Dedicated to my lovely waifu, southpaw.~ <33
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Sometimes, Minho really wished he didn’t have to visit his family at all. He loved his mother and father, yes. But his brother.. That was a different story entirely.

Minseok was, thankfully, gone to university most of the time. Whenever Minho scheduled visits, he made sure to try to schedule them when Minseok wasn’t there. There were times it was unavoidable, and those were the worst.

Minseok, like so many older brothers, liked to tease Minho. About everything. From the way he dressed to the way he acted to the people he liked to be around. He criticized every detail of Minho’s life and made him feel smaller than a grain of sand, and Minseok did all of it with a smile.

Of course, his parents insisted it was all in good fun. But Minho knew differently. Every second he and Minseok were alone in a room together was a nightmare.

“You’ll never be a star, Minho,” Minseok hissed. “Not to me.” Minho could only open his mouth in a silent scream of pain as Minseok entered him without a moment’s hesitation. It happened every time he came home and Minseok was there.

Minseok in a sharp breath and snapped his hips forward. Minho let out a choked sob and Minseok laughed.

               “Minho.. Little brother. Don’t act like you didn’t ask for this,” Minseok leaned forward, hands still on Minho’s hips. “You asked for this the moment you decided to come for a visit.” Minho leaned forward, feeling every into him with excruciating pain.

Even the sting of Minseok releasing inside of him wasn’t as bad as the sting of shame. He was supposed to be so manly. So why couldn’t he stop his brother from doing this to him?

~

As humiliated as Minho was.. he began to have these urges. Whenever he saw a particularly fierce pose from one of the other members of SHINee, he felt himself harden and he would remember the way Minseok dominated him.

It shamed him and left him feeling so filthy he had no choice but to take a shower. Even then, he couldn’t stop. The images kept coming. At first, it was only Jonghyun. Then Onew and Taemin, and even Key popped into his fantasies. After that, he had other idols enter his thoughts. Changmin and Kyuhyun cropped up most often, but sometimes Joon, Eli, and Yunho appeared as well.

He drank to deal with it. He was never sober. Ever. If he felt remotely close to sobriety, he picked up the nearest bottle of soju and chugged it.

When it came to the point where alcohol didn’t cut it anymore, he moved to taking pills. Any kind mostly, but painkillers became his favorite. If you crushed and snorted them, the high went straight to your head. It got him ed up that much quicker. And as far as Minho was concerned, the faster the better.

~

He jumped at the chance to go to a party with Changmin.

Of course, when he went to this party with Changmin, he hadn’t expected for Changmin to hand him a pill he knew was ecstasy. He looked apprehensively at it, but in the end he took it. If it got him ed up, did it really matter what the side effects were?

He decided that yeah, maybe they did when he woke up the next morning with no recollection of the night before. He was , and looked around before he noticed he was laying next to Changmin. And he was pretty sure he’d felt that kind of pain in his back before. His eyes widened at the realization of what he must’ve done and he immediately headed to the shower to clean himself off. He scrubbed so hard his skin was pink. But it was still never as hard as he scrubbed after the encounters with Minseok.

~

After that first night, with Changmin, everything kinda went downhill. Sort of.

Onew slammed Minho against the wall, and Minho rolled his eyes back in his head. He moaned when Onew bit his lip harshly, and ground his hips insistently against Onew’s.

Onew looked down and smirked.

                “Hold your horses, Minho-yah,” he whispered. “We’ve got plenty of time.” He pressed their bodies together, and Minho suddenly had a feeling that this was wrong. There was something.. off about the situation.

                “ to me, Jinki-hyung,” he was looking down in submission. “Please?” There was a moment of silence.

                “Changmin-hyung wasn’t kidding when he said you liked it ,” Minho’s eyes widened and his head flew up. His cheeks darkened, and his mood plummeted. He had hoped that maybe.. Just maybe, Changmin would be kind and not tell people about that night. He struggled to get off of Onew, and he shrugged off the “Hey, wait. I’m sorry, it just slipped out!”. He grabbed his shirt from the couch and walked to the room he shared with Jonghyun.

Jonghyun’s opened eyes gave him a mini heart attack until he remembered that Jonghyun sleeps with his eyes open.

                “So it’s true? You really do like all that stuff?” he let out a small shriek. He wanted to just get in bed and sleep. Please, God. Let him have some peace.

                “It’s none of your ing business hyung,” Minho said in a voice that hopefully sounded more confident than he felt. He didn’t turn around to see Jonghyun’s expression, he just laid down on his bed, and pressed his face in the pillow. Jonghyun didn’t say another word.

~

The next day, God help him, Minseok made a “surprise visit” to his wonderful little brother at SHINee’s dorm.

Minho followed Minseok with his shoulders slumped in resignation.

There was a flurry of clothing ripped off (Minho wasn’t paying much attention, which he knew made Minseok angry, but he really couldn’t bring himself to care) before he realized Minseok was talking to him.

                “Aww, my baby brother is a queer, just like I always knew he was,” he sneered. Minho felt shame rise up in his throat once more. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he took a deep shuddering breath to steady himself.

The pain from being entered without preparation only added to Minho’s misery, but he never made a sound. He knew better.

~

He was completely alienated from SHINee, but not in front of the fans. In front of the fans, he was out of his shell. He was manly Choi Minho, who was no longer afraid to take his shirt off. Choi Minho, who was supposed to be proud of his chocolate abs.

In reality, every time he had to show skin was unbearable. He could almost feel Minseok’s eyes on him, and he could hear Minseok taunting him.

Not to mention, he could see the glances of the other members. And sometimes, during SMTOWN, he could feel Changmin’s eyes following him. He didn’t know what was so attractive about him. He was just a waste of skin and bones. Minseok said so.

~

It didn’t take much to make Minho feel low these days. Even the fake teasing from the other members was enough to make his self-esteem disappear for the rest of the day.

He wanted so badly to be a part of SHINee’s group. But Minseok told him that he would never fit in there, that they were too good for him. He always heard Minseok’s words. Even when he was asleep, in his own small bed at the dorm.

Minseok made a lot of “surprise visits” to the SHINee dorm, but Minho could no longer muster up the energy to care. He would stand up wordlessly and just walk to his bedroom, already knowing what a visit entailed. He was good and conditioned by now.

As a matter of fact, to his horror (at least, he knew he should feel horrified), Minho began to even feel that maybe.. maybe he enjoyed what Minseok did to him. On some level. And still. He couldn’t seem to find the energy to care. There was precious little of it to spare in the first place. Why waste it?

~

Here, at last, Minho found relief. He no longer abused alcohol. He no longer took pills. When he was doped up, he didn’t feel like he had to care about anything. He didn’t have to care that he was supposed to be keeping his body healthy. He didn’t have to care that this would eventually kill him one day.

Minseok cackled like a witch when he found Minho in the bathroom, stoned out of his mind. He smirked, like it was the biggest award he could’ve ever received for his efforts.

Minho didn’t care. He couldn’t even hear Minseok laughing. He smiled and started laughing along, like it was the funniest thing in the world. He didn’t care that he was laughing at himself. He didn’t care.

He didn’t.

~

He still scrubbed himself raw. He started doping himself up before going off to variety shows. He had heard about blades and the things they could do to numb pain. Well, it wasn’t a lie. He just learned that he had to be very careful with the lines he carved.

And then.. it was out of left field, really. There was the sudden realization that no one cared. He hadn’t been a part of SHINee in a long time. He had no friends to speak of. He had the reputation of being a . Minseok.. well. Minseok was a completely different entity. Minho could die in a car accident right that second and people would say “aww” and move on with their lives. No one would really feel anything if Minho from SHINee died.

Right after that thought, there came the startling realization that he wouldn’t feel anything either.

He visited Minseok one last time, for his last punishment, before he headed back to the place he called home. As if it was meant to be, there was no one there.

He knew exactly how this would go. He would get in the bathtub, slit his own throat, and bleed out. When the other members came back, they would be horrified. No one would understand his reasons, and they would puzzle over it when they had nothing better to do.

Everyone but Minseok would fake their sympathy. Minseok wouldn’t even bother. He would be glad. It would be his own private reminder that he could literally drive someone to the point of suicide. He would always be proud of that fact.

Minho was sure of it.
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Waifu, I hope you liked it. I know it isn't ty, but I just.. I couldn't write it. ;~; Forgive me. /grovels again

I wasn't in a bad mood at all for this. In fact, I'm in a great mood. I asked a wonderful woman to be my girlfriend recently.. and she said yes, you guys. I'm so happy. ♥ ♥

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed reading this. c:

~~

Til next time, loves. ^o~