WARNING: IMPLIED CHARACTER DEATH

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

It was a depressing scene. Everyone was dressed in their finest dark clothing, and as if that wasn't cliche enough there were people talking about him as if they'd known him. ing hypocrites. Jonghyun hated every second of it. It made his blood boil with anger. Not a single one of the people talking about him had really known him.

The one person who knew him was sitting in the front pew with a much-too-pale face that was dry of tears. He was dressed in only a t-shirt and jeans (Jonghyun noted that the shirt had been one of his personal favorites) and his hair was unbrushed and very greasy-looking. As if he hadn't taken a shower in days. It hurt Jonghyun's heart to see Kibum in such a manner. Kibum had never looked that dishevelled. Ever.

His other friends also sat there, but some of them had tear stains on their faces. He was surprised to see them on Minho's face. Minho was being unusually sensitive. Jinki had his arms wrapped around Kibum's shoulders and Jonghyun couldn't help the flash of jealousy he felt. He still loved Kibum, and it was incredibly selfish of him, he knew, but he wasn't at all ready to let go.

When everyone had finally settled themselves in (wow, there were way more people than he'd ever expected that showed up), the priest began the sermon. Jonghyun rolled his eyes and huffed in annoyance. These sorts of things always seemed to take forever, and it bored him to beyond belief. He couldn't decide whether to burst out laughing or burst into tears when he realized he would actually have forever now that he was dead.

He settled himself beside Kibum in the first pew and retreated into his own mind for the time being. Hanging himself had probably been the stupidest thing he'd ever done, but not for the regret he felt now. Because he'd hung himself, his ghost body didn't have a real voice (And he had tried to get his voice to work. A mere whisper took extreme effort on his part.). The odd thing was, Jonghyun had no idea how he'd come to know that particular piece of information. It was simply one of those things he knew, he supposed.

He heard "and now, we'd like to hear a few words from Kim Kibum," and his attention was immediately focused on the podium behind the casket. He was curious as to what Kibum would have to say for himself.

Because Jonghyun really didn't understand why Kibum was there. Not one bit.

To Jonghyun, the truth had been seemingly crystal clear. Kibum was supposed to've been dead. He'd been gone for almost 2 years and the police gave up the search after only half a year. Just completely vanished, like he'd been abducted. When Kibum disappeared, it felt like the edge of the cliff Jonghyun was standing on had finally crumbled. It was only a matter of time until Jonghyun smashed into the rocks below, and after nearly 2 years... he simply couldn't stop the fall. And now... Kibum was at Jonghyun's funeral?

He was angry and hurt and so so confused. Nearly 2 years of thinking his boyfriend was dead. Sure, Jonghyun was a reasonable guy. Maybe Kibum had been in a position where he couldn't let Jonghyun know he was alive. But if he was in that kind of position... why not just let Jonghyun go on thinking he was dead? It would've been so much easier. And a lot less painful.

    "I'm sorry," it was so softly spoken that even Jonghyun, who was right next to Kibum, had trouble hearing it. "I loved Jonghyun. I will not apologize to the world for that. Nor will I bow to its whims ever again," this was spoken loudly and clearly, startling Jonghyun. Leaving probably all but a few people in the audience confused, Kibum stepped down and went back to sitting close to Jinki. Jonghyun was more curious about Kibum's absence than ever, but it dissipated some when he noticed Kibum was crying.

No one else was asked to speak, or if they were Jonghyun didn't notice. He was completely absorbed watching Kibum. Kibum seemed deflated after giving that speech, and Jonghyun thought he could understand. It takes more than a little courage to stand up to the world, after all.

Jonghyun paid no mind to the viewing after that. What he was interested in was the actual funeral. Where his flesh and blood body would be put in the ground. He sat close to his body in the hearse. It was creepy. Odd. Incredibly disquieting to his soul. It was definitely an experience he was glad he only had to go through once.

Jonghyun watched his funeral with waning interest. The burial was less exciting than he'd thought. Things were getting very boring for him. Very fast.

As he thought, Kibum was the last person left standing there at his casket. The gravediggers were shooting him nasty looks, because they couldn't finish their job until everyone was gone. But Jonghyun had a feeling they would be waiting for a while. Kibum had opened his mouth to speak several times before closing it.

    "I owe you so much Jonghyun, and I'll never be able to give you what you deserve. But at least I can give you an explanation," Kibum broke down completely, sobbing loudly. There was no one to hear him, anyway. Or so he thought. Jonghyun watched and ached fiercely with loss. "My parents and friends and everyone close to me influenced me, and I left even though I was  still very reluctant. I married a girl, and I had a little girl with her. But I'm tired of trying to force myself to be happy with them, Jonghyun. I can't do it anymore."

    "I'm sorry for letting you down, Jonghyun. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Kibum's words dissolved into whispers and hiccups. Jonghyun angrily tried to scream at Kibum, knowing he couldn't hear a word. Hell, even he couldn't hear his own voice. Jonghyun saw a door open directly in front of his eyes and started to cry with frustration.

No, I'm not ready you bastard! This isn't how it's supposed to work! Kibum still needs me. He thought furiously. But he had no choice in the matter. He was drawn towards the door, kicking and silently screaming. "Kibum, I love you," Jonghyun screamed with all his might.

Kibum lifted his head in surprise and looked around before his face scrunched up with tears again. Jonghyun's heart shattered all over again at how broken Kibum looked, with his bowed shoulders and tear-stained face. And it was not beautiful. It was, instead, horrifyingly ugly.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

So actually, this started out as a fic idea for BBC Sherlock (because of the whole Reichenbach Falls ordeal). But I don't feel comfortable writing for other fandoms anymore. OTL Thus, this was born.

I hope it was good. ^.^

~~

Til next time, loves. ^o~ ☺ ♥ ♫