I looked down to see Jonghyun staring at me with tears in his eyes. He looked utterly pathetic. It disgusted me to see how low he stooped. It wasn't like he was going to win me over. Not ever again.

"P-please... Minho, I'm sorry. I'm so ing stupid, and I'm a mess without you," I stared at him blankly. How could he think this would fix things? It wouldn't and it never could. If something gets broken, even if it's fixed it's always going to have cracks. Then it's going to break over and over again, and each time will leave it more diminished than the last. I will not put myself through that kind of pain. I refuse.

I turned and walked away, trying my best not to listen to him crying and sobbing, asking me to come back. I felt torn up inside, knowing Jonghyun was in agony. But it was his own fault.

My best friend Onew let me stay with him while I got my stuff our of Jonghyun's apartment. Jonghyun was pale and sick-looking. But his eyes were continuously red from crying. I felt guilty about it, but I held my resolve. Things between us would never be the same. They never could be.

I started looking for my own apartment, despite Onew insisting he could use a roommate. I didn't think I'd be very good company right now, or any time soon. My breakup with Jonghyun was still a raw wound. I needed time to grieve privately.

Jonghyun tried every trick in the book to get me back. He'd apparently snitched my new address from Onew, because he started sending me flowers and chocolates. Like I was some girl that needed to be wooed. I kept the chocolates and ate them, but I threw out the flowers. They came with apologies that meant nothing to me.

There were even a couple of times that he serenaded me. He had a great voice, that's one of the things I loved about him. But the words of love he sang to me were empty. They were nothing special. He'd sang them to others too, I suspect. Pretty women who could give him everything I couldn't. Every time he sang to me, I shut my windows and turned my iPod as loud as it would go.

I really wish he'd get the hint. I don't feel the same way anymore. I feel betrayed. If he'd hit me I wouldn't feel this betrayed and upset. But of course, as dense as Jonghyun is, he doesn't get it. He, instead, goes a step further and learns to cook. He brings me lunch boxes sometimes. They're extremely childish looking. I'd never admit it to him, but they're very tasty. I wonder how long it took him to learn to cook this good, and I feel guilt well up in me again.

He looks so happy trying to impress me. But my resolve is strong, it has to be. I don't think he realizes just how badly it hurt to come home to that scene. How insecure I felt after seeing the model-gorgeous girl sitting on his lap. Of course not. He wasn't the one cheated on.

Jonghyun finally just knocks on my door one day. I opened it with a scowl, but it disappeared at the look on his face. He looked so defeated. I felt so guilty for the look on his face. He was crying, and I teared up from the sheer amount of heartache I felt coming from him.

"I'm sorry, Minho. Please... just give me another chance," I thought we were past all this.

"No. you, Jonghyun. You don't know how bad it hurt. How insecure it made me feel to watch that woman sit on your lap. And watch you enjoy it," Jonghyun winced. "If you did it once, you'll do it again." He nodded.

"You're probably right, Minho. I would do it again. Because I feel like a freak for liking other men, and the things my parents say don't help," I didn't think it would hurt so bad to hear the truth. I thought I'd been prepared for it. But I wasn't, and I knew now that I never would be. It hit me like a painful punch straight to the chest.

"Then leave," My voice was raspy. If Jonghyun stayed any longer, I would suffocate. As it was, I felt like I was losing oxygen too fast. "If you're that ashamed of being in love with me, then leave." I knew that it was the truth, but it hurt to say out loud. Jonghyun looked shocked by my demand. Like he hadn't expected this, but that had to be a lie.

"I guess I deserve that. Just know that I'll always love you Minho," Liar, I screamed inwardly. If he had really loved me, he wouldn't be ashamed of it. I heard the click of my front door closing. All the pain, anger, guilt and stress Jonghyun had caused was released as I cried.

~

I saw him some months later walking down the street. A woman I didn't know was hanging off his arm, looking very satisfied with herself. While he looked absolutely miserable. There was no spark of joy visible at all. But whenever she turned and smiled at him, he smiled in return. I wondered how the woman didn't realize it was fake. And then I figured she probably didn't care.

For the first time, I wondered if I'd done the right thing by breaking it off completely. It didn't seem like such a good idea anymore. Not after seeing how miserable Jonghyun was. That was when I noticed he was wearing a ring. The woman on his arm was wearing one too. They were pretentiously flashy. Jonghyun's parents had probably bought them.

I forced myself to turn and walk away. If he was miserable, it was his own fault. He was denying who he really was and that was his problem. I didn't feel guilty at all anymore. But that didn't mean I wasn't still hurting. It hurt a lot to see that Jonghyun had gotten married. I did still love him, after all.

And honestly... I felt sorry for Jonghyun. I was free to be myself, the rest of the world be damned. He wasn't like that, though. He was sensitive to other people's opinions of him.

I walked into my apartment, kicked off my shoes and immediately got attacked by the only man in my life. If my landlord knew about Kibum, he'd kick me out for sure. He already hated the fact that I was gay. He'd look for any excuse to kick me out, even though it was perfectly legal to have a dog. And even though Kibum was just a chihuahua. He couldn't hurt anyone.

I don't think Onew would mind, though. He's been begging me for ages to be his roommate. He's a lovely friend, and all... But he's really obvious with his true feelings. I don't mind, though. I just need more time to get on with my life. One day I might like him and be able to accept him. Maybe. Hopefully before the world ends.
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LOL, can anyone else see Key as a chihuaha? No one? Oh, okay. :c

Anyway. I'm not really satisfied with this because I didn't feel as emotionally invested in it as I do with other fics I've written. I hope you like it anyway.

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Til next time, loves. ^o~ ☺ ♥ ♫