck. “Promise me you’ll take care of yourself and cut down on the sweets, alright?”

“I’ll try,” he chuckled, pulling out of our embrace.

“Don’t overdo yourself and make sure to call your parents often,” I brushed his hair out of his eyes and cupped his cheek. “More importantly, don’t give up on your dreams. Hard work will never betray you.”

“Alright,” he nodded with a small smile, just big enough to show his cute dimple. “You take care as well.”

I nodded and forced myself to turn away. I was able to take three steps towards the door before turning around into his arms once more.

“I’m going to miss you so much,” he whispered, grasping tightly onto me. “I hate that it has to be this way.”

“Damn you and your dreams to be a singer,” I teased, making him chuckle.

“I love you,” he breathed across my lips.

I broke down and cupped his face as I kissed him. “I love you too Xing. I’ll seriously miss you.”

He nodded and reached out to wipe my tears away. “Go on in, you don’t want to see me cry.”

I sighed and he pulled me into one last kiss before I reluctantly turned away again. I roughly wiped away my tears and literally ran in before more could leave my eyes.

“Wait!”

I stopped right as the doors opened but I didn’t turn back.

“Will you come to the airport to send me away?” Yixing asked.

I lowered my head and sighed. “I don’t think I can Xing, I’m sorry.”

He didn’t say anything and I still refused to turn around to see his expression. “Alright, this is goodbye then. Goodbye Meng Li, bye.”

I covered my mouth and ran into the building, unable to give him a proper goodbye.

 

When I came through the door, bawling and just a hot mess, my parents instantly knew why. My mom met me with an embrace and I just cried.

“It’s okay honey,” she cooed, patting my hair. “It’s okay, everything will be alright.”

 

That night as I rolled around in my bed that night, I heard a light tap coming from my window. I knew it was Yixing who had sneaked up the fire escape stairs. I was kind of expecting it while hoping he wouldn’t come at the same time. As I slightly cracked open the window, he stopped me.

“That’s good enough,” I heard him sigh. “I just… wrote a song that I wanted you to listen to before I leave.”

“Alright,” I sat back down on my bed and leaned up against the wall, ready to listen.

 

Tears rolled down uncontrollably so I hid my face in my pillow so he wouldn’t hear me cry.

“Thank you for supporting me even though you knew I couldn’t be by you forever,” Xing began.  “I’m so thankful to have met you, Meng Li.”

“What happened to the final goodbye?” I teased quietly.

He lightly chuckled. “You’re a great person.”

“Xing, don’t do this,” I begged quietly, clutching my pillow in my arms.

“No, you really are. I hope… that the person after me can love you more than I love you. I hope he never leaves you like how I have to and I hope he doesn’t want to become a singer like me because I’ll totally beat him.” He giggled and I couldn’t help but join him.

My eyes ran over all the polaroid photos of us in my room, the stuffed dolls he gave me, and souvenirs from our countless dates.

“Yixing,” I called.

“Mm?”

“Are you scared?”

“More than ever,” he confessed. “I only know like two words in Korean, I’ll be alone in this huge city, bigger than here, all by myself. But it’s want I want.”

“I wish I could be as ambiguous as you,” I turned to the window and pulled back the purple curtains to find his back facing me. “You’re so fearless.”

He snickered and turned around to face me. “I wish I could be as strong as you, confidently loving me yet knowing I will leave you.”

“Promise me you’ll come back and visit, not just me but your parents. Promise me you’ll never forget me, even though we’re not together anymore.”

He nodded once with a small smile.

“You’ve become my best friend; someone that I can always rely on, it’ll be a shame to just throw away all those memories.”

“I agree,” he nodded.

“You should go before I cry again,” I suggested with a small chuckle.

He slightly grinned and placed his palm on the glass. I met his hand with mine.

“For real this time, goodbye.”

I really hated hearing him say goodbye. It sounded as if he was leaving forever and never ever returning or like I would never see him again. I would but probably once in a few years.

All I could do was smile back with a small nod and for real this time, he left with his guitar strapped onto his back.

 

A week passed by fairly quickly yet miserably. I tried to keep myself busy to distract myself from thinking about him. I searched endlessly for a new hobby but they all reminded me of him. It’s not that I want to forget him but I want to remember how to live without him again. It was so long ago, I don’t know if I remember how.

 

Today is Xing’s D-Day. He’s leaving us all behind to start a journey of his own now. Every morning I always opened the curtains to let the sun enter my room. As I did so, I noticed a small box placed on my window sill. He was here.

I opened the window to retrieve the item before opening it up. Inside was a locket with our picture and a letter.

“I can promise to you that the next time you see me, I will become a better and stronger Zhang Yixing. I will be a better singer and dancer. When times get hard, I’ll always think back to your smile which gives me the strength to carry on. When I’m tired, I’ll wish you are there to wipe away the sweat and tears. Thank you for giving me this love that will only happen once in a life time. Thank you for never doubting me.

You are the ambiguous one. You are the fearless one, always unconditionally loving me. All I can give to you before I leave is this letter and this necklace. It pains me to leave you like this, but I hope this is not a goodbye forever.

Ma Meng Li, I love you.

Thank you for everything you’ve done.”

“Ma!” I called, taking the locket and dashing out of my room. “Ba!”

“What is it?” Ba asked me, peeking out of the kitchen.

“I need to go to the airport, now!”

 

I kept my eyes on my wrist watch as I ran through the airport, clutching the locket in hand. I stopped briefly at the LCD screen to check if I was too late.

“Yixing!” I shouted, desperate now. “Zhang Yixing!”

As I neared his gate, I caught him handing his ticket to the security at the gates. “Zhang Yixing!”

He turned, searching for me as he heard my cry.

“Yixing!” I ran over to him and straight into his arms.

“I seriously thought you weren’t coming,” he breathed, holding onto me tighter than ever now.

“I tried not to, I honestly did but I can’t let you leave like this,” I pulled away from him and took his hands. “Do you really love me?”

He nodded. “Of course.”

“Then don’t tell me goodbye ever again, I don’t know when but we’ll see each other again,” I sighed. “Just don’t tell me goodbye because it doesn’t feel right.”

“Alright,” he choked.

I pulled him into a kiss and brushed his hair away for the last time. “Good luck Zhang Yixing, and I’ll see you again. When you debut, wherever it’ll be, I’ll be there. I promise.”

“Take care of my parents for me will you?” He asked quietly. “Visit my mother once in a while so she doesn’t get lonely.”

“I will,” I nodded and squeezed his hand. “Don’t worry.”

He inhaled with a nod and slowly moved away from me. “I’ll see you then.”

“That’s more like it,” I pulled a smile for him and he did one in return. I’m seriously going to miss that dimple.

“I love you,” he mouthed.

“I love you too,” I waved and he sighed before entering through the security gates.

 

4 years later

[ Yixing’s POV ]

I never went back to visit but I called home frequently to check on my parents. They told me after I left; Meng Li moved to Beijing to attend college and came back every few months. Ma said it seemed like Meng Li had moved on and that I should too. I could never get in contact with her but I never really tried. It’s not because I don’t want to, I just feel like it’s best for the both of us.

I’ve met and made many new friends who are now like my brothers. I can speak Korean fluently now and today I am finally debuting.

I’ve taken on a new name: Lay. I have eleven other members, three which are Chinese as well. Min Seok, Luhan, Kris, Joomyeon, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Jongdae, Zitao, Kyungsoo, Jongin and lastly Sehun, my brothers that I get to share this dream with.

Meng Li had promised me that she would come see my debut stage, no matter wherever I was. I gave that up when she moved to Beijing. She probably has a new love by her side now and has found happiness without me. But I’m not mad or sad, I’m still thankful for everything that she has done.

“Yixing Hyung.”

I turned to Sehun who already had his microphone strapped on.

“Manager Hyung said that you have a visitor,” he said, pointing at the door.

“Me? That’s strange,” I furrowed my brows. “Did he give you a name?”

Sehun shook his head cutely. I patted his shoulder before starting towards the door. Only family members and other celebrities were able to enter backstage and as far as I know, nobody from my family was coming all the way to Korea.

When opened the door, I was faced with the backside of a girl with long brunette hair.

“Excuse me ma’am, can I help you?” I asked politely.

My jaw dropped when she turned around. This had to be a dream.

“Lay Oppa, anyeong,” Meng Li greeted with a wide grin in perfect Korean. “It’s been awhile, have you been well?”

“Meng Li!” I pulled her into a tight embrace instantly. Her scent was still exactly the same. “When did you get here? No, when did you learn Korean?!”

“I actually got accepted into Chung Ang University and have been living here for the past two years,” she giggled. “I didn’t want you to know so I told everyone to tell you I moved to Beijing.”

“Ya, you’ve been here for two years and you didn’t once visit me?!” I gasped. “It’s so weird speaking to you in another language.”

She giggled and brushed my hair like the old days before cupping my cheek. “See Oppa, I told you I’ll see you again.”

---

Anyeong you! Happy New Year & may this year have many new adventures and opportunies waiting for you!