Jonghyun wasn’t in the least sorry that he lost his ity. In fact, he was glad to be rid of it. It wasn’t painful for him. He still didn’t see the appeal, though. His first girl wasn’t a and he definitely wasn't an expert, but she probably faked her . And from all the he’d seen, he was premature. He supposed none of that mattered, in the end. Those things could be remedied.

He was finally free to say that he’d lost his ity. But he wasn’t a by any means. He only had with the girls he felt he had a connection to, which were few and far in between. Each ual encounter was worse than the last, and for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why. He decided he was entirely too engrossed in the situation, and had gone out for a bit of partying to clear his head some.

Which was how he found himself in his current predicament. He wasn’t really clear on what had happened last night, but when he went to that bar he was sure as could be of his own uality. So why the was he in bed, , next to a guy? He was the picture of calm outwardly, but inside he was raving and screaming at asking himself how it had happened.

“Good morning, gorgeous,” he heard a deep chuckle next to him and he turned to find that the guy next to him was awake. , he didn’t even remember the guy's name. If they’d even exchanged names, that is. Jonghyun wasn’t prone to asking dudes for their names because, until recently, he was sure he was straight.

“Er… good morning,” he replied, quite unsure of himself. It didn’t help that on his end, things felt very, very, very awkward. The guy looked unconcerned. In fact, he looked downright gleeful. It pissed Jonghyun off to no end for some reason. “Look, what happened last night was a mistake. I was so drunk I could barely stand.”

“They all say that, but come around eventually,” the guy smirked, and offered Jonghyun a cigarette before lighting one up himself. Jonghyun wrinkled his nose at the smell, but didn’t comment, because he didn’t want to be rude.

“Well I’m not someone who looks for meaningless s, okay? I don’t even care if you’re a dude. Now that I think about it, it kinda makes sense that that’s why I never liked having with chicks. But I’m not a guy who looks for one-night stands,” he stood up, wincing and grimacing at the pain in his . He grabbed his clothes and put them on before walking out of the bedroom.

He was devastated that he had broken his own personal rule. That was a rule that he’d promised himself that he wouldn’t break, no matter what. And now that he’d broken it, did that mean he had no boundaries? He hoped to God not. He tried not to think about it. When he got back to his own apartment, he cried like a baby. This couldn’t be happening. Not now.

A week later, he felt more comfortable with himself than he’d ever felt. He was hesitant to tell his family of his uality revelation because he knew for a fact that they’d all tell him he was going through a phase. Or some bull like that. And he just wasn’t ready to deal with it. He was on the subway heading home from work when someone bumped into him and made him drop his bag. It clearly wasn’t his day.

“I’m sorry, someone just kinda shoved me.. Hey, don’t I know you?” Jonghyun’s face snapped up at the familiar voice. It was that with the smug grin he’d woken up to. He scowled.

“No, you don’t know me,” the train screeched to a halt, and Jonghyun darted out before the guy could say anything else. He yelped and punched the guy in the jaw from pure reflex when he felt a tug on his wrist. The guy rubbed his jaw.

“Geez. I just wanted to say sorry for being such an that morning. I was gonna offer to buy lunch tomorrow, but goddamn Jonghyun, you punch hard,” Jonghyun was instantly ashamed of himself. He sighed deeply and tried to keep the blush on his cheeks from spreading.

“I’m sorry for being so awful to you. It’s just… that was one thing I promised myself, was that I would never sleep with someone I didn’t have a deep emotional bond with,” Jonghyun gave the guy a half smile. “I don’t even know your name, much less have some sort of tie to you.” The guy nodded.

“I knew you wouldn’t remember my name. You were pretty plastered that night. My name is Jinki. Lee Jinki,” Jinki stuck his hand out to shake and Jonghyun took it gratefully.

“I’m sure you remember that my name is Kim Jonghyun,” Jinki chuckled.

“Yep. I do. Cause you’re too gorgeous to forget. Don’t forget, lunch tomorrow. And don’t worry about meeting me anywhere. We do take the same train, after all,” Jinki winked and walked away. Jonghyun was left standing there blushing and spluttering like a lovestruck teenager.

The next day, Jonghyun was standing on the train looking around for Jinki and feeling extremely awkward when he felt a pair of arms snake themselves around his waist. He automatically struggled until he heard Jinki’s voice in his ear.

“Found you~,” he sang. Jonghyun shivered when the hot breath hit his ear. Jinki inwardly smirked. “Now, about lunch. Uhmm… Can you pay?” Jonghyun turned to glare at Jinki.

“Seriously? You invite me to lunch and then expect me to pay? Some pick-up move,” he scoffed. Jinki looked sheepish.

“I lost my wallet this morning after I tripped leaving my apartment building,” Jinki explained and Jonghyun, again, felt like an .

“Oh. I’m sorry. Well then in that case, yes,” he grabbed his wallet and looked in it. His eyes widened. “Or maybe not.” He held up the empty wallet for Jinki to see. “Uhehehe… Some other time. We can just hang out today, maybe?” Jinki nodded and gave Jonghyun an eye smile.

“Absolutely. I’m sure there are loads of things to do that don’t involve money,” Jonghyun couldn’t tell whether Jinki was being sarcastic or not. His question was answered, however, when Jinki dragged him to the park to look at the pretty birds and see the nice greenery. He was being serious.

The next several weeks progressed much the same way. Jonghyun found out more about Jinki, and in return he opened up to Jinki some. He came to realize that the sarcastic only came out after Jinki had drunk a lot of alcohol. And boy, was Jinki a drinker. He could drink a whole 12 pack of beer and not bat an eyelash. Jonghyun was impressed with the feat, as he himself was a very lightweight drinker.

“Ahh Jong, what’re you sitting at the bar for? Can’t find someone to dance with?” Jinki slung his arm around Jonghyun’s shoulders. He made a disgusted face and shrugged Jinki’s arm off.

“No, there are plenty of people who would want to dance with me I’m sure, but the person I want to dance with isn’t here,” Jinki looked surprised, then his face carefully went blank.

“I see.. And who might that be?” he asked. Jonghyun scoffed at Jinki’s obvious struggle to not be possessive.

“You’ll never meet him. It isn’t remotely possible,” Jonghyun got up and walked off before he heard whatever reply Jinki could make. He didn’t think he could take hearing the harsh words that were sure to follow. The next morning, after he met Jinki for coffee, Jonghyun confronted him.

“Jinki, what the hell is your problem? Every time you drink, you turn into a complete . You act more like a possessive, jealous boyfriend than a friend. And I’m sorry, but that’s not something I can handle. Either you cut down drinking, or I quit coming around.” Jinki was quiet after Jonghyun’s outburst. Jonghyun was getting angrier and angrier at the silence and was about to leave when Jinki finally spoke.

“It’s really so bad that I act like your boyfriend? Jonghyun, can you not see that I like you? I mean, for Christ’s sake, we had . That should mean something. I never realized I turned into such an when I drink, but it gave me courage, Jonghyun. I could finally say the things I thought. If you don’t feel the same way, just tell me,” Jinki said.

Jonghyun was silent. His anger had completely disappeared. He’d had no idea… Well, if he was honest with himself, he did have an idea. Drinky Jinki, as he’d taken to calling the sarcastic version of Jinki in his head, wasn’t sparing with the affection he showed Jonghyun. He hugged, touched, even sometimes kissed Jonghyun. While he was in the company of other men. Who just so happened to be interested in Jonghyun. Who he just so happened to be interested in as well.

“I… I don’t know, Jinki. Let me think about it,” Jonghyun answered truthfully. In Jinki’s experience, that meant no. Period, end of story. He swallowed and stood up.

“You know what, just forget it. I can go back to being the player I was before. I’m sorry for ing things up,” he walked away. He knew better than to fall for someone like Jonghyun, but he ignored the voice in he head telling him he knew better. Jonghyun sat there stupefied. All he’d said was that he had to think about it. He didn’t know how he felt towards Jinki. Was that so bad?

Over the next week, Jonghyun didn’t see Jinki. Not once. He didn’t get a single call, text, or IM. It was depressing him. He had Jinki had become good friends, if nothing else. He missed hanging out.

When he left his apartment a few days later to get groceries, he took a shortcut through a mini park that was in his neighborhood. He was smiling at all the couples until he heard a loud laugh and when he looked around to see what it was, he felt something lodge in his throat.

Jinki had his arm around some really hot guy, and he looked happy. Happier than he ever did when he was with Jonghyun. Jonghyun’s warm, fuzzy feelings from watching couples was gone and replaced with sadness. He felt his eyes starting to burn, and he rushed past the couple to get to the grocery store on the other side of the park.

“Dude, what was with that guy?” the guy, named Key, next to Jinki complained. “He totally got all my paperwork out of order.” Jinki had a feeling he knew who it was, but since the person had passed by so fast he couldn’t be too sure. He returned his arm to its original position around Key’s waist.

“Yeobo, don’t worry about him. He was probably just rushing home from work, or something,” Jinki lied. He knew that Jonghyun was probably going to get groceries. This was the park that he usually cut through to go to the store, anyway. Key just shrugged, and they continued with their walk.

Jonghyun didn’t deny that he was jealous of that guy with Jinki. Did that mean he liked Jinki back? The more he thought about it, the more he realized he did. Sure, he didn’t care for the way Jinki drank, but that was something they could both work past. He needed to see Jinki to tell him. Quick.

When he knocked on Jinki’s front door and it opened to reveal that guy from earlier wearing nothing but Jinki’s shirt, Jonghyun was crushed. He forced a weak smile and managed to apologize. He obviously had the wrong aparment. Before Key had a chance to speak, he turned and walked away.

Jinki appeared at the door a few seconds later and watched Jonghyun walk away. The utter defeat in his posture made Jinki's heart ache. Key turned to Jinki and hugged him tightly. Jinki hugged Key back tightly, telling himself it was for the best. But deep down, Jinki knew he would always regret not waiting for Jonghyun's answer, which he knew now would have been 'yes'.

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I wrote this a while back. I posted it on my Tumblr, and then got too lazy to post it anywhere else. OTL

The version on my Tumblr is slightly different, though.

Hope you enjoyed it. c:

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Til next time, loves. ^o~ ☺ ♥ ♫