The smell of the freshly re-finished church pews did nothing to dim the pain of watching the woman he loved get married.

In fact, the heady scents of turpentine and wood finish made Kibum feel quite ill. Light-headed and queasy and short of breath. Of course, all of that also could've been from the emotions making his chest ache.

After everything was said and done, it was his fault that they had broken up. It was his own fault that he wasn't the one standing at the altar waiting for Minjung. His fault that it was his best friend Jonghyun standing up there, looking solemnly into the crowd, probably trying to figure out if Kibum had actually accepted the invitation (How could he not? Minjung's happiness still mattered to him, after all).

Not that Jonghyun would find him. Kibum had made sure of that. He was wearing something far from his usual taste in clothing. And, temporarily, he had dyed his hair back to its natural dark, deep brown.
Tomorrow, however, it would be back to platinum blonde.

Just for today, though, he wanted to be able to revel in his own misery, unnoticed by anyone. The immense self-pity and pain and guilt... He wanted to give himself the luxury of feeling it all.

He had driven her away. Working long hours at his interior design company, never coming home for dinner... Dinners that she eventually started inviting Jonghyun to. Never making it to dates that they had planned months in advance.. Dates that she started going on with Jonghyun (strictly as friends, they both assured Kibum).

He believed them, at first. Jonghyun was his best friend, he didn't think he had to worry about something as cliché as his best friend stealing his girlfriend. But.. it hadn't been stealing, exactly. Couldn't rightly consider Minjung walking away from him and right to Jonghyun, “stealing”, could he?

All of the forgotten dinners and dates, the lack of intimacy, and even the fights towards the end.. They had just been nails in the coffin.

The problem was... Kibum was trapped in the coffin. Still very much alive, and still breathing. Screaming to be free. He still loved Minjung so much it hurt, even knowing that he'd been the one to it up royally.

It would be selfish of him to tell her that he felt the way he always had, though (And despite the front he put up, Kibum was far from a selfish man). He knew that. So he lied. He lied to both Jonghyun and Minjung. He told them bluntly that yes, her suspicions were true. He'd cheated on her with countless women. 

Minjung screamed and cried. She cried harder than Kibum had ever seen her cry, and she slapped him. He stood there silently, taking all of her anger and pain. He deserved to feel it, he reasoned. Because hurting the woman he loved was unacceptable. Even though it left Kibum breathless with pain to lie, he figured anything was easier to hear than the truth.

Jonghyun gave him a glare, but his eyes must have told the truth (his desperate attempts not to cry were in vain), because Jonghyun only shook his head. Like he knew something Kibum didn't.

The beginning strains of the wedding march brought Kibum out of his painful memories, and he stood with the other guests. His breath caught in his throat when he caught sight of Minjung, walking down the aisle.

Everything about Minjung was radiant. She glowed with happiness. A level of happiness that she had never been able to achieve with Kibum. He ached to see Minjung so happy with another man, but he tried to convince himself that it was for the best. He needed to move on, and the best way was for him to see that Minjung had moved on.

But all Kibum comprehended as he watched Minjung walk toward Jonghyun was the pain in his chest. It seemed that pain was all he could feel since he'd walked into the church. Every step he'd taken was pain.

    “Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?” Jonghyun smiled happily and nodded. “I do.” Crack.

    “Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” Minjung's answering smile was one of her rare wide smiles. She looked out at the crowd as Jonghyun had done earlier, carefully scanning the faces. Kibum knew she was looking for him, and fought the urge to slump in his seat.

Unlike Jonghyun, though, Minjung knew what he looked like no matter what he was wearing or what his hair color was. Her eyes locked onto his face, and Kibum's heart stopped. The recognition in her face was enough to make Kibum want to run for the door.

    “Minjung?” Jonghyun touched Minjung's elbow, and the tension between them was broken. Kibum gripped the edge of the bench in a white-knuckle grip. He would stay just long enough to hear her say “I do” and then he would leave.

    “I.. do.” Shatter. Everyone looked at Kibum when he stood up, startled by the sudden movement. He held his head high and walked out the front door of the church. He was still walking when he felt a tug on his sleeve. He froze. He knew that touch intimately.

    “You should be with your husband,” he turned and faced Minjung. He smiled. “Wouldn't want him to suspect you of cheating so soon,would you?” Tears welled in Minjung's eyes. She took a deep breath.

    “Just stop it, Kibum,” she sounded tired. “Y-you don't have to pretend you're okay.” His smile grew wider.

    “I'm fine, Minjung. Why would you think otherwise?” he laughed, and it sounded genuine enough in his own ears.

    “Because I know the truth,” Kibum's smile didn't waver.

    “What truth? The 'truth' is that I ed so many women I lost count,” Minjung flinched. He started to walk away.

    “No you didn't,” she sounded certain, and Kibum paused. “I know the truth, Kibum. Your secretary called me last month to wish us a happy anniversary. She didn't even know we'd broken up.”

Kibum closed his eyes. Taeyeon, that big-mouthed . He was going to have to talk to her. Maybe this time, he'd even fire her.

    “Fine. Say what you want to say, then,” Kibum crossed his arms. “Though, I would imagine your husband is getting anxious back there in the church. So let's get this over with, shall we?” Minjung looked back at the church guiltily and started wringing her hands.

    “Kibum... You have no idea how it makes me feel to know the truth,” Minjung started. “I don't know all the details, but I want to hear them from you. Please.” Kibum shook his head.

    “No,” he said it with finality. “The past is the past. And I would like for it to stay that way.” He couldn't help noticing how hypocritical he was being. “Now get back to your precious husband and wedding reception. I have to.. meet a client.”

He ignored Minjung's loud calls of his name. He kept walking, and he heard her running up behind him. She yanked him around and smacked him across the face. Tears rolled down her cheeks, ruining her make-up.

    “Kim Kibum! Listen to me,” she commanded. “I want to know why you lied to me. Tell me.” Kibum stubbornly refused.

    “You're better off not knowing,” he murmured. “Anything is easier to hear than the truth.” Minjung dropped her hands.

    “Fine,” she snapped, angry and hurt. “But Kibum, know this. Jonghyun isn't my husband. I never accepted the vows. I had hoped that you might still love me, that Taeyeon's words were true. But obviously they're not, so.. I'll do as you ask and go back to Jonghyun. At least he's never hurt me like you have. Goodbye, Kibum. Thanks for ruining my wedding day.” Kibum watched her go, and when she closed the church door, he walked away.

He had a client waiting.
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I know. It's been a while. And this is far from my best, but... I hope you enjoyed reading it anyway.

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Til next time, loves. ^.~